8. Chapter 8
Chapter eight
— FAKE SMILE BY ARIANA GRANDE
As I knock on the door of my sister's house, I suddenly feel nervous.
I’ve been over here hundreds of times, but for some reason, this time feels different. Liv invited me over for dinner tonight because she missed me, and Teags is coming, too. Since the news about Ralph broke, I’ve been trying to keep my distance. I’m afraid they could become targets too, and that’s the last thing I want.
Ralph wants me, but he would do anything to get to me—including hurt or scare those closest to me.
“Bree!” is all I hear before my sister engulfs me in a hug. I feel Vince step behind me as Liv pulls back and cups my face. “How are you holding up?”
What a loaded question, but I know if I’m honest, Liv will worry, so I lie a little. “I’m hanging in there. One day at a time, right?”
She smiles, understanding full well that sometimes, it’s all one is capable of. “Exactly. Come in, you two.”
Vince and I step into her house, and instantly, I feel calm. I never felt that way when I would walk into my childhood home—before and after what happened—but something about the atmosphere Liv and Tristan have created just feels like home.
Their three-bedroom home has a beautiful open floor plan that makes the entire place seem bigger than it is. The kitchen opens right into the living room, and the small dining room off the kitchen fits our small family perfectly. Liv’s office is right off the living room, and all three bedrooms are upstairs. These two have created the perfect family house, and I’m so excited that they finally get to experience life beside one another.
“There’s my favorite influencer,” Tristan says as he sets down the knife he was using. He pulls me into a hug, too. “How are you?”
“I’m fine,” I say into his ear.
“It’s perfectly okay if you’re not.”
My throat locks up, and before my emotions bubble up, I shove them down as best I can. When I pull away and he sees my face, I know he knows, but he doesn't say anything.
If anyone knows how I feel right now, it’s probably him.
Tristan’s brother Tobias died last year. It was horrible, sudden, and it wrecked us all. I didn't know him very well, but I still felt the pain of it. Losing someone the way that they did is never easy, and Tristan blamed himself for not seeing the signs. He loves to run away from his feelings, according to Liv, but he’s been working on being more open about them. I don't really know how to talk about my own feelings either. My therapist has helped a lot, but I’ve always avoided it because I don't want anyone to worry about me.
My sister and friends have enough to worry about without adding all my shit to the mix.
“How are you holding up?” I ask him, wanting to switch the subject off me. It’s bad enough the media spotlights my trauma all the time; I don't need it to be the topic of conversation when I’m trying to have a nice dinner with my family .
“Some good days and some bad. I know it won’t feel like this forever, but some days, it sure feels like it.” His eyes sadden, but as he looks over at my sister opening the door for Teags, his eyes sparkle.
Liv is his anchor, and I’m glad they have each other while they adjust to their new life together.
Teags’ eyes meet mine, and I know she can tell what’s going through my mind, but before she joins us, her eyes move to Vince. He hasn't said a word since we got here, and I know he feels a bit out of place. When I told him he didn't have to come tonight, he just scoffed at me and got the car ready.
He’s been attached to my hip, and I don't hate it, but I figured a family dinner wouldn't matter in terms of my safety. He disagreed, and now we’re here.
Liv throws Teags’ coat in the closet before she heads toward me. “Vince, how nice to see you again.”
“Teagen,” is all he says. He really is a man of few words.
“Actually, I take it back. It’s not very nice to see you since you’re back to protect Bree from that fucking psychopath.”
I hear Vince laugh under his breath as Teags smiles at him. “I feel the same way.”
“Vince. We’ve never formally met, but I’m Tristan.” Tristan reaches out to shake his hand, and before I feel like this interaction is going to be awkward, Vince shakes his hand.
“Nice to meet you.” This is their first time meeting in person, but I know Vince has an entire folder of everybody in my life with background checks and anything else he managed to dig up. So, Tristan might not know Vince that well, but Vince surely knows him.
“I need all the details about you and Alexander before dinner,” Teagen says to me, dragging me by the arm to sit on the couch. I feel Vince behind me, and he sits next to us on the smaller couch .
“Teags, there’s really nothing to tell. You and Gregory probably have more fun than I do. It’s a fake relationship, remember?”
“First rule of tonight is no talking about my sister and her boyfriend. Got it?” Tristan says from the kitchen.
“Babe, what did I tell you earlier?” Liv asks him.
“I know, Liv, but if I hear about my sister and the things she does with her boyfriend, I might combust.”
“Stop being such a dad, Tristan. I’m twenty-three years old, and this is what normal girls talk about when they hang out.”
I stifle a laugh at how forward my best friend is. “You two are anything but normal, and you know that.” Tristan points his knife in our direction, and I hear Liv laugh as she pulls out a few waters for us.
I wish I was normal. Somedays, I feel lucky to live the life I do, but other days, I wish I could’ve been a normal teenager. I wish I had the chance to go to the mall with my friends, to get coffee with a boy, and be nervous about him touching my leg under the table. I didn't have any of the normal experiences people go through as they age.
I get cameras shoved in my face every time I leave the house. I get so many notifications that I had to turn them off completely, and while I’m grateful for my platform and how I’m able to use it, some days, I just wish I got to be a normal kid.
“So, is Alex every bit of the dick everyone says he is?” Teags asks me.
“Well—”
“Yes,” Vince says before I can answer and defend Alex.
“Oh, the plot thickens.” Teags smiles, and when I look over at Vince to scold him, he’s already looking at me. Damn, that stare does something to me. I’ve never seen a gaze that affects me like his does, and again, I’m blaming books. That’s the only reason his heated stare seems to make my insides feel all tingly. No other reason.
“He’s fine. We’ve only been on one fake date so far, with many more to come.”
“I still don't understand this whole fake dating thing. Why did Connie do this in the first place?”
“Tristan, you don't really need to understand it. It is what it is,” I snap, a bit harshly, and I immediately regret it. I’m just sick of talking about this.
“It just feels like bullshit. Why make you fake date someone to distract from the news about Ralph rather than focus on finding him? It rubs me the wrong way.”
“You and me both,” Vince speaks up, and for someone who’s usually quiet, he sure has a lot to say tonight. His gaze meets mine again. “It’s not fair to you, and that Alex kid sucks at following the fucking rules.”
“The rules?” Teags questions, and I shake my head.
“It’s nothing.”
“No, it’s not, Bree. He touched you without asking. The kid is a fucking prick.”
“I’m sorry, he what?” Tristan shouts.
“I’ll snap his wrist if he does that again, Bree. Just let me know which hand.” Teags smiles, maybe a bit too joyfully at the thought of doing that.
“Can we please stop talking about this? It’s bad enough that I’m in the situation in the first place. I want to know about your book, Liv. How’s it going?”
“My girl's book is still in the top one hundred of the Kindle store.” Tristan smiles, proud of everything my sister has accomplished.
“Thank you, baby. It’s going well. Marketing has been kicking my ass, but I guess I’m doing okay.” Liv’s face flushes, and I instantly know she's uncomfortable. She always gets weird talking about her success, but I’ll never stop shouting about my sister and how talented she is. Her books are like a breath of fresh air, and there’s a reason why people love them so much.
“I’m proud of you, Liv. Did you see my video about the release?” I ask her.
“Yes. Your new vlog style is super cute. I love all the little doodles you add to the screen. It really makes things pop.”
“My favorite part was watching all the guys cry when Liv read the dedication. I swear, Dom looked like he was going to start blubbering,” Teags laughs, but I see right through her. That mention of Dom was no slip of the tongue. In fact, that was probably her favorite part of the video.
Teags has been crushing on Dom since she met him, but I doubt those two will ever happen. After all, she’s in a relationship with someone else, whom she seems to like. I think. They’ve only been dating since January, so a few months, but this has officially been her longest relationship. Teags isn't one for staying attached to someone for long periods of time—at least romantically—so she must really like this guy.
Teags loves reading romance books, since her parents' relationship made her believe in love, and she believes it’s possible for her.
I don't.
And I don't want anyone to be in love with me. It’s too hard. I can barely deal with the invasions of privacy, and I doubt anyone else would.
It’s not easy to love me, but Teags and my sister prove that theory wrong every single day. My sister is one of the only people in the world who makes me feel like I matter, and Teags is my one true friend. Most of the influencer friends I have are only in it to up their follow count by being seen with me. It’s all superficial and fake—purely for social status.
But Teags has become someone I can’t live without, and if I told her that, she would gag, but I know she feels the same about me. She doesn't do feelings well, but her actions show otherwise.
“Are you guys ready for dinner?” my sister asks us, and we all congregate around the table.
After a dinner filled with us making fun of Tristan, Liv pulls me into her office. I feel bad for leaving Vince, but Liv told him this was an important, sister's only conversation, and when he looked at me for confirmation, I nodded.
I take a glance around Liv’s office, both of her books now lining the shelves behind her desk. I trace one of her shelves with my hand as I feel her gaze pierce my back. I know why she brought me in here. She wants to really talk to me, to make sure I’m okay.
I may be good at masking my emotions, but my sister is the one person I could never hide from.
Wanting to push that conversation off a bit longer, I head to a safe one. “I loved these two. I read them only recently even though they’ve been published for a while.”
I trace the spines of two of my favorite reads from last year.
“That’s my favorite shelf. I read those two because of you. I think you mentioned them in a video once, and they both piqued my interest.” I turn to face her and see her leaning against her desk.
“Dinner was good. I didn't know Tristan could cook that well.”
“Yes, you did, Bree.” Damn. I’m caught. “How are you doing with everything? Have you been talking to Dr. Anna lately?”
“Yes, I have. I’m afraid she might block my phone number if I keep calling her.” It’s funny, but the truth. I’ve talked to her every single day, sometimes even twice. It barely helps, but if I don't talk about it with her, it’ll fester. Sometimes, it’s easier to talk to a complete stranger about how my life is falling apart rather than someone I know.
“It’s good that you’re getting it all out. Are you taking care of yourself? Are you eating enough? Tristan can wrap up some leftovers for you to take—”
I cut her off; Liv’s a rambler when she’s nervous, and in a minute she might start pacing. “Liv, I’m fine. I’m making do. Having Vince around has helped. He got me a new security system.”
“So why do you sound like you’re not sleeping? You better not be working out all night like you used to. I swear, you left tread marks on the floor at the old house from how much you used the treadmill. It’s not healthy, Bree.”
Speaking of our old house… “Have you talked to our parents lately?” I ask, wondering if they’ve tried to reach out to her. It’s been radio silence on my end, and I’m fine with that.
“Nope, and I don't plan on it. They don't deserve to hear about my successes that they never believed in.”
“Damn right.” I smile, happy for my sister finally standing up for herself. My parents always knew how I felt—smothered and angry at them for their actions—but Liv was never one who stood up for herself. She deserved to let them have it after what they did to her and Tristan.
Liv’s practically been my parent since I could remember. She always takes care of me, and I know if she decides to have kids of her own, she’ll make a great mom.
“Bree, I want you to know I’ll always be here for you. I know I don't really understand what you’re going through, but if you just need someone to sit with you while you’re having a hard time, I can do that. Just call me, and I’ll be there.”
Emotion clogs up my throat, and all I can do is nod. “I haven't been sleeping. My noise machine and the night light don't help anymore. Knowing he’s out there is fucking with my head. I always feel like someone’s watching me while I sleep, and I can't shake the feeling that he’s right around the corner.”
“Vince stays in your house, right?”
“Yeah, he’s down the hall. ”
“And how does that make you feel?” she asks, a hint of something in her voice.
“Safer, but I still can't shake the feeling. It eats away at me like a tapeworm.”
Liv comes over to where I stand against her bookshelf and grabs my hands. “It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling. You don't need to be on all the time. You’re allowed to crack and break apart as long as you trust that those who love you will be there to piece you back together.”
Tears start to fall as what she says invades my bones. “Thanks, Liv.” I take what she says into consideration, but I know there’s no use. I’ve always been hard on myself, and this is no different. I still grapple with what Ralph did to me since it could've been worse, but that doesn't change that I’m still a victim of something horrible. Nothing I can do will erase that night from my memory.
“Promise you’ll talk to me if it gets hard. I want to be there for you, Bree, but I can’t do that if you’re not being honest with me.” She holds her pinky out, and I take it, solidifying the promise.
“I’ll try my best.”
“That’s all I ask.”
A few light knocks on the door make both of our heads turn. Tristan pops in, holding onto the door. “Livvy, the sun is setting. I’m forcing everyone onto the porch if you guys want to join.”
“We’ll be right out.” She smiles at him as I try to discreetly wipe the tears from my eyes. Liv’s hand stays in mine as she pulls me onto their front porch, five chairs already set up where there’s normally two. My sister and Tristan have this tradition where they watch the sunset every night. It’s a cute thing they started back in college, and whenever we all get together at night, they make us join.
Well, they don't force us, but sometimes it’s nice to watch the day end when you know another is going to begin .
I sit down in my chair, Teags to my left, Vince to my right. I tap his shoulder. “Did you survive?”
“Yeah. I think I like Tristan.”
Oh, wow. “Really?” I wasn't expecting that. Vince doesn't really like people. He tolerates them, which is why I was so surprised to hear he and Nico created a business together.
“Yeah. He’s fine.”
I drop it because that’s all I’ll get out of him tonight. When I watch the sun set in the sky, I hope to have more nights like this one in my future.
But that feeling in my gut won’t go away. The fear will always creep back in just when I start to finally feel okay again.