Chapter Sixteen #2
Her heart fell as she realized what she could say to push him away. “I had my first orgasm last night with the sex toy Minnie gave me.” She searched his face for a reaction, but he stared at her dumbly. “Wouldn’t your ideal woman have had an orgasm before age twenty-two?”
His pupils dilated. “You mean after the party, when we said good night?”
“Yes. I went to my room and used a vibrator to get off.”
He took his hands off her waist and ran his fingers through his own hair. “That is so fucking hot, thinking of you doing that alone in your room.”
Disbelief mixed with relief flooded through her. Is he serious? That’s his reaction to my pathetic sex life?
Nori’s tinkling bell laugh sounded in her head, the only indication her light had been listening to their entire conversation.
Brayden stared at her. “But wait—your first one ever?”
“Ever.”
“Wow.” His face fell a little.
As she took in his expression, the fearful part of her that had always whispered something was wrong with her flared with recognition. She rushed to name it for him before he could say something that would hurt her more.
“See? It’s sad, isn’t it, needing a vibrator to figure it out?”
He shook his head. “No, no. It’s not sad. I just hate thinking of you going so many years without one.” Then he grinned. “If anything, the vibrator thing is a positive for me, because it means you’re open to playing with toys.” He winked.
She stared at him, dubious that he was completely unflustered by her darkest secret. Then she remembered the lies she’d told.
“Wait though—that’s not the worst of it. I lied to Alastair about it for our entire relationship. He assumed I was having orgasms the whole time,” said Scarlett.
Brayden’s face broke out in a grin as he chuckled.
“You think that’s funny?”
His grin faded. “It’s not funny you had a hard time figuring it out.
” He pulled her closer until she was straddling his lap and rested his hands on her waist. “I laughed because I’m stupid-happy your first one with another person could be with me.
If you’re trying to scare me off, you’re doing a terrible job. ”
“You don’t think something’s wrong with me for lying about it?
” Her stomach turned as their proximity brought a flush to her cheeks.
“What if I can’t with you either? Wouldn’t you be disappointed?
Wouldn’t you want to leave me?” Defenseless and exposed, she held her breath as she waited for him to reply.
He shook his head, his expression certain.
“Alastair wasn’t right for you. I am. I know you’d never lie to me.
If you had an orgasm alone, we can have one together.
If I watch you use that toy on yourself, that counts.
” He smirked. “And feel free to let me watch you use a toy on yourself anytime, day or night. That’s officially my new favorite fantasy. ”
Laughing, she blinked away tears of relief. He didn’t think she was weird or unattractive.
Brayden went on. “But seriously, I think you should let me try to get you off a few times before you start freaking out about not being able to orgasm with me. I don’t mean to sound cocky, but maybe it’s a pointless worry.” He flashed her a devilish grin.
“And you don’t regret kissing me? Are you still worried I’m not ready?” she asked. “Let’s not forget, you rejected me only yesterday.”
He shook his head, still smiling. “No regrets.” His expression softened into seriousness.
“The timing isn’t ideal, but knowing what I know now…
I don’t think you’re trying to escape from your pain with me.
Because we’re meant to be.” His smile returned.
“Also, finding out about your vibrator has eased my previous concerns. You seem ready.”
All the half-baked points she’d been trying to construct to poke holes in the North Star concept floated out of her mind. She reached up, touching the stubble on his cheek. His gaze was open, full of want, as he searched her face.
Done with words, Scarlett softly pressed her lips to his.
He responded eagerly, deepening the kiss with his tongue on hers.
His fingers found their way into her hair.
She pressed herself as closely to him as she could, and the thick length of him hardened beneath her.
Their first kiss had been perfect, but now that she was unburdened, this one was even better.
She’d thrown every doubt she had at him, and nothing had fazed him.
As she lost herself in Brayden, she moved against him, seeking friction, until the sound of her own moan startled her enough to make her pull away. His cheeks were flushed, eyes bright. He was so sexy and adorable at the same time.
Nerves fluttered in Scarlett’s stomach. She felt so out of control. He was saying all the right things, and she trusted him, but it was so overwhelming.
She gave him a sweet but brief kiss. “I… I need time to process all this.”
“Totally get it. You’re all right though?”
“I’m still worried, but I’m also happy for the first time in a long time.” Her lips curved up into a huge smile.
“Good.” He swung his legs off the couch and stood with Scarlett still on his lap. Her legs straightened, and he set her down gently onto the ground. Her arms fell from his shoulders and threaded around his waist.
She needed to leave, but she didn’t want to. The old feeling of wondering what he’d get up to after they said good night crept into her stomach and made it twist. “I don’t want you to think I don’t want you. I do.”
He brushed his thumb against her cheek. “What are you saying?”
Her cheeks heated. “I don’t think you’re going to go to a bar and hook up with someone after what happened between us today, but I want you to know, if you did, it would hurt me.
” Even the idea of it made her chest tight.
“Would it be unfair of me to ask you to stay away from other girls so I have peace of mind while I’m trying to sleep? ”
He gave her a crooked smile. “No, it’s not unfair. I’m yours, and do you know what that means?”
She pressed the side of her face to his chest. “What?”
He kissed the top of her head. “You’re mine.”
She grinned into his chest, elated. They were really doing this. “I’m yours.”
Their words hung in the air. With a jolt, she flashed back to Alastair speaking those very same words in the alleyway where they’d broken up, but this couldn’t be more different.
Alastair had been pressuring her to stay with him as if he thought he was entitled to her.
With Brayden, the words were reassurance.
She didn’t have to worry about his loyalty, because he was hers. It would be so easy to stay with him.
But she couldn’t abandon her birthright.
Too many people would suffer if she stayed in Clair de Lune and abandoned the Cerulean Party, leaving her father’s seat empty for the foreseeable future.
She needed space to think about how she could be with Brayden and still tend to the shit show that was her life in Soleil.
Scarlett forced herself to take a couple of steps away from Brayden and toward the door.
“Can I walk you back to your room?” he asked.
“I’ll be fine,” she said with a small smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“All right. Call me if you can’t sleep. Or better yet, just come back.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.
She pulled him closer, allowing herself a few more seconds of his sweet lips on hers before she forced herself to walk out of his room and back to her wing of the castle.
After she’d showered, she put on a skimpy pair of pink silk pajamas Manon had found somewhere on the Clair de Lune high street while Scarlett was at the Forest Temple.
The pajamas were oddly fancy for a spontaneous purchase, but they were gorgeous, clinging to her curves in a pleasing way.
Scarlett brushed out her hair, brushed her teeth, and washed her face.
As she lay in bed, she stared up at Nori and thought about what kind of a life she could see with Brayden.
Present difficulties in Soleil aside, she could visit Clair de Lune during every recess, assuming Brayden was here during those times.
He could visit her if the border law changed.
But one of them would eventually have to compromise.
Would he be willing to do it? She’d love to live in Clair de Lune, especially if she could visit Soleil regularly, but the idea of abdicating her seat in Parliament filled her with shame. She couldn’t let everyone down.
“Everyone except you and Brayden,” said Nori. “No one should be a priority above you or him.”
True, thought Scarlett. But I care about dropping the border.
Then she thought about Brayden in the mirror and their kiss on the forest path.
The way he’d grabbed her and pulled her to him.
She was hit so hard with a wave of giddiness that she actually giggled out loud.
Brayden was hers, after years of longing for him.
He’d actually uttered the words “you’re mine” about her.
What was she doing in bed alone on the other side of the castle?
“That’s more like it,” said Nori. “Go surprise him!”