32. Lily
Lily
I t feels like a waterfall, the crushed silk gliding against my skin in a sensual touch with every movement, the fabric whispering with each step.
The warm rose gold color makes me feel as if I’ve been poured into a dusky sunset, bronzing my skin.
My shoulders are bare, the air kissing the delicate lines of my neck and collarbone, as the sleeves drape over my arms. Standing in front of my bedroom mirror, I feel elegant, alluring. Ethereal.
“You look…” Behind me, Sasha sighs wistfully. “Did he actually send that to you?”
“The box was sitting on my doorstep when I got home last night,” I confirm, fidgeting with the curled tendrils I’ve carefully set to frame my face.
The rest of my hair is sitting in a messy chignon at the back of my head, artfully styled over an hour to make it look like I did it in five minutes.
I twirl in front of the mirror one last time, before looking back at Sasha, finding her eyes bugging out as she watches me.
“I can’t believe he just left that outside, unattended. It’s, like, a three-thousand-dollar dress. And then there’s the shoes!” Her eyes drop as I inch up the dress, showing off the strappy white stilettos. Her gaze lifts again, narrowing as if she’s trying to see through the dress.
“I’m not showing you my underwear,” I say automatically, letting go of the fabric in my hand. “Again. ”
“Do you think he bought all that lace because he expects to see it?”
A low heat swirls right between my hips, making my breath catch in my throat. Thankfully, Sasha doesn’t notice, and I turn away before she catches sight of the blush in my cheeks.
“I don’t know,” I say. “But I think he’ll be looking at me all night, wondering if I put them on or not.”
A cackle escapes her. “Oh my god! He gave you the perfect way to torture him!”
I smile. “Yes, he did, and I’ll be taking sweet, sweet advantage of it.”
She claps her hands, her expression delighted. “I like this side of you, Lil.”
The heat in my cheeks finally eases, and I spin back around to throw her a bemused look. “What side?”
“This confident, sassy side. I like that you aren’t just giving in; that you’re making him work to get back in your good graces.” Her words hit a target on my insecurities, making me flinch, and she frowns, standing up and coming towards me. “What is it?”
I shake my head, sinking my teeth into my lower lip.
When I finally meet her eyes, there’s a stubborn glint there, making me sigh.
“I just…I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or not.
Wouldn’t it be easier for both of us if we just stopped whatever this is?
Called time of death and moved on with our lives. I can’t be with someone I don’t trust.”
“This isn’t about trusting him,” she announces, before flouncing out of the room. I gape after her, following her into the kitchen.
“What do you mean, it’s not about trusting him?” I demand, watching as she helps herself to a bottle of wine, filling two glasses... “What else would it be about?”
“Drink up.” She thrusts one glass into my hand, but when I don’t immediately put it to my lips, she presses a hand to the bottom, tipping it up towards my mouth.
She’s relentless, forcing me to comply before the liquid tips all over my dress.
She doesn’t release her hold until I’ve had several swallows, and I finally manage to extricate myself, backing away.
“Sasha!”
“What?” she asks innocently, leaning back against the counter, casually sipping at her own wine now that she’s stopped assaulting me. “You needed it. You’re being all, you know…uptight.”
“I’m not being uptight,” I retort defensively. “I’m just?—”
“Protecting yourself. It’s not about trusting him,” she says again, her tone going suspiciously gentle, like she thinks I’m about to bolt. It’s not an unreasonable fear, because my hands are sweating and I can’t make myself look her in the eye. “You don’t trust yourself .”
“Why wouldn’t I trust myself? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“No, you didn’t,” she agrees easily. “But you also didn’t fight for him.
You just walked away…and I’m not saying that was the wrong move to make, but you obviously weren’t ready to lose him, or we wouldn’t be here.
” Swallowing the urge to get defensive, I look over just as she tilts her head, her mouth cocked to one side as she watches me knowingly.
“Do you think Declan would hurt you again?”
I search deep for the answer. “No,” I say slowly. “But I also don’t think he wholly understands the damage he did.”
Realization has her eyes flaring wide. “You’re talking about Silvia, aren’t you? Not the company.”
I throw back the rest of the wine, before admitting, “She’s a problem for me.
He told me she was involved because they were friends.
” I shake my head. “She was horrible to me our entire relationship.” I flick up a finger.
“She called him on our honeymoon.” Another finger.
“ Sweetheart .” I sneer at the word as a third finger rises.
“He had coffee with her, while my world was falling apart, and they looked really freaking cozy.” The last finger lifts, and then my thumb as I finish with, “And now she’s telling everyone I trapped him into marriage. ”
“Has he said anything about the rumors she’s spreading?”
I shake my head. “We haven’t exactly talked since the annulment, not properly or while sober.”
She grins at that, but then she pins a serious stare on me. “But you haven’t asked him, either.” It’s not a question, and I grimace guiltily. “You’re both falling into the exact same pattern. You’re not communicating, either of you.”
“And you’re making my point,” I tell her. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just let it die a natural death? ”
She groans, closing her eyes. “There’s nothing natural about this.” Inhaling deeply, like she’s praying for patience. “Do you love him?”
I hesitate just long enough for her eyes to narrow, daring me to try and lie. “Yes.”
“And we know he loves you.” I shrug, but don’t bother arguing. “So, go on this date and let his actions speak for him. And then when he brings you home, for the love of god, talk to him, Lily. Tell him that this has been eating at you and give him a chance to make it right.”
I know she’s got a point, but fear surges into my throat, making it hard to take a full breath, my mind whirling with what if…what if…what if. I barely survived the first round with him.
“And if he lets me down again?” I breathe, the words a whisper in the air between us.
She gives me a soft smile. “If he does—and let me preface this by saying that I don’t think he will—then you grieve what’s been lost, and you move on. You and Declan are different people from the two who stood up at that altar. Do you really think you’ll both make the same mistakes?”
Before I can give her an answer, there’s a firm knock at the front door that has both our heads swiveling like owls. I don’t make a move to answer it, and Sasha sets her wine glass down and comes forward, wrapping me in a tight hug.
“Give him this chance, Lily,” she whispers into my ear. “He’s changed, and so have you, so give him this chance to see if your new edges fit together.” She’s unusually solemn, her eyes blazing with sincerity when she leans back to catch my stare.
“Come with me,” I beg. “I can’t do this alone, not when I know everyone is already talking about me and she’ll be there. You can borrow something from my closet.”
“Lily,” she chides. “You’ve got this. Your dad and Julie are going, and Declan will be at your side. You aren’t going into this alone. You don’t need me.”
“I do,” I correct fiercely, just as another knock comes, harder this time.
“And if your night is the absolute worst,” she carries on, booping my nose like a weirdo, “you come back here later, we get drunk and troll random assholes on my dating apps.”
My phone chimes, right before the door rattles under the force of the next knock. I can’t help the small burst of amusement at his impatience.
“Okay.” I inhale deeply through my nose, straightening my back and checking that my neckline is where it’s supposed to be. “I can do this.”
“You can do this,” Sasha echoes firmly, giving me one last pat on the shoulder and refilling her wine. “Now, do it faster. Your couch and I have our own date planned.”
I fling a dark glare at her before heading to the door.
I pause with my hand on the knob, settling my resolve, and when I swing it open, Declan’s right there, a relieved smile on his face.
It falls away as he catches sight of me, his mouth dropping open as his eyes trail from the top of my head, all the way down to where my pink-painted toes are peeking out from the white heels.
His brown eyes are intense, feeling like they’re leaving a blazing path of heat everywhere they touch.
“Lily,” he says on an exhale. “You look…beautiful.”
I return his appraisal, taking in the tailored slate-gray three-piece suit. The jacket clings to his broad shoulders, tapering at his waist. There’s a rose gold tie knotted at his throat, the shimmery material a perfect match for my dress, and I can’t stop the slow smile curling at my lips.
I clear my throat, aiming for a cool nonchalance. “You clean up nicely.”
His smile widens as he comes closer, ducking down to press a lingering kiss to my check, his cologne filling my lungs and making my head spin. “High praise from you, baby.”
There’s a slight sting when he calls me ‘baby’, my mind immediately trying to force me back to a time when he called another woman a different endearment. But the pain of it is distant as he stares at me, emotion shining from his eyes.
“I’ll be the envy of the night, having you on my arm.”
I bite back my pleased smile, stepping back to let him inside.
“I got you something.” I track the movement as he slides a hand into the pocket of his slacks. He lifts out a small jewelry box, and my heartbeat whooshes in my ears, fast and unsteady.