21. Chapter 21
Chapter twenty-one
— SMOKE SIGNALS BY PHOEBE brIDGERS
If I could erase anything from my memory, it would be the past three days.
Overwhelming doesn't even begin to cut it. First, hearing Ralph on the other side of the phone pissed me off. He’s taunting me, and he knows that this stupid game he’s playing with Bree is getting under my skin. Then, having to deal with a whole ass bomb threat at Liv’s event took about fifteen years off my life.
I couldn't get Bree out of that building fast enough. When I saw what my guys had found, it felt like the walls were closing in on me.
All I had on my mind was her. If something happened to her that I could’ve prevented, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Just the thought of Bree being hurt makes my skin crawl.
I’ve been running on empty lately, and this threat on Bree’s life has kickstarted an entire new feeling. I’ve been burning hot with this intense need to protect her, but my safety has never mattered, just hers.
All the thoughts that fill my mind lately are of her, and when I try to sleep, I can’t. Images of her needing me and being hurt when I’m not there haunt my dreams, and when I wake up, I’m paralyzed with fear.
Even though it’s never real, the dreams feel so vivid, and they’ve shaken me more than I care to admit.
If I lose Bree, or if that psychopath ever gets his hands on her, nothing could stop me from protecting her—not even death.
We’ve been here for a few days, and Bree has barely left her room. Well, my sister's room, which shares a wall with mine, even though I’ve barely used the bed.
I’ve become way too comfortable sleeping outside her room, and even being here, that fact remains the same. In my mind, I know nobody can find us out here. We’re completely disconnected from everything. Both of our phones are off, and the burners I keep here for emergencies are all I’ve been using to communicate with Nico, Liv, and my sister. Nico has been updating me, and he hasn't gotten anywhere with finding a location on Ralph, but he’s not giving up. He’s even tried some dark web shit, but that kind of stuff takes a lot longer.
Liv has called a few times, and I’ve given Bree the phone to talk to her, but she hasn't wanted to speak to anyone. I keep telling Liv to let her be with her emotions for a few days, but she’s worried about her, so she continues to call and check in.
I’m just as worried about her, but the one thing that might make her feel better is on the way here. I don't know how much of a difference it will make, but not being able to do anything to help Bree has unraveled me more than the shit we’ve dealt with the past week.
I’ve been scared to leave her alone for so long, and I even offered to have her call Dr. Anna, but she’s declined every time. I’m worried she’s spending too much time wrapped up in that head of hers and is going to do something stupid—like cut herself off from everyone she loves to keep them out of danger.
Or something worse, but I try not to go down that road.
The only good thing is that she hasn't had a panic attack in the past few days, so I guess that’s a win, right?
A knock at the door has me pulling my gun from the strap of my waistband, and when I see my sister walk in with Nellie’s leash around her hand, I drop it.
“Christ, baby brother. What the hell are you doing?”
“Sorry. You didn't tell me you were close.”
“I texted you a few times that I was five minutes away.” My sister rolls her eyes and releases Nellie to me, and I practically get attacked by her excitement. God, I missed her. I’ve been away from her for too long, and I was almost afraid she wouldn't remember who I was.
I should've known my girl could never forget me. I did raise her, after all.
I got Nellie as a baby. My sister suggested getting a dog when I was going through a rough patch a few years ago, and I brushed her off every time she mentioned it. One day, she practically kidnapped me and drove me to a shelter. As soon as I laid my eyes on Nellie, sitting all by herself in a cage, I knew she was my dog.
And now, sixty pounds later, she’s been with me ever since—unless I was out of the country or on an extended assignment.
“Are you hungry?” I ask my sister, wondering if she’s going to stay for a bit and catch up.
“No, but I could use some coffee and a thousand explanations as to why you’re up here.”
This time, I’m the one to roll my eyes, but I nod my head over to the kitchen, and Aria follows me. My sister and I look way too much alike. She’s got the same brown hair as me, only hers is to her shoulders and pin straight. I was the sibling to get the curly haired gene both of our parents had. She’s tall, like me, around 5’ 10”, so only a few inches shorter than me.
I throw a pod into the machine and place a mug underneath it, waiting for it to start working. “It’s three in the afternoon. You’re going to be up all night. ”
“That’s for me to worry about, Vince. I have a long flight back to Seattle, thanks to you.”
“Oh, come on, you missed me.” I wrap my sister in a hug, thankful that she brought Nellie back so I can try to cheer Bree up. “Thanks for bringing her. The flight wasn't bad, was it?”
“No, it wasn't. She didn't seem scared either. I think she knew where we were headed.”
“That’s my girl,” I say as Nellie comes over to where I’m standing in the kitchen and plops onto the floor by my feet.
After I hand my sister her coffee, I know she’s about to interrogate me as to what I’m doing, so I don't let her speak before I offer her an explanation. “Bree’s safety was compromised back home. I wanted to get her away for a bit until things calmed down, and this was the first place I thought of. That’s all there is to it.”
“I thought you sold this place a few years ago? How is it still in such good condition?”
“I was going to sell it, but I couldn't.” Every time I imagined getting rid of the house that held so many memories, I got itchy. In a way, this house feels like the only string I have left of my parents. Their faces faded a bit as I continued growing up, but here, in our secluded house tucked into the mountains, I can remember everything. The shape of their faces, the hum of their laughter, and a piece of my grief heals every time I walk into this place.
Because here, they still exist. They still linger in my mind in every corner of this house, and even on the trails we all used to hike on, and I couldn't get rid of it.
“I’m glad you didn't,” my sister says in a low whisper.
“Me too. I come up here more than I care to admit.”
“Why?” my sister questions as she takes a sip of her coffee.
“More reasons than one.” The main one being that everything seems quieter up here. This is where I come when I have to clear my head of all the shit I’ve seen being on the job this long.
The only place I find peace most days is when I’m hiking. I’ve climbed most of the mountains in this area, and getting to the top and seeing how small the world looks helps to calm the storm that floods my brain sometimes. I love to push myself to the point of exhaustion so that by the time I get to the top, I feel like I succeeded at something.
All the pain, all the sweat, all the straining of my muscles is worth it when I see the world from the top of a mountain. Everything seems to feel useless when I sit and watch the trees move in the wind, the air feeling a bit cleaner as I sit and catch my breath.
It’s the type of peace you can only experience in fleeting moments because by the time you get back to the bottom of the mountain, reality seems to hit you in the face again.
“I understand that. Just promise me you’re taking care of yourself. One of these days, you’ll have to put yourself first, you know. Maybe you’ll eventually do something just for you, and not everyone else.”
I shove my sister’s shoulder as she laughs at me, knowing that will probably never happen. “Keep dreaming, Aria.”
Small taps coming down the stairs makes my heart beat a bit faster, and as Bree turns the corner, I practically stop breathing as I take in the state of her.
She’s wearing one of my fucking shirts again. The first night we were here, she didn't want to wear any of her pajamas because they felt too much like clothes, so I offered her one of my shirts, and she took it.
But this is not the one I gave her, which means she went through my stuff to find another one.
That makes my pulse pound even harder.
Her eyes are still red and puffy, indicating she’s still been crying, and from the look on her face, she didn't realize anyone else but me was here. She’s also wearing a pair of fluffy socks her sister gave her—pink ribbons all over with a white base—and probably a pair of shorts like normal.
That’s been her usual attire, at least what I can tell from the little peeks I’ve seen of her in her room.
“I’m sorry, I didn't realize we had company. Let me go change. Just give me—”
“Bree, it’s okay. This is my sister, Aria. Aria, meet Bree Hart.”
Aria’s eyes widen with excitement, and I’m suddenly worried she’s either going to embarrass me or say something she shouldn't.
Fuck, I regret this.
Before Bree can turn around and retreat, my sister reaches her and pulls her in for a hug.
“Uh, I thought this was against the rules?” Bree questions, and my sister just laughs.
“Oh, Vince, you’ve got her to memorize those dumbass rules of yours? Oh, baby, come have some coffee while I apologize for my insane brother.”
That earns a small laugh from Bree, and I could collapse just from hearing that. I didn't realize how much I had missed hearing her laugh. Even her smiles have a sound, and I’ve been trying to pull them out of her since we got here.
But I don't want to press too hard. It’s just been far too quiet around here for my liking.
I don't know when or how it happened, but the lines are starting to blur between us, and I don't hate it. I’ve had way too much time to think up here, and after doing my usual rounds of check-ins every morning, all I’m left to think about is the girl I’m protecting.
But it’s become so much more than that. It’s not only the fact that I’ve broken most of my rules for her, but I’ve come to like spending time with her. I like when she smiles at me. I like every single thing about Bree, and even though I wish I never met her under the circumstances, I wouldn't change any of it.
It was only when I was sure I’d rather die than see a single hair on her head harmed that I knew I was fucked.
But there’s nothing I can do about it now. I’m going to wait until after the assignment is over and Bree is safe to make any kind of move, especially since I don't know how she feels. The last thing I want to do is misread a situation and do something I shouldn't. For now, I’m protecting Bree because it’s my job. And after, if she’ll let me, I’ll stay and try to make her the happiest person on the planet.
Not because it’s my job but because it would be my honor to make her smile every single day until she gets sick of me.
“Nellie, come here girl!” my sister says, breaking me out of my haze, and I feel Nell get up, wagging her tail as happily as can be, and the minute Bree lays her eyes on my dog, they light up.
Thank fuck.
There’s that shine I missed so much.
“Whose dog is this?” Bree asks as she sits on the floor, fully prepared to get tackled by my dog as Nell licks her entire face.
“She’s mine.”
Bree stops petting Nell as her dumbfounded face looks at mine. “You have a dog? Why have you never mentioned her before?”
“Vince had been on an extended assignment overseas, and then he cut that short to guard you, so I’ve had her for a bit. I’ll admit, I’m going to miss her, but I won't miss all the shedding that comes with it. I swear this girl loses more hair than I do.”
“Did you get the brush? It works like a miracle, Aria. I told you.”
Another eye roll from my wonderful sister. Why did I invite her here again? “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
“I cannot believe you kept this a secret from me. Did you have her when you first met me, too?” I don't say a word, and my silence confirms everything Bree needs to know. “I should arrest you right here for keeping this beautiful girl from me for this long.”
“I would love to see that. You have my permission, Bree,” Aria laughs, and that even coaxes a smile out of Bree.
“I feel like I’m being teamed up on.”
The two of them look between each other, and a look of understanding passes through them both. “You are.”
“Got it,” I say, shifting back to the coffee maker and popping Bree’s favorite into the machine—vanilla. This is the first time she’s been out of her room since yesterday night, so even though it’s late in the day, I make her a cup.
“Are you staying for a few days? I’d love to pick your brain about what this one was like as a kid,” Bree asks my sister.
“No. I’ve got to get back. I have an antsy husband waiting for me back in Seattle. This was just a drop in visit to bring Nellie back. I have a car on the way.”
“Oh. Well, I’m sure I’ll see you again at some point,” Bree says before my sister looks over at me.
“Can we talk for a second?”
“Yeah. Porch?”
My sister nods at me before saying goodbye to Bree. “It was nice to meet you. If my brother ever pisses you off, give me a call. I’ll straighten him out for you in no time.”
“Thanks, but your brother could never piss me off. He’s too busy watching everything around me to make sure I’m safe, and he takes his job very seriously.”
Aria laughs. “Don't I know it.”
“Can you guys stop talking about me like I’m not standing right here?”
The two of them shake their heads at me. “Okay, let’s go, sis.” I turn to face Bree, who’s still on the floor, Nellie nestled in between her legs, as if she has known Bree her entire life. “I’ll make us some lunch. I’ll be back, okay?”
“I’ll be here.”
I smile softly at her before I head outside to the porch, my sister crossing her arms at me with a weird look on her face. “What?”
“You’re more stupid than I thought you were.”
“Care to explain, or are you just going to keep throwing sentences out and not elaborating?”
Aria punches me in the shoulder. “You’re emotionally involved. You like her.”
“I care about her. It’s different.” I’m lying through my teeth. She knows it, I know it, and she’s definitely about to call me out on it.
“You look at that girl like she’s the only thing that exists, Vince. I’ve never seen you look at anyone else like that before. She walked down the stairs, and I swear I saw your heartbeat freeze for a second.”
“And what if I do, Aria? I can’t break my rules for her, and she’s currently my client ! It’s literally my job to protect her, and I can’t let my own ridiculous feelings get in the way of that, or it could cause her to get hurt.” I’d never let my feelings get in the way of doing the best job I can, and I guess there really is a first time for everything. I don't know how to navigate all the emotions Bree makes me feel, and if I can’t get my head on straight, then she could get hurt.
“You’ve broken all of your rules for her already, Vince! You dropped another case to rush back here and protect her. In all the years you’ve been doing this, I’ve never known you to just hand off a case to someone else. You always see them through, but when it comes to that girl currently in our family’s house, your rules go out the window. If you can't see all of this when it’s right in front of you, then you’re dumber than I thought.”
“Aria— ”
“I’m not done.” She rubs her hands together, clearly nervous. “Don’t let your fear of getting close to people because of what happened to our parents ruin something good. Because I noticed her looking at you in the exact same way when she came into the kitchen. You’ll be able to protect her even if you’re emotionally involved, Vince. Those two things can exist at the same time, and you deserve someone who wants to look out for you as much as you do her.”
“I’m not afraid of that happening,” I lie. It scares me to death, the thought of losing someone else close to me. It happened in the blink of an eye with my parents, and what’s to say it’ll never happen again? She can’t be entirely sure. Nobody can. That’s what happens when someone suddenly dies. The rug gets ripped out from under you, and it could happen again if you keep standing on the same fucking rug. “It’s easier to keep people at a distance.”
Aria nods her head, seemingly agreeing with me. “I know. I did it for a while before Max broke that wall down. And when I finally let him in, shit…it was the best feeling in the world. I want you to experience that because you deserve it, Vince. I’m tired of seeing you protect everyone else and go home to an empty apartment. I’m tired of seeing you jump from job to job to fill some sort of void since you felt like you couldn't protect our parents.”
God, I should know that nothing gets past Aria. She hit the fucking nail on the head, and I can’t even be mad at her for it.
She’s right. She has always been right, and she raised me to fight for the things I want, but somewhere along the way, I fell into a hole I didn't want to get out of.
I’m a coward. I spent so long running from client to client so I didn't have time to think about where my life was headed.
“I’m tired of running, but how the fuck do I do this? I don't do relationships, Aria. All I’ve had are one-night stands where I knew I wasn't seeing them ever again.”
“I do not want to hear about my baby brother’s escapades, so I’m going to disregard that comment.”
This time, I roll my eyes at her. “I’m a grown ass man, Aria.”
“And I practically raised you. There is no correct way to do this, Vince. Just go with that gut of yours you love so much and do what feels right.” A car pulls up, and my sister grabs the bag she brought with her. “Don’t overthink it, and you’ll be fine.”
“Thanks, sis.” For bringing Nellie back. For the advice. For raising me even though you were just a kid yourself.
“You’re welcome,” she says, bringing me in for a hug. “You better come visit Seattle soon, or Max is going to think you went and got yourself killed.”
“As soon as I’m done here, I’ll come visit.”
“Maybe the two of you can?” she questions, and I don't say a word as she gets into the car and is out of sight. I take in the scenery around me and breathe in the cool mountain air before I head back inside.
“So, what are you feeling for lunch? There’s a bunch of stuff—” I stop speaking when I notice Bree isn't sitting in the spot where she used to be. She probably retreated back to her room based on the note she left me on the counter.
Appetite diminished again. It was nice meeting Aria. You two look a lot alike.
I sigh heavily before Nellie comes over to me and licks my hand where I lean against the counter.
“Don’t worry, girl. We’ll help Bree. We just have to give her a little time, that’s all.” I begin to make lunch, and when I’m finished, I place a plate in the fridge, wrapped in plastic, just in case.
— IF I GO, I’M GOIN BY GREGORY ALAN ISAKOV
As I reread the same paragraph for the fifteenth time on my Kindle, Vince knocks on my door and steps into my room. “Can I come in?”
“Aren't you already in my room? That question seems redundant.”
That makes his mouth lift up, but only in one corner. “Do you want to play cards with me? Normally, I play blackjack, but it’s not that fun when I play it on my own.”
“Sure. Downstairs?”
He nods at me before I get out of bed, throw my blanket over my shoulder, and head to the living room. I hear the fireplace crackling before I reach the bottom, and when I get fully into the room, a blast of heat hits my face, and I instantly relax. This house can only be described as cozy. It feels like I’ve been transported to another world here, and part of me feels selfish for never wanting to leave it.
I don't want to go back to reality where I feel like I’m being eaten alive. I don't want to go back to where I’m scared of what’s around every corner. I want to hide away somewhere, like Rapunzel in her tower, where nothing bad can ever touch me or anyone I care about again.
I’ve barely left my room the past few days, except earlier when I heard murmured voices, and when I got down to the kitchen, Vince’s sister was not who I was expecting. I thought Nico had come up to give Vince an update, but apparently, Vince has a dog I didn't know about .
Nellie is asleep right in front of the fireplace, and she might be one of the cutest dogs I’ve ever seen. I never imagined Vince being a dog dad, and somehow, that makes him even hotter.
He’s protective of me. Because it’s his job.
He dropped everything to come back for me. Because it’s his job.
He has a dog. Because he probably likes animals more than people.
“Bree? Are you in there?” he says as he looks over at me from where he sits on the couch.
“Sorry,” I say as I make my way over to the couch and sit next to him, leaving enough room between us so our cards will fit. “What are we playing?”
“I figured War is a good place to start. Do you know how to play?”
I nod at him. “Liv and I used to play cards all the time as kids. She wasn't very good, though. I seemed to have all the luck.”
“Well, buckle up, Hart. You might meet your match tonight,” he jokes, and I can’t help but let out a soft laugh.
He deals out all the cards, and the two of us play for a bit, mostly evenly matched as we run out of cards and have to create our next pile.
“I’m worried about you.”
Vince’s candor surprises me, but he was never one to beat around the bush. “It’s your job to worry about me, Vince.”
“Yeah, it is.” I hear him sigh heavily. “But lately, it hasn't been just my job.”
He can’t possibly be saying what I think he is, but the rush of knots in my stomach tells me otherwise. I try to focus on anything else but how weird I’m feeling—the fireplace, the low light in the room, the breeze blowing outside—but nothing is working. Because when I look at Vince and see the soft glow of the fire illuminating his face, the gut punch is even harder than the first time. “I heard what your sister said.”
I don't know why that was what just came out of my mouth, but something about the scene in here is throwing my guard off. Vince and I have been by ourselves for a few days in this secluded house in the mountains, and for the first time since I got here, I feel like I can finally breathe again.
But this conversation could change that, and even though I’m scared to enter this new territory, it was bound to happen sooner or later.
All those stolen touches and glances have shifted something between us, and hearing what his sister said to him on the porch earlier just solidified what I already knew.
I trust Vince. I like having him around, and after he’s done protecting me, I don't want to lose him. I want him by my side.
But I want him to choose that, just like I’d choose him and his presence in my life after all is said and done.
“Does what she said scare you?” he asks, his voice a low whisper.
I don't hesitate to answer. “A little bit.”
“It scares me, too.”
“I think you’re the only person I’ll ever feel safe with ever again, and when I’m with you, I feel like I can breathe properly.”
His eyes soften when I say that. “It’s no coincidence that you do the same for me.”
“Rule number nine at its finest,” I say as I yawn, a wave of tiredness hitting me like a train.
“Let’s get you to bed, Bree.” Vince reaches his hand out, and I take it, my blanket still wrapped around me like a cocoon.
“But we only played one round of cards,” I say, another yawn forming as I sway back and forth on my feet. “I can stay awake.”
“Angel, you’re about to pass out. Let me get you in bed. The stress of the last few weeks is hitting you, and you need to get more rest. Do you want me to carry you?” I shake my head before he pulls my hand and practically drags me up the stairs, my blanket flowing behind me like a cape .
“Wow, I guess you really are worried about me,” I say as we stop in front of my door.
When I look over at Vince, his face is a lot closer than I thought it would be. Our noses are almost touching, and I can feel his warm breath on my face.
“I’ll always worry about you, Bree. I don't think I’m wired to think differently.” He squeezes my hand three times before he lets go and pushes my door open, pulling his face back from mine. I hate that I miss how close he just was. It’s been a long time since I was able to feel close to someone—mentally and physically. But with Vince, I always seem to want more than he gives me. “Get some sleep for once. You deserve some good rest.”
“Can I talk to my sister tomorrow?” Vince has offered me his burner phone to talk to Liv a few times since we’ve been here, but the guilt I was feeling about putting her in danger made me not want to face her.
And that makes me feel even shittier because I shouldn't be ignoring her, but tomorrow, that changes.
I’m so tired of hiding from the world, from my emotions, from the people I care about.
“Of course. I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear from you. I think she’s tired of hearing me tell her I have no new information.”
“You and Nico are doing the best you can. I know that, and she knows that. Don’t beat yourself up about it,” I say, crossing the threshold into my room and heading toward my bed. “Can we have pancakes tomorrow morning?” I ask, and I see his smile come back in full force.
“Anything you want, Bree. I even have chocolate and strawberries in case you want a late night snack.”
I smile so hard that my cheeks hurt. “Thank you.”
“Sleep well. I’ll be next door if you need me.” And then he shuts my door, and I barely touch my head to the pillow before sleep consumes me.