Chapter 2
Ector
I woke up in my dim, gray room where the light never dared to enter, and decided to visit the old library in Fairy Village.
I despise being around other fairies, I never fail to notice the way they glare in my direction. They constantly look at me with suspicion, and judgement in their eyes, only because I don’t have wings.
I’ve always felt like I don’t belong, that feeling still lingers when I enter new places. For fucks sake, it lingers wherever I go, wherever I am and whenever I’m awake.
Pushing myself up until I’m sitting straight, my legs fall over the edge and I get myself up from the black, creaky bed.
It’s with heavy steps I walk toward my wardrobe, choosing to wear all black just as always.
My wardrobe only holds clothes in that specific color. It suits me well and I am not here to put on a show of elegance nor to show off my wear of choice.
I put on anything that is comfortable, provided the color is in the shade of deep night. Dark velvet blue is the only other option that I wouldn’t reject immediately, and it's only because my mother used to love that color.
The memory is strong. Blue was her favorite color, especially the dark tones. She always told me that it made her feel beautiful, and I never failed to see the way it made her blue eyes pop, the same eyes as I have.
Getting out of my room, hand scratching the back of my head, I can’t ignore the messy state of the building that I call my home.
My house isn’t as aesthetically pleasing as the houses in Fairy Village. The base is built from white stone from the ancient mountains, and the roof is constructed with black oak and old dry leaves.
The moss that surrounds it isn’t in that typical bright green color, instead, it’s a dark, shadowed emerald hue.
There are only two small rooms indoors. One holds a rickety, old metal bed that can hardly stand on its own, so I had to prop up its unstable legs with a tower of books.
Beside the bed, a small wooden nightstand is placed and on top of it sits an old lantern with carnelian orange glass. Even though the light inside isn't working as it should, I still keep it.
It looks nice...
In the same room, there is a toilet behind a door that is almost hidden if you don’t look close enough to see it.
The other part of the house contains a small kitchen that I use surprisingly often. Cooking is something I actually enjoy.
Two small rectangle windows occasionally let in a single ray of sun, and the kitchen table only fits one person, me.
The lamp dangling from the roof doesn’t work, so once it gets dark, lit candles are much needed.
A few small holes in the roof that let in raindrops once in a while, and all the walls have cracks in them.
The copper door handle on the front entrance doesn’t work properly either. The building has a lot of damage, but I don't bother fixing it.
It’s a home that most people would run from, they wouldn’t dare touch it. But as long as this place works as a home and I can be alone without getting bothered by other fairies, I’m staying.
As I push open the door, a mouse comes running forward, almost making me stumble as a wave of surprise washes over me. I can handle a sweet mouse but a big rat would make me feel extremely bothered.
Making my way to Fairy Village, my boots slammed against the ground with every step. It took only a few minutes to reach the old library.
The only thing captured by my elf ears once I enter the village is the laugh coming from other fairies, their bright voices tingle in the air and it makes me want to puke. It’s hard to decide if the sound makes me want to strangle them or myself.
When was the last time I laughed?
As I arrive at the old building full of ancient books, my legs start climbing up the long spiral staircase. The library is built far up in an old tree and needs to have a staircase for those who don’t like to fly, or for those who don't have wings.
With my hand twisting the door knob, the heavy door opens, letting me enter the library, and it doesn’t take long before I notice that the building is pretty empty today, which is definitely preferred.
The old man who works here looks ready to greet me, but instead, he hides himself in a corner, thinking he's invisible.
Coward.
With easy steps, I make my way deeper into the library to get to the ancient books. The one I’m looking for must be here.
Looking through the brown dusty shelves, my eyes land on an old caramel spine. As soon as my eyes recognise the carved, smooth golden letters, my hand reaches out and grabs ahold of it, I yank it open, immediately tearing out the map that will get me to where I need to be.
The magic well.
Turning around with my head looking over my shoulder, a smirk plastered on my lips as I placed the map in my pocket. I notice a girl coming towards me, one with soft facial features that I’ve only seen on one fairy before, and her long curly hair flowing around her beautiful face.
What I didn’t expect was for her sweet voice to start speaking, letting out words for only me to hear. It felt utterly surreal as she finally stood, close enough to touch, right before me. The girl I’ve adored for so many years.
She looked like an angel that had been sent from above. So it came to my surprise when I acted in such an odd, cold way towards her.
—
“Here sweetheart, enjoy.” I let the nickname fall out knowing it will irritate her.
Giving her the book felt wrong and a heavy lump was growing in my stomach, knowing that I ripped out the most important part of it before she approached me.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell her, my mouth wouldn’t let her know the truth. And I couldn’t take the risk of her telling Caspian that I destroyed one of his oldest books. Because that’s what I had done, I had destroyed it. And who knew how many of them were left?
It didn’t go unnoticed that she doesn’t have a clue of who I am, which isn’t surprising since I mostly stay in the shadows. I don’t fly around talking, smiling, say hi nor fucking wave to anyone. I prefer to spend my time hiding inside my dark home by myself.
But if I do have to go to the village, for some unknown reason,
walking is my only option since my wings are long fucking gone. That’s how life has been for me and will continue to be unless I manage to find this damn well so I can wish for new ones.
I crave flying around. I yearn for the feeling of the wind in my hair, the uncontrollable smile it brought, and the feeling of freedom and being far, far away from my father. I must feel those things again.
“Thank you.”
“What?” Her voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
“For giving me the book, I mean. That was very kind of you. I miss her so much.”
“Who are we talking about?”
“Oh. You don’t know? My sister passed almost a year ago, and I know that this book may just be a silly old myth, but if the saying is true, I might see her again.
It’s hard without having her here by my side,” a long breath leaves her before she manages to continue, “I think about her every single day.”
The way her eyes can barely bring themselves to look at me as they fill with tears makes my throat burn. If it’s something I know, it’s the feeling of loss, feeling helpless and blaming yourself in any possible way.
Fuck.
I didn’t know that.
“Well, you’re welcome.” The words come out awkwardly as I'm suddenly reminded of the heaviness that loss brings, how it can make you go insane.
“I mean it, it means a lot to me, so thank you.”
If she could only stop looking at me with those damn doe eyes before I lose myself in them, this situation would be handled a lot better.
“Of course. Bye.” I answer her with a wave of remorse washing over me, my body in desperate need to remove itself from the situation.
Does she really need to be that sweet and adorable? I can’t afford some stupid love story right now, that's the last thing I need in my shitty life.
Unfortunately, I’ve had an eye on this girl for a very long time. Talking to her, I’ll have to pretend that I don't know anything about her, even though that’s not the truth, not at all. Which makes me question how long it will take before my nonchalant mask slips.
My feet take fast steps towards the exit, and for a moment, I forget how to breathe. My stomach twists as embarrassment takes over every single vein in my body.
Suddenly I felt stuck in my own body, left with no escape. My clothes were clinging to me in the most uncomfortable way, itching around my neck and the disappointment crashes over me faster than I could blink.
And it was only disappointment in myself. Because why did I act like this? I finally had the chance to talk to her but instead, I felt the need to hide, to disappear.
I let my nonchalant facade build itself up like a brick wall, hiding every single vulnerable piece of me to keep my inner child safe. But it only made me seem distant, cold and uninterested. But interested was all I was.
I’ve never felt like this before, so nervous around a girl.
And she’s kind.
My mind keeps wondering if she would be friendly with me too, even though my face and body looks terrible with all the nasty scars that are covering every part of me.
The worst ones are placed on my back after my father used his silver dagger all over it, but I hide it all underneath my oversized clothes, not wanting anyone to see them nor scare them away more than I already have a tendency to do.
It will draw too much attention towards me, and the last thing I want is for someone to ask stupid questions. They do not need to know what I had to go through as a child.
Other fairies would never understand, no one can understand the pain I had to grow up with, the burning sensation that I’ve been forced to feel since birth.
My fathers behavior was something no one could handle. The fairies who live here are known for their gentleness and I fear that if they knew anything about my father and how he treated me and my mother, they would judge me. They would think that I’m the same as him.
But I’m nothing like that, and I’ll never let myself turn into someone who acts in such a sickening way.
My mother taught me well enough to never become even close to the beast he was.
She taught me to be a good man, a gentle one.
Deep down underneath the wall that I’ve built up inside of me to protect myself from ever feeling those things ever again, the feelings and thoughts that he made me feel and believe.
Underneath it all, there is a gentle man.
One that believes in love and safety, gentle behaviour, and soft words.
I knew I had it in me, it was the bravery that I lacked. I didn’t have the courage to bring it forth and show it. The feeling was unfamiliar, and that terrified me.