Chapter 43
forty-three
answer bitch
T he steady thudding of Ryan’s heart lulled Elissa into a meditative state somewhere between awake and asleep. She’d never been so well fucked. Her limbs were loose, and for once, her brain was happy to revel in the tiredness of her body.
Then he whispered his confession.
She froze, praying he didn’t notice she was still awake. But he settled in, and his body went lax. He was asleep and expected no answer from her, thank god.
He loved her. Holy hell, he loved her .
Victor was the last man to tell her he loved her. And that had ended…poorly. As expected. Because she hadn’t loved him enough to put her family second.
What would Ryan demand of her? He always seemed to come in second in his own family. How would he feel if he constantly came in second to hers, too?
Her heart raced in her chest. He loved her, despite all the evidence she put her family first. Despite her tendency to overthink. Despite how she’d basically deserted him for the past few weeks, only turning up when she needed something from him.
But she hadn’t needed something from him.
She’d just needed him. They could’ve hung out at his place, gone for a walk, taken a moment from his busy day to reassure her that she would be fine.
That she wouldn’t lose her job because of their relationship.
That she wasn’t a horrible person because she’d fought with her sister and her mother.
Did she love Ryan? She’d thought she loved Victor.
When he left, it had been a betrayal, but she hadn’t been heartbroken.
Not because of him, anyway. She had been more worried about her mother than about Victor abandoning her.
She’d been more annoyed about moving in with her parents than she’d missed Victor.
So, she hadn’t loved Victor, at least not enough.
What about Ryan? She’d been hurt and spiraling after her horrible day, and the first place she ran was to him.
The only other person she’d ever taken her problems to was Jules.
Elissa kept everything to herself. Her problems weren’t nearly as bad as other people’s.
She’d grown up healthy, unlike Leo. She’d stayed out of trouble and finished college, unlike Ami.
She hadn’t been diagnosed with cancer, like her mom.
They hadn’t been rich, but they never had to go without, either.
Anytime she had a problem, she was reminded it was a first-world problem.
She was incredibly privileged, which meant she kept her problems to herself, solved them herself.
And then Ryan came into her life. He had money and problems, sharing both with his friends, with her, and he never seemed to think her problems weren’t worth attention. He saw her, got her, in ways few others ever had. And she loved that about him.
She loved him.
Her racing heart stopped for a breathtaking moment.
She loved Ryan.
Oh, oh, this was worse. This was worse than thinking about what he’d said. She felt something real about him, something true, from her head to her toes, in her blood and in her bones.
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Elissa glanced at the clock on the bedside table—ten o’clock. Jules should be off work soon. If anyone could help her stop spiraling, it was Jules.
She slid out of bed and found Ryan’s shirt from earlier. It smelled like him—lemons and motor oil. Her heart rate dipped as she slipped it on. No way was she going to talk to Jules naked after a night of mind-blowing sex. She tiptoed to the saddlebags, rooted around, and found her phone.
Knowing she’d ruin the oasis Ryan had created for the two of them, Elissa turned it on.
When the three-year-old device finally loaded, she was greeted with a flurry of text messages and voicemails. At least a dozen were from Ami, and a dozen more were from her dad and her brother. There were two from Karina as well.
The top text on her screen caused her immediate concern.
Dad: Please come home
She unlocked the phone and scrolled down through the texts. The most recent text from Ami took away her breath.
A: There’s been an accident. Mom in hospital. Answer bitch
Shit, shit, shit. She glanced around the room, taking in the evidence of their passion.
Of course. She’d finally found something just for her, and now the rest of her life went to shit.
Her job was in jeopardy, and her mom was hurt.
If she’d been there, if she hadn’t let herself fall for the hottie on the motorcycle, none of this would have happened.
Somewhere along the way, she must have pissed off the fates, the gods, karma, something. She didn’t deserve Ryan, didn’t deserve his kindness or his understanding. She’d dropped the ball, and now her mother was suffering for it.
The words wavered under her tears. She’d have to read more later. Right now, she had to leave. Her family needed her more than Ryan did. More than she needed him. And after all, if this kind of bad luck followed her around like a sad puppy, he didn’t need to face the oncoming shitstorm.
For the first time, Elissa was really, truly, utterly in love. And if this was the universe’s reward for finally figuring her shit out, she didn’t want to see what would happen if she told Ryan. He could be the next to end up in the hospital.
She dashed away the tears. There would be plenty of time for tears, regret, and recriminations. It was almost two hours to Tucson.
Oh god, she was going to have to wake Ryan and have him drive her all the way to Tucson. And then tell him to leave her alone.
No. She couldn’t face him yet. Maybe not ever. Bisbee wasn’t big, but it was the county seat. She could call a cab or see if any rideshares were available.
She opened her phone, found the app, and put in the details, setting the pickup time for twenty minutes. And someone accepted the gig.
Stuffing her emotions into the furthest corner of her mind, Elissa dressed quickly and looked in the bathroom mirror. Her makeup was on its last legs and her hair was a mess. She ran her fingers through her curls and removed the worst of the disaster on her face.
For a moment, she was tempted to wake Ryan and tell him what was going on. Beyond tempted. He’d hold her, come with her, tell her everything would be okay. And she would fail him, too. He deserved better, a clean cut rather than months of disappointment.
She found a pad of paper and a pen on the desk and wrote a note. She picked up her shoes and tiptoed to the door. As she reached for the handle, a voice stopped her.
“That’s it? You weren’t even going to say goodbye?”
The bedside lamp turned on. Ryan had the covers over his lap, sitting with his back to the headboard.
“I left a note.”
“I deserve more than a note.”
“But my mom…she’s been in an accident.”
“Oh, Jesus, Elissa, I’m sorry. Here, let me—” He tossed the covers aside, and she caught a glimpse of his firm ass before she turned away. The ass she’d been digging her nails into not long ago. He found his underwear and tugged it on.
“No, no, it’s fine. You stay here, sleep. I’ve already ordered a rideshare. I’ll…I’ll be fine.”
“Oh, so you need me when you want to stop thinking, stop feeling the bad stuff, but the moment you truly need someone in your life, someone to take care of you when you’re hurting, you’re gone.”
“No, that’s not—I don’t want to bother you. You deserve better than someone who drops you the moment her family calls.”
“Elissa…I have family too, and I’d be out of here in a heartbeat if one of them was in an accident. I get it. I do. Let me help.”
How could he help? This was her fault. Her fault for confronting her mom.
Her fault for running away. Her fault for dragging him along.
He needed to stay away from her before her bad luck rubbed off.
Before he learned how truly needy she was.
She straightened her spine, telling herself it was for his own good.
“I don’t need your help. I don’t need you. Go back to sleep. I’ll text you when I know more.”
“You know, you don’t have to be perfect to deserve love.”
The certainty in his voice, the kindness, almost—almost—broke her resolve.
“Maybe not, but you deserve better than me. You deserve to be someone’s top priority, and I can’t guarantee that.
My family…it’s only the five of us. You have so many, but if I lose my mom…
I can’t do this and take care of them. Goodbye, Ryan. ”
“Elissa—”
She didn’t give him a chance to convince her to stay and shut the door behind her with a click. Hurrying across the courtyard, she half expected him to come running after her, clad only in his underwear or no.
But he didn’t.
Her heart lurched in her chest, and the voice in the back of her head said she was being a grade-A bonehead.
She ignored both and walked barefoot across the courtyard and into the small lobby.
She put her shoes on and the rideshare pulled up.
It matched the picture, and the driver was a middle-aged Latina. Safe as houses.
The driver rolled down the window. “Everything okay, chica?”
“Yes—no. I’m fine, but my mom’s in the hospital in Tucson.”
“Okay, I’ll get you there.”
She settled into the back seat, refusing to watch the B and B shrink into the distance.
Instead, she pulled out her phone to read all the messages.
Ami’s grew more unhinged, her dad’s were simple, but she could hear the coolness that came over him in emergencies, and Leo’s were plain emojis.
Long strings of them, and she was too tired to parse out what the hell they meant.
She sent a text to Ami, figuring her dad needed to focus on whatever was going on with Mom.
E: On my way.
She looked at the two from Karina.
K: Yes, take the weekend. The HR manager is out today and tomorrow, so we’ll talk Friday and discuss with you on Monday.
The second was more personal.
K: Your father called. Get in touch with him ASAP, there’s been an emergency. Stay safe, Elissa.