Chapter 35
thirty-five
squishy gray area
E lissa woke in the small hours of the morning, the sky still dark through the sheer curtains in her bedroom.
The silence of the room pressed in on her in a way she hadn’t experienced before.
Something was different. She hadn’t gone to bed alone.
Her hand drifted to the other side of the bed, only to find cool sheets. Ryan was gone.
Why had he left without saying goodbye? She understood why all the others had left, eventually.
Their biggest complaint had always been she’d never been truly present for them.
At least, that’s what it had boiled down to.
Her family came first, pulling her attention from many a budding relationship, and she never had been able to articulate what she wanted, leaving both her and her lover dissatisfied.
Her unavailability had irritated Victor to no end.
Perhaps she should’ve paid attention to that red flag long before he’d left her.
She stared at the ceiling and fought the tears welling in her eyes.
Last night had been a genuine connection.
But she’d been with Ryan last night, all in.
Nothing in the world had existed outside the two of them.
Maybe he hadn’t felt the same. He’d gotten exactly what he’d wanted from her and bolted.
Elissa pushed whatever these emotions were down deep. Obviously, last night had meant more to her than to Ryan. It was time to put her big girl panties on and come to grips with real life.
The door opened, and Ryan crept in.
“Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I thought you left.” Her voice warbled pathetically and more tears dripped down her face. She wiped them away and a tentative smile curled the corners of her mouth.
He sat on the edge of her bed and grabbed a tissue from the box on the nightstand. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I gotta leave in a few, but I made coffee and was going to snuggle you awake.”
“It’s not your fault.” She dabbed the tissue at the tears, more embarrassed than anything now. “It’s just…you wouldn’t be the first to walk away without saying goodbye.”
“I swear to you, Elissa, I will never leave without saying goodbye. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He kissed her forehead. “Coffee should be ready. I have a few minutes to join you, but then I really have to go home to shower and change. Showing up to work in yesterday’s clothes is bad enough when you aren’t related to at least half your coworkers.”
Elissa clenched her teeth and sucked in a breath. “Yeah, I can’t even imagine.”
Ryan laughed. “Come on, gorgeous. Let’s get you caffeinated and on with your day.”
She followed him to the kitchen and the coffeepot beeped.
“How do you take it?” She grabbed two mugs from the cabinet as he sat at the kitchen table.
“Black.”
She poured the coffee, added a generous amount of creamer to her mug, and sat across from him. Ryan took his mug and sipped. Elissa savored her one cup of coffee for the day, sipping as she waited for the caffeine rush to kick in. The silence stretched for a minute until Ryan’s hand covered hers.
“You okay? What was going on?”
“I have a slight tendency to overthink things. I assumed you left and I was trying to figure out where I went wrong.”
“Ah, yes, the overthinker. A perfect counterbalance to the underthinker, which would be me, by the way, who should have let you know I had to leave early.”
She gently tapped his shin with her toes. “We were a bit…distracted…last night.”
“Oh, distracted doesn’t even begin to cover it, I hope.”
“True.” And she giggled. God, last night had been mind-blowing.
Ryan took out his phone. “I wish I could distract you again, but if I don’t leave right the fuck now, I’m going to be super late.”
“And when your dad’s your boss, it super sucks.”
He smiled as he rose. “You got it, gorgeous.”
Ryan bent down and tenderly kissed her, a soft, sleepy kiss that left her wanting more. Much, much more.
“You don’t play fair,” she said when he finally broke off.
“Never. Call you tonight?”
“You better.”
He winked, then grabbed his helmet and bag. “Have a lovely day, Elissa.”
The door closed softly behind him. She couldn’t keep the silly grin off her face or the image of him naked out of her mind.
She put the mug in the sink, put some bread in the toaster, and poured a glass of cranberry juice.
The sound of a motorcycle starting in the quiet morning only widened her grin.
The toast popped and she sat at the table, only to notice the small pile of papers at the far end.
Crap, Ryan’s business plan. She’d return it next time.
Next time . She liked the sound of that.
Besides, she could run through some of this market research, refine her numbers. He had the bones of something interesting. With a little fine tuning and some marketing help, this could be a solid career.
Later. First, work. She rushed through her morning routine and was out the door quickly enough not to be late.
Best to get the next few hours over with.
Elissa steeled herself for an unpleasant conversation.
She needed to tell Karina she couldn’t work on the DeMarco account any longer.
Her mentor may have given her tacit permission to flirt with the cute office manager, and a couple of dates might be excusable.
Sleeping with a client was not. Karina wouldn’t be happy, but she could work with another junior CPA on this account.
Elissa could escape this with only a little embarrassment.
She set her bag and jacket down and went to find Karina. Oddly, the older woman wasn’t in her office. Maybe she’d had an outside appointment she’d forgotten to tell Elissa about. Or was simply running late. Elissa settled into her normal morning routine, checking email and voicemail.
A soft cough drew her attention. Mr. Samuels stood at the entrance to her cubicle, sadness making his features even more droopy than usual.
“Elissa,” he said in his quiet way.
“Yes, Mr. Samuels?”
“Karina’s father died yesterday. Real sudden. Stroke.”
“Oh. Oh no!” Elissa’s stomach sank. Karina’s mother had been ailing for years, but her father still seemed… Wait, if her dad was gone, who was going to take care of her mom?
“I told Karina I would let everyone here know so she didn’t have to make so many calls. She’s heading to Ohio tomorrow. Today is packing and calling family. She’ll likely be out a few weeks. Not only with the funeral arrangements but with her mother’s care.”
“I understand. I’ll send her a text in a day or two. Need me to brief whoever is taking over her accounts? I can do it today.”
A small smile creased Mr. Samuels’s face.
“No need to brief. Karina assures me you are more than capable of handling her cases until she gets back. Said you could even file everything and clear her desk if this takes longer than she’s expecting.
I’m in one hundred percent agreement. Her clients are familiar with you, and you won’t have to waste time briefing anyone.
Any new clients will be assigned to other accountants.
Since Karina had some of our largest accounts, I’ll be overseeing your work, but I have no doubts you’re the best person for the job.
The load will be heavy. Get whatever help you need. Any questions?”
Pride bloomed in her chest. Karina, her mentor, felt she had this covered. It was the highest praise she’d ever received. Even better than the summa cum laude on her diploma from the University of Arizona. And then…
Ryan. She should tell Mr. Samuels about Ryan. The mere idea sent her heart racing and her palms sweating. He was older than her dad, had kids her age. How in the hell could she tell him she was dating an employee of one of their clients? She could see how that conversation would go.
“Gee, Mr. Samuels, I’d love to, and I can with most accounts. But the super important DeMarco account? See, I fucked the owner’s son and…”
She must owe another twenty to the swear jar by now. It was Friday, and this would throw the office into chaos for a couple days. She could take the weekend to think—overthink—and devise a plan, and in the meantime, she would avoid the DeMarco account like the plague.
“Everything alright there, Elissa?” Mr. Samuels’s voice broke through her spiral.
“Oh yes, sorry. Just thinking about what to tackle first.”
Yes, Monday would do.
“Okay. I’m available any time. Do not hesitate to call, text, or email when questions or concerns arise. Let’s give Karina a few days before doing more than offering condolences, but she said she’ll be bored silly after the funeral.”
“Thank you, Mr. Samuels, for your confidence. I won’t let you or Karina down.
” A few days, yes, they’d know more by then, and possibly Karina would return by the end of next week.
She really, really didn’t want to have this conversation with a sixty-year-old man.
Would it hurt anything to put it off for a few more days?
“I know, Elissa. It’s why I chose you for the job. I’m going to unlock her office so you can access anything you need from there. While you see what you can find, I’ll call our clients and inform them of the situation.”
Elissa nodded and watched her boss’s boss walk away.
She took a moment to gather herself, deal with the information, and send up a short prayer for Karina and her family.
She snagged her bag and walked to Karina’s office.
The door was cracked open. Pushing it wider, Elissa entered, set her bag down in a chair, and collapsed in the other.
It didn’t feel right to sit in her mentor’s chair.
As usual, Karina’s desk was clear. Like most other industries, the vast majority of their work was done digitally.
Paper copies were mere backups, hedges against technology that could delete a day’s work with a simple keystroke.
The boxes from their clients were stored in a secure file room.
Via their shared file system, Elissa had access to the ongoing audits, tax returns, and other documents.
She glanced over the large desk calendar Karina had filled out.
Although everything went into the shared calendar app, Karina was old school, wanting or needing a physical reminder as well as a ping from her phone.
Elissa checked today’s date. For the morning, her boss had written “DeMarco” in big, red letters.
The afternoon was blocked off for another client in green.
That’s right, they’d planned on reviewing the DeMarco paperwork this morning, and the other client’s after lunch.
They were going to hunker down and knock out most of the DeMarco Property Management tax return next week, which would give them plenty of time to see if any other information was missing or if they had any questions.
Another few days, and they could audit themselves and draft some recommendations for next year.
Shit, shit, shit.
Elissa placed her head down on the desk.
Three more bucks in the swear jar. She should march right into Mr. Samuel’s office and recuse herself from this account.
But she couldn’t, not when everyone needed her.
With Karina out of the picture for the foreseeable future, anyone else would have to start over.
She’d have to put this thing with Ryan on pause until after Karina returned.
Dashing away tears, she fished her cell phone out of her purse and stared at it.
This is the right thing to do.
Elissa always did the right thing. She prioritized her family and her work. She didn’t lie, she didn’t cheat. She didn’t sleep with clients’ employees. Or sons, as the case may be.
She didn’t put mind-blowing sex above her professional ethics. She was already in a squishy gray area, which made her queasy.
All these thoughts were delaying the inevitable. She had to let him know it was a one and done. Elissa prided herself on her integrity. A clean break right now would alleviate some of her anxiety.
She took a deep breath and composed her text. And deleted it. Tried again. Deleted it again.
It’s not like it was the greatest sex she’d ever had.
She forced herself to write out the break-up text. Her finger hovered over the send button.
Okay, it was exactly like it was the greatest sex she’d ever had.
Elissa couldn’t do it, not via text. That was far beyond shitty, and Ryan deserved better. She’d do it the next time she saw him. She deleted the last text. Tonight, when he called, she’d tell him what happened and talk to him like the adult she was.
Goddammit.