Thirteen | Lyric
Thirteen
Lyric
We spent more time at the store than I had expected, but I was thrilled when the kids got new stuff they wanted and needed.
Both Kara and Ben had grabbed some new clothes while Chloe and Cole fought over how many babies were too many.
He gave in and compromised when she insisted that seven was the absolute lowest she would go.
We got home, and I put the groceries away while Cole helped Chloe organize her babies, and Kara started a load of laundry. I felt relieved that today had been so much easier and prayed that we would continue moving in the right direction as we all got used to the changes and to living together.
I set out some meat for dinner and looked through the pantry to decide what sides to make. Chloe was a picky eater, but she was only three, so I didn’t expect her to like a lot of things. The problem was that I had no idea what Ben and Kara usually ate or what they did or didn’t like.
I closed the pantry and opened the fridge again, staring inside as Cole walked in and washed his hands.
“Kara likes salad and most veggies. Ben is a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy,” he offered, somehow knowing what my dilemma was before I could say anything. “Chloe is obsessed with mac and cheese, so I usually add that in as a side for most meals.”
“I have chicken and thought about making some pasta to go with it. Would they eat that?”
He shrugged and leaned against the counter as he looked at me.
“I don’t see why not. What kind of pasta?”
I scrunched my face because suddenly this felt harder than I thought it would be.
I was so used to cooking for myself for so long that I didn’t know how to plan a meal that everyone would enjoy.
I wanted the kids to feel comfortable living with me, which meant it was important that I made food they liked and would eat.
I couldn’t stand the thought of being the aunt whose cooking everyone hated.
“Maybe chicken alfredo?”
He nodded and smiled warmly at me, releasing the butterflies in my stomach that I struggled to keep contained around him.
The problem was that I couldn’t afford to let my walls down around him because while he was comforting, I wasn’t in any position to deal with things between us anytime soon.
While on the surface everything seemed fine, I knew that we still needed to discuss our future and what living together would look like after we were divorced.
“The kids love chicken alfredo. Your brother used to make it for them all the time. You’ll need garlic bread for sure and can probably sneak a salad in and get Ben to eat it.”
“I thought he was a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy?” I asked as I pulled a box of noodles out of the pantry.
“He is, but he’s a good kid, so he’ll usually make an effort to eat everything he’s given. That’s how Clay used to get him to eat more than meat and potatoes.”
Cole winked as he walked off, leaving me in the kitchen thinking about my brother and how he must have been an amazing dad. While I didn’t regret moving to New York to chase my dreams, I still wished I had been around more to see my brother with the kids.
I worked on dinner while the kids helped set the table.
Cole was on the phone with his mother, checking to see if she could watch Chloe for a few hours tomorrow while I tried to get everything set up to work from home.
I was nearing the max time I could take off and needed to figure out how I was going to manage getting my hours in each week for work while also taking care of Chloe.
Working while caring for a small child had never been in the cards, so I had zero idea what it would look like.
While Chloe seemed to be a pretty chill toddler, I had no idea what she would be like while her siblings were at school and Cole was working.
Kids seemed to turn into monsters when they were bored, so I worried about how I would keep her entertained while getting work done.
After we finished dinner, Cole helped the kids get ready for school while I cleaned up.
The kids were planning to eat lunch at school, so I didn’t have to worry about packing lunch for them, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of having a thousand other things to worry about.
Once everyone was in bed, I said goodnight and made my way to the bedroom, wishing for once that I had it to myself because I needed a few minutes alone to process everything.
A few minutes later, Cole came in and shut the door behind him, diminishing any chances of that happening.