Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH
I feel like I’ve been left shattered after my date with Malaki.
Everything that I tried holding inside is now spilling out, flowing onto the rough, cheap carpet beneath my feet.
With all of these emotions, I’ve dived into writing more and more in an attempt to stop the bleeding, but it’s easier said than done.
Nothing can stop this outflow anymore, nothing but surrendering to the inevitable and letting my omega have her heart’s desire.
My desire, I think. Because if I’m going to finally open myself up to this venture, I need to be honest with myself.
My omega may be a dog in heat on hind legs, but I’m just as feral.
She feels what I do, just without shame or guilt.
I was a fool to think I could curb her hunger for them, because it is the same as mine.
Our heart beats for this pack, in every single way, and I knew sooner or later, something would happen to completely throw my resolve into the garbage.
My fight against this, against my scent matches, was only ever going to lead one way.
I’m starting to realize that every member is almost tailor-made for each distinctive side of me.
They all have something that I adore, something that speaks to the deepest innards of my being.
Remi, with his reserved but confident attitude; Lennon, who is full of life and positivity; Malaki, with his steady but playful demeanor; Jamie, whose smile is full of gentle sunshine.
And Cyrus, who holds a deep weight of expectation on his steeled shoulders, expectation that I remember feeling throughout my childhood. There’s a darkness hiding in him that I want to pry out, to smooth its edges.
I wish I could see every concealed crevice that he hides behind in that mastered facade. I bet there’s so much beauty to discover there.
Never yours, like you are too, minds twisting of bruising blue.
A second choice, shone no poise, by a person you never once knew.
I pull the pen to my lips, biting absentmindedly as I try to work my way through this line that is troubling me. When my phone rings, I thank the universe for the opportunity of avoidance as a picture of Lark and me from one of our first festival gigs shines on my screen.
“Hey. Why’d you call me? You’re like twenty feet away,” I ask, thinking about her room that’s right beside mine.
“I’m actually downstairs. I wanted to see if you wanted to get dinner at the hotel restaurant. I heard it’s good.”
“That sounds good. I need a break anyway.”
“Oh.” She pauses. “Are you working on something?”
I sigh. “Just a new song, but it’s not fleshed out yet.”
“Cool. Let me know if you need any help or melody inspiration.”
That makes me smile. “I will. I’ll meet you down there in five.”
“I’ve already got us a table.”
We hang up and I move my stuff aside since we won’t be leaving the hotel for a few days.
Our concert here in Salt Lake won’t be until tomorrow, but we arrived early and were granted a day to goof off.
Not that any of us are doing that. I was under the assumption that we’d all be catching up on rest while we have the chance.
I pull on an old Ed Hardy zip-up and black yoga pants, determined to be comfortable and hidden as I exit the room and make my way downstairs.
The elevator goes at a snail pace, and I feel like it stops on every floor.
When it stops again at the fourth level, I give a tiny groan, but then a young girl—probably seventeen or eighteen years old—walks in wearing a Vicious Velvet T-shirt.
I recognize the design from our last tour and smile.
I wrestle with what to do. On one hand, I could make her day, but on the other, there is no guarantee that she is going to keep this to herself, and then we’ll have to deal with a swarm of fans crowding the hotel.
Considering we’ll be here until at least tomorrow night, I’m not sure if it’s a good trade-off.
Turns out, I don’t even have to decide, because the second the businessman from six gets off at two, the girl moves to lean more comfortably against the wall and sees my face.
I see the second recognition kicks in, her eyes bulging as they take me in.
She looks both surprised and panicked as her mouth parts to speak, but no words come out. I give a little weak wave.
“Hi.”
The girl shrieks, her hand going to her chest. “Oh my god, it is you.”
“Yes,” I confirm, because there’s no point in denying it. “I like your shirt.”
She looks down at it and blinks like she forgot she was wearing it before her gaze meets mine once more. “I saw you guys in Colorado last year. I-I have tickets for your show tomorrow.”
I give her a sincere grin. “That’s awesome. What song are you most excited to hear?”
Her brows raise comedically high. “I—Wow, I’m not sure. Maybe ‘Wandering Widow?’”
“That’s one of my favorites. Nicola worked with our producer for months to get the perfect bass that really tied it all together.”
The elevator gets to the bottom floor and dings, indicating our stop, but the girl looks like she wants to hear more. I start to move out, slowing my pace so I can turn to her when we’re in the lobby.
“Can I…” She coughs, nervous. “Can I take a selfie with you?”
“Of course.” I pull my hood down and fix my hair. She already has her phone out, her arm stretched wide to get as much of us as she can in the photo. We both smile, and she admires the photo, screeching as quietly as she can as she grins with excitement.
“Thank you so much,” she tells me, her eyes sparkling like this is the best thing that could have ever happened to her.
“Thank you for the support,” I respond. “I only ask, can you wait until Monday to post that photo? It could get out of hand if people know where they can find me.”
The girl’s face sobers and she gives an earnest nod. “Of course. Thank you for taking one with me at all. I will respect your wishes.”
I hesitate, but then reach out my arms. “Some people are weird about hugs, but do you… want one?”
Even when I didn’t think it was possible, her smile grows even wider, and she flies into my arms so fast, accepting the gesture and holding tight for a few moments.
When we pull back, I point over my shoulder. “I gotta get going, but I hope you enjoy the concert.”
“Of course! I will, thank you, even with the ratty boys’ set,” she says, but her face is full of tease rather than real malice.
I shrug. “I think some of their stuff is actually pretty cool.”
I move through the hotel bar to get to the restaurant, but luckily it’s not very crowded as I swivel through the bodies. Just as I’m about to break free of the evening guests trying to secure their cocktails, I run right into someone’s back and let out a hmph before pausing to apologize.
“Hi, Petal.” I hear the voice and freeze, my eyes finding hazel ones that pour into my soul.
Jamie’s hair is once again tied back, the blond streaks as pretty as always.
The bar lighting highlights the soft freckles dancing along his nose, and his shirt cuts off right above his belly button.
My eyes trail over his lean stomach and to the tattoo peeking out on the side of his hip.
It’s a simple rose done in black ink, but something about it sends my instincts haywire.
A shiver runs through me before I settle my gaze back on his face.
He’s lounging with his elbow on the bar, his hand holding a flute with clear liquid that makes me squint my eyes.
Is that champagne?
“Hi!” I say, a little breathy due to my surprise. Then I notice the alpha that’s with him, the one I just accidentally ran into. I take a side step away from him and closer to Jamie, but still smile all the same. “Oh, hello.”
Jamie points at his friend. “Ethan, this is Josie. And Josie, this is Ethan. We grew up together in Kiss Cove.”
Ethan smiles at me and I return it. His hair is cut so short, I can see a birthmark just above his ear, and his tattoos are full of music memorabilia, including several guitar pics and an intricately detailed music sheet on his forearm.
“Oh, cool! Do you play music, too?” I ask, pointing at his arm.
Ethan confirms with a nod. “My band actually played tonight, too. I’m the guitar player for Wolfs and Heathens.”
My eyes widen. “I’ve heard of you! That song, what’s it called?” I pause to think. “‘Everlast Fanatic!’”
“It’s still in the top ten right now,” Jamie says proudly.
I can’t help but cheese at the revelation. “How cool is that? That you both get to do this.”
“Yeah, thankfully,” Jamie adds. “Our small town was so small, everyone knew each other.”
“Are the people there nice at least?” I ask.
“The nicest,” Ethan confirms. “In fact, that might have been a part of the problem. We were the ones with too much angst.”
They both laugh and I grin, watching them. I wish I could stay and listen to all of the old stories of their hometown, maybe even get Ethan to tell me some embarrassing stories about young Jamie, but I can’t. My friends are already waiting for me, and I don’t want them to be suspicious if I’m late.
“I have to go meet Lark at the restaurant,” I say, shooting Ethan a kind smile. “It was nice meeting you.”
I give Jamie one last look. His lips are flattened, like he wants to say something else, but I walk away before he can get the chance. When I get a few feet away, I hear him.
“Josie, wait.”
I halt my steps and turn to him. “Yes?”
He swallows nervously before saying, “Malaki gave me your number. He said it was okay.”
I bite my lip and give a shy nod. “Yes, he said he would.” I pause for a moment. “But you haven’t texted.”
It’s been a few days since my impromptu and incognito date with Malaki. When he asked if he could give my number to Jamie, I was excited. I was hoping I’d hear from him by now, but there’s been nothing.
“I wanted to.” He smiles. “But I wanted to hear from your lips first that it’s okay.”
His orchid scent blossoms now that we’re out in the open, and I can’t help the tiny whine that escapes me at the forbidden floral scent as it travels through my nose. I catch his eye, noticing the anxiousness there, and give him a soft look.
“I want you to text me. Whenever. Anytime.”
I try to say it casually, but my voice is husky. He must catch the desperation I try to hide, because his lips turn up into a delicious grin. “Good,” he says. “Be expecting one, then.”
It’s hard to walk away, but I find the strength to peel myself from his orbit and go on my way. With every step, I can still smell flowers on my skin, the dark bite of it so intoxicating that I have to fold my lip between my teeth to keep from giving a wanton sigh.
Lark and Nicola are seated at a corner table of the tiny restaurant, their glasses full of pretty liquid and a plate of bread between them as they quietly look over their menus. I take a step forward and greet them.
“Hey guys. Where’s Cleo?”
“She’s sleeping, I guess. She didn’t answer her phone.” Lark shrugs. “Do you guys want to get mozzarella sticks?”
“There’s always room for mozzarella sticks,” Nicola chirps happily, then gives a dramatic sigh. “I wish I smelled like a mozzarella stick.”
“No, you don’t. You’re just hungry,” Lark grumbles.
“It’s true. I’m going to order the entire menu.”
I laugh and unfold my menu. A few moments go by of me looking over the options before my phone buzzes in my pocket. I’m looking at an option for grilled eggplant when I open a text from an unknown number.
There, on my phone, is a half-naked picture. I can only see from the lips down, the mirror obstructing the person’s face from the flash of the camera, but I know who it is. Cocky grin, crop top slanted, the same abs I was just ogling five minutes ago glowing on my screen.
And then there’s that rose tattoo, peeking out from the “v” mark traveling into Jamie’s sweats.
I gasp and straighten in my chair, pretending that I wasn’t just looking at something inappropriate under the table.
Is it really considered inappropriate if it’s a picture of the outfit I just saw him wearing in a crowded room?
Probably not, but it feels borderline improper, especially with the way it causes heat to rise over every part of my body.
Jamie: You said anytime.
I scoff, a flush forming quickly and embarrassingly. When I said whenever, I didn’t think he would text in five minutes.
Not that I’m complaining, because holy shit.
Another text comes through.
Jamie: Do you like what you see, little flower?
I gulp. Oh gosh, I really hope my scent doesn’t spill out so much that my friends think a waiter dropped an entire tray of champagne flutes.
My fingers fly over the keyboard.
Josie: I did.
Josie: Was your goal to make me blush in front of my friends, or?
Jamie: Happy accident.
I bite my lip, unable to stop the fluttering in my stomach. Well, due to the stress of my location, they feel more like birds flapping around in there, not graceful butterflies.
Still, I’m a glutton for punishment, because…
Josie: Do you have any more?
Dots instantly appear.
Jamie: Are you asking me for nudes, Petal?
Fuck. I think I am.
Josie: If you have any.
Another comes through and I drop my phone from the mere glimpse of it. Lark and Nicola snap their heads to me, confusion written over their faces.
“Are you okay, Jo?” Nicola asks.
I nod. “I’m just hungry, I think. Dehydrated.”
After I make a show of gulping down some of my water, I reach to pick up my phone, the photo still pulled up.
It’s gorgeous. All the hard lines and ridges on Jamie’s lean body are enough to send me into a frenzy.
I know I asked for nudes, but seeing his hand wrapped around his dark cock, the rose tattoo peeking out from behind it, does things to my body that I don’t care to admit.
I am nearly salivating in my seat, my scent almost certainly trying to spill out for the world to know of my shame.
Except, I don’t feel any shame. I feel pure arousal, and my stomach makes flips that could rival a gold medal gymnast.
I send him the melting emoji because I don’t have any words.
The waiter shows up to take our order; I choose the grilled eggplant even though I don’t like Parmesan because I can’t waste any more time pretending I am reading this menu.
After getting some bread in my system and trying to calm down my racing heart, Jamie’s response comes through.
Jamie: Can I come see you later?
I sneak a peek at the text, my heart beating faster at the idea. I look up at my friends. They are actively engaged in a conversation about a famous music store nearby, so I pull my phone out.
I find that it’s the easiest “Yes” I’ve ever sent.