Chapter Five #2
For all the guys Ambs has dated, it’s never felt like we actually had to share her with anyone until Talon.
“If I hear him say the word epic one more time, I’m going to throw something,” Mo says.
We burst into laughter, but then she continues, “We’re eighteen.
We’re supposed to be living our best lives, making memories before college.
It’s never going to be like this again, where we all live in the same town and know all the same people and see each other every day.
Everything’s going to change. I feel like I’m the only one who realizes that, and it sucks. ”
Mo has always liked it best when it’s just the three of us—no boyfriends, no stragglers—and I wonder if she is already anticipating facing UMaine alone next year.
Ambs and I have known for years that we wanted to leave for school—her for culinary school in New York and me for the best school I got into.
If it’s New Jersey I go to, New York is pretty close, but it’s not like Amber and I are going to the same place without Mo; still, it must be hard to be the person getting left behind.
“I know. I don’t think I’m ready for how much things are going to change.”
“And then don’t even get me started on the concept of soulmates,” Mo rants. “It’s so obnoxious. Like, why is everybody trying to couple up when we have our whole lives ahead of us?”
Her words remind me of Marcus’s sarcasm the other day. It’s so romantic when teenagers take a marriage vow when they can barely vote or see an R-rated movie.
“You think me and Jay are obnoxious?” I ask, terrified to know the answer. First, because Mo is not necessarily Jason’s biggest fan. Second, because it feels like her verdict matters.
Monique tilts her head as she thinks. “Well, not really.”
A week ago, that answer would have thrilled me. It would have been proof that Jason and I are the exact right balance of in love. That we’re Not Like Other Couples. But now her response startles me. She doesn’t think Jay and I are soulmates, or she doesn’t think we’re obnoxious?
“You guys are tolerable,” she clarifies. “Most of the time. I mean, you don’t always have to be together, which is nice.”
“Right, but you think we’re soulmates?” I ask, feeling around for some sort of assurance. No, Jay would never voluntarily break up with you. You guys are so perfect. Couple goals.
She bites her lip. “I don’t know if soulmates exist.”
“They do,” I insist. “Not everyone finds theirs, but when you do, it’s forever.”
I know I sound as love-crazed as Amber, but what is a breakup, or fight, or coma, or a hundred little bumps in the road in the face of forever? And Jason and I can still have forever.
She sighs. “I don’t know, Zadie. I think I’m just hangry.”
“Well, wait until you see how much food Jason’s parents got. It’s like they want to feed the whole state.”
Mo snort-laughs. “They better be giving the leftovers to the food bank.”
We walk back inside arm in arm, her mood significantly lifted, but my mind is whirling with questions and doubts.
We’ve just found Amber and Talon at the dining table when Mrs. R stands, eyes bright. “There you are, Zadie! I think I’ve held you in suspense long enough, and I’m so glad I get to do this in front of everyone.”
Immediately my heart starts to beat like a bongo drum in my chest. Oh shit. I never got to talk to Marcus. Maybe he told his aunt that me and Jason broke up. Maybe she’s about to embarrass me in front of everyone.
“Come over here,” she says.
I take faltering steps around the table and to the front of the dining room where she’s standing. I hope my smile is solid, that my eyes are bright, that I look as calm as a cloudless day. Inside, though, I’m barely keeping it together.
And then she reaches into her pocket and holds out something. “The police found the ring!” she squeals.
Instant applause fills the room as I just stare at her.
Finally, I manage to croak, “The…ring?”
Mrs. R nods and opens her palm to show me a gold ring with a small aquamarine stone.
“Oh my God,” I say, because there is a ring. In her hand.
“How…I mean, where…when did they find it?”
“This morning. They found it under the driver’s seat,” she says. “May I?”
Too stunned to do anything else, I nod, and she puts the ring in my hand. Mrs. R hugs me as a chorus of awwws fills the room.
I swear she can feel my heart hammering in my chest. She can feel my muscles twitching. My feet are ready to run me out of this room to hide under any piece of furniture where I can take cover.
It has to be a coincidence. Someone rode in Jason’s car, dropped their ring in there. Right?
I slide the ring on quietly, reverently, as everybody watches. And then they cheer again.
Okay, but… I think. Maybe Jason bought the ring before he decided to break up with me.
My smile stays firmly in place as everybody applauds; Mrs. R’s eyes are getting teary, and Jason’s father is rubbing her back.
The only person who looks even the slightest bit displeased is entering from the far side of the room.
I flash back to days ago, to his grin when he told me he knew Jason broke up with me.
And I can’t help it; I’m a little bit smug.
Sure, none of this makes sense.
Sure, any minute now, my delicately woven web of lies is going to strangle me. But for one wonderful moment I am winning, and he is not.
I smile as I twist the ring I’ve never seen before around my finger. It’s slightly big.
“It was in his car the whole time?” I ask.
“The whole time,” Jason’s father says. “Imagine that.”
* * *
The conversation bustles the whole of lunchtime, and I eat as much as I can. But my stomach feels wobbly, my chest tight with unease.
Was Jason deciding between giving me a ring and dumping me? That makes no sense.
My head has started throbbing and my brain feels like it’s going to combust from what has just happened, so at the earliest opportunity, I push my chair away from the table.
“Bathroom,” I mumble to anyone who’s listening, which is probably no one at all. In the guest bathroom, I carefully reapply my lipstick when all I want is to duck out, swipe off all my makeup, and cozy up with a book. But I can’t.
I put a note in my phone to call my doctor about the headaches I’ve been getting since the accident and straighten up. For now, I need answers.
I take my shoes off at the stairs while Jason’s mom is asking the catering staff to bring out dessert, and I tiptoe up.
I sneak past the second-floor bathroom and the laundry room. I’ve been to Jason’s room plenty of times, and I know that his is the third door on the right.