4. Chapter 4 #2
I nodded again. "I'm sure it's overwhelming to those who aren't used to feeling it."
Malik looked at the tree once more.
"How do you do it? How do you go through each day feeling this?"
I shrugged, studying the Astaros alongside him. "It's become a part of me, a second heartbeat that I feel as my own. If it ever becomes overwhelming, the trick is to try and focus on other things."
"Like what?" he asked, his gaze finding mine once more.
I hesitated before answering, my heart thumping as intensely as the earth beneath me.
"You help a lot," I said. Even with how long and how much we knew each other, I was shy about my feelings for Malik and the vulnerability that came with them. But his smile always comforted me, anchoring me when it felt like my heart would fly me to the Caelium.
Malik turned his hand to thread his fingers through mine. "I'm glad I can help you," he said softly, before looking back at the tree where our hands were now joined.
"This still doesn't make sense to me," he continued.
"How is such a thing is even possible? I know everything connects to Rida, who connects to the very depths of Yllsora itself, but how can this be?
" he asked, pressing our hands harder against the Astaros, the thump of the earth coursing through us both.
"Sometimes the acts of the Divine don't need to make sense to us. It's the Mother Blessed's job to commune with the Mother the best we can. And we do that by working with Yllsora."
"How lucky Sorrel is to have a future leader who is also so in tune with the world around her," Malik complimented.
"You know I won't be able to do it without you," I said.
"Good thing I'm not going anywhere. Because I couldn't do all this without you either."
I laughed. "I'm sure you could."
Malik shook his head. "We are nothing in this world without the Mother Blessed."
I was quiet, trying to find it within myself to feel honored at his statement, yet all I felt was panic.
Panic that there was still so much about this world that was undiscovered, panic that one day I might not have all the answers, that the Mother Blessed would come to a standstill and would be unable to guide the people of Yllsora.
"Malik, what if one day the Mother Blessed can't connect with Yllsora? What if we can't guide people how we need to? What will we do then?"
Malik squeezed my hand. "That will never happen."
"But what if it does?" I asked, the panic rising up within me.
Malik took his eyes off his hands on the Astaros and studied me then, his dark eyes meeting mine.
"Well, then," he said, "I will have to take care of you, since you are always taking care of everyone else."
I smiled softly, the relief of knowing I always had him to lean on calming me.
"And even if you weren't a Mother Blessed," Malik continued, "I would still need you by my side to get through it all. I can't do this without you, Lyra."
I squeezed his hand in return. "I'll always be there, no matter what," I promised him.
He rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand, the motion calming me further.
"When we are in charge of Sorrel, I need you to promise me one thing."
I nodded. "Anything."
He removed his hands from mine and placed them both on my shoulders, his face serious.
"If this ever becomes too much for you, if the weight of our responsibilities becomes too heavy, tell me, and we will run away together."
I huffed a laugh. It was a ridiculous notion. So much so that I couldn't even let myself entertain it.
"We can't do that. Who will take care of Sorrel then?" I asked.
"That won't be for us to worry about. If it gets so bad that we decide we don't want it anymore, my only worry will be you and your happiness."
I looked down, not sure how to respond. All my life, I had trained and prepared to serve the people of Sorrel, so much so that I didn't know what to make of life if that was not what I was doing.
Malik tilted my face up to meet his, his mind no doubt reading mine the moment our eyes met.
We were still so young, but even then, Malik devoted himself to me to the point that, at times, it was overwhelming.
When he looked at me, he looked at my soul, to the very depths within me, even to the things I wanted to hide.
"I'm being serious, Lyra."
I felt a relief at his words that I knew I couldn't find anywhere else, at the fact that he saw me as Lyra first, Mother Blessed second.
These little moments of normalcy were all we had.
When it was just him and I, the weight of all that was expected of us lifted from our shoulders for just a moment.
Where I could be just me, just Lyra, and he just Malik.
"I know," I said. "And I will. I will let you know if it becomes too much."
"Thank you," he breathed. "You are all that matters to me."
I moved out of his grasp then, smiling as I stood, knowing there was little I could do to break Malik out of his brooding, but I had to try.
"I have something to ask of you too. When we are in charge of all of this."
"Anything," he responded, following me in standing.
We made our way to the exit of the temple, the stars now fully shining above us.
"Promise me," I said, a smile painting my face as I walked a few paces away from Malik. "That when we are in charge of all of this, when we have to plan and answer to everything…that you will not drain our supply of hair soap."
Malik's face dropped at my words, a small grin breaking through as he rolled his eyes at me before playfully lunging at me.
I turned and ran towards the entrance of the temple, laughter bubbling up in my throat as I dodged Malik's attempt to pull me back to him.
"Lyra!" he yelled, chasing me as I ran, his own laughter echoing off the stone, and mixing with mine.