Chapter 39 #2
I collect my things, completely ignoring the others’ protests. When I get to the door, Cleo hits the table hard and stands up. “We’re supposed to be figuring this out together,” she says.
I look back at the group. Everyone tries to avoid looking at us, knowing this is deeper between Cleo and me than just some missed meeting.
“I already told you my side,” I say. “They are my scent matches. They have my heart. I need to be there for them.”
Something about my statement hits Cleo hard. She flinches, and I watch as her heart breaks right in front of me. She doesn’t say anything else, just looks at me like I’m too far out of reach.
But that’s not true. I’ve been right beside her this entire time, but I can’t do that forever. Not if she’s unwilling to reach out and accept it.
I walk out without saying another word.
There’s no paparazzi when I get to the hospital, which I take to be a good sign. Navigating the hospital is a different story, and I start to get frustrated before a nurse passes by and helps me get where I need to go.
When I walk into the room, my guys are standing all around. I expect somberness, but they’re laughing, filling the stale space with love and joy. It makes my omega pique in my chest, her admiration almost as strong as my own.
Jamie sees me first, his smile widening even more before he turns to Lennon. “Your girl’s here.”
They all look, and I feel suddenly shy under all of their gazes, but then I look to Lennon. He’s resting in the bed, a hospital gown pulled over his long, lean body. He gives me a dopey smile. “Little vicious,” he greets, his head curving slightly to admire me. “You look like a vision.”
My cheeks heat up.
Cyrus stands from the only chair in the room and claps Lennon’s shoulder. “Let’s give these two some time to talk,” he informs the group. They all turn to head out without any protest, each of them giving me a soft touch or kiss as they pass by.
When Cyrus comes up beside me, he caresses my cheek. “He’s okay. It was just a little scare.”
That confirmation that everything is okay nearly does me in. I feel like I’ve been holding myself up this entire time, waiting, worrying, but now my body can relax. I exhale a shaky breath and kiss him. “Thank you.”
When Lennon and I are alone, all I want to do is crawl into this hospital bed and cuddle him. He looks like he wouldn’t mind, either. Instead, I pull the empty chair as close to the bed as I possibly can and hold his hand.
“Aw, my love,” Lennon says when he sees the tears in my eyes. “I’m so sorry if this scared you—”
I stop him. “Don’t start with that. Don’t apologize for something you can’t control. It’s not your fault.”
He nods, squeezing my hand. “I had an asthma attack. Our meeting kind of went off the rails and I guess the stress of it hit me pretty hard.”
“But you’re okay,” I say it as a statement, because I trust Cyrus. I don’t have to reaffirm it.
“I am okay,” he agrees. “They want me to stay overnight just in case because I still passed out right after I used the inhaler, but they said everything looks good. It’s mainly stress that’s been getting to me, but I’m hoping that will change soon.”
“Did they recommend anything for that?” I ask. “On ways to alleviate your stress?”
He grins. “Well, I already have all the basics down, but now that my team knows about my condition, I’m hoping things will change. Cyrus is hopeful that they will.”
“They know?”
“Yeah, I kind of blurted it out when I screamed at them during the meeting.” He bites his lip. “I’m just so tired of all the bullshit, you know? I wish things were simpler. And I expressed that. I don’t think it’ll get better overnight, but now they know.”
“I’m glad they know,” I agree. “You deserve the best. All of you do.”
“So do you and your friends.”
There’s no way to tell if things will get better for us.
I’m still trying to figure out if telling my team the truth will result in a clean transition when we get back to the real world.
The public have to know that these men are my scent matches eventually, but I know we can’t let go of the narrative of Cleo and Cyrus because then we’d be admitting to lying to our fans. Lying for years.
“I told them today,” I admit. “That you and the guys are my scent matches.”
His thumb caresses over my hand. “I did too. I guess now we’ll just have to wait to see what they both do.”
Lennon looks so tired, and I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.
The girls and I struggled with this kind of tour before.
We bled ourselves dry and drove ourselves crazy.
This amount of time on the road could make even the healthiest person break down.
I can’t imagine how much strain it has put on him.
“Maybe this tour is too much,” I tell him. “Maybe nine, ten months with no light at the end is too much for your body to handle.”
He doesn’t disagree with me, but he does look me in the eye with determination. “I made the choice. I do everything I can to make sure I can still perform. I knew this wasn’t normal, but I was ready for it. I wanted to make it to the end just as much as you guys did the first time you did this.”
I sigh. “That first tour was torture, Lennon.”
He gives me a deranged smile. “I don’t live my life walking in the center of the sidewalk, baby. I like to be on the edge a little bit, and with my condition, I have to find ways to do that. This felt like a good way to stretch those muscles.”
I shake my head. “You’re ridiculous.”
“And you like me anyway.”
I try to hide my smile but fail. “I’ll stay here with you tonight, at least.”
“I can’t let you do that, Josie.”
I squeeze his hand. “But I want to.”
He shakes his head. “There will be many days where this disease will hinder me, and I need you to promise me that you won’t let it hinder you as well. I need you to keep living your dream, even when you’re thinking about me struggling. That is the only way this can work.”
I tilt my head. “Why?”
“Because I will start to build up guilt if you give it up for me. And that isn’t healthy for either of us.”
“But… I want to be here. I want to help you when you’re feeling down.”
“We have a pack, baby girl,” he says, and a tear slips from my eye.
He goes to wipe it off, holding my gaze.
“When one of us falls, there will be someone to catch us, even if the others are off doing other things. The guys are here with me. I need you to go do what you do best and play your heart out on that stage.”
I nod, unable to keep the tears from pooling. “Lennon, I…”
The words are on the tip of my tongue, daring me to take that leap. He looks at me intently, waiting patiently for me to continue, and that softness is the reason why the words are even there to begin with.
“I love you.”
Lennon inhales sharply. He looks at me with surprise, like he had no idea that was what I was going to say. Then his face blooms with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen, his scent pouring out in buckets.
“Say it again,” he whispers, the quiet sound stringing my heart back together after the day I’ve had.
I put my hand on his cheek and press my forehead to his. “I love you.”
His hands cradle my face, needing to touch me as desperately as I do him.
Then he kisses me on the forehead and pulls me close.
“I love you, too, little vicious,” he says against my temple.
“From the second we met outside of our buses all those months ago, I knew you were something special, knew that I wanted to be in your orbit. Thank you for letting me.”
The energy is so intense, so heady, that I feel a bit dizzy. “You’re making my head spin.”
He chuckles. “I am? I am holding onto my wits over here by a thread.”
“By a thread, you say?” I give him a teasing look, my hand playing with the sleeve of his gown.
“Careful, little vicious,” he says, mirroring his words from months ago. “Or I might just ignore the doctor’s orders and keep you in this bed with me until tonight.”
I laugh and everything feels right in the world again.