CHAPTER 20
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
GRIMM
My phone buzzed on the table, face down.
Damiano grinned at me from his seat to my left, thinking it was another text message from Arella.
Our fathers were having a scintillating conversation about some weapon shipments that were about to arrive, planning every detail, but I only understood half of what they were saying because my brain was mostly focused on the beautiful woman who was taking over my apartment with her colorful things, and I was sure the Italian asshole next to me understood even less, but alas, we were stuck in business while we both wished we were somewhere else.
I wished this whole thing would be over quicker so I could go back to her, and Damiano I honestly didn’t give two flying fucks what he wished for.
I suddenly went deaf when I flipped the phone over and instead of a text, I saw an alert about a fire in my building.
The monster grinned.
I got up from the chair so quickly that it squeaked on the floor before falling backwards and hitting the wood, a loud thud echoing in the room. It felt as though the earth was splitting beneath my feet, slowly swallowing me into the void without giving me a chance to defend myself.
My heart began to pound in my ears.
~ This can’t be happening.
In the next second, all six heads in the room turned towards me, but I couldn’t find the words to tell them why I was reacting like this. I looked at my father for help, hoping he could see the despair on my face, but all he did was scowl and silently scold me for interrupting their important affairs.
“I have to go,” I said frantically, running my fingers through my hair and turning towards the door, biting down on my knuckles.
“What’s going on?” Damiano asked, standing up as well, far too elegantly.
~ Stop pretending you give a shit, motherfucker.
I shook my head and stormed out of the room, heading for the stairs while calling Arella.
Ring.
“Come on, baby, pick up,” I begged.
Panic.
I wasn’t a believer.
I never believed that there was a bearded man in the sky who was playing with us like we were puppets on a string, but at that moment, I prayed to every god known to mankind.
I prayed that it was really just a fire, and she was safe.
Ring.
I prayed that my worst and only fear would not come true.
Ring.
I prayed that it was just a nightmare, that I would wake up soon and she would be right there, in my arms, making those little muffled noises she made when she was fast asleep.
Ring.
“Pick up the phone,” I whispered to myself as I ran down the stairs.
Ring.
“Fucking fuck,” I punched the wall next to the exit, before kicking the door open and finding myself outside, waiting for the pain to ground me, hoping it would release some of the tension, but it didn’t.
Voicemail.
I got in my car and called her again as I started the engine and prepared to pull out of the parking space when the door opened and Damiano got in.
“Get the fuck out,” I gritted my teeth as the leather crunched under my fingertips from gripping the steering wheel so tightly.
Ring.
Or maybe I was just imagining that strength, because my hands felt clammy, and my eyes kept darting back and forth as if I expected someone or something to materialize out of the ground to tell me it was all some fucking sick joke.
“No,” he said simply. “Drive.”
Ring.
I opened my mouth to say something while my fingers itched to punch him straight in his stupid face and knock out some of his teeth.
~ Or all of them. I vote for all of them.
I really wanted to punch him, but my hands refused to move in his direction while my brain kept yelling at me that I was wasting time, so I kept my mouth shut and did what the fucker told me.
I drove.
With every car I passed, my heart hammered harder, and I felt as though it was on the verge of bursting out of my chest because I was about to fucking lose it. My mind, my heart, my fucking everything.
Every second that withered away felt like a deep cut, strategically placed to inflict maximum pain without killing me.
I floored the gas when I heard the fire department sirens sounding in the distance.
Panic.
Voicemail.
“
Nakhuy moyu zhizn’
[15]
.”
I punched the steering wheel and slammed on the brakes, honking at the idiot with the van who cut me off at the intersection.
“I must say, I didn’t expect the great Ripper to almost tear his hair out over a woman,” he sneered.
Before he could continue his stupid train of thought, I pulled out my gun and pressed it to his temple, which made the fucker laugh.
“You don’t get to talk about her,” I spoke through my teeth as I turned left onto my street and almost ran over someone in the crosswalk.
Damiano raised his arms defensively, turned his head towards me and pressed his forehead harder against the barrel of the gun.
“I’m not your enemy, Grimm,” he said seriously this time, leaving his mocking tone and sarcastic nature behind, that stupid grin gone. “We got off on the wrong foot, I know, but our score is settled. I don’t dwell on the past, and I’m here to help, amico.”
“I’m not your fucking friend,” I muttered as I slammed on the brakes and nearly crashed into the closed road sign.
“That’s not good,” he said as we got out of the car.
~ No shit, genius, what gave it away?
The monster inside me leisurely paced back and forth in front of the door.
I prayed.
I didn’t agree nor disagree with his statement as I made my way around the sign and pushed my way through the crowd on foot, each step making the knives dig deeper into me.
Some of them were the neighbors I never bothered to say hello to in the lobby, others were firefighters and police officers, but none of them were my security guards and none of them were her.
Looking for a face in a crowd was like looking for a needle in a haystack, but she wasn’t just a face. Arella was a feeling, and as I continued to push my way through the sea of people who were nothing but faceless, useless obstacles, I couldn’t feel her.
I couldn’t fucking feel her.
My eyes burned as I refused to blink, but I did when I couldn’t take the sting anymore, and tears fell out, hot and so fucking bitter.
~ We lost her. We lost her. WE LOST HER.
~ No.
~ They took her away! She could be dead right now. She could be dead because of us.
I smacked the side of my head a few times, the gun still in my hand, closing and opening my eyes as I clenched and unclenched my fist.
~ It’s our fault! She’s dead because of us!
I looked up at the sky and yelled out her name, covering my ears to stop hearing the fucking voice that kept telling me she was dead. Saliva gathered in the corners of my mouth. My face felt as though it was on fire, and I raked my fingers down my cheeks, my nails scraping the surface.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up!”
I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling at it as I spun around in place, looking for her in the crowd. Voices kept speaking around me, but I couldn’t understand a word as I desperately looked left and right, still not seeing her.
Someone grabbed my shoulder, and I turned faster than I thought I was capable of, thinking it was her, but it was only Damiano, who was staring at me rather confused.
I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to regain some composure, and when I opened them again, he slowly jerked his head towards the building.
Thick smoke was coming from somewhere on the tenth floor, and a glimmer of hope sprouted in me when I saw that the building was actually on fire, and this could have all been just a coincidence.
A few firefighters stood at the entrance while the police questioned the family whose apartment was on fire.
They kept people outside and reassured them that it would all be over soon, but there was nothing to stop me.
The monster knocked at my brain three times.
Damiano grabbed me by the arm before I got too close to the entrance and stopped me.
“You might want to hide that,” he whispered close to my ear, subtly pointing at my gun.
I cursed through my teeth and tucked it into the back of my jeans, then pulled my shirt over it and walked towards the entry, ignoring the fireman who warned me to stay back.
“Let me through,” I said as he stepped in front of me and put his hand on my chest to stop me from entering.
“Sir, everyone needs to stay outside until the fire is out,” he tried to be rational.
But I had no idea what rationality was anymore.
I was fucking desperate.
~ Knock. Knock.
“My wife is still inside,” I said through clenched teeth.
~ Oh, come on, you never let me play anymore.
“There’s no one left in the building,” he said confidently, still keeping his arm on my chest.
“Take that hand off me if you want to keep it,” I hissed.
~ Kill him.
“I would let him through if I were you,” Damiano suggested charmingly, keeping his tone calm as he grabbed the arm I was using to reach under my shirt and stopped me from drawing my gun.
“I can…” the firefighter looked me in the face again, and something in my eyes must have spooked him, because he shut his mouth, stepped aside and let us through.
The lobby was empty.
All five elevators had their doors open.
Ominous silence filled the space.
~ Knock. Knock. Knock.
Every step I took felt like a bullet, while each flight of stairs seemed to slowly kill me as my lungs burned.
Cold sweat coated my skin as I climbed three steps at a time, keeping my eyes up, hoping to see her.
I prayed.
My ears rang loudly, and my heart seemed to stop beating because its life support was nowhere in sight.
I kicked open the door that led to the corridor of the last floor.
Hope started to slither away.
My heart sank when I saw that my door had been forced open, and I drew my gun and ran toward it as I heard Damiano’s panting behind me.
I pushed it open with my foot and stepped into a pool of blood.
The blood of all seven of the guards I had on watch, who now lay in a pile of bleeding flesh on the floor, their throats slit.
~ Knock, knock and fucking knock. Let me in. Let me in.
“Arella,” I shouted.
No one answered.
“She’s not here,” Damiano said behind me when he finally caught up to me, his rasping breath making me even angrier.
~ Kill him.
“Don’t fucking say that.”
I shoved him against the wall and pressed my forearm to his trachea.
The bastard seemed unfazed.
“I found this on the stairs,” he said, raising his right arm, which held a pink, fluffy slipper.
I let go of him and took the slipper out of his hand, looking at it as if it were Satan incarnate.
The realization slowly crept in as I searched the apartment. I opened every door and every cupboard. I looked under every bed. I saw with my own eyes that she wasn’t there.
My prayers had been in vain.
~ Knock.
Hope died.
~ Knock.
I found her phone on the couch, lost between her colorful pillows.
~ Knock.
Her smile flashed before my eyes.
~ Knock.
Her voice calling my name rang in my ears.
~ Knock.
Her scent lingered in the room, mingling with that of blood.
~ Knock.
She was gone.
~ Not for long. Now let me in.