Chapter 27
Genevieve
I wake up as the sun begins to rise. The sky becomes brighter and the birds start to sing.
Looking over to my side, I am reminded of what happened a few hours ago.
And without warning, my heart starts to ache, that feeling in the chest that feels just like someone is cutting through it.
Fresh tears start spilling down my cheeks mixed with the blood on my face.
I want to look at him, the person I so quickly started loving without realizing it, but I don’t dare to.
His hand is already purple, and I don’t want to see what his face looks like.
I can’t remember him like I remember Esme, the last look I got from her was horrifying.
So I can already imagine. The memory of me finding my dead sister flashes through my head.
I want to hear his voice. I want to see his lips tilting upwards as the deep laugh escapes his throat. “Ector.” I cry out, not being able to keep myself together.
As another sob leaves my body, I see a small head pop up beside me. My first instinct is to hide behind Ector’s body.
But as I realized that it was neither a fairy nor elf, I looked over and saw a baby deer lifting its head at the same time as me. Both of us are scared of one another.
“Hi.” I speak gently, my hand slowly reaching forward.
The fawn hesitates and places its head on Ector’s stomach, eyes looking into mine.
Slowly moving my hand closer to its nose, I let it smell me before I pet it. “I’m sorry for all the blood.” I say, a small smile appears on my lips as my mouth wobbles. At the same time, new tears start forming in my eyes.
The deer tilts its head and looks at me in confusion, almost as if it already knows who I am and stands up.
“Oh, be careful, little one.” I say, letting my own body sit up at the same time, still careful not to look at Ector’s face.
“You must’ve been born just a few days ago.” I pause. “Where is your mother?”
Taking a few steps away, I realize it can’t properly walk. Moving around Ector’s legs, it comes closer to me and places itself in between my crossed legs.
With my hand gently moving through its fur, I almost forget about the death and blood that surrounds me.
“I really need to clean myself up.” I talk to myself.
Sitting all alone beside two dead men and a baby deer sleeping in my lap, I start humming as my body rocks from side to side. And soon, a melody was created.
I kept doing the same thing for hours, my eyes locked on a tree and my vision blurry, almost like time had stopped. I’ve gone through this before, when the first love of my life died, my sister.
This is how I was placed in my bed for days, not acknowledging how fast time actually did pass by. Because to me, time wasn't real. To me there was no life to continue living.
But then I met Ector. It had only taken him hours to bring a new type of excitement into my life, and now he was gone too.
Stuck in my own head, thinking of all the memories I had with both of them, I refuse to face the reality. It’s too overwhelming. Gosh, the thought of even lifting a single muscle makes me feel exhausted.
Get up, Genevieve. None of them would’ve wanted to see you like this, giving up on yourself. The voice echoes in my head.
Shaking my head, the tears started pouring once again. I know that this isn’t what they would’ve wanted, but how will I find the strength to continue?
Looking over at Ector’s chest with the small hope to see it going up and down, I get disappointed just as quickly.
Nearby, I find a bunch of pink tulips. I ripped them out of the ground and placed them on his torso.
My lips leave a gentle kiss on his bloody hand before I let myself reach into his pocket and grab the map, the map that is now stained with the red liquid that had poured out from his body last night.
Shifting my focus to the baby in my lap, her eyes met mine, and in that moment, I could feel some type of hope forming within me. Such a small one, but something was there, something I couldn't place my finger on.
Carefully moving the fawn out of my lap, she manages to stand on her little legs, and I find the strength to do the same.
“Okay, little one. Let’s go and get my bag.” I say, moving towards the circle of trees where I thought I would find Ector by my side when I woke up.
Shutting my eyes as much as I possibly can without closing them entirely, not wanting to see what Ector looks like, my body starts moving, and the baby follows right behind me.
As I enter the small circle, I notice that my new diary and pen are placed on the ground. “It must’ve fallen out.” I say out loud and place it in my bag along the dagger I used a few hours ago to kill a grown man.
A grown man who deserved death. I remind myself.
And he was already close to death after Ector slit his throat.
An image that will never be left behind.
And no matter how disgusted I felt with myself for even thinking about it, the thought satisfied me.
It satisfies me knowing that Ector got his revenge before he died.
He got to kill the man who tortured him for years, the man who took his mother’s life.
Taking deep breaths, I look at the map and try to figure out where we are. “We left Town Of Hell.” I point with my finger. “So I should be...” Suddenly, a ladybug lands on the map right beside my finger. “Here.” A shy smile appears on my lips.
“Thank you.” I say out loud, still feeling like I’m speaking to myself even though I know the animals are listening.
You can do it. Esme’s voice speaks in my mind, immediately giving me more strength.
Gently bending down, I take the fawn into my arms and lift from the ground. I can’t believe I almost forgot how to fly. Slowly lifting from the ground and trying to find balance in every muscle, it doesn’t take long before we’re up in the sky, the sun casting its rays around us.
Following the map, all I can do is pray to my angels that I’m flying the right way. I have never followed a map before, especially not by myself.
The sun is already setting, and the fear of being alone in the darkness is already taking over my mind. It’s slowly creeping in and telling me every terrifying scenario that I could possibly find myself in, in the near hours.
As a long river comes into view, I decide to land on the ground beside it and let the poor baby drink.
And as it does, I take the chance to clean myself as well as I can before breaking down.
As the evening cold water surrounds my body, my hands scrubbing every inch of me, blood starts flowing through the water.
An immediate lump forms in my throat, and I could already feel the vomit going up my throat, but stops before it gets too high.
But I could see no difference. The whole of me was still drenched in the blood of a psychopath... And the love of my life.
“Oh.” I cry out as every memory from the past hours flashes before my eyes.
“Oh, Ector.” Another cry comes forward at the thought of his last words.
Leaving the water, I place myself on the ground and hold my knees close to my stomach. Breathing gets tougher every second and my body is shaking. And before I know it, I’m hysterically crying, screaming, all by myself in the darkness, one of my biggest fears.
“I could’ve saved him.” I hyperventilate. “I could’ve done... Something.” My eyes squeeze shut, body rocking back and forth.
The baby deer comes closer to me and starts licking my nose, and I can’t help but to giggle. I hated the sound. I was in no position to laugh.
“It tickles.” I say, scratching my nose to make the unpleasant feeling go away.
Carefully, she crawls underneath my arm and lies down close to my chest. “I guess it’s only you and me now.” My mouth wobbles.
And then, both of us drift off into a deep sleep, snuggling close to one another.
—
Waking up again a few hours later with a heavy heart and empty stomach, everything felt unreal.
I was still waiting to lock my green eyes with his cold, yet warm, icy blue ones.
I was waiting for his voice to say the nickname that he had chosen for me.
I still hoped that I would be woken from this nightmare by Ector’s sweet voice calling my name.
But it wasn’t a nightmare, it was real, and it was the flowing river that had woken me.
I was reliving the worst part of my life, and it hadn't even been a year.
My body felt heavier than before, barely being able to sit up by itself.
You’re dehydrated, and you need to eat. I remember my mother telling me after Esme’s sudden death.
It was clear that it was a reminder. I had to eat and take care of myself no matter how hard it seemed.
Otherwise I would die too. And if that happened, my mother would not only have lost both her daughters, but she would never know where I was.
She would live in constant questioning, thinking I left her and never came back.
I deeply believe that I only survived my sister’s death thanks to my mother. She put her own feelings away and went into a mode of keeping her other daughter alive.
She took care of me, fed me, made sure I drank and got enough sunlight and vitamins. But this time I’m all alone and so, so far from home. Further from home than I have ever been.
How will I survive this a second time? It has only been eleven months since the last time. I don’t know how to do it again.
Staring at the glass clear river, knees close to my body, I get lost in my thoughts once again, but abruptly get snapped back to reality as something in the water catches my attention. And this time, I’m sure that it was a head, and not a head belonging to an animal.
With eyes trying to focus on finding a sudden motion, nothing more appears in the water, until a seashell flows up right beside my feet.
Confusion appears in the air as I try to understand where it came from. I must be imagining things. But it didn't take long before my thoughts shifted to Ector.
Right as I’m about to start crying, the baby deer moves and bumps into me, almost falling due to the lack of balance.
“Ooo, be careful.” I smile at it, wiping my own tears with the back of my hand.
“We can do this, right?” I say to convince her. Or was I desperately trying to convince myself?
“I would name you in an instant if it wasn’t for Ector’s words. I have to be careful now that I’m all on my own.” I say, petting its small head.
My legs started moving, and before I knew it, that small hope and moment of strength was back in my soul. But how long would it last?