4. Lily
Lily
D eclan hustles me into our suite, helping me to get ready for bed. He even goes as far as putting toothpaste on my toothbrush for me, hovering over me until I shoo him away.
He watches, eagle-eyed as I climb into bed, feeling oddly numb. Nothing feels real—every action, every word, every twitch of his expression…it’s all shrouded in suspicion, making me wonder what he’s truly after.
He slides into bed beside me, rolling onto his side and making the mattress dip, tipping me towards him. I hold myself stiffly, even as he curls his arms around me, holding me tight to him.
It’s as if he thinks I’m about to float away.
For a second, a heartbeat, I think about leaning into him.
Nuzzling my face against the soft fuzz covering his chest. It would be so easy to pretend this day had never even happened.
Unable to help myself, I relax against him, letting his body heat soothe me.
He presses his lips to my jaw, my cheek, the corner of my mouth, and just when I’m about to let it happen, he opens his mouth.
“Sweetheart,” he murmurs.
The pain steals my breath, it hurts so badly, and I mash my lips together, just to make sure not a single sound escapes my mouth. The room is dark enough that he doesn’t see my reaction, so I press my hands to his chest, gently pushing him away.
“Sorry,” I whisper, letting a hint of remorse creep into my voice. “My head… It’s just—I think I just need to sleep.”
He presses his cheek to mine. “Don’t apologize.” His deep voice rolls over me, sounding so familiar and strange all at the same time. “I hate that there’s nothing I can do. Maybe we should go see a doctor,” he frets.
It’s suffocating, being stuck here with him, pretending the ground isn’t crumbling underneath my feet.
I subtly shift back, trying to put as much space between us.
I stroke a hand down his arm, knowing I need to keep up an act of normalcy, and hoping like hell he can’t feel the tremble in my fingers.
“This helps,” I say waveringly. “Just lying here like this with you.” It surprises me how easily the lie trips off my tongue. “I bet I’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep.”
“Luckily this bed is like sleeping on a cloud.” He exhales a quiet laugh, still close enough that I can smell the mint of his breath. I shuffle back further, right until my butt is on the very edge of the bed. “Maybe we should replace our bed when we get home,” he muses.
I make a non-committal sound, tears pricking at the backs of my eyes. Home .
He said it so easily, like nothing has changed, but all he does is remind me of a whole other mess waiting for me.
We decided we didn’t want to live together before the wedding, but we’d found the perfect condo and bought it together.
Declan has already sub-let his place to Carter, and tried to suggest I sell my cottage and invest the money, but I’d refused.
He hadn’t understood my reasoning when I’d reminded him that the cottage had been left to me by my grandmother five years ago, when she’d passed.
But in his mind, sentimentality didn’t factor into business decisions.
Now, I could only be thankful, knowing I wouldn’t be stuck figuring out where to live or having to move back in with my dad.
Declan’s breathing evens out, slow and deep, but sleep doesn’t come as easy for me. Instead, I lie there, tucked into a ball on the very edge of the mattress, feeling the wetness trickling over my temple and into the pillow cushioning my head.
I don’t know how much time passes, but as my chest grows tighter, each breath becoming harder to stifle, I creep out of the bed to the couch. Declan doesn’t notice, and the space from him is enough that I finally drift into a restless sleep.
Something skates over my shoulder.
I shrug it off, curling deeper into my blanket, but it comes again, firmer this time and actually shaking me. I groan, dragging gritty eyes open and locking them with Declan’s as he hovers over me, his lips pulled down.
“Sweetheart.” Knife straight to my gut. “What’re you doing out here?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” I croak, struggling to sit up, rubbing the heels of my palms into my burning eyes. “What time is it?”
“A little after four,” he tells me with a grimace. “I had a call,” he says, crouching down, his face level with mine. I watch him with wariness, his tone setting off all sorts of alarm bells.
“Carter rang. There’s an emergency at Nexus, and he needs me there.”
I haven’t been awake long enough to shore up my defenses, so my reaction is genuine as I gasp, staring up at him with wide eyes. It feels like this was the final nail in the coffin, confirming everything.
He’s having an affair with Silvia. He’s going back to her. He’s ending us.
“Oh.” I drag my eyes away from his guilty expression.
“Well, it’s an emergency, right? That can’t be helped.
” I force my lips up in a tremulous smile, tucking the blanket over the back of the couch and standing up.
I still don’t look at him as he straightens with me.
His hand reaches out to grip my nape, his thumb stroking the column of my throat.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’ll make this up to you, I swear,” he promises, before grumbling good-naturedly.
“I should’ve known I couldn’t leave Carter in charge.
” It’s a poor excuse when I know Carter’s perfectly capable of stepping into the role of acting CEO, but I guess we’re both pretending that’s not true.
Declan leans down and presses a tender kiss to my check, and I squeeze my eyes shut, reminding myself I can’t pull away. Not yet.
“Maybe we could come back here for our anniversary.”
If I never step foot on this island again, it’ll be too soon.
“That sounds nice,” I murmur. “What time is our flight?”
“In an hour.” There’s a question in his tone, and I look up at him. He’s frowning, a strange expression in his eyes as he looks at me. “Lily, are you okay? You don’t seem like yourself.”
Knowing I need to play the game for just a little longer, I reach up and cup his cheek, feeling the tickle of his bristles against my palm.
“I’m fine, honey.” He doesn’t seem convinced, his eyes searching mine, so I say, “I just didn’t sleep well.
I think I’m still trying to get over whatever got me yesterday.
I’m kind of glad we’re going home, actually. ”
His shoulders lower an inch. “I’ll call the real estate agent and arrange to pick the keys up as soon as we fly in. And I’ll call the moving company, see if I can’t get them to deliver my furniture from storage.”
“Right.” I moisten my lips, eyes darting away from his. I force myself to smile wider, hoping it doesn’t look as brittle as it feels.
“Have you packed up your house?” he asks. “I can have the movers grab your stuff at the same time.”
Glad that I can speak the truth this time, I shake my head. “Not yet. I didn’t have time before the wedding, but considering I’m off work for the next month, I’ll have plenty of time.”
I work for a small start-up company as the human relations manager, and almost every single colleague made it to the wedding. The idea of going back to work now and facing everyone is nearly enough to have the nausea winning out.
“That worked out well.” He puts both hands on my shoulders, gently turning me in the direction of the bedroom. He pats me softly on the ass.
“On you get, then,” he chuckles. “We wouldn’t want them to take off without us.”
The flight is quiet, the private jet empty except for us and one flight attendant. Almost as soon as we’re in our seats, Declan pulls his laptop out, his fingers flying across the keyboard and a frown of concentration on his face.
After requesting a blanket from the flight attendant, I curl my legs up under me, falling asleep to the sound of tapping keys and his frustrated noises.
Declan shakes me awake sometime later and, in that fuzzy state between sleep and waking, I forget. For a heartbeat, everything feels right in the world, and I smile gently up at him.
“Am I gonna have to get used to you shaking me now?”
He smiles back, his eyes warm, and that’s the moment everything comes crashing back in. “I’ll find a nicer way to wake you up,” he promises, leaning forward and pressing a soft, swift kiss to my mouth. “We’re just about to land.”
Reality sneaks back in, slow and insidious, and I resist the urge to wipe him off my lips. I look away, straightening in my seat and patting my hair down.
My mental state feels like it’s been hastily glued together, still precarious but mostly functional, and I’m grateful for it, knowing there are still a few more mines to avoid before I get away from this.
“Have you told your father we’re coming back early?” Declan asks casually, and I hate the way I over-analyze every syllable, trying to find the hidden meaning behind his words.
“No,” I say. “I thought I’d surprise him for dinner.”
He shoots me a wide-eyed look. “Oh?”
I raise my eyebrows, aiming for innocently demure. “Well, I thought you’d be busy with your emergency. Plus, it’d be nice to catch up with him. I feel like with the wedding and all, I’ve barely seen him.”
He rubs his thumb over his bottom lip, eyes careful. “Makes sense. I might have this all sorted in time to?—”
“No, honey,” I tell him, resting my hand over the top of his.
“I’ve had a nap and I’m all refreshed. You have a long day ahead of you, and I’m betting you’ll hit a wall by dinner.
You sort what you need to sort, and then go home and sleep.
” I pause, forcing my eyes wide like an idea just occurred to me.
“Tell you what, you head straight to work, and I’ll swing by the real estate office to grab the keys.
That way, I can get the bed all set up for you, ready and waiting. ”
Gratitude shines from his eyes. “Knew there was a reason I married you.”
It takes a lot of concentration, but I manage to keep the pain off my face, stroking his fingers one last time. When I pull away, I squeeze my hand into a fist, acting like I can’t still feel the warmth of his skin on my fingertips.
“I just want to take care of you, like you do for me,” I say, the words like acid coating my tongue.
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
I look away, pretending to be fascinated with the view outside the window, acting like every time he calls me that, he isn’t basically eviscerating me with a blunt, rusty knife.