40. Jess
40
Jess
I stepped off the train and trudged back to the B&B. It’d been an intense week.
I was just heading back from another meeting, this time with Cecil. I’d had to go to London multiple times to go through all the paperwork for the sale, meet with the architect and contractors… the list was endless.
Cecil and Edwin had gushed about how straightforward and smooth the process was. Although I was glad to hear that, it was still all so overwhelming. Most of the time I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.
Luckily Mrs Davis was super organised and had applied for planning permission before Edwin decided to put it on the market, which apparently you could do even if you didn’t own a property. And because the council had given permission, it speeded up what could’ve been a long, drawn-out process, which was a relief.
Plus, because the library was private and I wasn’t asking for funding, that made things easier too.
The architect that Theo had recommended before the presentation was a million times better than the one I had before. He knew all the right people and was confident that once the sale went through, the contractor and project team he worked with could get the renovations done in six weeks, which I was incredibly grateful for. I was so glad Theo had given me his details.
Crazy that even though we hadn’t spoken for over a week, he was still making my life better. Just a shame he couldn’t do that closer to home.
When I got to the B&B, Glenda was at reception.
‘Let me know if you need anything,’ she said to a couple as she handed them their keys, ‘and enjoy your stay!’
‘Hi,’ I said as the couple disappeared up the stairs.
‘Hello!’ she chirped. ‘How were the meetings?’
‘Exhausting. I’m going to head straight up.’
‘Okay, love. Oh! Before you go, this just arrived.’ She reached under the desk and handed me a sheet of paper. ‘Thought you might like to see it.’
My eyes flicked to the ‘Good News’ title at the top and I frowned, not understanding why she’d thought I’d want to read what looked like a newspaper article.
As my gaze travelled down the page and I caught sight of a photo of me standing next to Theo in front of a roller coaster, I gasped. That was when I realised it was Sunshine Bay’s newsletter.
The headline read ‘Sunshine Bay Welcomes New Residents’. The article itself was short, just a few paragraphs on the trip to Dreamland which felt like a lifetime ago now.
It wasn’t the words that my eyes were fixated on, though. It was the photo. I loved it. On that day Theo and I were supposed to be enemies, but there was no trace of hatred.
Nancy hadn’t used the one of us smiling like I’d thought she would. Instead, she—or maybe it was Edwin—had picked a candid shot I hadn’t even seen her take where I was staring at Theo with a look of awe and gratitude, which, considering how he’d helped calm me down on that ride, was understandable.
But what surprised me was that Theo was gazing at me like I’d just taught him how to walk on water. Somehow he looked smitten.
We’d only known each other a few days and yet the writing was on the wall. We just hadn’t seen it.
My heart sank.
God, I missed him so much.
When he told me he had to leave that night and didn’t know how long he’d have to stay in Paris, I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.
Although I’d always known that because of the circumstances and our different backgrounds, the chances of us going the distance were slim, a part of me had still secretly hoped we’d find a way to make it work.
We’d had such an amazing evening eating fish and chips on the beach, whilst sipping champagne and watching the sunset. We’d laughed and joked together, and I was hoping we’d round off what had been a memorable day by reading together.
So when he dropped that bombshell, I wasn’t prepared. At first I was upset. I wanted him to tell his dad he wasn’t going. But then I reminded myself that Theo was already prepared to sacrifice everything that he’d worked for to see me win .
When he’d suggested he pull out of the pitch, I was shocked. Knowing he’d do that for me meant more than he could ever know. But I couldn’t allow him to withdraw. And I meant what I’d said. I wanted to win because Edwin chose my presentation.
I’d got what I’d wanted. I’d won. Having Theo forever was being greedy. A man as kind and wonderful as him would never choose to settle down with a woman like me. And when the novelty of what we had wore off, he’d dump me and I’d be even more heartbroken than I was now.
The more time we spent together, even if it was a long-distance thing whilst he was in Paris, the harder and more painful it would be when we inevitably broke up. That was why, as much as it hurt, I had to set him free.
Even though it crushed me to walk away, it was for the best. I’d already made things more difficult with his dad, who I couldn’t imagine was happy to find out we’d been together. So now I had to let Theo get his life back on track and leave him to get what he’d worked so hard for: the CEO position.
If I was being honest, based on our conversations, I didn’t think it’d make him happy, but it wasn’t my decision to make.
‘Thanks,’ I said to Glenda. ‘Would you mind if I kept this?’
‘Not at all! I’ve got about fifty other copies, in case you want to cover your bedroom wall with them?’ She chuckled.
‘Um, it’s okay. I’ll just keep this one.’
‘You miss him, don’t you?’
I paused. I was going to deny it, but there was no point.
‘Yeah. ’
‘It’s a shame you two couldn’t make a go of it. Theo’s a diamond. I knew he was a good’un, but after what he did when he left, he’s gone right up there in my rank of best men ever along with my husband, God rest his soul.’
‘Sorry to hear about your husband.’
‘Thanks. He passed a decade ago now, so…’ She shrugged.
‘What did Theo do when he left?’
‘When he handed in his key, he gave me an envelope and insisted I didn’t open it until he left.’
‘What was inside?’
‘Five bloody grand! I’m not one for crying, but I tell you what, when I saw that, I shed a tear.’
‘That’s… that’s really sweet.’ My heart fluttered.
‘Tell me about it! I called him straight away to say thanks but that it was too much. He said it was for the hospitality, but I explained that Edwin was covering the cost of your stay during the pitch. But he’d insisted. Said it might come in handy if I wanted to fix the ceiling and the creaky bed!’ She smirked.
‘Oh!’ Thinking about it, we’d probably done a lot of damage to both.
‘But I reckon it’s because I’d mentioned in passing one day that things were a little tight, so he wanted to help. Such a gent. Men like him don’t come along often, so don’t let him slip through your fingers.’ She smiled and I nodded, knowing Glenda was right. ‘Anyway, better go. The kitchen won’t clean itself!’
‘Bye,’ I said, clutching the newsletter to my chest, somehow hoping it would soothe the pain in my heart.
Once I’d showered, I climbed into bed and started reading. As I made my way through the pages, I tried to imagine Theo’s voice and how it would sound if he was reading to me.
My thoughts also turned to the photo in the newsletter. And with the picture of his face and velvety tones in my mind, it wasn’t long before I drifted off to sleep.
‘O. M. G!’ My best friend’s jaw dropped as she stepped into Mrs Davis’s basement. ‘I know you said she had a lot of books, but this is insane! I thought she’d just have the books that blew up on TikTok, but she’s also got some of my fave indie authors too, like Lyndsey Gallagher, Jen Morris, Clare Lydon and Evie Alexander. What a legend!’
Sarah had come down for the weekend to help me check off and package up all the books so that as soon as the work was finished at Seaview High, they could be moved into the library.
Mrs Davis had kept a handwritten list of every book she had, but it was going to take an eternity to go through everything—that was why we’d decided to stay in one of the rooms here, which felt a bit weird, but it was the best option if I wanted to get this done. I was so grateful to have Sarah’s help for two whole days.
‘I know, right? There’s loads of classics too. At first I was worried about having too many old books because people always want the hot, shiny new novels to read, but actually, I think there’s room for both. There’ll be a lot of romance readers who want to dive into an author’s backlist, and it could also help attract a different target audience.’
Romance wasn’t just for readers in their twenties and thirties. I was sure there were plenty of readers in their forties, fifties, sixties or even eighties just like Mrs Davis who’d love to read romances from past decades. It was important that we had something to offer every romance reader’s tastes.
‘Listen to you with your marketing speak!’ Sarah laughed, tossing her dark hair back. Knowing that we had a lot of work to do, she’d come dressed in her favourite comfy blue jeans, a purple T-shirt and a pair of trainers.
‘It’s crazy! I never thought I’d be talking about target audiences and market demand , but this whole experience has taught me a lot.’
‘I can tell. I love the way your confidence has grown.’
‘Thanks.’ My heart fluttered.
‘So how’s all the other stuff going with the library prep? Are you going to get someone else to help you? There’s no way you can manage everything on your own.’ Sarah pulled out a book with a pink cover that I didn’t recognise and started flicking through it.
‘I’ve drafted some text for a librarian ad, so I just need to find the best and cheapest ways to advertise it. I was thinking I’d try social media but haven’t had time to set up any accounts yet.’
‘Social media’s a great idea! All the Bookstagrammers and BookTokers will spread the word. I can help if you like?’
‘That’d be amazing. There’s just so much to do and I have to be super careful with the budget. I really need to start advertising soon, though, because ideally I’d like someone with experience, since I know nothing about running a library. And if they’re already working, they’ll need to give at least a month’s notice. ’
‘True. What else do you have to do?’
‘Apart from all the stuff with the sale and renovations, advertising for staff, then the interviews, sorting through all these books and handling all the marketing so people actually know that the library exists?’
‘Whoa. That’s a lot. ’
‘Tell me about it! And I reckon I need to have some sort of grand opening or launch party. I heard that’s a good way to get free advertising. Or is it PR? I’m still trying to learn all about the marketing stuff.’
‘I think it’s called PR, but they’re all related. A launch party’s a great idea. I bet the locals in your adorable town would help too.’
Before we came to Mrs Davis’s house, Sarah met me in Sunshine Bay and I gave her a little tour. She absolutely loved it.
I was still staying at the B&B. It was close to Seaview High and it felt like the nearest thing I’d had to a home in ages.
The day after winning the pitch, I gave notice on my bedsit, and it made sense to settle in Sunshine Bay. In time, I’d look for a more permanent place to rent, but for now, my room suited me just fine.
‘Good point. Maybe Maddie, the lady from the bakery, could do some book-shaped biscuits?’
‘Love it!’
It really helped to have Sarah to bounce these ideas off. This was the kind of thing I probably would’ve done with Theo if he was still around.
I could imagine us sitting together on our bench brainstorming. So many times a thought for the library would pop into my head and I’d want to speak to him about it .
A couple of times I’d reached for my phone to text him. I wanted to know how he was. How things were going in Paris. And whether he knew when he was coming back.
I wanted to know if he still thought about me as much as I thought about him.
And whether he missed me.
I missed him so much it hurt. It was like something was missing. Like when he left, my heart went with him and now my chest was hollow.
‘Jess? Jess!’ Sarah shouted.
‘Huh?’ I snapped out of my thoughts.
‘Go anywhere nice?’
‘Eh?’
‘You were daydreaming! I’ve been calling your name and you weren’t answering.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Were you thinking about Theo?’
‘Yeah,’ I sighed. There was no point denying it.
The day after Theo returned to London, I’d filled Sarah in on everything and she’d been checking on me ever since.
‘Awww, hon. I’m so sorry. I know it can’t be easy. But with all that you’ve got on your plate, it would’ve been hard to maintain a relationship anyway. And at least you’re busy, so that can help take your mind off things.’
‘Yeah.’
She was right. In theory. It would’ve been hard. But the thing was, knowing I had Theo to come back to at the end of a busy day would’ve made it all worthwhile.
Although I had loads to do, it didn’t stop me thinking about him. As soon as I woke up, I’d think about how much I used to enjoy eating crumpets together.
Then, as well as thinking about him throughout the day, when I finally shut down my computer, my mind would drift to how much I loved our evening walks on the beach and having dinner at Candace’s place.
And of course, the nights were when I missed him the most. Reading together, snuggling up in each other’s arms. Not to mention the amazing sex.
Wasn’t it supposed to get easier the more time that passed? For me, it seemed like it got harder.
‘So, back to your launch party thing. To really draw the crowds, you should get someone cool to cut the ribbon and open the library officially.’
‘Ribbon cutting.’ I pulled out my phone and typed it into my notes, adding it to my never-ending list of things to do. ‘I don’t know anyone cool . Apart from you, of course.’ I smiled.
‘Flattery will get you everywhere!’ Sarah grinned. ‘But I mean someone that’s well known and preferably who likes books. Like Oprah or Reese Witherspoon.’
‘In my dreams!’ I chuckled. ‘As much as they love books, I’m not sure I have the budget to fly them over from America. It has to be someone local.’
‘Oooh!’ Sarah’s eyes widened. ‘You should get Mia Bailey to open it. She’s from London, which is close enough, and she seems really nice and approachable.’
‘Who’s Mia Bailey?’ I frowned.
‘Have you been living under a rock?’ Sarah gasped dramatically. ‘She’s that matchmaker who has the column on that cool website OnTheDaily.co.uk. The one who’s dating the actor Liam Stone. ’
‘Oh!! Now I remember. She matched the woman who stood on the street with a sign saying she was looking for a boyfriend because she was tired of using the apps.’
‘That’s the one!’
‘You think she’d open the library?’
‘Hopefully! Being a matchmaker, obviously she’s into love, and I’m pretty sure I read that she loves romance books.’
‘She might charge, though, and I have to use all the budget I have left to cover the salary of at least one other librarian.’
‘You’ve got nothing to lose by asking.’
‘True. I’ll look for her details later tonight when I get back.’
‘No, no!’ Sarah shook her head. ‘Best to do it now. These people get booked up far in advance. Go and send her an email and I’ll carry on here.’
‘You sure?’
‘Yep! In exchange, you can let me borrow this.’ She waved a copy of the latest Lucy Score novel in the air.
‘Okay.’
‘Don’t worry. There’ll be no turning down the corners, dog-earing, cracking the spine, spilling food or drink on the pages or other book-related crimes.’
Just hearing those things made me break out in a cold sweat, but I knew Sarah loved books, so she’d treat anything I lent her with lots of TLC.
‘Deal.’