Chapter 43
FORTY-THREE
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
“Do you want to add some keys to the chorus?” Cyrus asks me. He mumbles the melody as he reads over the lyrics, his brain working a mile a minute.
My mate always works on autopilot when writing music and today is no exception.
“Maybe later. Just work on the chords with Kai and Remi. I’ll figure out something to embellish it later.”
He nods and immediately walks over to the guys. We’re halfway through our new album, and since the tour was canceled, we’re working overtime to get some material together for our producers.
I look at the date. We were supposed to be in North Carolina by now, playing at the Spectrum Center, but instead we’re back in Los Angeles, isolating in our pack house and trying to heal from the past few weeks.
After Cleo’s overdose, both of our teams realized that we can’t go on with the tour.
Her condition was serious, and although the guys and I weren’t explicitly told what happened, Josie said that their label forced Cleo to check into rehab.
Only a select few people know where she is, Josie included, and the rest of the public has been asked to give the band privacy as they navigate this difficult time.
In regard to their careers, that’s on hold for the time being while Cleo recovers.
I look up at Josie across the room, her notebook sitting idle beside her as she types away on her phone.
The change has been hard on her. I don’t have to be bonded to her to know that the guilt she feels is still very much present.
She tries to keep herself busy by hanging out with us and by diving into her songwriting, but it’s obvious that the events still weigh heavily on her.
Still, despite all the turmoil, she wanted us to start our lives together, and that started with moving in together.
When we first brought Josie to our pack house, we were nervous. We didn’t have time to prepare anything, but even without all the bells and whistles, Josie loved it so much that she burst into tears the second she saw it.
She moved in that same week.
I love that no matter where I am, Josie isn’t far away.
We all have our own space, and Josie has her nest next door to the music room we’re occupying right now.
It’s a dream come true, and even with all the drama in the media following everything that happened, we’re still enjoying the honeymoon phase as best as we can.
I walk over to her and sit down on the green carpeted floor.
“Texting Lark?” I ask.
She looks up with a soft smile, her scent subdued but still just as beautiful. “Yeah, she’s getting together with Nicola to write some melodies. We all feel really weird about doing it without Cleo, though.”
“Which is why you’re staying back,” I guess.
She shrugs. “I just don’t feel ready to jump into it yet.”
My thumb finds her cheek, wishing I could will away her somberness with a flick of a finger. “You’re allowed to grieve, Josie. There’s no time limit for when you’re supposed to be ready. Just feel it out.”
“Yeah,” she agrees. “I’ll keep writing lyrics on my own and maybe someday soon, things will feel different.” She bites her lip, looking to the ground. “I just wish she would answer my calls.”
I nod, knowing there’s nothing I can say that will make it any better. Cleo hasn’t taken anyone’s calls at the rehab facility, and I think that’s hurting Josie even more than the situation in general.
“I just wish she knew that I don’t care about what’s happened. I just want her to be okay. I want to be there for her.”
“She knows,” I reassure her. “She knows you better than anyone. She got a bit lost, but she’s going to make her way back to you. It’s just a matter of when.”
Josie smiles the tiniest bit, her eyes sparkling for the first time all day. “Thank you, Jamie,” she says.
She pecks my lips, and I revel in it. No matter how small the affection is, I will gladly accept it. Every second in her line of sight is one that I’m grateful for.
“I really like this house,” she confesses for the tenth time since she’s moved in.
“We’re glad,” Remi overhears and replies. He comes up behind us, the rest of the guys in tow.
“We have some places in England, too, if you’d ever like to come meet our families and see where we grew up,” Malaki suggests.
Her eyes widen. “I would love that.”
“Bristol would be happy to have you,” Lennon beams.
She looks to me again. “Would Kiss Cove like another famous visitor?”
The guys all laugh at the wince on my face. “They would love you. If you want to go, we can, but I have to warn you. The town is a little bit… eccentric.”
“It sounds like an amazing place,” she says, not picking up on my discomfort. “And if it’s where you grew up, I want to see it.”
“Oh, this is going to be great,” Malaki snickers.
I turn a glare on him.
“What?” He puts his hands up in surrender before leaning down and kissing my head quickly like you would a skittish animal. “I can’t wait for her to meet your mother’s side of the family. They’re so nice.”
Lennon laughs. “He just doesn’t want his mom to call him Sweet Jam in front of Josie.”
They all crack up and my neck gets hot. “She hasn’t called me that in years.”
But it’s not true, she just called me that last night on the phone.
“I want it all, even if it’s embarrassing. As long as they love you, I don’t care.” Josie’s smile falters. “If you guys wanted to see where I grew up in New York, we could do that, too. I have to say, I’m not speaking to my parents anymore, so it wouldn’t be a very fun trip.”
Before any of us can say anything, Cyrus bends down and looks her in the eyes. “I’m not speaking to mine either, so we don’t have to go to New York or my family’s estate. Luckily, these lads here have really overbearing but loving families that can keep us preoccupied.”
That makes her smile wide. “That is lucky.”
“The luckiest.”
The moment is interrupted when Josie’s phone buzzes several times, and her brows scrunch as she unlocks it.
Then all of our phones start buzzing, and my stomach sinks.
First, I look at Cyrus, then the rest of the guys as their faces all display an equal amount of confusion.
“Oh, fuck,” Josie says first, her hands going to her mouth.
There’s an echoed gasp from Lennon as he looks at his own, then the rest of the guys follow suit. My own phone is across the room, so I’m promptly in the dark.
“What happened?” I ask.
Cyrus moves to turn the television on, and the air gets sucked from my lungs.
On Punk Tune TV is a series of pictures, all including me and Cyrus. Some of them are innocent, us walking arm in arm, others holding hands, but there are a few that show us doing more than that. Kissing, staring into each other’s eyes.
I look at our outfits and the surroundings. All of the images were from this past tour. They all seem to be taken in the corridors of the venues.
The reality of what’s happening sets over me. All these moments where we thought we were alone were caught on camera, and we had no fucking clue.
I look to Cyrus to see if he’s okay, but he’s already looking back at me, his concern bleeding through the bond.
“Are you worrying about me?” I ask, exasperated. “What about you? You’re the one that just got outed!”
“What’s happening?” Josie asks, looking between us.
“This guy thinks that I’m going to freak out over this!” I yell. “When his sexuality is the one that our label wanted to keep under wraps.”
“Well, yeah, but I don’t give a shit about that,” Cyrus responds. “If anything, I’m kind of relieved.”
My heart stutters. “Really?”
“Yeah. I mean… God, people are probably losing their minds, but look. They don’t have to be told, they can see how much I love you just by looking at these.”
Something pricks behind my eyes, so I stretch them wider to keep whatever emotion I’m feeling at bay.
“Maybe this means we can finally come out as a pack,” Lennon says, his lips curved into a hopeful smile. “Maybe we can be honest about all of it.”
Before any of us can wrap our minds around that, Cyrus’s phone rings.
“It’s Mac,” he says before answering. “Hey, man… Yeah, we’re looking at it right now. What are they saying?”
I try to gauge whatever Mac is saying by looking at Cyrus’s face and feeling him through the bond. He seems steady, focused. There’s nothing there to indicate that this might be the disaster I expect.
Remi slaps a hand on my shoulder, watching our prime. The others all sit in anticipation, their scents spiking with thunderous undertones.
“God, I can’t take it anymore. Put it on speaker,” Malaki grumbles.
Cyrus looks at us and sighs. “Hold on, Mac.” He pulls his phone back and presses the speaker button. “Can you repeat what you just said?”
“Unfortunately,” our manager gripes. “The guys over at Midnight Records are freaking out. So far, the source can’t be traced.
They have no idea who took those pictures of you.
It couldn’t be anyone who worked at the venues, but the pictures are spread out too much for that.
The roadies who moved from city to city with us were under ironclad NDAs, and they were under time stamps from the company they work for.
” He pauses. “The original story came from a magazine that’s under-known, and they said they received an anonymous tip with all the information, but still no luck. ”
“Is this going to affect our contracts?” Cyrus asks.
“I don’t think so. You didn’t do this yourself. We did everything to keep it under wraps. I think they’re going to find a way to explain it rather than have you two outright deny it.”
Cyrus takes him off speaker and walks away to ask a few more questions. The rest of the guys look at me, their eyes wide.
“Well, that’s good at least! Maybe this won’t be as damaging as they thought.”
“It shouldn’t be damaging at all,” Josie interjects, her lips turning into a snarl. “I mean, having you two pretend you’re not together was a bullshit thing to ask to begin with. I mean, it’s not the twentieth century anymore. It’s barbaric.”
Seeing her so passionate makes my stomach flutter. “We were young and didn’t expect them to take advantage of us like that. You’re right though, they should have never demanded that of us.”
Cyrus walks back over a second later and slides his phone in his pocket.
“It seems like everything is good. We’ll have to meet with the execs and our publicists to put out a statement.
It looks like they’re going to make this about the dangers of outing rather than taking responsibility for forcing us to hide our relationship. ”
There’s a weighted silence before Remi speaks.
“You guys don’t have to hide anymore,” he says, and the load of everything Cyrus and I have endured these past few years lifts right off our shoulders. I can hear Josie’s sniffle in the corner and it brings forward my own emotion.
Cyrus flings himself at me. He lifts me, holding me tight as he burrows his head into my shoulder. He is breathing heavy, finally letting himself feel the relief he’s been so desperate for.
When we first started this arrangement, I let it slide off my back.
We had so many close friends and family members who knew the truth, that it didn’t matter to me whether our fans knew it or not.
Still, I saw how much it hurt Cyrus to pretend.
All he’s ever wanted is to be himself without the expectations of others.
And now, for the first time ever, I think he’ll finally be able to do that.
I kiss him deeply, hoping he can feel every bit of happiness in my body through my kiss and bond alike. He groans into it, the sound lighting me up from the inside out.
When we pull apart, our pack is there, surrounding us and forcing us into a group hug.
I find myself laughing as they all scream, their energies pulsing with joy for us.
Love spreads over us from every single one of them, and my cheeks hurt from smiling as we all celebrate this blessing in disguise.
This is my pack. I couldn’t have asked for a better one, not in a million years, and now it’s finally time to live with them in peace.