Chapter 23
Genevieve
I’m starting to enjoy the thought of Ector and I more and more for every memory we create together, and it terrifies me. It makes me worried that I’m almost forgetting about the actual reason why we’re doing this. I haven’t been thinking about Esme as much as before I met Ector.
I can’t let a guy make me forget about my sister.
You’re not forgetting, you’re living. It was impossible to ignore the strong voice in my head.
If I don’t think about her every second of my waking time, what kind of sister does that make me?
One who tries to live her life after a tragic incident. The voice spoke once again.
If I was with her that day, she would still be alive. I could have saved her if I just had been a little more observant. But I wasn’t, I didn’t save her, and I wasn’t there when she needed me.
That’s why I’m doing this. She needs to come back to me so I can show her that I am capable of saving her. I need her to be proud of me.
“Ector, I truly need to write something down.”
“Okay.” He says without arguing.
Letting my back rest against a rock, I pick up the feather pen and book from my bag.
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I don’t know if I’m starting to let go of Esme's passing or if I’m just distracted by this incredibly handsome guy, Ector. Maybe it’s both? Maybe it feels easier when I’m not alone and enjoying someone's presence for once.
Everything feels easier when I’m around him. I’m worried that I’m starting to fall in love with him. I don’t want to fall in love with him, at least not right now, but I’m not the one in charge of that decision after all. My emotions are in complete control of themselves, and I have no say in it.
I’m not scared of falling for him, I’m just scared that I’m the only one who’s falling. I know he kissed me and all, but you can kiss anyone. I’m afraid. Something good has finally come into my life after all the hurt. And I’m scared that once I let myself feel excited, something bad will happen.
My thoughts are shifting from Esme to Ector constantly and it truly
terrifies me. I can't let myself forget about my sister.
All love// Genevieve
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I shouldn’t worry so much about something that is out of my control. Maybe I should just let go of trying to figure it all out and trust that the path will reveal itself for me in the near future. It’s in these moments of wondering and uncertainty that we can find our true strength.
So, I take a deep breath, feeling the heavy weight lift off my shoulders, and with a new sense of calm, I walk forward to Ector and let him know that I am ready to continue. I am ready to face whatever comes my way.