14. In the Library
FOURTEEN
In the Library
CALEB
Caleb looked helplessly at the sodden wool toque in his hands, down at the carpeted floor, and back again. He decided a trash can was his best bet, and headed to the end of the row of shelves to wring the thing out like a mop. The downpour hit just as he exited the Jeep, and he was soaked through his jacket, hat, and jeans before he got halfway to the library to meet with his writing group. His backpack, an airtight contraption built more for Himalayan excursions than lugging college textbooks, kept his electronics blessedly dry.
He dropped the wet hat at his feet, where it landed with an unappetizing squelch. Using his fingers as a comb, he untwisted the rubber band and shook out his damp hair while noting for the first time that he was the only person at the table. He stood and glanced over the railing to the fifth floor and saw a few students wandering the shelves—eerily few.
“Hey.”
Shannon’s smile lit the dim meeting area and warmed his cheeks. Water clung to her raincoat and the umbrella at her side, but she shook her dry hair out from her hood and cast an amused glance at his.
“Hi,” he said, and his voice nearly cracked. He cleared his throat. “The, um… that rain came out of nowhere.”
“It was predicted all day, lazy boy. Check your phone,” she said. “And now there’s a tornado watch.”
“Then why are we here?”
“Because we have a meeting of people who are dedicated to literature,” she proclaimed, lifting her chin. She peered over the railing and down six stories to the main floor of the library. “This place is deserted.” She cupped her hands over her mouth and raised her voice. “Hear that, everyone? We are the only ones dedicated to literature!”
Caleb grabbed her arm. “Do you want to get thrown out in the rain? I think that’s how you get thrown out in the rain.”
“I think we might be the only idiots who came out in this weather,” she said. “Look around. This is how the zombie movies start.”
He walked along the rail, nodding at her assessment. “I wonder if we’re supposed to be down in the stacks during the storm warning.” He considered the safer levels below ground. “It’s five past seven. Maybe the rest of the group is there.”
“Which means they’re all zombies by now, and out to get us. You’re limping again.” Shannon looked him up and down as he paced. “We can’t run away with you like that. Are you in pain?”
“Yesterday was my first workout, and today they stopped taking it easy on me. I’m a little sore.”
“Hah. I thought you liked lifting weights. ”
He stuck out his tongue. “Not cinderblocks tied to my feet.”
Shannon flicked through the weather app and frowned. “The rain won’t stop for a few hours. I motion to skip the zombies and call off this meeting.”
“Seconded.” Caleb nudged her sodden umbrella with his toe. “That’s going to be useless after more than a block. I’ve still got my good parking pass. Can I give you a lift home?”
“I would really appreciate that.”
A sudden thump breached the stillness, and the constant, nearly inaudible burr of the air exchangers gave way to a cave-like silence. The lights on the sixth floor flickered, dimmed, and extinguished. Floor by floor below them, darkness swept the library, broken only by flashes of lightning until the hum of generators announced the auxiliary power systems sputtering to life.
He eyed the darkened aisle back to the elevator bank and frowned. “So much for getting out of here, I guess. Exit signs and floor lights. No elevators.”
“I’ve been here during an outage before,” Shannon said. “One of the boxes outside the building was hit, but everything was up and running like normal in an hour. Until then, it’s mood lighting.”
He checked his phone. “Was that during a tornado warning?”
“Yes, but no one is going to rush to kick us out. We can stay right here.” She arched an eyebrow. “If you don’t want to wait, the stairs can’t be much harder than running the bleachers, right?”
“I’m a star,” he said in a mocking tone. “I never run the bleachers. I’m too good for discipline. And glutes. ”
She snickered. “Oh, your ass doesn’t look so bad in those jeans.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“This is ridiculous,” he complained halfway between the fifth floor and the fourth. “I am not so badly injured that this should hurt any worse than traipsing all over campus. God, I’m a wuss.”
“Take it easy on yourself,” she said. “We’ve got all the time in the world. I don’t have any hot dates tonight, do you?”
“Just me and my cryo pack,” he said, gamely hopping down another step. “I’d rather be here with you than her, though.”
“Her? Your cryotherapy thing is female?”
“I didn’t want some guy wrapped around me all the time,” he said.
“Did you name ‘her?’” Shannon struggled to keep from laughing.
“I thought about naming her Shannon, but she’s not quite that pretty.” Even in the low light of the stairwell, she caught his wink. “But I was inspired by the blonde and blue and named her Elsa.”
“You wanted me wrapped around you, though.” Her lips went slack when the words left them.
Caleb needed no further prompting. “I always do,” he said. He paused a step below her and turned around, stopping at the perfect height to place his lips on hers. Instead, he bent his head to her bare shoulder where her white sweater had slipped down. He kissed her collarbone as he slid his hand up and around her neck, tangling his fingers in her hair as he cupped the back of her head.
“What are you doing?” she whispered. He kept a light grasp on her nape to see if she’d pull away.
“I’m taking a break. My ankle hurts.” He caught his breath. “And I’m doing what we should have been doing for weeks,” he said, nuzzling into her neck and breathing in her skin.
She tipped her chin up as he brushed his lips over her. “You know why we haven’t.”
Caleb nipped at her ear, and she shivered as his gentle kisses moved to her cheek. “Because we have terrible reflexes, like I said. I was awful to you that morning, and wish I could take it back. Don’t you feel a little different now?”
“Of course I do, but that doesn’t… God, Caleb…”
He paused a millimeter from a kiss. “Say that again.”
“Say what?”
“Say my name, Shannon. I’ve never heard it from you like this, remember?”
“Because we played a stupid game,” she said. Her voice began to tremble.
He tightened his hands in her hair and on her waist and pulled her close. Pressing his lips to hers, he opened them without a thought beyond his need to touch her again.
“It wasn’t stupid,” he said when he finally drew back for a breath. “It was everything. I know you felt it too.”
“Of course I did, Caleb, but that was before we?—”
“Shh. Just say it again.” He closed his eyes and smiled. “I love my name on your lips while I’m holding you.”
She repeated it in a sing-song voice over and over, laughing until he kissed her again. Relief flooded his body when she finally reached for him, urgent fingers on his back and shoulders, pulling him close. The auxiliary lighting in the stairwell flickered, followed by a clap of thunder that shook the metal stairs.
“Come here.” She took his hand. “Let’s go to the corner with the couch where we sat the other day. We’ll have the windows, and we won’t be in pitch black if the other lights go.”
“Tornado warning, though.”
“Live on the edge with me.”
He gulped.
She helped him down the last few steps to the fourth-floor door and tugged his hand so he would follow her to the small lounge area where they dissected Salinger. The only light emanated from the floorboard emergency lights and bolts of lightning.
“We have a fantastic view of the storm from here.” She smiled and pointed at the angry sky and the branches whipped into a frenzy by erratic, gusting winds. “I remember a mystery boy who said he liked storms.”
“I remember a mystery girl who said we could be one.” Caleb reached for her waist, pulling her against him, and pressed her to his chest while his arms slipped around her. He squeezed her, then took her hand, leading her to the couch.
“Tell me you want this,” he said, shifting to lay her on her back. “Please. Tell me you do, because if you don’t, and if I’ve read this all wrong, I’ll?—”
She wriggled under him and pushed his shoulders.
“It’s just that anyone outside could see us,” she said, scanning the waterfalls streaking the windows .
“No one’s outside in this weather, and no one’s looking up at the fourth floor.”
“Someone might be. And if you were on top of me and kissing me like that, it could look like I was struggling…”
“I don’t want there to be any confusion.” He stood and stalked to one of the armless chairs. His eyes flashed with the lightning, hungry and demanding. “If you want me, you’ll be riding me with your lips on mine and your hair in my hands, and if anyone hears us, they’ll hear you saying ‘yes’ to me. A lot.”
Her jaw dropped. “When did my sweet Mystery Boy learn to talk like that?”
Caleb beckoned her to stand in front of him. The heat in her hands electrified him. When her knees bumped his, he swallowed thickly, wondering if the soft blonde fuzz lingered there to show him that even if she wasn’t shaving her legs for him, at least she wasn’t shaving them for anyone else. He’d write his initials on her bare kneecap again. C.A.F .
“When I realized it’s just trash talk,” he said, bringing her knuckles to his lips. “Trash talk is not calling names or remarking on someone’s sister. It’s insidious.” He wiggled his eyebrows and made her laugh. “It’s all about getting under someone’s skin with a smile on your face, and it works best when they know it’s one hundred percent true. I want to get under your skin like that.”
“Try me.”
“I did, and you’re not riding me or saying ‘yes’ yet, so…” He scratched his cheek and feigned bewilderment. “Give me a minute. I thought that line was going to do it. Your turn.” Still seated, Caleb poked her thigh.
“Am I Mystery Girl again?” she asked .
He sat up straighter. “What? No. I don’t want that.”
“Caleb, we can’t?—”
“That’s not how I like you to say my name.”
“Quit being so cute. Some things about us just aren’t compatible,” she said, attempting a decisive tone even as she settled on his lap.
“Liar.”
She couldn’t hide a tiny smile as he slipped a hand between her thighs.
He lifted her hair off her shoulders and kissed her neck, eliciting a small sigh. “I don’t believe that, and you don’t either. I believe I need to keep you making these perfect little noises when I kiss you.”
“Your kisses are melting me. Even now, when I want to kill you a little for making this so difficult.”
“If it’s only a little, we’ve made significant progress.”
He whispered in her hair and tried not the scream his triumph at her admission, and his hands shook with his pent-up need for her. The confirmation that she already didn’t entirely despise him wrapped his heart in the comfort and familiarity of the first night they spent together. Desire drowned him like the torrents of rain outside, and he kissed her again.
“Caleb.”
“God, I love when you do that.”
“Does that count as my turn for trash talk? I could just keep saying your name. Insidiously.”
“I want you saying my name and saying yes.”
His kisses continued their path over her cheeks and neck, down to her shoulders. In his throat, a deep growl of pleasure arose when she kissed him back .
“What am I saying ‘yes’ to?” she asked, wriggling against his thighs, “Riding you, with your hands in my hair and my lips on yours, or…?”
He twisted his fingers in a blue section of her hair and felt himself stiffening uncomfortably against his jeans. “Anything. Everything. Shan, I’d lose my mind on you right now if you could promise me it’s not over when we leave here.”
“Do you mean that?” she asked. “Is that what you want, even with what you know?”
He tipped her chin up and kissed her lips. “Were you thinking about all that past bullshit when we were working on our outlines? Or sitting here talking about football and marching band footwork?”
She raked her fingers through his hair and smiled. “I wasn’t,” she whispered.
Caleb let one hand meander down from her shoulder, grazing her breast on his way to slide inside her jeans. “Were you thinking about something like this?”
“I think about something like this every time I see you,” she said, her confession barely a whisper. “Here. In class. Every time.”
He caught his breath. “So do I.”
“But we shouldn’t.”
“Are you scared?” he asked.
“A little.”
He wanted to beg, desperate for any words to convince her nothing was as it seemed. Those words, whatever they were, might make all the difference, more than the electricity crackling between them. As he twisted handfuls of her hair and pulled her close for another kiss, he no longer cared what she said or did to that douchebag Hayden. If she said he deserved it, he did.
He had to tell her.
Speech deserted him as he tugged his thumbs inside her waistband. Stripping everything away between them silenced their fears and opened their hearts before, and just might do it again. He began with her sweater, plucking the cuffs over her hands as he slid the soft cotton over her head.
“Caleb.”
He tensed as she buried her face in his neck. “Is this all right?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He tugged her sweater off. When she shook out her hair, he slid his hands over her bra—shimmering white lace skimming the breasts that lived in his dreams. Her gray eyes met his as she heaved deep breaths in silence, taking in the pressure of his hands roaming her body while she edged her fingers over his back to untuck and lift his shirt. Her cool palms on his skin sent a quick blast of goosebumps up his back, and Caleb wondered if the light paths of her fingertips were the shapes of her initials.
“Shannon,” he rasped, finally finding his voice, “I have to ask you?—”
“I want you.” She loosened his belt.
Words conjured a moment before disappeared into simplicity. “God, I want you.”
She lowered herself from her seat on his thighs to the floor and kneeled in front of him. He flinched as she undid the straps and pulled the cast over his ankle—partly from the residual pain from the stairs, and partly in relief. He silently thanked the physical therapist for the new cast that didn’t have several weeks of accumulated smells in the padding.
She met his gaze just before a roar of thunder made them both jump, and she clenched his thighs to nudge him to stand.
“Are we reasonably sure no one else is in here?” His bravado vanished as he scanned the rows between the shelves. “Like really, really close to sure?”
She finished with his belt buckle and moved to the button and zipper. “Are you scared?” she asked, tugging his pants to the floor.
Without waiting for an answer, she drew him into her mouth, eliciting a groan instead of a reply. He dropped into the chair, leaned back, and pushed her head down. Spreading his hand wide, he draped her hair over his thighs before she pulled away for a deep breath and looked up with a tiny smile.
“You still want me dead, don’t you?” he asked. “This is how you kill me.”
The vibrations in her throat when she giggled reverberated through his body and jolted his bones. He clenched the sides of the chair to stay upright as she swirled her tongue around him and used her hand in long, heavy strokes.
“God, Shan, that feels so fucking good.” He groaned, blinking rapidly at the ceiling before closing his eyes and giving in to the sensation.
She tightened her mouth and slid along his length with the tiniest drag of her teeth to make him shiver. “I wish I could really ride you now. All alone in here with the lights out? We could have some fun. ”
“Do you mean that?” He pulled her hair so she’d look up. “We can.”
“Did you really pack protection in case of a power outage at the library?”
He nodded at his backpack and forced the words out between gasping breaths. “My thoughtful roommate packed it months ago. It’s in the front pocket, as long as I haven’t stabbed it with a pencil or something. It was basically a consolation prize when I made fun of him packing a bunch to carry around. He put one in my bag and wished me luck.”
She plucked the condom from the bag and held the package up to the window, squinting as she kept working him with her hand. “No stab wounds,” she said, and passed it over before twisting her tongue around him again.
He tapped her chin. “Slow down. Don’t I get to return the favor?”
Smiling, she rested her lips on him and looked up. “You will. I’ll make sure of it. But the lights could come on any time, and I want you now, Caleb.”
His heart roared in his ears at the sight of her mouth curved in a teasing smile, tasting him with light flicks of her tongue. “I want you. As long as it doesn’t end here tonight, Shannon, I want you.”
She kicked off her boots and shed the rest of her clothes while he rolled the condom on, and his eyes followed every piece of her clothing to the floor. Taking her hands in his, he pulled her over him, her legs on either side of the chair, while she cupped his face in her hands to kiss him.
“Sometime, and it had better be soon, I am going to appreciate your body at my leisure,” he said, stroking the curve of her breasts down to her hips, then caressing the length of her thighs. “No more borrowed rooms or hiding in the dark. No rush. You are stunning. Absolute perfection.” He traced a light path from her collarbone to her navel and smiled when she shuddered in his arms as he reached lower.
The chair wobbled, and she grabbed his shoulders while he worked his fingers between her legs. He smiled as his touch set her moaning and writhing against him, whispering his name as she got wetter. If she breached his defenses that first night, now he could pummel hers and make her see who he really was. Who he could be.
“How much do you weigh?” she asked. “If I’m going to be yelling ‘yes,’ this thing had better be good for the ride.”
“Two hundred and twenty-four and a half pounds.”
Shannon raised an eyebrow.
“It’s probably a four-hundred-pound limit, but there will be a tag I can check…” She started to rise from his lap when he grabbed her hips and pulled her back down.
“It’s not the furniture store, Shan. Stay here and let’s break it,” Caleb said, positioning her over him. “Just… oh, God. Right here.”
Her satisfied moan as her body opened for him was almost lost in a clap of thunder, but close enough to Caleb’s ear that he shivered when she did.
“Yes,” she whispered, her breath hot on his cheek as she took him in.
He rocked her hips against him, driving deeper inside her. “Say it again. Please. Don’t stop.”
“Yes.” She gasped as he dug his fingers into her thighs. Another blast of lightning, followed almost immediately by an ominous thunderclap, signaled the storm wouldn’t let up anytime soon .
“Again.” He pulled her hair tight, extending her neck for him to attack with his mouth.
“Yes.”
“One more time for me.” He supported the small of her back with one broad hand as she arched away, while the other hand spread her open to touch her the way she showed him.
“Yes.”
She pulsed against him in rhythm with their breaths. When she held his hair back from his face, they watched each other’s eyes in the light from outside, rocking together hard and fast, then slow and deep, shifting tempo without a word and holding gazes locked so tight that the massive tree limb crashing to the ground joined the background noise of the rushing rain.
Famished, he crushed her against him. The tighter he held her, the deeper the ache ran. Yearning wrenched his muscles tighter and tighter with every kiss, every thrust. The desire in her eyes nearly sent him over the edge.
The crack of the chair leg startled her into squeezing him so out of pace with their rhythm Caleb nearly dropped her as the sensation shot pleasure through every nerve. Shannon exploded into giggles as he held her tight, still inside her, and lowered them both to the floor.
“I knew that was going to happen,” she panted, swiping a thin band of sweat from her forehead. “Don’t stop.”
“We’re going home with rug burn,” he said, scraping his knees on the rough commercial carpet. “Are you ok?” He looked for more comfortable options—the couch was too narrow, and the coffee table looked as ineffective as the chair had proven to be. “If I could haul my ass up the stairs right now, I’d take you on that stupid meeting table. We could come back on Tuesday with the group and no one would ever know.”
Her eyes glittered in the low light. “I love that idea. I’ll give you a piggyback ride.”
“We have all night.”
“We have until the lights come on.” She reached between her legs where he was thrusting and tightened her fingers around him. “And only one condom.”
“Then bring on the scraped knees,” he said. “I’ll pack better next time.”
Caleb untangled her legs from his waist and lifted them over his shoulders, then drove deep at an angle that sent her nerves surging around him.
“Do that again,” she said. “Right there.”
He found a rhythm of short, heavy strokes, and aimed each one for the same tender spot. The longing in the gray tides of her eyes consumed him as much as the sensation of her body gripping his, as if she’d never let him pull out. Leaning forward, he teased her nipples, and amid her squeaks of pleasure, he gave up trying to be quiet.
“Fuck, Shannon,” he groaned. “I can’t stop wanting you even when I’m inside you. This just doesn’t stop.”
Her nails raked his thighs. “It’s not supposed to,” she said, her voice breathy and weak before another thunderclap startled them both. “Caleb, please. I’m so close.”
The pressure built as he flipped her over on all fours and reached for her with the gentle flicks of his thumb that she liked. Her muscles tensed and clenched him tighter as her squeaks turned to moans and the driving rain pounded on the glass. When she pressed back against him and released with a satisfied sigh, she softened in his arms and fell so limp he had to clutch the couch for support. He didn’t have time to move before he lost control of his own pleasure and crushed her to him when he couldn’t wait any longer. In the grip of his high, his thoughts careened around a vision of the next time and the next, until he whispered her name and woke with her still cradled close.
He formed her sweater into a makeshift pillow to place under her hips while he curled his body around hers, settling her head in the crook of his arm.
“Shan?” he asked after their breathing slowed in the silence.
“Mhm…?”
“Can I get your number this time?”
“I liked having a Mystery Boy,” she murmured. “I missed you.”
“I missed you,” he said. “And I made every excuse not to, including being unable to call you.”
“I know that feeling.” She rolled to face him, then propped herself up on her elbow. “How are you this sweet to me? Missy made you sound like you drank the blood of children.”
He traced the line of her collarbone with his thumb. C.A.F. “Now hold on. I have my flaws, but she’s not the most unbiased source. And you’re not what I heard, either. Hayden said… well. You know he said what he said back in December, so that was my first impression, and what he said after that?—”
“After that?” She took his hand, pulling him away from drawing on her skin. “Wait. When did you talk to him about me? ”
Caleb swallowed thickly.
“Look, I stood up for you,” he said, trying to hide the panic from his voice. “I didn’t bring anything up.”
“Did you talk about me, or didn’t you?”
“He brought it up. He talked shit, and I told him to shut up.”
“There’s no way that was the end of it.”
“I just told him I’d be less inclined to share some embarrassing commentary if he never said your name again.”
She groaned. “You could have just let it go.”
“I didn’t bring you up. I don’t know how he found out, and I don’t see how it’s any different from you talking to Missy about me.” Caleb’s forehead simmered with a telltale warmth, warning sweat was imminent. “But of course I stood up for you. Shannon, I’d do that for anybody. He disrespects almost every girl he meets.”
“And it’s your job to put him in his place?” She sat up and dodged his hands when he reached for her.
“Yeah, it’s my job as a decent human being to stand up to people like that,” he said, rising to a seated position as well. His lowered brows and frown changed the shape of his boyish face and hinted at the tension in his muscles. “I wasn’t trying to be anyone’s hero, but when he implied?—”
“I don’t care what he said about me.”
“Then why are you upset with me right now?”
“I wish you hadn’t given him the satisfaction of getting under your skin.”
“Trust me, he didn’t leave the conversation satisfied.”
“Did you?”
“Absolutely not.” Caleb dug his nails into his palms to keep from clenching his fists. “I know it’s not my fight. But I threw fists at a couple of guys on my own team in high school to keep them and everyone else from running their mouths about a guy in our uptight little town that had the guts to come out. It’s dangerous when shit like that is allowed to stand. It didn’t stand in Sauganac High School after that. And I’m telling you that because I don’t get after people because I’m mad or showing off. But I have an obligation to do the right thing and call them out.”
Shannon’s attempt at a sharp retort caught in her throat. “An… an obligation? To fight other people’s fights when they don’t ask you to?” Eyes blazing, she yanked her sweater from the pile of her clothes and tried to cover herself. “Look who’s so noble.”
“Why are you coming at me for this?” he asked. “At least I’m trying to help people where I can. Sorry you don’t like how I do that. What gives you the right to act like I’m the asshole when you screw with people just for fun?”
“Look, if you’re talking about the thing with Hayden, I’ll tell you right now what he did.”
He cut her off with a swipe of his hand through the air. His words burned like bile on his tongue and flowed so fast his newfound forgiveness couldn’t stop them. “I hate that motherfucker, but he’s still a human being, and what you did was cruel and unnecessary. If you’re going to break up, then break up. ‘He deserved it’ from a bitter ex is a lousy excuse. But even then, I swear I?—”
“I suppose if you’re here to save his pride and humanity, you’re too good for explanations. Won’t give one, won’t take one, whatever.”
“I have nothing else to explain,” he said, fuming. “If someone is degrading and dehumanizing someone else, they shouldn’t be surprised to hear from me. Some people can’t fight their battles alone.” He shook out his jeans. “And even if they can, no one should have to.”
His eyes held hers for a moment, and in a blink, he saw something inside her collapse. Invisible hands pushed her shoulders down and circled her throat, choking the response she meant to deliver with an angry snap.
“Where do you get this white knight bullshit about your obligations to save everybody?” she asked, tripping over her words.
Caleb turned away, unable to watch the invisible force breaking her for fear of caving in. Wordlessly, he stepped into his jeans and pulled them up, then worked his shoe and the cast back on. He pulled his T-shirt over his head and smoothed it, tucked it in, and moved to his button-down. Satisfied with his clothes, he retrieved a tissue from his backpack and scooped up the condom and wrapper for disposal somewhere less likely to inspire a review of security camera footage.
“From my dad,” he said, locking eyes with her one more time before he limped between the rows of shelves and disappeared.