27. Nick #2
I already decided. Weeks ago. I just didn’t say it out loud.
“I’m going to cut your ties,” I tell her, pulling out my knife. “And I’m going to need you to not hit me.”
The corner of her mouth twitches. “I’ll consider it.”
I lean forward and cut the zip ties. She rubs her wrists absently, more out of habit than discomfort, then watches as I settle back into my seat.
“I will never stop trying to help you remember,” I tell her.
“If that’s something you want. If you want to know who Laura was, I’ll tell you every story I have.
I’ll take you to every place we ever went together.
I’ll do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, because those memories are yours, and you deserve to have them back. ”
She opens her mouth, but I hold up a hand.
“But if you don’t want that? If it’s too much, or it hurts more than it helps, or if you just want to be who you are now without the weight of who you were—I can accept that.
I’ll talk to Liam and make him understand.
None of this is your fault. Pushing you isn’t going to bring anything back.
It has to come on its own, or not at all. ”
She’s holding very still, the way she holds still when she’s keeping something inside from getting out. But her eyes are bright.
“I’m not the same person, either,” I continue. “The kid I used to be is gone. He grew up. You’re not the only one who changed. But the part of me that loves you didn’t change. It just grew up with the rest of me.”
I lean forward, closing the distance between us until my knees touch hers.
“I love you. Not Laura, not Ivy. You. Whatever name you go by, whatever memories you carry or don’t carry; however many fake passports are in your drawer.
I love you for who you are. I love your heart and your courage, and your stubbornness.
I love the way you make me absolutely insane.
I love you because you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, and because you let me see the parts of you that aren’t strong.
Because you made me dinner the night after you killed a man, and your hands never shook once. ”
My voice isn’t steady anymore, but I don’t care.
“I love you because we stood together on that bridge, and you told me you’d never done that with anyone else.
It meant you chose me. Out of everyone and everything and all those years, you chose me, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of that choice. ”
She’s looking at me with those big green eyes, and something behind them is cracking, giving way. It’s the wall she built, the one made of survival. It’s starting to fracture, and I watch it happen in real time.
A single tear rolls down her cheek. She wipes it away with the back of her hand, fast, like she’s angry at it for existing.
“I don’t know how to do this,” she admits in a rough voice. “How to be someone who stays. I don’t know how to trust it. I’m going to be difficult and guarded. I’ll probably be impossible sometimes. I might never remember being fifteen, and I’ll probably always carry a knife in my jacket.”
“I’d be worried if you didn’t.”
Her laugh comes out shaky. “I love you,” she says, like it surprises her. “I love you, and it terrifies me, and I don’t know what to do with it.”
“You don’t have to do anything with it,” I tell her. “It’s yours to carry. But you don’t have to carry it alone.”
She looks at me for a long time. Then she reaches out, takes my hand, and holds it. Not the way she held it on the bridge—tentatively, like she was trying it out. She’s holding it the way you hold something you’ve decided to keep.
“Okay,” she whispers.
“Okay?”
“Take me home.” She pauses, and when she speaks again, her voice is steadier. “Our home. Wherever that is. I don’t care, so long as you’re there.”
I bring her hand to my mouth and press my lips to her knuckles, and she lets me. “Our home,” I repeat. “I can work with that.”
Without warning, the jet drops in altitude, and it’s hard enough that my stomach feels like it’s in my throat. Ivy’s fingers dig into the armrests. She won’t admit it, but she hates flying.
The seatbelt sign dings overhead, and the captain’s voice comes over the intercom. Something about turbulence.
“Still scared of flying?” I ask.
“Not at all.” Her voice remains steady and controlled.
Lie.
Another drop. This time it’s rougher than before. I see the pulse ticking in her neck, her throat working, like she’s trying to force it down.
I cover her hand with mine, tracing back and forth with my thumb, slow and deliberate.
“I know exactly what will help.”
“Unless you can grow wings…”
I lean in close to her ear. “Do you trust me?” Her breath catches, the flecks of gold in her green eyes glistening.
“Yes,” she says without hesitation.
I lean in, pressing my lips to hers. It’s soft at first, the lightest brush. When she opens for me, I deepen it… tasting her, savoring every last bit. My hand finds her jaw, holding her there.
We hit turbulence again, causing the aircraft to shake under us. But right now, the only thing she’s thinking about is my tongue in her mouth, and the way I’m already hard against her hip.
“Feel that?” I murmur against her lips, grinding into her. “That’s what you do to me.”
She makes a sound, and I swallow it, kissing her harder, my thumb stroking her pulse where it flutters wild and fast. “Nick…”
“Quiet. Unless you’re going to tell me to stop. Do you want me to stop, Ivy?”
She shakes her head, arching into me instead. I smile against her mouth, knowing I’ve won.
“Mmm.” I nip at her bottom lip. “Bathroom. Now.”
I keep her tucked against me as we move through the cabin.
The small space is barely big enough for two people, but I don’t give a fuck. I lock the door, and my hands are under her thighs, lifting her onto the narrow counter before she knows what’s happening.
“Hold on to me.”
I push her skirt up, bunching it around her waist. “Spread your legs,” I tell her.
She listens, parting her thighs to reveal the black lace of her underwear. I drag my thumb over the damp fabric and feel her shudder. “Fuck, Ivy. You’re already wet for me.”
“Nick…” she starts, but I cut her off, rubbing slow circles where she’s soaked through the lace.
“Answer me,” I say against her throat, teeth grazing her flesh.
“Yes,” she breathes, arching into my touch. “God, yes.”
I hook my fingers in her underwear and rip them at the seam, tossing them aside. She’s completely bare now, thighs trembling. “Look at that pretty pink pussy, all wet and open for me,” my voice coming out rough.
I push two fingers into her without warning, feeling her clench around me.
“Fuck,” she gasps, letting her head fall back against the mirror.
“Look at me,” I command. Her eyes immediately find mine, pupils blown wide. “I want to see your face when you come.”
I fuck her with my fingers, curling to find that sweet spot. She’s panting, fingers white-knuckled, gripping the edge of the small counter, lips pressed firmly together, trying her hardest to stay quiet.
Leaning down to bite her earlobe, I say, “Don’t hold back. Let me hear what I do to you.”
“Please,” she whispers, grinding against my hand. “Nick, please, I need…”
“What do you need, Ivy?” I ask, merciless now. Purposely slowing my fingers to make her whine. “Say it.”
“I need you inside me,” she says, voice breaking. “I need your cock. Please, Nick.”
With one hand, I free myself from my trousers, the other gripping her hip hard enough to bruise. Without warning, I push into her, feeling her tense around me.
She wraps her legs around my waist, heels digging into my ass, pulling me deeper. “Fuck me, Nick. Hard.”
I do, setting a brutal pace, her tits bouncing with the force of it.
“Touch yourself, Ivy. I want to feel you come.”
Her fingers find her clit, and she tightens immediately. “I’m so close,” she gasps. “Nick, I’m…”
“Come for me,” I growl, pounding into her. “Now, Ivy. Give it to me.”
She breaks, calling out my name, her pussy clenching around me in waves that pull my own release from me. I bury my face in her neck, groaning as I spill into her.
We stay connected, her legs still wrapped around me, both of us breathing hard in the small space. I press my forehead to hers, feeling her heartbeat against my chest.
“Still scared of flying?” I ask, my voice rough.
She laughs, breathless, and kisses me slowly. Soft. “Shut up,” she murmurs against my mouth.
I smile against her lips. “I’ll take that as a no.”