5. Sloan
SLOAN
EIGHT YEARS EARLIER
Kyle had been unusually quiet over dinner—a local Italian place near campus where the pizza came out so greasy that Sloan usually had to mop it up with a couple of napkins.
But it was fine.
Boring, but fine.
Not that the boring was what bothered her.
All right, maybe it bothered her a little bit, but that was mostly because nothing brought her joy at the moment. Not since Mom’s funeral. God, I miss her. Sloan and Kyle had skipped their second anniversary dinner, which was appropriate, and somehow even that didn’t really matter.
Will I ever not feel this devastated?
And then all that pain had only gotten worse last week when she’d gone home for Thanksgiving. She still couldn’t believe her dad was an unfeeling monster. That he’d so quickly and easily just erased all trace of Mom, like she’d never existed.
Kyle had been so busy studying that when she’d tried to talk to him about it all, he didn’t seem to understand how much what Dad had done was affecting her.
Also, she was still hungover, and pizza hadn’t even remotely been what she wanted tonight. She hadn’t planned on going out at all today, but then Kyle surprised her this morning, and she’d had to drag herself out of bed and pretend she wasn’t still feeling the effects of vodka overconsumption.
Because Kyle wouldn’t be happy to hear she’d been drunk again last night.
They started back to her dorm room, and she glanced over her shoulder at him as he squinted in the unusually bright November sun, his gaze focused on the horizon. “So, are you going to spend the night?” she asked.
He glanced at her. “Um . . .” He shook his head slowly. “Physics final tomorrow, remember?”
Oh. Right.
“You could always just wake up early and drive back then,” she said with a shrug.
“I don’t know if that’s a great idea. It’s a third of my grade.”
Sloan stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jacket, her fingers curling. And . . . because, apparently, physics is more important than your girlfriend whose mom just died.
“So, why’d you bother to come? You should have just stayed home and studied. If you don’t know it by now, it’s probably too late.”
He flashed a look at her, his brows lifting. “I came because I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine.” She rolled her eyes. “That would have taken a two-second text to find out.”
He didn’t answer, but the way his jaw worked made it clear she’d irritated him.
Whatever. It’s true.
The rest of the walk to her dorm was silent, with him brooding over whatever had been occupying his mind today, and her growing more irritated at the thought of him leaving tonight.
Didn’t he understand how much she needed him right now?
Coming for the day and leaving without spending the night felt like a waste of freaking time.
She glanced over her shoulder at him as they reached her door. He wasn’t really planning on leaving, was he? She had a cute outfit she’d bought when Penny took her shopping during the Black Friday sales the week before.
One glance at her in it and he’d change his mind.
She stepped inside and flipped on the light. Her roommate had gone to her boyfriend’s for the weekend, which was perfect as far as Sloan was concerned.
Kyle hung by the door. “I really need to get back,” he said quietly, glancing at his watch. “It’ll take me almost three hours before I’m back in Nashville.”
She stopped in her tracks, hair on the back of her neck standing up. He can’t be fucking serious.
Maybe I need a boyfriend who goes to UT instead of Vanderbilt.
Her jaw clenched, more determined than ever to convince him to stay. “Can you just hang out for like . . . ten minutes? I have something I want to show you.”
Kyle’s mouth pressed together, then he nodded. “All right. Ten minutes. But I really do need to get back. This is my hardest class.”
She took his hand and led him to her bed. “I’ll be right back. Hang out here for a second.”
Without waiting for his response, she grabbed a bag from her dresser and then left the room for the adjoining bathroom in the dorm suite.
She locked the bathroom, then shimmied out of her clothes, quickly yanking the tags off the lingerie.
Slipping into it, she adjusted her breasts, then stepped into a silky robe that had come with the set.
She tied it, loosened her hair from her ponytail, then stuffed the clothes into the bag.
A glance in the mirror made her heart pound.
She looked . . . sexy.
Perfect.
Say no to this, Kyle.
She unlocked the bathroom door, then stepped back into her room. From the bed, Kyle lifted his head, his chin jerking sharply. “Sloan—”
She grinned. “See? You’re not the only one who can do surprises.”
He stood as she crossed the room toward him. “I really can’t tonight.”
She draped her hands over his neck. “Oh, come on. You’re not seriously going to tell me no, are you?” She skimmed his lips gently, nipping at them. “I haven’t even shown you the surprise.”
“Sloan . . .” he groaned. “You’re making this really hard.”
She smiled. “It’s supposed to be. Spend the night. You know you want to.”
His head dropped back, he released a short huff, then he peeled her arms back. Bending down toward her, he kissed her. “Listen. I love you, babe, but I need to get back. So, if we have sex, I really can’t stay. I’m serious. All right?”
“All right,” she chirped, untying the robe. “You’ll change your mind.”
He caught her hand. “No, you’re not hearing me. I’m sorry, babe, but my exam is at eight thirty a.m. I can’t stay, even if I want to.”
He wouldn’t really just sleep with her and leave, would he? He said he loved her, and she needed this—needed him—right now. Needed someone she loved to make her feel safe and secure in something right now. Desperation coiled in her stomach.
She nudged her finger down the slope of her breast, teasing her robe open. “So, you can leave at five and still get there in time. You get up early all the time.”
He raked his fingers through his hair, closing his eyes.
“Not the day of an important exam. If I fail this, it doesn’t matter that I got As on the first two tests—I’ll fail the class.
” He shook his head slowly, then opened his eyes and looked at her.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I have to go.
I know what you’re doing, and you’re probably right.
I won’t want to get up afterward. So, I’m going to go.
” He bent and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll call you when I get in.”
Releasing her, he started toward the door.
What. The. Fuck.
“Are you serious right now?” Her words were almost a screech. Blood flushed her cheeks, and she turned to face him, tying the robe quickly. “You’re seriously walking out on me—turning me down for sex—after all the shit I’ve been dealing with in the past few months?”
“Sloan . . .” His expression was pained. “I don’t want to turn you down—”
“Then don’t.”
“Yeah, but I told you I need to leave and—”
“What type of shitty boyfriend can’t stay to comfort his girlfriend?” Anger coursed through her. “I’m going through the hardest time in my life, if you haven’t forgotten.”
“I know.” His face flushed. “That’s why I’m here—why I came today.”
Hurt made her chest feel so tight she could hardly breathe. He was saying all the right things, but how could he possibly understand? How could he act like she would be okay without him? Every day seemed harder than the next day right now.
Nothing is ever going to be okay again.
“Well then, that’s even worse! If you know what a hard time I’m going through and you leave me anyway, that means something.”
“It means I have an exam tomorrow. That’s it.”
“Yeah, but it’s fine to fuck me and then leave? Once you get what you want, who cares about what I want? Is that it?”
He held his hands up, head jerking back like she’d struck him. “I . . . have no idea what is even happening right now.”
She glared at him, then went over to her bag and yanked out the jeans she’d been wearing earlier. As she stepped into them, she shook her head. “Just get the hell out of here already. You’ve made how you feel about me perfectly clear.”
“What are you talking about?” He blinked at her. He looked so confused, but how could he be?
I need him to be with me.
“I’m not an idiot. You don’t have time for me. You’re choosing your classes and your exams over me.”
He dragged his hand over his face. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that—”
“I did say it. And I mean it, too. You know what?” She stepped toward him. “Once you walk out that door tonight, Kyle, don’t bother coming back. I’m done.”
His hands clenched at his sides, his breath falling hard like he was struggling for calm. “Sloan, stop it.”
“No, I’m done!” she yelled. Somehow, the words felt so good and so awful to get out at once.
Good in a sense she couldn’t explain. Good in the sense that she could see right away how they hurt him and, God, she wanted him to hurt.
She wanted to hurt him so much right now for rejecting and hurting her.
How dare he?
Yet . . . the awful was there too.
Take it back. Take it back right now, Sloan.
Tell him you’re sorry.
“Sloan, I love you—”
“Well, I don’t love you.” She didn’t yell this time but punctuated her words carefully instead. “All you care about is yourself.”
“Come on, Sloan. We love each other. Y-you’re just sad—”
“My God, how many times . . . I don’t love you, Kyle. We’re done.”
His head hung for a second. “I know you’re mad, but there are things you can’t take back.”
“I’m not worried about anything,” she lied. I’ll miss you every day. “I’m done. Get out of my dorm and get the hell out of my life, got it?”
She stormed to the door. “Go!” She held the door open, even as her hands trembled.
“Sloan, please.” He looked up and met her gaze, his eyes rimmed red. “I love you.”
She tore her gaze away, then ground out, one word at a time, “Get. Out.”
Stop, stop, stop.
Yet with every word she felt . . . strangely more in control.
She hadn’t been able to control much lately, but she could control this.
If Kyle wasn’t going to be the boyfriend she needed—one who would stay when she needed, who would pick her over everything else—then she might as well get rid of him now, before he could hurt her more.
He walked out the door without a word, and she slammed it behind him.
What the hell did I just do?
She almost opened the door again and ran after him, but she looked down and saw her robe still untied, her lacy bra showing.
God.
Humiliation curled through her. She squeezed her eyes shut, then crawled onto the bed, sobbing.
How could he have rejected her after everything?
How could he walk away?
How can he just leave me when my heart is already broken into a thousand little pieces?