Chapter 57
Cornelia
“I’m going to the loo,” I announce to the group, which includes Benedict, Annabelle, and a friend of Benedict’s we bumped into at the bar counter—a guy named Jordan, who’s here with his cousin, Jenny.
They could easily pass for siblings: both blonde, brown-eyed, and I’ve noticed they have a lot of the same mannerisms, even though I’ve only known them for about five minutes.
The main difference is that he’s tall and she’s short.
“I’ll go with you,” Annabelle says.
I nod, and we head to the loo together.
We get there, and it’s empty. Perfect. I approach the washbasin and start touching up my makeup. I don’t actually need to go. I just need some time alone.
“I’m sorry,” Annabelle says.
I look at her, confused. I have no idea why she would be apologising. “For what?”
“The game… it was my idea, and after it, you just seemed… off.”
Now I get it. She thinks I’m acting off because the game revealed something I didn’t want Benedict to know, and that’s what’s bothering me. She’s way off.
“It’s not that, it’s just—” I glance at the door. As much as I’d like to talk to her right now, we’re in a public place where anyone could walk in at any moment and overhear this conversation.
She catches on quickly, locks the door, then crouches to check for feet under the stalls, making sure we’re alone.
“We’re completely alone,” Annabelle says, straightening up. “And no one’s going to walk in, so talk.” She points at the locked door.
“What if someone needs to pee?”
She smirks. “They can hold it or go complain to the owner.”
West.
I chuckle. After what he told me an hour ago, I wouldn’t care if someone went to complain to him. In fact, I’d rejoice in that.
I take a deep breath. “It’s just…” I exhale. “When I told Benedict I loved him, I thought it would make me stop loving TJ.” I came here seeing this as a test—to see how I really felt about TJ after acknowledging my feelings for Benedict. I thought the love for him would be gone. But I failed.
How stupid was I to think that uttering three words would, like magic, make my feelings for TJ disappear? Love isn’t a lamp you can turn on and off at will. It turns on and off when it wants to, and it feels like mine for TJ will never go off.
I continue, my voice faltering, “But I didn’t. I still love him, but I also love Benedict, just…”
Annabelle finishes for me, “Not as much as you love TJ.”
I nod, feeling a lump form in my throat. “Yeah,” I whisper.
I really thought I loved Benedict—if not more than TJ, then at least the same.
But having them both in the same room, I could compare, and the difference is abysmal.
It’s like TJ is the cigarette, and Benedict is the nicotine patch people use to quit smoking.
It doesn’t hit as hard as the cigarette, but it’s the next best thing.
Tears well up in my eyes, and I swipe them away, trying to hold myself together as I voice one of my most terrifying thoughts. “What if every relationship I ever have will always be less than what I had with TJ?” The words hang heavy in the air, suffocating.
Annabelle pulls me into a hug, wrapping her arms around me tightly. “It won’t be. I promise,” she says softly, as she pats my back.
Maybe she’s right, maybe she’s not. But the doubt lingers. I was lucky to find one great love in my life—some people never find one in their whole lifetime. So, what are realistically the chances I’d ever find a second one?
Someone tries to open the door, and when that fails, they start knocking.
“It’s occupied!” Annabelle shouts, still hugging me.