Chapter 29
Steph
Riley
Are you up?
Steph
Yes, barely
Riley
I’m outside
Steph
What?
Steph
Riley … WHAT?!!
Icreep through the house, carefully avoiding the floorboards I know to be creaky, hoping not to wake Matt and Alex. Unlike when they were little and were up at the crack of dawn to see what Santa brought, these days I can usually count on them to roll out of bed closer to nine.
At the front door, I pause to peek through the sidelight, and sure enough, a familiar, large, bearded man is standing on my front porch.
I move quickly to unlock the door, wrapping my robe more tightly around myself as I step out to join him in the crisp morning air.
Pulling the door closed behind me, I turn to face him.
It’s still early, but beams from the rising sun glint off fresh snow at his back, causing me to squint as I look up into his stupidly handsome face.
“What are you doing here?” I hiss.
Grinning, he makes a show of taking me in, his eyes roving slowly over my body.
I sigh, knowing what he sees—an exhausted woman who stayed up too late wrapping presents.
Beneath my terry cloth robe, I’m wearing a ratty old t-shirt and a pair of flannel PJ bottoms with little grinches all over them.
My short hair is undoubtedly a sleep-mussed disaster, and I reach to smooth down the cowlick I usually wake up with in the back.
“Cute,” he says, his voice tinged with amusement and … something else. Something more. Something that causes my insides to twist in a way that might have had me panicking a month ago, but now makes me feel giddy and hopeful.
I shove the feeling aside to revisit later, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms. “I repeat, ‘What are you doing here?’”
Riley’s voice drops, and he moves closer to me. “Can’t a guy come by to wish his girl a Merry Christmas?”
My face heats at his words.
I missed being his girl.
He’s smiling, his eyes soft when I meet his gaze. His hand comes up, assisting me to smooth out my hair, and I let out a contented sigh—completely against my will—as I let him take over, his fingers deftly working through the tangles.
“You could’ve just called.”
“Could’ve,” he agrees. “But I wanted to see you.” He takes another step, closing the distance between us so were pressed together chest-to-chest. His hand stills in my hair, then he slides it down to cup the side of my face. “Maybe even … kiss you …”
His gaze drops to my mouth, and I can’t resist licking my lips as he leans in.
I love that he’s here.
That he wanted to see me.
Still, things are new, and I’m unsure of how I want to handle this when it comes to the boys. I promised them I’d let them know if things progressed with Riley, and I haven’t. Not yet, anyway, and I’m hyper-aware of the last time I was caught on the porch with Riley.
I’m hyper-aware of his proximity, too. It’s hard to ignore as his familiar scent washes over me. It’s so perfectly masculine and just … him.
Closing my eyes, I rise up on my toes to meet him. It’s done entirely without thought, as though he’s willed it to happen.
“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet,” I murmur against his lips.
“Don’t give a shit,” he whispers.
And then his mouth is on mine.
The kiss is sweet—languid and lingering.
Everything falls away as I allow myself to melt into him.
Into his warmth, into the moment. Despite my initial shock and hesitation at finding him on my doorstep, it’s exactly what I needed and the perfect way to start my day.
The thought flits briefly through my mind that we should have been starting our days like this all along, that things could have been so different if only—
But I shut it down fast.
Things are the way they are, and that’s that.
And as Riley moves, softly pressing his lips to one corner of my mouth, and then the other, I can’t help but think the way things are now isn’t quite so bad.
I’m unable to stop the whimper that escapes me when he eventually pulls away, though he doesn’t go far, his own reluctance to break the connection evident in the way he rests his forehead against mine and breathes me in.
It’s chilly out, and our shared breaths hover, visible in the space between us.
“Merry Christmas,” I say softly, and he smiles.
“See? So much better in person.”
I sigh, then break from his hold, needing to create some distance as I’m reminded of where we are. “Yeah, it was,” I agree, wrapping my robe more tightly around myself, then glancing back over my shoulder at the door. “But the boys might be up soon.”
He rubs a thumb over his lips, watching me thoughtfully. Finally, he asks, “Is that a bad thing?” And, if I’m not mistaken, there’s a hint of vulnerability there. His eyes shine with hope, and I hate that I have to shut him down, but I’m not ready for that.
The boys aren’t.
And Matty—
I shake my head. “It’s too soon.”
He stares at me for a long moment, his face sobering. Then, he nods. “I understand. Still, I … brought some gifts …” he trails off, gesturing at a bag on the steps I hadn’t noticed.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
He shrugs. “I wanted to. But, uh, you don’t have to tell them—” I’m already shaking my head before he finishes “—It’s from me.”
I press a hand into his chest and give him a quick peck on the lips.
“Of course, I’ll tell them. I’m just not ready to—”
“It’s okay, Sunshine,” he smiles again.
“Thank you,” I whisper as he reaches for my hand, linking our fingers together.
“Can I see you later?”
“I don’t know …”
“Please?”
“It’s just … we have this whole family tradition today. Presents, then pancakes, then a holiday movie marathon where we eat all the candy and popcorn off the tree garlands we made last week.”
“Sounds fun,” he says wistfully. “Minus the stale popcorn.” And I hate that he can’t be a part of it. That he hasn’t always been.
“It is. What about you? Aren't you spending the day with your mom?”
He shrugs. “We did a Christmas Eve thing. She’s going to Aidan and Piper’s today.” And he wasn't invited, is the part he doesn't say. His brother is still avoiding him despite his best efforts and those of Piper and Nora.
My heart hurts at the thought of him spending the day alone, but I have to think of the boys here and maintain the boundaries I’ve set.
“Well, enjoy.” Riley raises my hand to his lips, kisses my knuckles, then releases me and turns, taking the steps quickly. At his truck, he pauses, looking back at me over his shoulder. “See you tonight, babe,” he calls, then winks and disappears into the vehicle.
I watch him back out of the drive and wave as he passes on the street. It’s not until his taillights fade in the distance that I fully take in his parting words.
Tonight?
“Who was here?” Alex asks a short while later as he joins me in the kitchen.
“Riley,” I respond, turning from the stove where I’ve just flipped the last pancake, and frowning at the scowl that immediately crosses my son’s face.
“Don’t be like that,” I say. “You told me you were okay with us spending time together.”
He takes a seat at the table and crosses his arms, huffing out an annoyed breath. “I know.”
I move to get the maple syrup from the fridge—the real kind from somewhere in Quebec, none of that fake stuff.
“Well? Did you change your mind?”
He rolls his eyes as a yawning Matty stumbles sleepily into the room and takes a seat beside his brother. “Change your mind about what?” he mumbles.
“About Riley.” I answer, placing the syrup on the table before continuing, “And me … seeing him.”
That has Matty’s eyes widening, and he sits up straight in his chair, suddenly awake. “Seeing, seeing?” he asks, glancing over at Alex.
“Well, uhm, yeah. I was hoping to talk to you both about that, though I hadn't necessarily planned to do it today.”
“So you’re dating now,” Alex says.
It’s not a question, but I nod anyway. “I guess you could say that …” I start hesitantly, but at his narrowing eyes, I know I need to be more definitive about this.
“Yeah. Yes. We’re dating now. So, I’m asking again, have you changed your mind about that?
Because before you said you’d get on board if it made me happy. ”
He sighs, dropping his face into his hands and rubbing it furiously, but before he can respond, Matty is jumping in, shooting his brother a pointed glare. “We haven't changed our minds, Mom. We want that for you. And if Riley is the guy …” he trails off.
“I think he could be,” I reply softly, unable to meet their eyes. “It’s still early, but I want to give this a chance if you guys really are okay with it.” I force myself to look at Alex once more, who shrugs and glances away.
“I guess if he’s the reason for the smile you had when I walked in, then I’m okay with it,” he grumbles, then adds sullenly, “it’s fuckin weird to think about, though, Mom, and I don’t want to see any kissing.”
My face flushes, and I chuckle to hide my embarrassment.
“Got it, no kissing,” I agree, as I move back to the stove to serve the pancakes.
I add sliced strawberries to each plate, busying myself unnecessarily with arranging them just so, knowing my boys won’t appreciate the presentation but needing the moment to regain my composure.
“Wow, you must really like this guy,” Matt observes, and I glance over at him.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because you just blushed and giggled at the mention of kissing him,” he singsongs, his voice teasing. “And you didn't even call Alex out for his language.”
Oh. I hadn't even noticed.
Alex squeezes his eyes shut and groans, his knuckles white where he grips his fork.
I chuckle again but don’t respond as I carry the plates over to the table, placing them down in front of the boys, then returning to grab my own.
“Well, eat up,” I say, happy to change the subject. “And then we can get to those presents.”