7. Chapter 7 #2
I entered my room and could feel him surveying it, taking in the space that I shared with another man. There was so much I wanted to explain, so many emotions fighting to spill out of me, but they would have to wait.
"What about you?" Malik asked. "Are your powers lessened too?"
I hesitated in the doorway, not knowing how to answer him. There were so many things I could have said, but time was not on our side. I could feel the roots beneath Yllsora again, rumbling with each passing second.
"They are different," is all I said.
My ability to channel from Yllsora had not lessened as much as some other Mother Blessed.
Instead, I was haunted by that lingering chill that followed me with every step.
Sorrel and the rest of Wellea had enough to deal with, so I never told anyone of what I felt beneath the surface.
How, after the Shroud had dissipated, the thrum of Yllsora was different, harrowing almost. It was as if she was angry about the fate she had been dealt, as after the Shroud, nothing was ever the same.
Long gone was the overflowing, flourishing world I had once known.
The world was grayer now, blooming springs and thriving crops a thing of the past.
"Now if you will excuse me," I said, moving to step around him.
"You can't go all the way to Rida on your own," Malik said, crowding the doorway to my room.
"I will be fine," I answered. "I've survived this long on my own."
"I agree with him, Lyra," Calyn said. "You can't go that far by yourself. Not with the mainland men here seeking out any Mother Blessed they can find."
"I'm going with her," Malik said.
"No, he's not," I rebutted to Calyn, shouldering my way around Malik and making my way back down the hall.
"I know you're capable of making this journey alone, but that doesn't mean you should," Malik said, following me throughout my home. "I know you're upset with me, but I've told you all of our lives, I'll always be by your side."
My throat tightened at his words, words that we used to say to one another, how comforting they used to be a lifetime ago. Now, they were only a reminder of everything that had been taken from me, of everything I no longer had.
I hoisted my pack over my shoulder before turning to face him once more. "You haven't been by my side for the last ten years, Malik."
"And you think that's something I don't deeply regret?" he said, his words firm and defensive.
I wanted to feel comforted by his words, knowing that he understood that leaving the way he did was wrong. But I found that I was still angry, and now I had different priorities I had to think of first.
"How would it look if I left with another man who isn't my husband?"
"It would look like how things always should have been," he said. "You and I together, our houses united." The tone of his voice inched upward, frustration lacing every word and bringing my full attention back to him.
"The village will think of me as a harlot if I run off with another man."
"What everyone else thinks doesn't matter."
I looked at the man standing in front of me, equally confused and inspired by his words. I was always the one who cared too much about what people thought of me, while Malik reminded me there's nothing you can do to change what people already thought.
"You know I will always protect you," Malik said, as if reading my thoughts.
I was transported back to the first time he said that to me at the Astaros, the day the roots surged towards us, and the years that followed, filled with proof that he stood true to his word.
He had always fiercely protected me, always trailing a hand down the small of my back as we walked through crowds, always grabbing a hold of my hand to steady me as we walked, always making sure I was inside and out of the elements first. I no longer had that, and had learned how to navigate life without it, but couldn't deny how much I did not want to do so anymore.
"You don't have to do it by yourself, Lyra," he said, as if reading my mind.
I was at a loss for words, because the longer I looked at Malik, the more I realized that the truth that tugged at me. If there was anyone I should take on this journey with me, it should be him.
"Okay," I said, the word tumbling out of me before I could even give it a second thought.
"Okay?" he asked, his eyes searching mine.
"We can go to Rida together," I breathed, my voice shaky.
For so long, I had not made a decision without thinking about how it affected the whole of Sorrel, never once thinking of myself and what I wanted. But at that moment, I did.
His eyes softened at my answer, and he nodded.
"My father's men can't be far away," Malik said from the hall. "We need to get going if we want to get out of here without them seeing us."
I nodded and took in my home once more. The memories and time I had spent within these four walls over the last seven years played in my mind, and I knew that moment was the last time I might ever see it again.
"I know it's hard to leave home," Malik said from behind me.
“This has never been my home,” I said on an exhale, a pang of vulnerability ringing through me as the words left my mouth.
I had worked hard to make this home mine in every way I could, but no matter what I did, I could not mimic the feeling of the home I had known before Therian. Everything changed when he entered my life.
"Be careful, Allyra," my brother said, pulling me out of my reprieve and back into the present.
I looked at my brother then, tears filling my eyes. I did not want to leave him there in the village, to deal with the fighting and our fathers and Therian on his own, but I also knew that I could not stay. I squeezed Calyn's hand as another bang sounded, the fighting surging outside.
"I'll hold them off," Calyn said. "Go."
I looked back at Malik, his hand outstretched towards me. He was a stranger to me now, but so was my husband, and so were many others. And in the short time he had been back, Malik had already proven that he could be trustworthy, that he would fight for me, even when no one else could.
I did not know what lay ahead of us, but still I took his hand and together, we ran into the cold winter night.