Chapter 41
FORTY-ONE
DETROIT, MICHIGAN
“Do you want anything to eat, baby?” Remi asks as he walks by. His hand scoots across my back and shoulder so casually that my stomach flutters. Like we no longer have to overthink the touches between us; we can just let ourselves be free with our movements.
“I’m okay,” I reply, giving him a small smile.
He moves to the tiny kitchen this bus has to offer and starts to scour stuff together, likely putting together a snack plate for the entire pack.
I’ve noticed that they do that quite often.
Cheese platters and other snacks all spread out on trays while they lounge around since each of them has different tastes.
I love seeing these tiny glimpses of how things used to be before I came into the picture, and I love even more that I’m now a part of it.
“When do we take off?” Malaki asks near the bunks as he changes his clothes.
“Around five,” Cyrus says while looking at his phone intently. “Then we’re on our way to Chicago.”
I sigh when I think about how much longer this tour is going to be. We’re now heading across the major cities in the north before we go right down the middle and back into the south. Then our international tour will begin, which will only breed even more issues.
Cleo and I haven’t spoken since that day in her hotel room.
Every day seems to be getting worse. All the staff can tell that there’s something broken between us, and it’s made it awkward while trying to navigate the tour professionally.
Everyone tiptoes on eggshells around us, and I feel like I’m going bonkers.
It’s been tense in the green room, both of us silent and seething at one another while Lark and Nicola try their best to mediate, but I don’t think it’s possible. Too much has happened, and she is too deep in her drug abuse to see reason anymore.
My only reprieve has been my mates.
Accepting that has been hard, but the guys have been there for me every step of the way. It’s nice to have a pack to lean on, even if that pack is the reason why this rift is a gaping hole to begin with.
The media took Cleo’s words and ran with it.
I’m the home-wrecker; I betrayed Cleo in the worst of ways, and no one will believe me if I try to fix it.
She went and threw a bomb at the situation, blowing it into something that it didn’t need to be.
I’m not sure how I can forgive her for that.
When I finally had the courage to tell our team about my scent matches, and they agreed to tell the truth, it turned into yet another lie.
At the time, I was surprised. Hurt. But I’ve since discovered that addiction is a fickle thing. There’s no right or wrong way to go about things, but it’s an illness that wants to survive and it will do anything to do so.
Now, everything makes sense. It all comes back to Cleo, and all the things she’s willing to do instead of admitting that she needs help.
“Remi, can you slice up some apples for that board?” Lennon asks. “I think they’re going to start browning soon.”
“Are you going to eat them if I do?”
“Of course, as long as you add peanut butter.”
“But you have to ask me to add peanut butter for me to know that.”
Jamie laughs. “I’m going to eat some too. No peanut butter though.”
“Thanks, Jamie.” Remi starts cutting green apples and I find myself watching his forearms.
God, he really likes hiding those things under his blazers and sweaters, huh?
I lock eyes with Malaki. He’s already looking at me as he winks, prompting a solid blush to spread over my cheeks.
Someone knocks a moment later, and Cyrus unhurriedly goes to answer it, probably assuming it’s their tour manager or someone else here for details about our departure.
What we’re not expecting, however, is to see Lark standing there. Her eyes are rimmed with red, her mascara running down her face.
I immediately go to her, panic clawing me from the inside out. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Her honeysuckle scent smells oily, like soiled sap. She sniffles slightly, her signature frown still present despite the emotion so clearly written over her face.
“It’s Cleo…” she says, and my heart sinks. “She’s at the hospital.”
Her eyes trail over my guys, hesitant to say anything else but I persist. “I’m just going to tell them anyway, so please tell me what happened.”
That seems to knock her out of whatever was holding her back, but I never in a million years expected the words she spoke next.
“Cleo overdosed.”
It’s like my entire world collapses right then and there. My soul feels ripped out of me, and the next thing I know I’m on the floor, bodies towering over me as they say words that I can’t hear through a thick fog.
I must have started crying, because my face is wet and my throat feels swollen. My entire body feels like it’s been put through the wringer as I slowly come out of the abyss that it was just thrown into.
“Josie, please breathe,” I hear someone say, their accent beautiful as their face comes into focus. Icy blue eyes look into mine, dark hair falling over his forehead perfectly. “Omega.”
Dark chocolate rolls over me, bringing my senses back to life. I blink, the fog finally clearing. “Cyrus?”
His smile is soft and patient. “Hi, baby.”
With the fog clearing, I’m reminded of the reason I am on the floor to begin with.
I sit up, my eyes shooting back to Lark, who is also kneeling down, looking at me with concern.
“Is she okay? Where is she?” I ask.
Please don’t say she’s dead, please don’t say she’s dead…
“She’s alive.” Relief soars through me, easing a bit of dread clinging in my ribs as I try to breathe. “She’s at the hospital. I was about to head over but I wanted to be the one to tell you… Do you want to go with me?”
I find myself nodding before she even finishes her sentence. “Just let me change first.”
Lennon kisses my forehead as I pass, and Remi and Malaki give me the usual pack squeeze that actually sends little jitters of joy to blend in with the pain. Jamie stops me for a moment, giving me a hug. He is shaking, and I hate that it might be because of the state he just saw me in.
“We’ll be here waiting for you,” he whispers. “I love you.”
If it were anyone else, the moment might seem odd but it lifts me in a way that I need. He knows the words will add some much-needed support right now, especially with all the guilt that’s starting to set in.
I walk into the nest and start to change. Cyrus comes in a second later, watching me with silent support.
“Do you want any of us to go with you?” he asks so quietly that only I can hear.
I ponder that for a moment, but ultimately shake my head. “I need to be with my friends. I’ll text you if that changes.”
He nods, accepting my answer. “We’ll be right on the other line, we promise.”
When we get to the hospital, it’s a madhouse.
Paparazzi are everywhere, and it only gets worse the closer we get. A part of me is wondering how this is possible; it must be some kind of safety hazard with the way the hoard of slimy photographers are blocking the main entrance to the emergency room.
Ruby meets us on the outskirts, security already in tow to help get us inside. I hear the clicks, see the flashes of light, but my body can’t keep up to give the surprise off my face as we are ushered inside.
“How did they know she was here?!” Lark hisses when we get inside the quiet waiting room.
“Someone on staff probably told someone before we could get here,” Ruby mutters, her eyes slit with anger. “We’ll figure out who, don’t worry.”
We follow her to the front desk, my stomach twisting in knots. She turns to us. “I’m going to deal with everything outside and call a few people. You guys go ahead, I’ll be back in a bit.”
Lark turns to the nurse behind the desk as I watch Ruby walk away.
“We’re here to see Cleo Del Rossi.”
“You can’t see her yet, but we have a private corridor you ladies can wait in until you can.”
It’s silent as we follow her, the smell of antiseptic clinging in the air. It makes me rub my arms uncomfortably.
When we sit down, Lark looks over at me. “I’m sorry for earlier,” she says. “I trust your guys, I promise. I was just thinking about what Cleo might want, but we can’t think that way anymore. They are your mates, your pack. We’ll have to find a way to correlate boundaries with the new dynamic.”
I nod. “I understand. I like that you were considering what she would want, but it’s true. They’re my pack; they’re going to be in our lives forever. I guess that’s something we all have to think about.”
Lark reaches out her hand and I take it gladly.
Waiting feels like pulling teeth. This hallway is too bright, too pristine. Ironically, it makes me feel sick to my stomach.
My phone tings, and I’m happy to see it’s in the group chat with my guys.
Cyrus: any updates?
Josie: nothing yet. I’ll let you know if there is anything.
Lennon: We’re here for you, Josie
Malaki: we love you
Remi: please let us know if you or your friends need anything
My heart swells—the kindness and thoughtfulness of my men helping ease some of the ache that’s residing there.
Nicola shows up like the chaos demon she is. Her hair is a mess and she wears has on two different socks with her Birkenstock sandals. When she sees us, she immediately erupts into a sob like she was waiting for this moment to finally fall apart.
Lark and I go to her, clutching her tightly between us until her cries are smothered by the material of our shirts.
She says a lot of stuff while crying, half of which I can’t hear clearly but some words I do make out.
Mostly “Alek” and “what-if” and “addiction.” I realize this must be a wake-up call for her just as much as it is for everyone else.
Her and Alek have always lived life on the edge, and I’m not sure if she wants to do that anymore after today.
Nicola is still shaking even as the sobs subside. We have her sit between us, each of our hands holding one of hers as she calms herself as much as she can. Her kiwi scent is usually so bright and fruity, but now it has a rotten edge that makes me sad for her.
This has rocked her to her core, and I hate seeing it firsthand.
“I’m s-sorry,” she says between hiccuped breaths. “I think I just realized… this could have been a reality for me, too. If it wasn’t Cleo, it would have been me. Or Alek.”
Just saying his name brings another bout of tears, her chin quivering.
“I think he’s… getting to the point of no return and I don’t know what to do. In the beginning, it was just for fun, but I think it’s turned into something else for him. It’s become a way for him to escape the stuff he doesn’t want to think about. I don’t know what to do.”
Lark rubs her shoulder. “You can tell him he needs help, and see where it leads. And if he doesn’t, you have to remove yourself from the situation before you get caught up in it further.”
She nods. “I think that’s why I’m scared. I don’t want to lose him.”
“It’s better than losing yourself.”
Those words linger around us as the silence of the hospital takes over once more. All we can hear are our shaky breaths and the occasional beeping from random nearby machines. I let go of Nicola’s hand as mine becomes too sweaty, guilt eating me from the inside out.
“This is all my fault,” I say.
Lark looks at me with stern eyes. “No. It’s not. Cleo made choices, and this was one of them. She knew we could help her, she just didn’t want that.”
“Not today.” I shake my head. “I should have never suggested we start a band. None of this would have happened if it weren’t for me.”
Nicola gasps like I just said the worst thing in the world.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” she curses at me just as a nurse walks by with a judgmental face.
“Oh fuck off, our friend just overdosed,” Lark spits at her.
The nurse has the decency to look sheepish as she frisks away.
“Josie, you can’t honestly believe that,” Nicola says. “This band is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Sure, the past few years have been rough, but to wish it all away?”
“I don’t regret joining this band for a single minute,” Lark cuts in. “This band is my life. You three are my life. We get to do amazing things and go to amazing places. And most importantly, we get to do what we love.”
“Yeah, but Cleo—” I stop, tears pooling. “She would have never gone down this road if we weren’t in this position.”
Lark shakes her head. “Things like this always stem from something the person can’t digest or handle.
Cleo is dealing with something, something that none of us know the truth of.
She could have gone down this exact road even if we weren’t celebrities.
You can’t blame yourself for giving her the best opportunity to show the world her gift. ”
“She loves to sing, Jo,” Nicola reminds me. “She loves what we do.”
“I know. Thank you. I’m just sorry that this is where we ended up.”
“It’s not ideal,” Lark agrees. “But we’re more than just bandmates, you guys are my family. We’re going to get through this.”
They both reach over and give me reassuring squeezes. Being here with them, having their support, finally having candid conversations, is healing something in me. I’ve missed being with them, really with them. It’s a reminder to prioritize more time with them from now on.
Ruby finds us, her demeanor subdued and she slumps over in exhaustion. She relaxes in her seat, finally done with the circus that is the paparazzi.
“Well, that was a fucking mess,” she says. “But they’re gone. The news of her overdose is probably already out. I swear, hospital staff don’t understand confidentiality anymore.”
“What’s going to happen?” I wonder out loud.
Ruby sighs. “They’ll probably cancel the tour. As for Cleo, I’m not sure how this affects her contract yet, but I know your label loves publicity no matter if it’s considered good or bad. For appearances’ sake, they’ll probably ask her to go to rehab.”
My breathing evens out. A part of me feels like that won’t go over well, but another part of me doesn’t care. Even if they have to force her hand, the idea of Cleo getting help from real professionals puts a piece of me at ease.
I just don’t know where that leaves her and me, or if she still wants my friendship at all. I guess I’ll have to wait it out, even if that breaks my heart into small jagged pieces.