4. Jude
JUDE
“I didn’t know we’d be cut off from civilization. What if they kill us and throw our bodies in the ocean for the sharks to eat?”
Mel laughs. “It’s a retreat. We’re supposed to be away from civilization. The hotel isn’t far if you need to use the Wi-Fi. And it’s not like we don’t have hot water. Plus, where else would you get a view like this?” She gestures to the open double doors at the end of our beach bungalow.
The glittering ocean stretches off into the distance. In front of it, white, soft sand calls like an invitation straight from our doorway.
It really is beautiful.
Even if my phone was confiscated like I’m an inmate.
Mel snorts at the unimpressed expression I must have. “It was nice to see some of your spunk returning when you argued with Declan, though. You haven’t seemed yourself since all the wedding planning ramped up. I was wondering where Jaws Jude went.”
“Oh God.” I can’t help but break into a smile at the stupid nickname the guys at work gave me because they said I was like a shark after blood.
“It was once, okay? And that guy deserved it. Watching porn on the work servers and downloading a virus that could have derailed the whole system? He’s lucky he kept his job. ”
“Wasn’t a happy ending for him.” Mel snorts.
“Ugh.” I drop my head back and run my hands through my hair. “I guess it was stressful planning the wedding. Or, suggesting things that Callum didn’t like, and then him planning the wedding.”
“Yeah, he always did like things his way.” Mel wrinkles her nose.
“You said you liked him?”
“I didn’t hate him. But he’s a bit, you know… inflexible.”
The defense I’m about to deliver in Callum’s honor dies on the tip of my tongue.
I don’t need to stand up for him anymore, and besides, Mel’s right.
Callum is very particular about having things a certain way.
But I always put up with it because he was so many other things too. Kind, a good listener, funny at times.
And I loved him. Or at least, I loved who I thought he was. The Callum I loved would never have cheated. Especially not on his wedding day, minutes before saying his vows.
Sourness creeps over my tongue.
“And you know… the way he idolizes your father is kind of…”
“Kind of what? They’re colleagues. Callum respects my father and what he’s achieved, that’s all.” But even as I say the words, I know she’s right. Callum knew my father before me. When the two of them are together talking medicine, everyone else in the room might as well be invisible.
Mel blows out a breath, studying my expression. “Listen. You don’t have to deal with Cal right now. But you do need to decide what you want.”
“I’m not going back to him!” I shriek.
“Thank God,” she gushes. “Not that I thought you would, but it’s good to hear you say it out loud. Look, you’ll be okay. You were brave enough to go in your own direction in your career, and you can be brave now. Plus, I’ll be here to push you back into line if you need it.”
I give her the best smile I can manage right now. Mel was there for me when I dropped out of school to do what I really wanted. If it weren’t for her unwavering support and faith in me I’m not sure I could have done it.
“So, what do you want?” she asks.
“I don’t want a fiancé who loves my father more than me and who I can’t trust.”
“Mm-hm.”
I look out at the ocean, at the way it stretches to the horizon, a whole world beyond it.
“I want… epic,” I announce with a newfound determination. “I want someone who pushes me to be the best version of myself. Not who they want me to be to fit in with them. Not a guy who sleeps with my friend…”
I clear my throat as the familiar scratchiness of betrayal builds in it, threatening to derail me.
“That’s it. Enough thinking about that shithead!
” Mel declares, jumping up from the bed.
“We’re in South African paradise. In a frigging beach bungalow, for God’s sake!
Tomorrow we’re starting the day with journaling and sunrise yoga with Emmy, the instructor Declan told us about.
And tonight’s our first night going to sleep with that view.
” She points at the ocean. “So, we’re going to enjoy the shit out of it, okay? ”
I brighten at her infectious energy. “Okay. And I, for one, am happy about meeting Emmy. I can’t imagine Declan the phone cop leading a calming journaling session.”
“Me neither. I can’t imagine him doing calm anything. Did you see his abs, though? When he changed his shirt yesterday?”
“When did he change his shirt?”
Mel waves off my question. “He had at least twelve under there. And he was flirting with you.”
“What?” I scoff. “He was not.”
“He totally was!” Her eyes light up. “You didn’t see the way he was checking you out after your little spat with him over the phones. I think it turned him on.”
“You’re crazy.” I shake my head with a laugh.
She walks over and stands beside me where I’m leaning against our open deck doors. She rests her head against my shoulder and sighs at the view.
“Let’s go for a walk. Explore a little.”
“We could walk along the beach and see how far it is back to the main hotel?” I suggest.
I perk up at the idea of locating their business center so I can log into my work account and check my emails.
Declan said I wouldn’t get my phone back for a couple of days.
If he thinks that’s going to fly with me, he’s in for a shock.
The only reason I didn’t argue more was because his surly pal, Woody, distracted me.
I’ve seen happier guys at funerals. Whatever the glaring grump was in a mood about, he seemed more than happy to project it onto me—with a glare that could stun a bear.
I really hope he isn’t leading any of the activities. I’m not sure I could refrain from asking him what his problem is if he looks at me like that again.
“Sure.” Mel shrugs happily.
We lock up our room and head out across the sand, choosing to carry our sandals and walk along the warm shoreline as the sun begins to set.
The water washes over my toes like a warm blanket, and I begin to understand why Mel insisted we come here.
We’re not far from Cape Town, and it really is beautiful.
I’ve never been to South Africa before, but I recall Mom traveling here for a work conference a few years ago.
The things she saw here changed her forever.
She never elaborated on what they were, but I know she was touched by something.
It takes around fifteen minutes at a slow pace to reach the main hotel, and even though I wanted to come here, the moment we step into the opulent open-air bar where the bartenders are shaking up cocktails to the constant hum of music and chatter, my feet slow of their own accord.
“You want to get a drink?” Mel asks.
I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the vases of flowers, heady in their scent, like the ones in the suite at The Songbird Hotel when I put my wedding dress on.
Or maybe it’s the clinking of crystal glasses, reminiscent of the champagne toasts I made with Mom, Mel, Lizzie, Jessica, and Kelly half an hour before my world imploded.
Whatever it is, I’m suddenly desperate to get back to the peace and tranquility of the secluded retreat.
That little slice of escape consists of a small, informal and open-air dining area where we’ll eat together, outdoor beach showers in addition to our bungalow’s private bathroom, and a few cushioned nooks where we’ve been told we’ll meditate and journal.
Our individual bungalows are spread so far apart that each one maintains its privacy. I counted three more in addition to ours on the walk here, but there must be more because Declan told us he lives in one on-site somewhere.
“You know what?” Mel fakes a yawn after catching my panicked expression. “I’m kind of beat. Mind if we head back?”
“Sounds good. I am too.” I exhale, before smiling at her gratefully. This isn’t like me at all. I feel like a fool. A pathetic fool. And I hate it.
“Come on, then.”
She links arms with me and tells me about an episode of Married at First Sight. One in which the groom can’t stop checking out the bride’s sister who’s her bridesmaid.
“Fuck, I’m sorry!” she gasps, realizing what she’s saying.
It’s her shocked, comical face that sets off my laugh. Not the story.
I laugh until my chest burns and tears burst from my eyes like a broken dam.
Then it morphs into something else. Something ugly and painful. And snotty.
“I trusted him,” I choke.
Mel pulls me into her arms. “It’s okay,” she soothes, rubbing my back.
I cling to her, and she holds me tight while I cry, waiting for as long as I need.
When I ease back, I hiccup out an ugly snort.
“I think I knew. Deep down. That’s the worst part.
Not about him and Kelly. But that something wasn’t right.
Our bedroom’s painted blue. I wanted green.
He says he likes my hair up because it’s more elegant.
But I like it down sometimes. He makes us buy the low-fat milk, but I want full fat.
I ignored it, though. This… feeling… I’m not a fucking pushover, Mel. ”
“You’re not,” she replies.
“But everything else seemed so perfect. And my parents love him.”
“Listen, it’s still going to hurt, even if it is for the best. And it’s okay to grieve the dream you thought you were getting. Even if it wasn’t real.”
“That’s pretty deep.” I swipe away my slowing tears.
“I try.” Mel gives me an understanding smile. “Believe me, I know how much breakups hurt. Even if you know deep down it was wrong.”
I blow out a breath, straightening my shoulders and composing myself. “Yeah, you’re right. Imagine if I’d found out he was a cheat after we got married, or when we had kids. It could have been so much worse.”
“Yeah. Stuff like that can rip families apart.”
Mel loops her arm in mine, and we keep walking. We’ve come back through the lantern-lit trails that weave around the hotel grounds, through the trees, instead of along the beach. The sight of another hotel coming up tells us we’ve gone too far.
“Let’s go back along the beach. We’ll find our bungalow easier,” I say.
We head down a small path that leads to the beach, then walk along the sand.
A bungalow similar to ours, but larger, comes up on our left. Its decking doors are wide open.
“Do you think that’s Declan’s?” Mel asks. “He said he had a big one.”
“Course he did.” I roll my eyes.
I don’t think he was checking me out like Mel thinks he was. But he is a flirt. And it’s nice to get some harmless attention when your self-esteem has been trampled through the ground.
Mel knocks shoulders with me, pulling me to a stop as we get closer.
“What?”
“Ssh!” She widens her eyes at me, then claps her hand over her mouth as a female voice squeals.
“Declan! Oh God! Oh, oh, oh…”
“I think it’s safe to say it’s his bungalow.” She sniggers.
The energetic sex sounds that spill from the wooden, thatch-topped bungalow settle my gut unlike anything else has been able to since I peered around that corner and witnessed Kelly giving Callum a blow job.
They work as therapy, canceling out the sucking sounds of her lips around his dick, and his husky groans of her name. Papering over them so they’re no longer the last ones I heard.
“Fuck, yeah. You coming again?” Declan’s voice croons.
“Yes!” squeaks the woman.
Mel digs her fingers into my forearm as she tries to hold back laughter. I bite down on my lip, doing the same.
It’s weird, and I can’t explain it. But listening to two people having sex who clearly aren’t sneaking around to avoid being caught feels… good.
It feels fucking fantastic, actually.
I’m not the gullible fiancée this time. Now, the most recent sounds of a cried orgasm I’ve heard aren’t ones from my so-called friend as she came around the dick of the man I thought loved me.
“This retreat is going to be good for me,” I whisper.
Mel giggles quietly. “Told you.”
The moans get louder before reaching an impressive, unified climax. We stay tucked against the tree line for a couple of minutes, unsure whether it’s safe to dart past the open doors without being spotted.
“Thanks for a great night.” Declan’s voice cuts through the air.
A pretty blonde in a sundress steps out onto the deck, followed by a shirtless Declan.
“Told you, twelve abs,” Mel hisses before I shush her with an elbow to the ribs.
The blonde turns and beams. “I’m so happy it was you who turned up tonight.”
“Yeah?” He slides a hand around her and squeezes a handful of her ass, making her giggle.
“Mm-hm.”
“You want to meet again tomorrow night?”
She runs her fingers up his bare chest. “I can’t. I’m going home in the morning. But you gave me one hell of a memory to take with me.”
“I aim to please.” He chuckles.
“You sure do.” She giggles and the two of them walk off into the trees along another path, with Declan telling her he’ll get her a cab.
“You know the best way to get over a guy?” Mel arches a brow suggestively.
“You’re going to say get under another one, aren’t you?” I roll my eyes.
“Of course I am. But not just any one. That one.”
“Declan?” I laugh at her smug smile as she nods in slow motion.
“He’s a man who pleases. We have a witness statement to prove it. And he’s single and won’t mess you around. You can fuck him while we’re here and then he’ll send you home with aching thighs and a record-breaking orgasm count just like that girl. Did you hear how happy she was?”
“I did. But that doesn’t mean I should fuck Declan, just because he’s the only single guy we’ve met here.”
“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, either,” Mel quips. “And he’s not the only single guy. There’s Woody. Declan told me he was single when I asked him.”
“Why would you ask that?”
“Just getting to know them, that’s all. We’re here for three weeks. I thought some small talk would be nice.” She twists her lips, and I laugh. Mel always has an ulterior motive.
“There’s no way Woody is an option. I’m still trying to decide whether we should put our suitcases in front of our door in case he comes to strangle us in our sleep. And that doesn’t mean Declan is an option, either,” I add, catching the calculating gleam that’s growing in her eyes.
“Okay,” she sing-songs.
“I’m not going there.”
“Whatever you say.” She grins.
“I’m not!”
Mel’s not going to let it drop. She’s going to make sure I go back to New York having been thoroughly dicked.
The idea isn’t completely preposterous. Maybe there’s even an ounce of truth in the suggestion it’ll help me get over what Callum did.
Like a great big ‘fuck you’ statement, even though he won’t know what I get up to while I’m here.
But if I let Mel think it’s even a remote possibility, then she’ll have me tied up on Declan’s bed with a cherry garnish between my legs, like an offering.
And I’m not sure I’m ready to fuck anyone when I’m still getting over being screwed.
It would take one hell of a fuck for me to feel better about it all.