Chapter 33 #2
“Please stay with the group while I’m gone,” he continues. “Okay?”
She murmurs something I can’t hear, and then he’s leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to the tip of her nose before facing me once more.
As we move away from the group, Aidan makes a point of catching Luke’s eye, tipping his head in the direction of the table, and I watch as Luke follows his gaze to where Piper and Tessa are now leaning into each other and giggling.
His face softens, and a smile tips his lips as he watches the two women.
He turns back to Aidan with a firm nod, as if to say, ‘yes, I’ll keep an eye on her,’ and I suspect he’ll be keeping a close watch on both women.
We make our way up the beach in silence for a while.
Aidan seems intent on putting serious distance between ourselves and the bonfire before speaking, and I decide to follow his lead, grateful to be alone with my brother.
When it becomes clear he has no intention of starting this conversation, however, I’m forced to break the silence.
“Are you just trying to get me away from the crowd so you can deck me one?” I ask lightly, though it’s a valid question. If he wants to get in a few shots, I’ll let him.
He snorts, but keeps his eyes trained on the sand. “You’d deserve it.”
I swallow. “I know.”
He stops abruptly, turning to me, and despite the failing light, I can see his face has clouded over.
I stop a few feet away and square my shoulders, thinking he’s really going to let me have it.
I’m used to his frowns, his glares, but this …
seems different somehow. He squeezes his eyes shut, sucking in a sharp breath as if to steady himself, and I brace for the onslaught.
So it comes as a complete surprise when he says, “I still have a hard time coming here … to this beach …”
And that’s when it clicks. My stomach drops. I’d thought his behavior back at the bonfire seemed overly protective—controlling even—but now I see it for what it was: a post-traumatic reaction.
And who could blame him?
“Is this where …?”
He nods, staring out over the dark water.
The haunting call of a loon echoes from somewhere out in the bay, sending a shiver down my spine.
“That’s basically what they did to her,” he continues.
“Waited until she was away from the crowd and then …” his voice cracks, and he trails off, swallowing thickly.
This conversation has taken a turn I hadn’t expected, and I feel poorly equipped to deal with it.
Even in the dark, my brother’s pain bleeds through on his face and in his voice.
“Jesus,” I whisper. “I’m sorry. We don’t need to do this here. Or—uh—at—at all …” I stutter out.
He shakes his head. “No, it’s alright. I’ve been in therapy for a while now.
Piper has, too, and we were encouraged to come today.
I wanted to skip the festival altogether.
We did last year.” His mouth lifts in a soft smile, pride evident when he says, “But Piper’s much stronger than I am.
She insisted we can’t keep running from it. ”
I nod, having caught glimpses of that resilience in my sister-in-law during the time we’ve spent getting to know each other at the library.
“As someone who’s spent more than a decade and a half running, I agree with her.”
“Anyway,” Aidan continues, meeting my eyes with a wry look. “I figure if I’m going to be facing some of my demons here tonight, why not make it all of them?”
“So I’m one of those demons, then.” It’s not a question, but he answers me anyway.
“For a long time you have been, yes.”
“And do you talk about me in therapy?”
A curt nod.
I blow out a long breath. “That’s fair.”
He eyes me for a long moment, then turns suddenly and resumes walking. I have to jog a few steps to catch up, and he surprises me once more by switching tacks when he says, “Heard you’ve been seeing Steph again.”
Word had gotten around quickly following our kiss outside the Bean and subsequent hand-holding throughout town, though Piper has likely been keeping Aidan apprised of my frequent visits to the library as well.
“Mm-hmm,” I confirm. “For a while now.”
He shakes his head. “Why the fuck she would ever give you the time of day again is beyond me. After the way you ditched her …” he trails off, shaking his head once more. She’s not the only one I ditched, and I know that comment isn’t just about Steph.
“We’ve had a lot to work through, and still are, but there’s more to our story than you realize.”
He snorts derisively. “Whatever.”
I reach out a hand, gripping his shoulder to stop his forward momentum, and once more, he stops and turns to me on this deserted stretch of beach.
“There’s a lot you don’t know, Aidan. I didn’t just fuck off for no reason. I never wanted to abandon you. Will you finally let me explain?”
He’s quiet for a long moment, staring down at the sand. I hold my breath, waiting until, eventually, he nods.
“Piper’s been on my case about you for months.”
I can’t help but grin, despite the tension in the air. “I knew I liked her.”
He drags his gaze up to glare at me, but it fades at my next words.
“I was in prison.”
I watch his eyes flare in understanding as my truth bomb detonates.
“Tell me,” he says quietly.
So I do. I tell him the whole story. About my failure with basketball and school. How I fell down the slippery slope of drug abuse, and how it snowballed into dealing. I hold nothing back, sharing every sad and shameful detail about how far I fell.
And how far I ran afterwards.
My brother says little as I unload my dark tale, but he listens.
And, despite everything, I sense very little judgment coming from him, which is surprising, but also …
not. I know he’s faced his share of difficulties in my absence, and when I finally run out of words, he tells me about them.
How he met Piper. What happened to her on this beach, and afterwards.
I knew the basics from my mother, but Aidan tells me everything.
How he pulled a gun on her when they first met, how he couldn’t stop himself from offering to play bodyguard, moving in the very same day with a perfect stranger … and why he felt so compelled to do so.
He tells me about what happened to his former partner and childhood best friend, Ava, how he’d pulled away from everyone in his grief over her death, and how he’s been working through his guilt at having caused it for years now.
We take turns spilling our secrets and pouring our hearts out.
It was a long time coming, and it’s cathartic for both of us.
“It’s just occurred to me,” he says slowly, “that she must’ve known about you.”
I tilt my head, looking at him questioningly.
“Ava. She used to say things that in hindsight …” he trails off, and I watch his eyes dart around, unseeing, as he remembers the past.
“Jack knew,” I offer. “Maybe he said something, or …”
He nods repeatedly, still lost in thought.
“She could easily have looked you up in the system. We have access to so many search databases at the precinct. In fact, I’m sure she did as soon as she was able to.
” He shakes his head. “I never could bring myself to do it, too righteous in my indignation to look for you, but she was protective of me. Saw what it did to me when you didn’t come back.
It doesn’t surprise me that she would have wanted to keep tabs on you. ”
“It seems my secret wasn’t as secret as I initially thought,” I say, rubbing at the scruff on my chin.
“Jack, Ava, Mom … If I had known Mom knew the whole time …” I sigh, shaking my head.
“Things might have all been different. There was so much shame, Aidan. For having let you all down. If not for my pride, I might have found a way to come back sooner.”
“What’s done is done,” my brother murmurs, and not for the first time, I catch him eyeing my tattoos where they’re visible on my neck.
“They represent all the places I’ve called home,” I explain, pulling up a sleeve and pointing to the spot above my inner elbow where my inmate ID number is marked, “starting with the penitentiary.” He nods, squinting in the dark as his eyes trace down my arm, taking in the many different icons and figures intertwined there.
“Do you have one for Llyn Lakes?”
“Not yet.”
“Because it’s not home?” he asks, voice taking on a wary tone. I know he’s been concerned I won’t stick around.
“Because this is my last stop, and I want to make sure it’s right when I do it,” I answer, which seems to mollify him.
“How will you know when it’s right?”
“When I get my family back.”
“Well, you have Mom. And you won Piper over easily enough,” he rolls his eyes.
“I’m still really fuckin pissed at you, but I understand more now.
I’m sorry I wasn’t willing to hear you out sooner.
It doesn’t necessarily make things better, but …
” he pauses to roll his shoulders, letting out a long breath as he does. “We’ll get there.”
I clear my throat and meet his eyes; mine are brimming with tears. “That means a lot to me, little brother,” I say.
He studies my face for a long moment. “But that’s not the only family you mean, is it?” he reads from my expression.
“No,” I whisper.
“Steph?”
I nod solemnly. And then I drop another bomb into the quiet night. “And my son.”