Track 8 In The Stone
“In The Stone”
I DIDN’T TALK to Enzo for weeks after the party, and neither of us seemed to care.
We had grown so far apart by that point, I think we were both relieved it was over, even though neither of us announced it was.
E and I continued to speak often—nearly every day, and sometimes well into the night.
Some nights, we’d stay on the phone until two A.M., listening to music, or watching a movie at the same time.
Some nights, we’d stay on until we fell asleep.
I’d wake in the middle of the night to E’s soft, deep breaths coming through the speaker.
Each time, I’d pretend he was right there beside me, and I’d close my eyes and fall back asleep to the sweet lullaby of him merely existing.
Once in a while, we’d sneak off together when we knew no one would be around.
He’d pick me up in his Cadillac, and we’d drive as if freedom would be waiting for us at any destination.
Sometimes, we’d drive aimlessly through the Pine Barrens with the top down, if it were warm enough.
Other times, we’d head north and gleam at the wondrous New York City skyline from the Hoboken waterfront.
They were simple adventures, and few and far between, but I cherished each of them as if they were the breath in my lungs.
It was the best we could do. The crew was on the rocks now that Enzo and I had broken up, and it certainly wouldn’t be acceptable for E to be hanging out with his friend's ex-girlfriend—at least not by our laws; the lines of which were becoming ever more blurred. But I didn’t hide.
Instead, I pressed into the unclear boundaries of our deepening friendship.
I liked talking and laughing with E. I liked how he saw me.
I liked how he made me feel. And I knew he liked it too.
I told him I wouldn’t run, and I wasn’t.
I had no intention of ever running again.
One gloomy late-June day, Lara called me in a frenzy. “I need you to come over. Right now,” she said.
“Is everything okay? What’s wrong?” I was panicked, stricken with fear at the tone of her urgency.
“Everything’s fine, but… I’ll just tell you when you get here.”
The sky was a light gray, and darkening by the second. It promised rain within the hour, and I didn’t have a car, but I was too anxious to care about getting caught in it. Seventeen minutes later, I stormed through Lara’s front door and into her bedroom. “What!” I yelled, exasperated.
Her eyes were full of sorrow and guilt. “I have to tell you something,” she said, and it was the saddest voice I’d ever heard.
“Okay, so tell me!” I was shaking, full of wired nerves as I racked my brain trying to figure out what this could possibly be about.
She didn’t say anything more. Instead, she passed me a binder full of crinkled pages. I took a seat beside her on her bed and opened the book. It took me a minute to realize they were notes we’d passed in class, but these were all one-sided, and none of them were from me. They were all from Kasey.
I turned page after page, and then she stopped me. “Start here,” she said, and she looked away, disgusted with herself for something I didn’t yet know.
I began to read.
February 12th
I feel so bad doing this to Syd. She’s my best friend. And she’s Enzo’s girlfriend. But I love him. I loved him before I knew her. Doesn’t that count for anything?
And the next.
March 13th
I seriously feel terrible, Lar. But it feels so good to be with him.
Like we were meant for each other. He said he’s going to break up with Syd.
Do you think he will? Do you think she’ll be mad if we start ‘dating’ soon after, even though we’re already kind of dating?
They barely see each other as it is. You think she’ll be mad?
And the next…
April 27th
I’m starting to get nervous. He hasn’t broken up with Sydney, and he’s coming home soon. Once he can see her again, he’s totally going to break it off with me, I know it! What do I do?
A drop of liquid fell on the sheet, and it was then that I realized I was crying.
I looked up at Lara, who was crying too, but the sound of my own heartbreak was too loud for me to care.
A million thoughts raced through my head—Enzo had been cheating on me.
With my best friend, of all people. For months.
I was sick to my stomach, disgusted that I’d let him touch me, not knowing what he’d been doing behind closed doors.
Heartbroken that I trusted a friend who shattered it without a second thought for her own personal gain, if you could even call Enzo a gain.
The thoughts ran so fast, I could barely keep track of them, not sure which direction to run in first. But then, I settled on one. “You knew?” It was all I could focus on. It was all I could manage without screaming my head off—that Lara was involved too. “You knew, and you didn’t tell me?”
“I’m so sorry, Syd. I—”
“Why? Why would you do that? Why would you keep this from me only to tell me now?” I stood from my seat on her bed.
“I don’t know—”
“Was the guilt finally too much for you? Was it finally too hard to look me in the face and pretend you didn’t lie to me about my best friend sleeping with my boyfriend for six months?”
I threw the binder onto the floor and slid my fingers into my hair, gripping it tight. My head was spinning. Lara continued to sob.
“I’m so sorry, Sydney. I wanted to tell you, I did! It was the hardest place to be in. Please, you have to understand—”
I put my hands out in front of me to stop her. “Don’t. Don’t, Lara. I can’t right now, and I really don’t care.”
She sobbed again, and I took a deep, jagged breath. Anger, betrayal, and a murderous rage were swimming in my mind at that moment, and I had no way to slow the current.
I paced back and forth in her room as I tried to gather my thoughts. My blood was boiling. I could feel the heat of it rippling off me and swirling in my lost mind. In my anger, one thing became clear. I took a steady breath and stood up straight. “Call Kasey.”
“What?” Lara's brows knit, and her lip lifted in almost a snarl. She couldn’t understand my request, but I was sure of my next move. Surer than I’d ever been of anything in my whole life. The dark, steady pace of my voice showed it.
“Call Kasey. Call her and tell her to meet us at the park. Right now.”
“But—”
“Lara. You owe me,” I said, looking down at her. “Call Kasey.”
And like the guilt-ridden friend she was, she did.
Fifteen minutes later, Kasey showed up at the park, giddy as ever, skipping over to us like she was damn Goldilocks herself. The second she reached us, I balled my fist with the force of every betrayed cell in my body, and punched her directly in the face. And it felt good.
Blood poured out of her nose as she fell on her back with a yelp. “What the hell, Sydney?!”
I leaned over her and took her shirt in my fists, my eyes full of fury. “Next time you decide to sleep with my boyfriend, don’t write about it, you stupid bitch,” I snarled. I didn’t recognize my voice, and it almost disturbed me how low and calm it was, considering the whirlpool raging inside me.
The shock that hit her eyes fueled my pride all the more. I’d been embarrassed, manipulated, and taken advantage of. I was going to leave this revolting situation on top, if it was the last thing I did.
I let go of her shirt, and she fell the few inches I had lifted her to the ground. She rested there on her elbows, stunned, unsure if she should move or not. It was better that she didn’t.
I looked at Lara then, standing tall and firm. “Anything else you want to tell me?”
“No. That’s it. That’s everything.” She said with wide, worried eyes. She was a nervous wreck, and she deserved to be.
I looked between the two of them, my stance so strong that I probably looked like Sarah Connor from the second Terminator. I am sure as hell I felt like her.
“Who else knows about this? Just you two and Enzo, I’m assuming?”
“Yes. Of course,” Lara answered, and I was satisfied. At least if I had to look like a complete jackass, it was only to these three assholes. A roll of thunder roared, and I turned my back to them as I started to leave. Her next two words stopped me.
“…And E,” she added.
And my whole world came crumbling down.
E knew? E knew, and he didn’t tell me? How could he do that?
E was my best friend, the closest person I had.
The one who knew me more than anyone. The one who…
And he lied to me? He kept this from me, knowing I would never have stayed with Enzo had I known.
Knowing Enzo treated me horribly, and this would have been enough to finally leave him?
He let me stay in that without even a word? How. Could. He.
My heart was broken more by the betrayal of E than anyone else in the situation. Because it was him. It was us. It was my whole heart, ripped out from inside me, and spat on.
I walked home in a straight line, grabbed the keys to my dad’s Jeep, and jetted out the door, driving straight to E’s. I didn’t know if he’d be home, but I didn’t care. I’d find him. I had to find him.
I could barely see through my tear-flooded eyes. My head felt like it was on fire, and my ears were ringing as if a bomb had gone off in my vicinity. Just to make matters worse, shortly into the thirty-minute drive, the skies opened up, and it began to pour.
I should’ve pulled over. I should’ve turned around and gone home. But my foot stayed heavy on that pedal like a man on a mission who wouldn’t rest until his job was done.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, E’s car was the only one in the driveway when I pulled into it like a bat out of hell. I didn’t even close the door behind me as I jumped out of the black Jeep and into the pouring rain, running for the back door.
I banged hard on the glass slider until a dark figure appeared behind it. E slid the door open hastily.
“Syd, what the hell? You okay? Come in here, get out of the rain.”