Chapter 27 #2
“But you’ve only been back for a few months.
You disappeared for years, Riley. Things got bad, and you pushed everyone away.
You ran, and you kept running. I might be able to overlook the heartbreak for myself, knowing the truth of it now.
It’s like I told you the last time we were here.
I can’t fight this— this thing between us anymore.
So yeah, I’m willing to take that risk and try again with you.
Doesn’t mean I have any idea how to do this.
How … ” I trail off again, then shrug helplessly before saying the words I know will eviscerate him.
“How am I supposed to trust you with my son?”
His eyes flare. “Our son.”
“Our son,” I agree softly. We’re both silent for a long moment. The wind lifts my hair, blowing strands of it into my face, and I’m surprised to find my cheeks are wet when I go to brush them away. Riley notices the movement and reaches to catch a tear as it tracks down my face.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and I’m not even sure what he’s apologizing for anymore.
“I know. I am, too. But it doesn’t change anything.
How am I supposed to trust you with him?
” I ask once more. “Trust that you won’t make him love you, like you did with me, and then leave again.
This is going to turn his life upside down.
And I know I need to own my part in that, in keeping this from him.
But I did what I had to do. I did what I thought was right for my child at the time.
He needed a father, one who was present.
” For a while, anyway, a little voice in my brain corrects.
Everyone leaves eventually.
He shifts closer and takes my face in his hands, forcing my gaze to his once more. “I’m not going anywhere, Steph. Not again. Not ever.”
I suck in a sharp breath at his sudden nearness. At the forcefulness of his words and the sincerity behind his stare.
“I want to believe you,” I whisper, and hot tears sting my eyes once more. “I mostly do. Believe you. But I need you to prove it. I need you to put in the time and show me you’re not going anywhere. We have to take this slow with him, okay?”
He lets out a long breath, his hands falling away from my face, and his shoulders dropping in unison. “Okay,” he agrees. “I know he’ll be worth the wait. It all will be.”
I offer him a small smile, and he returns it, the skin around his eyes crinkling in a way it didn’t when he was younger, but that makes him even more appealing now.
There’s so much life lived in his face. In his eyes.
So much I still don’t know despite the history between us.
And I want to know it, I realize—I want to know him again.
“Can you forgive me?” I ask softly.
He reaches for me then, once more closing the distance between us as he pulls me effortlessly into his lap. I let out a surprised squeak but melt quickly into his embrace, just like I used to—like no time has passed. Somehow, despite everything, I still feel safe with his arms around me.
“Yeah, baby,” he says, wiping another tear from my cheek.
“I’m hurt and frustrated, and still processing, but …
we’ll get through this. I’m gonna show up, Steph.
” He squeezes me tighter against him, and I move my arms to wrap around his neck.
“I’m gonna show up for you. For my son. And for Alex, too.
I’m gonna be there. I promise you, Sunshine. I’m not going anywhere.”
I nod into his chest, breathing in the still familiar scent of him.
“Just please give me the chance.”
We sit together on our rock for a long while, quietly enjoying the feel of being back in each other’s arms. My face is buried in his neck, and I’m soothed by the soft puff of his warm breath against my ear, a jarring juxtaposition to the increasingly strong winds that sweep up the valley and tousle my hair.
A large gust catches the hem of my jacket, the cool air snaking beneath my clothing and causing me to shiver.
“I think maybe I should stop coming here,” I mumble, turning my face to the darkening sky. He loosens his hold, adjusting me in his lap so he can pull back to look at me.
“Why’s that?”
I shrug, letting my hand trail down over his shoulder, coming to rest on his forearm. His incredibly strong forearm, which I know is covered in a myriad of interesting tattoos beneath his worn Carhartt jacket.
Another gust of wind lifts my hair, twisting it around and then depositing it in my face.
I quickly brush it away, then glance once more to the sky before meeting his eyes.
“The weather always turns when I’m here.
” I sit back in his lap and shrug. “It’s a metaphor for my life, I think. I’m the dark cloud.”
He huffs out a laugh.
“What?”
“That couldn't be further from the truth. Why do you think I call you Sunshine? You’ve always been the brightest spot in my day.”
I twist my mouth in a sad half-smile, leaning forward and reaching behind him to trail a finger along the cool granite at his back.
“Once upon a time, that might have been true, but that was a long time ago, and … I’ve shared a lot of hard moments with this rock,” I counter, snagging his gaze once more. “I’ve had a lot of hard moments.”
He rubs my back in a soothing circle, then lifts his hand to catch the loose strands of hair that have once more blown into my eyes.
His fingers smooth softly over my cheek before tucking the strands futilely behind my ear.
“I do know that, Steph,” he says, his face sobering.
“I heard a bit about it from my mom. And … around town. I know things have been hard. And I know it all started with me.” His hand lingers at my ear, his thumb caressing my jaw.
“I meant what I said before, though. I’m gonna be there.
I’m here now. We’ll deal with whatever comes, together.
You won’t ever have to face anything alone again. ”
I blink against the fresh clutch of emotion in my chest. I so badly want to believe him.
“Promise?” I whisper, but my words are carried away on the wind. He reads my lips nonetheless, biting his own before nodding solemnly. Another shiver snakes its way up my spine, but this one … yeah, I’m not sure if this one is from the wind chill.
His pale eyes watch me intently as tension blooms between us.
I squirm in his lap, causing him to let out a low groan that I feel rumble through me.
My heart rate ratchets up, and slowly, eyes locked on his, I adjust myself so I’m straddling him.
My knees come to rest on either side of his hips.
In this position, I can easily feel the hardening length of him through his jeans.
His hands move around to cup my backside, but his touch remains light, hesitant.
I’m not sure if I’m breathing.
When he licks his lips, I respond in kind. His eyes trace the movement, flaring with hunger when they again meet mine. Electricity hangs in the air between us.
And a question.
Riley’s gaze is searching when our eyes meet once more. He must find the answer he’s looking for, for in the space of a heartbeat, his mouth is on mine.
His lips are warm, and soft, and perfect.
I wrap my arms around his neck, sinking my fingers into the longer strands there at his nape.
I’m once again struck by how different it is kissing a man—kissing this man—with a beard.
The short, bristly hairs chafe deliciously against my skin, and I can’t get enough of the feeling.
I press myself harder against his groin, and his hands tighten reflexively on my ass before pulling me impossibly closer.
When his tongue slides along my bottom lip, I open for him, allowing him to deepen the kiss.
My hips begin to roll, and he encourages me to move against him.
He moans, continuing to lick into my mouth, and I echo him, our tongues tangling.
It feels like no time has passed.
It feels like heaven.
It feels … inevitable.