31. Chapter 31
Chapter thirty-one
Three Weeks Later
— SAFETY NET BY ARIANA GRANDE FT. TY DOLLA SIGN
“My final read of this month was this new hockey romance that just came out. I’m obsessed with it, and I would recommend it to anyone who loves the sports aspect as much as the romance in sports romance books. This one had such a beautiful mixture of both,” I say to my camera as I put the book down. “Thank you to the author for sending me a copy along with some goodies! I absolutely adore chatting in your messages about how unwell I was.”
I pause to set the book down, and when I notice Dr. Anna calling me, I quickly say an outro before I snap my camera shut and answer my phone.
“I’m sorry for the wait. I was filming a video and thought I had a bit more time.”
“That’s alright, Bree. How is everything going? I have to admit, when I got your message earlier, I found myself a bit nervous. I haven't spoken to you in a few weeks, so I assume we have lots to catch up on.”
That’s the understatement of the century, but for once, not all of what I have to talk about is bad.
Thanks to Vince—my boyfriend—I’ve had more good days than bad in the past few weeks. After he was released from the hospital with a clean bill of health, we came back home and spent some time with each other. I barely left the house, and Vince and I took two weeks off.
We went on walks around my property, made a bunch of sweet treats, binged Ted Lasso , and he even taught me some new self-defense moves, with Nico’s help.
Nico clocked us dating when he found me asleep on top of Vince. When I woke up, Nico was sitting in the chair with a huge smile on his face.
And that was that.
I haven't told anyone else that we’re official; Vince and I have simply been enjoying each other's company without all the cameras and judgments that could possibly come with it.
“Yeah, I have a lot to catch you up on. I’m not really sure where to start.”
“Why don't we start with how you’re feeling today? You sound cheerier than usual. Is there a reason for that, or is it one of those days where the pot of water is on a low simmer?”
“There’s definitely a reason. I’ve found myself in a new relationship, and it’s going well. Really well, actually.”
“Wow, Bree. That’s not what I’m expecting. When and how did this happen?”
“Well, it’s a long story, but you remember my bodyguard, right?” I launch into the entire story. It sounds insane when I say it out loud, but I wouldn't change anything about our relationship.
“That’s wonderful, Bree. It sounds like this new relationship is good for you, and I’m happy you have someone who chose you for once, despite your interesting career.”
Yeah, my career. Because of that and the media attention, Vince and I have decided to keep our relationship on the down low. In the public eye, I’m technically still dating Alex. We have one fake date left, and then our contract is over. I tried to get Connie to void it since he’s been seen with a bunch of different women—even one of my so-called friends.
He hasn't been spotted since he showed up at my event, and I’m thankful for that, because I don't know how much more of this cheating scandal I can handle. My comments everywhere have been a shit show, and since I don't talk about it online, my side of the story will never be told.
If I said anything, I would breach my NDA, and that is something I do not want to do.
Vince hates that I still have to be a part of this thing with Alex, but since there’s only one more date, and he’ll be near me during it, he thinks it’s best if I finish out the contract. That way, we’ll be free of Alex, free to show off our relationship anytime we want.
And you bet your ass I want to show my handsome boyfriend off. I swear, Vince gets prettier every time I see him, and I can't help it if I want to take a thousand pictures of him working out and laying in my bed with me.
I’ve spent too much time hiding in the past few months, and for the first time in a while, I want to shout to the world that I’m happy.
“Thanks. It feels good to talk about something positive with you for once. It always felt like I was talking to you during a spiral.”
“I’m here for you during any mood, Bree. Now, what was the reason you asked to meet today? I assume it has something to do with your new relationship?”
I twist the bracelet on my wrist, nervous to even bring this up. My mind knows the answer already, but it still lingers in my head, and it won’t leave. I figured talking to Dr. Anna about it would help soothe me, and I hope I’m right.
“I’ve been thinking about the next steps in the relationship—physically. After everything with Ralph, I’m scared of being touched in an intimate way again. My mind knows Vince would never do anything like that, and he’s never pushed me to do anything, but I’m still nervous.”
I hear her scratching down some notes across the line before she speaks. “Bree, it’s completely normal to feel this way. You were in a situation that took some of your power, and it’s normal to feel scared about entering that space again, especially after how long it’s been.”
“But I know Vince is Vince, not him…so why do I still have these feelings?”
“You’re considering giving up a part of yourself that’s been tucked away for a long time, and after the trauma you went through, those doubts are normal. Some people take that control back immediately, and some tuck it away to save for someone safe they can trust. Some never want to feel it again. It’s different for everyone, and there’s no right or wrong way to go about it. All that matters is that you feel comfortable in your decision.”
“Thank you. I thought I was crazy for wanting some of the things I did. I still feel like I’m insane for feeling like this. Other than Tristan, Vince is the only man I’ve felt safe with after what happened.” I know he would never hurt me, and he hasn't even brought up the topic of sex or being intimate, but I’ve been wanting it with him. Except these feelings make me believe I don't deserve to want him that way.
“What are you afraid of, Bree? What’s keeping you from taking this step?”
I take a deep breath before I answer. “I’m afraid I’ll get flashbacks to what he did to me. I’m nervous I’ll freeze like I did that night and completely ruin the moment, and Vince will never want to be intimate with me again.”
“You’re afraid he’ll leave you if you’re too afraid or scared to take that step,” she tells me, and all the pieces fall into place.
That’s what my fears always come down to. I’m afraid I’m too broken .
“Yes, I am.” Even though Vince has told me, and shown me, time and time again, that he’s not going anywhere. “When will I stop feeling this?”
“I’m not sure, Bree. But what I can remind you of is that Vince isn't him. He’s not Ralph. All he’s ever done is protect you, listen to you when you need someone to hear you besides me. Every time you talk about him, I can hear your smile from across the phone. I know you trust him, but maybe bring this up to him and see what he thinks. I’m sure if you mentioned that you wanted to take it slow, he would be on board with it. I assume he’s letting you control that aspect of your relationship since he knows what it means to you.”
“That makes sense,” I tell her.
“Talk to Vince, and I’m sure all of your fears will lessen. Baby steps are okay, especially when it comes to being intimate. It’s perfectly normal to take it slow, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do that.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course, Bree. I hope to hear more good things from you soon, okay? Text or call any time,” she tells me as she hangs up.
I sit with what she said for a few minutes.
I trust Vince more than anyone, and I know he’ll respect any decision I make.
— AS YOU ARE BY THE WEEKND
After an hour of overthinking how I’m going to talk to Vince, I decide to rip the band-aid off. I get up from my desk and head downstairs. I knock on the door of his office twice before I hear him mumble for me to come in, and as I peek my head around the door, his eyes meet mine, and a smile lifts his face.
I did that.
He sets whatever he was working on to the side as I plop myself onto his desk. “Hi.”
“Hi, baby.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead. “How was your call with Dr. Anna?”
I sometimes forget he knows my entire schedule like the back of his hand. “It was great. We had a lot to chat about.”
“Is that so?” He tilts his head at me as he studies my face. “It seems like it was a good talk.”
“Mhm. But I came down here because I wanted to talk to you about something.” I reach out and grab his hand, threading my fingers with his. There’s nobody in the house except for Vince’s team outside, so we’re all alone in here, which means that I can grab his hand when I want. Just because I can, I press my lips to the back of his hand a few times, peppering small kisses where our hands are threaded together.
“You can talk to me about anything, Bree. What’s up?”
“Well, we’re in a relationship now, and with that comes certain…physical elements.” I pull my eyes from his, suddenly way too shy for this conversation. “Have you given any thought to that part of our relationship?”
“Not too much. I knew we had to have this conversation at some point, but I didn't want to pressure you or anything. I knew you’d come to me when you were ready.”
I smile at him. Of course he’s letting me make the decision. Could this man get any more thoughtful? “Well, I’m ready, so I think we should have a chat.”
“Now?”
“Unless you’re busy working, and I’ll come back later,” I say as I fake leaving, but he grabs my hand and practically drags me back to sit on his desk.
“Bree, sit your pretty ass down on my desk, and we’ll talk. I always have time for you, angel. You should know that.”
“I do know that,” I say as I press a kiss to his lips. “So, where should we start?” I ask, unsure of how to do this. I’ve never laid out boundaries like this before, so I have no clue where to begin. I smooth out my dress as some nerves take over. It’s a new light gray mini dress I got online the other day. Dresses have always been my favorite go-to summer attire, and before autumn hits, I want to wear as many as I can.
“Well, we should have a safe word, just in case.”
“And if I say that at any time, you stop?”
“Of course. Do you have any ideas?” he asks, and I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
“Pineapple?”
“Is that what you want it to be?”
“Yes.” It would be easy to hear, since I hope I’m not talking about fruits during sex. “Okay, what else?”
Vince leans forward in his chair and rolls up the sleeves of his button-down shirt before he speaks. “How about we start with what you don't want me to do. Are there any hard no's?”
“A few, actually.” I take a deep breath before I recount the things I absolutely don’t want. I was afraid this would bring me back to that night, but so far, I feel okay. His presence and proximity is helping me see only him and not think about anything else. “Don’t hold or pin my hands above my head, and don’t choke me so hard that I can’t breathe. I’m fine with some light choking but nothing too crazy. Just don’t be forceful, and we’ll be fine.” I stifle a laugh, because talking about this feels so strange for some reason. “How about you?”
He pinches his eyes together as he thinks. “I’m pretty okay with most things, I think. It has been a while since I’ve been with anyone, but I do have one rule I always follow.”
I raise my eyebrow at him. “And what’s that? ”
His head comes forward, and just as I think he’s about to kiss me, his lips hover in front of mine. “You come twice before I do, baby. How does that sound?”
My cheeks flush, and my core aches at his insinuation. Just the thought of Vince’s hands and body making me come is spiraling my thoughts. I rub my thighs together as he presses a soft kiss to my lips. I’m practically breathless when I answer with a whisper, “That sounds good, Vince.”
As soon as his name leaves my lips, he groans. “Bree, don’t say my name like that. I’m barely hanging onto my control right now as it is.”
“Then let go of it. Show me what it looks like when you lose control.” I’m baiting him. He knows I’m baiting him, and I’m hoping he’ll take it, because the way I feel about him right now is overwhelming. I’ve never needed anything as much as I’ve needed him, in more ways than one, and I’m aching . My entire body feels tight with need, and for once, I want him to lose a little bit of that control he always has around me. “Please?”
That’s all it takes before he stands, swipes everything off his desk, and crashes his mouth to mine.
God, yes.
His hand comes to the back of my head as his tongue threads with mine, his other hand exploring every part of my body he can touch. It’s gentle and rough, two contradicting things, but I’m glad he’s not treating me like something breakable. He’s taking his time, as if he’s been wanting this for so long and doesn't want it to end. He brushes my breast ever so slightly, but just that small touch sends shivers down my body. “Lay down, angel.”
I comply, letting my back connect with the wood of his desk.
He bunches my dress above my waist as he throws his chair behind him, letting my legs hang off the side. He kneels on the floor, his face perfectly in line with my pussy still covered by my underwear. “God, Bree, you’re so fucking beautiful.” His hand finds my center as he teases me before he stops.
“Vince,” I moan, wanting more.
His face meets mine, his features covered in lust. “I was going to take my time,” he presses a kiss to my lips, “but it seems like you need something from me.”
One hand finds my pussy as the other traces my hard nipple. I’m writhing on his desk, my body begging for more. “More. Please.”
“Do you want my fingers or my tongue, baby?” Vince asks me.
“Both. Anything.”
“Both works for me. How about one orgasm with each? I think I’m okay with that.”
Before I can say anything, I hear fabric ripping, and when I look down, Vince is tearing my underwear off my body with his teeth. I watch as he puts the torn lace in his pocket. I’m almost fully exposed to him now, sans my dress, and Vince looks at me like a man starved. “Jesus, Bree. You’re soaked. Is this all for me?”
“Yes,” I say, breathless with anticipation for what’s to come. This isn't what I expected when I traipsed down here, but I’ve never felt safer. I know it’s him. I know Vince only wants to take care of me, and from what I’ve seen, he’s been wanting this just as badly. I bet if he stood up, his cock would be hard and ready.
“Can I taste you, angel? Will you let me out of this torment so I can find out if you’re as sweet as I think you are?”
“Yes.”
“And you remember your safe word?”
“Yes, Vince. I swear, if you—” My words are cut off by his tongue swiping through my pussy. His mouth is on me, and I suddenly can’t think of anything else. He focuses his attention on my clit, licking and sucking on it until I’m squirming against the desk. I grab onto the sides of it with my hands, needing something to hold onto as he devours me.
“Jesus, angel. I knew you’d taste sweet. ”
“Fuck,” is all I can manage as his tongue flicks against my clit before I feel him swipe through my entire pussy. My hips buck against his face, and his hand replaces his mouth against my clit as he comes up to my lips.
“Do you want to fuck my face, Bree? Do you want to take control of your pleasure and take from me what you need? I’m already on my knees, baby. All you have to do is ask, and I’ll let you do whatever you want to me.”
I can only moan as an answer, because my entire body is quivering at his words before he goes back to sucking on my clit.
Oh my God. I’m already close. It’s been like one minute, and I can barely handle what he’s making me feel. It’s been so long since I’ve felt anything close to this, and Vince is unlocking new sensations I never thought I’d feel. His mouth is claiming me as if I’m his last meal, and I feel my orgasm building.
“Vince…” I trail off, unsure if I’m making any sense.
“Give me the first one, Bree,” he says as he goes back to sucking on my clit. Stars explode behind my eyes as my legs shake, and I grip the desk tight. When I come down from that one, I feel two of his fingers enter me, but he doesn't move them. “You okay?”
“I’m fantastic,” I say as I meet his eyes, his pupils enlarged as he stares back at me.
“Good. Now give me another one.” He pumps his fingers in and out of me, his movements never wavering. “Do you know how beautiful you look like this, Bree? All spread out on my desk like a good girl, taking what you need from me?”
“Vince,” I moan. God, his words are making me feral, something I never knew I needed.
“I’ve never seen a prettier sight. And don’t worry about the desk, baby. Feel free to scratch it if you need to.” He curls his fingers, hitting a spot I haven't hit in years, and it feels so fucking good.
“More,” I plead, his eyes looking into mine as I squirm on his desk.
“Harder or faster, baby?” he asks as his thumb sneaks up to my clit and starts to circle it as his fingers continue pumping.
“Harder,” I tell him, and he listens beautifully as his strokes go from fast to deeper. His lips meet mine in a rough kiss, and I feel my orgasm building again.
“Come for me, angel. Show me the best sight I’ve ever seen one more time.” And that’s all it takes for me to explode all over his fingers, and by the time I’m done, I’m exhausted.
“Fuck…” is all I can manage to say, and when I meet Vince’s face, I see him licking the fingers that were just inside me.
“I thought your mouth tasted good, but it’s nothing compared to your pussy, Bree. God, I could feast on you all fucking day,” he says as he grabs a tissue to clean me up.
“I wouldn't be opposed to doing that all day as long as I get to have some fun in return.” I smile at him before I see a familiar piece of fabric peeking out from his pocket. “Can I have my underwear back?”
“Nope. Those are mine now, but I can help you go get a new pair. I don't want you walking around with no underwear on.” He looks around at the destruction of his office. All of his papers are scattered on the floor, his chair now in the corner of the room, his pens all over the place. At least his computer wasn't on his desk; I’d hate to have broken that.
“Careful, your possessiveness is showing,” I joke.
Vince only laughs as he lifts me off of his desk and carries me up to my room. “You’re mine now, Bree. You’re going to have to deal with me not wanting to share you with anyone else. Is that okay with you?”
“That’s perfectly okay with me.” I smile as he nudges my door open and softly sets me on my bed.
“That wasn't too much, was it?” he asks as he heads into my closet.
When he comes back out, kneels in front of my body, and slides my underwear on me, I smile. “It was perfect, Vince, but I’m exhausted.”
“Take a nap,” he says as he smooths my dress down and grabs my blanket from the end of my bed.
“Will you join me?”
“I will.” He presses a kiss to my lips as he goes to leave. “As soon as I clean up my office.”