Chapter Five #3
“We’ve got another few weeks left of these beans, I think,” Andrew said from behind him.
Blake glanced back to where Andrew knelt beside a plot of pole beans.
Andrew wore the contemplative look of a man who had spent too much time surveying plants instead of people, much like Blake himself.
Andrew pruned off a few of the small branches and buds, pinching them between his gloved fingers so the plant would give more energy to its flowers.
“At least into October, I think.” Blake knelt to scoop some of the finished compost from the bottom of the bin into a bucket.
Hard to believe it was already mid-September.
“With fall getting warmer, the growing season’s going to extend, too.
” He carried the bucket over to Andrew, who had taken off his sun hat to wipe his brow, giving Blake his first clear view of Andrew’s face.
“How’d you get a sunburn this time of year? ”
“Thought I didn’t need my hat yesterday.
” Andrew put his hat firmly back into place.
With his Irish pale skin and auburn hair, the miracle wasn’t that he got sunburned in mid-September, but that he managed not to burn more often, what with all the hours he spent here at the community garden with Blake.
While Andrew’s main job was software-related, he got outside as much as he could, usually here with his hands in the soil.
They worked methodically through the rows of raised garden beds and added compost, checking the health of the various plants as they went, working in companionable silence.
Blake liked working with Andrew. They’d been friends since college, overlapping interests keeping them in each other’s social circles for years, and now PlantSeed gave them another excuse to spend time together.
The real work wasn’t in the garden, though, and so after the sun dipped below the skyline, they went into the adjoining offices to wash up and dig into paperwork.
They had all the subcommittee reports to gather and prepare for the upcoming board meeting, and Blake was also working on his presentation for the autumn fundraising gala.
As they worked, synthesizing data from countless emails and spreadsheets, Blake’s thoughts kept wandering to Curious Rose.
He wanted to reach out to her tonight but didn’t want to overstep, since she hadn’t told him when she wanted to play again.
She had presumably read some of his stories, and maybe they could tap into her fantasies.
“Hey.” Andrew rapped on the table in front of Blake, startling him out of his reverie. “You with me? Every time I look up, you’re zoning out.”
“Got a lot on my mind.” Andrew was his closest friend, but he wasn’t ready to talk about his encounter with Rose yet. He’d had a lot of other things on his mind, too, though, and those were easier to share. “Got an email about the Rope Works conference, and it got me thinking.”
Andrew’s expression softened. “Ahh.”
“First one I’ve missed in five years. I didn’t realize how much it had become a fall tradition until now.
” Rope Works had been Blake’s favorite conference of the year, one of the larger ones in the area, with vendors and workshops as well as an elaborate dungeon.
He’d met friends and play partners there, none of which became anything like romance, but fun nonetheless.
“I know they’re only parties and conferences and whatnot, but they felt like …
” He searched for the words. “I don’t know.
Like points of connection to this part of me.
It’s not even the most important part of me. But I miss it.”
“And you’re sure you have to give it up?
I know I’ve said this before, but seriously, what are the odds?
” Andrew had been Blake’s counterpoint many times in the early conversations about giving up in-person kink events, suggesting that he might be overreacting to fears of being recognized.
“It’s not like you’re a major celebrity.
Or even a minor celebrity.” Andrew tapped his lip in thought. “Or famous at all, really …”
“I get it, I get it.” Blake sighed. “But I like this job. I like fundraising, knowing I’m working for environmental justice.
I even like interacting with donors. I don’t want to risk giving PlantSeed any kind of negative press or compromising their work.
” He’d weighed the pros and cons for weeks.
Having made the decision, he’d thought it would be easier to live with.
“Maybe you could travel?” Andrew suggested.
Blake shook his head. They’d had different versions of this conversation more than once.
“I don’t want to build community with people far away.
It’s about the connections. I don’t know, maybe it would be enough if I had one person to enjoy it with.
Play parties are fun, but they’re not the best part.
I don’t want to feel like I’m letting this part of myself wither away.
” And that brought him back to Rose, who he shouldn’t be putting any hopes on at all, especially not when they hadn’t even played together.
Andrew gave another sympathetic nod. “I’m sorry. That’s shitty.”
“I know I should be thankful. I’ve got a job I love, good friends, financial stability; much more than most people ever get.” He had a better life than most. But he was allowed to be lonely, right? He was allowed to want more.
“I know I’ve said it before, but there’s always dating apps.” Andrew sounded tentative, bringing it up again, and he trailed off when he saw Blake’s expression.
Blake tempered his knee-jerk response. “It’s not that they’re terrible. I know it’s how people date these days. I just … don’t like it.”
“You don’t like being vulnerable.” Andrew shrugged, too sure of his analysis for Blake’s comfort. “Dating is all about vulnerability.”
“Dating is about asking people to wound you.” Blake knew he sounded ridiculous but wasn’t about to back down. “One failed connection after another. Lots of work, minimal payoff.”
“And the play parties?”
Blake sighed. “The same thing, I guess. But at least there was kink involved.”
“You weren’t planning to meet your soulmate at a kink event?
” Andrew was teasing him now, and normally Blake would be up for it, but the conversation was hitting too close to home and he felt somewhat stung instead.
Andrew seemed to sense it and backpedaled.
“I don’t mean to poke. I just want you to be happy. ”
“I’m happy.” He was, generally, even if this conversation implied otherwise. “Really.”
“What about that roommate of yours? She single?”