Chapter 19
NINETEEN
The Rogues are everything I could ever want, and last night confirmed it for me.
Even after my run-in with Remi and Lennon, after my date with Malaki, I was still hesitant to let my emotions run free.
The consequences felt too enormous, too detrimental, but I can’t help the way my body reacts in their presence.
How my omega prods my psyche with the dirtiest thoughts she’s ever had whenever they’re around.
How she mopes when they’re not right beside us.
Because of Jamie, because he took that courageous step in my direction, I can no longer postpone the revelation that this is something that I want.
Jamie is a beta, someone that I should not be able to scent in the slightest, but his aroma wraps around me like a woven blanket every time he is near.
It’s a constant reminder that this isn’t normal attraction, isn’t just a lonely omega lusting after captivating alphas.
These are my mates, and they are meant for me in every possible way.
Jamie’s visit reminded me of that, and now I can’t get enough. A single whiff of his dark floral scent, and I was begging for any scrap of affection he wanted to give me.
I love everything about him so far. His silly retorts. His pure playfulness. His aura that lights up with all the kindness in the world.
But then I think about the other side of him that showed up in my hotel room last night, the rough and dominant facet I’d never seen before.
His rugged, husky breath and the firm grip of his fingertips against the sides of my throat.
The entire experience left a stamp on my body, collapsing the rest of my resolve immediately.
I guess all of the guys are like their namesake, because Jamie Morrison definitely went rogue last night, and the payoff was astounding.
Even standing here, watching the guys perform when I should be checking my guitar and getting my makeup touched up backstage, I am still out of breath.
My eyes roam over them, their instruments working in tandem as much as they are.
I don’t think many people notice, but they check in with each other throughout the sets every night.
Little looks here and there, subtle nods, shoulder squeezes when they pass by each other.
From the outside, I bet those gestures look so normal and friendly, but to me, I know they hold weight.
They love each other, in more ways than one, and it’s remarkable to witness firsthand.
The band with so much grit and mystery are actually a pack full of softies.
“They’re good.” I flinch at the voice, before turning to see Jamie’s friend from the bar.
“Ethan,” I greet him. “I didn’t know you were still in town.”
“Our label had us down for two shows. I’m supposed to be on a bus right now, but I told them I would catch up. I had to come see the guys play one last time.”
My brow furrows. “One last time?”
He shrugs. “I think… traveling, being on the road all the time, it might not be for me.”
Despite the shock of hearing that, it speaks right to the doubt I’ve been having every time we’re on tour. “It’s not an easy thing to do. I agree with you completely. Do your bandmates feel the same way?”
“I’m glad you agree it’s not everything it’s cracked up to be, but it isn’t just that.
” He swallows, the sound rough. “Our label is going to drop us,” he confesses, and my stomach drops.
“I have this feeling. We just haven’t been performing the way we should, and to be honest, we’re not getting along anymore either. I think it’s time to call it.”
My mouth gapes. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
He shakes his head, looking anything but troubled. “It’s okay.” He pauses, then says, “I thought this was what I wanted, but I think I want something else more.”
I nod, understanding. “At the end of the day, this is a job. If you’re not loving it, then there’s really no point in putting your body and mind through the stress.”
“I heard you’re the lyricist of the group; makes sense.”
I chuckle and ask, “What will you do instead?”
“I miss Kiss Cove,” he admits. “And there’s someone there I left on bad terms with. I think… I think I need to go home.”
The meaning settles over me and I can’t help but feel proud of this semi-stranger beside me.
“Just… don’t tell Jamie, okay?” Ethan says after the encore starts. “I want to tell him myself. I don’t want him to be sad about it for me. He’s like that, and I don’t need him to think it’s some major loss or anything. I’ve accepted it, and I’m ready to move on.”
I nod. “Of course. And hey, you got to live this dream for a little bit. Now, you can fulfill your other dream.”
His smile is weak, but present nonetheless. “If it’ll have me.”
The rest of the encore is short-lived. I can tell the guys are exhausted the second they step around the corner, the arena dark so they can make their getaway.
Lennon is panting, and his lacey white shirt is soaked through where it hangs on his body.
When the lights come back on, Ethan throws him the water bottle he was holding.
“Thanks, mate,” he says in response before downing the bottle in one go.
Jamie walks toward us, his hair wet with sweat, the blond tips underneath sticking to his neck.
My eyes trail to his exposed abs in that glorious crop top that he likes to wear, the rose tattoo on his hip sticking out as a teasing reminder of last night.
My omega stirs at the sight. I got very close and intimate with that tattoo.
My heart thumps faster remembering when he got it, how he wanted a reminder of me even when I wasn’t reciprocating the same enthusiasm.
It makes me feel whole, like everything is going to be okay despite all the odds stacked against us.
And it also makes me horny as hell.
Luckily, no one can smell my champagne scent over all the insane scents back here, not to mention the descenter that they respray every hour or so.
Jamie sees me, a smile dancing on his lips. Before he can say anything, he notices Ethan, his eyes widening. “Holy shit, man. I thought you already left.”
“I wanted to see you again before I took off to Nampa,” Ethan tells him.
“I have to get something for Lennon from the dressing room,” he says, “Walk with me?”
Jamie passes by me, his hand touching my shoulder in a reassuring squeeze before heading down the corridor. I smile, holding my shoulder.
I got one of those pack squeezes, I think happily.
Ethan turns to follow, but I call out to him. When he turns back to me, his brow is arched.
“If I don’t see you again…” I start, pausing to smile at him. “Good luck. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
His face softens, and he looks less like some rock star punk and more like a kid who needed a kind word. “Thank you. Take care of my boy. He deserves the best.”
“He definitely does.”
Ethan walks off in the same direction as Jamie, and I sigh. The energy starts to dissipate. Lennon looks like he has calmed down, but I still walk over to check on him while Remi and Cyrus are talking nearby.
“Is everything okay?”
“Just my… I have a…” Lennon winces, wiping sweat off his face with his bare shoulder. “Can I tell you about it later? I don’t want anyone to overhear.”
I nod immediately. “Of course. I completely get that. Do you need anything though?”
Despite still being out of breath, he gives me a naughty smirk. “There are a lot of things that I need when it comes to you, Josephine Rosewood.”
I roll my eyes, but can’t help but laugh. “Even in distress, you’re still a flirt.”
“Always, little vicious.” He pulls me to him and I fall onto his lap, my ass perched on one of his legs.
I expect my body to tense, but it doesn’t.
Instead, I allow myself to fall languid in his hold, onlookers be damned.
“Now, when are you going to give me the time of day to explain my ailment? You’ve hung out with the rest of these knobheads. ”
A laugh tumbles out of me. “All by chance, technically.”
“Well, I don’t want to leave it to chance,” he says, and my breath hitches when his scent travels to me, a strong coating of what I now know to be ginger beer floating in the air. “Maybe I can cook for you. Then, we can be somewhere private, and you can learn everything you want to know about me.”
“Hm, I guess I’m already learning. You can cook?”
“The best in the band,” he responds arrogantly. “I guess Malaki is adequate, but he still can’t make beef Wellington.”
I’m having a hard time controlling my face muscles because the smile that pops out is wide. “You don’t have to go through all that effort for me.”
His thumb brushes against my cheek. “You, my dear, deserve all the effort.”