19. Sloan #2
“As packed as you get when your possessions mostly include clothes and two dogs.” Sloan grinned for real this time. “Though, I guess I do have a lot of clothes.”
“My mom still wants you to stop at the ranch so she can say hi to Charlie. She says she misses her.”
“I’m sure Charlie misses your mom,” Sloan said with a laugh. “She fattened her up and now Charlie’s hating her new diet.”
Charlie was a huge part of the reason Sloan had stayed with the Murdocks for nearly four months after the whole wedding debacle.
As it turned out, Charlie was not only not a he, but also pregnant.
The vet had believed she’d held on to those puppies while in the wild, finally relaxing and giving birth days after Sloan had arrived at the Murdock’s ranch.
Once the puppies had been weaned and found good homes, Charlie had come back to San Francisco with Sloan to stay with Dad. He hadn’t been thrilled about having not one but two dogs staying at his house, but Sloan had made it clear it was temporary.
Cheyenne gave Sloan a sidelong glance, as though trying to decide what to say.
How to bridge the gap. She adjusted her sunglasses.
“I’ll miss you,” she said, a slight tremor to her voice.
“I know it’s been hard to see each other as much with Will being so busy and Bryce just starting to sleep through the night.
” She exhaled. “The first year of motherhood gets you, let me tell you.”
Sloan paused in her step, then bit her lip, studying Cheyenne’s profile.
Out of all her friends from the last few years of her life, Cheyenne was the only one who’d stuck around after the breakup.
In some ways, it made sense. Cheyenne had been Sloan’s friend—they’d met in a yoga class in Bozeman—but it’d also been a reminder of the fragility of the relationships Sloan had made while with Evan.
“You know I love you, right?” Sloan said in a soft voice.
Cheyenne sniffled, swiping under her sunglasses. “I-I know. I just . . .”
Sloan gripped her forearm, sensing the undercurrent. All the things they hadn’t talked about after Cheyenne had come to see her in Jackson while Sloan was staying there.
They’d talked about the canceled wedding. The chaos at the hotel. Evan.
Kyle.
God, did we talk about Kyle.
Something cinched around Sloan’s heart, though, and she cut off that thought.
But we never talked about why I didn’t turn to her.
Sloan let out a slow sigh, then slipped her hand into Cheyenne’s. “I need to tell you something.” She tugged Cheyenne toward a nearby bench and sat.
Cheyenne gripped her purse on her lap, her fingers twitching as though she didn’t know what to do with her hands.
“I’ve never had a real friend,” Sloan said in a soft voice.
Cheyenne’s mouth opened in protest, and Sloan lifted her hand. “Wait, listen.”
A lump rose in her throat, and Sloan swallowed hard.
“I know you were my friend. I know that. I’m not denying that you offered your friendship freely and you’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had.
” She lowered her gaze, her eyes following a crack in the sidewalk.
“But that’s not what I mean. I mean . . .
it’s been a long time since I let anyone see me. The real me.”
“I know the real you,” Cheyenne said, pulling her sunglasses off. Her green eyes were red-rimmed and filling with tears. “You were my maid of honor, Sloan. You are my best friend.”
Sloan held Cheyenne’s gaze. “I know. And this isn’t on you.
This is on me. I’m not sure I even know who I am anymore.
I’ve spent so long playing pretend that it’s hard to peel back the layers and figure out what was me and what I forced myself to be to fit in a world that only ever wanted to spit me out. ”
“Honey, that’s not true. You’re kind. And you’re brilliant. And artistic. And—”
Smiling gently, Sloan squeezed her hand. “The thing is, I want to be your friend. I want you to be my friend, but I’m just not very good at letting people in. And I’m even better at pushing people away.”
“Then don’t move.” A tear rolled down Cheyenne’s cheek.
She sniffled. “Come back to Bozeman. Or stay here in the Bay Area. Your sister and dad are here, at least. I know Nashville seems like a bright and shiny new start, which makes it a great idea after a breakup. But . . . I think you’re just running.
A-and I’m going to miss you so much, Sloan. ”
“You’re not going to miss me,” Sloan said, leaning forward. She tilted her head against Cheyenne’s. “Because I promise that from here on out, you’re actually going to get to know me. The real me. And the last time I knew who I was . . . was in Nashville. So, I think it’s a good place to start.”
A soft sob escaped Cheyenne’s lips, her shoulders shaking, and for a moment, the twang of uncertainty pulsed through Sloan’s heart.
Am I running?
“Then you’re not moving because you’re hoping to bump into Kyle?”
Sloan looked away. Penny had said the same thing, too.
And even if it wasn’t the reason she was moving, a part of her did hope that she’d see him again.
That part of her that had awakened when she’d run into him in Vail and finally let herself remember him.
“No, I think he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to talk to me.
I’m moving for me. Because I need to find my way back to myself. ”
“Okay,” Cheyenne said, sniffling hard. She reached into her purse and tugged out a tissue, then wiped her nose.
“All right. Then I have something for you. The truth is, I was going to give it to you anyway, but I figured I’d try one last-ditch effort to get you not to leave.
” She gave Sloan a tearful smile. “Can’t blame a girl for trying, right? ”
Sloan frowned as Cheyenne dug through her purse again. This time, she produced an envelope. “My parents and I . . .” She drew a deep breath, settling herself. “As you know, my parents and I feel horrible about what happened with Kyle. So . . . Dad hired a PI to find him.” She held out the envelope.
Sloan froze, staring at the envelope. Her heart kicked against her ribs, her mind flashing back to the last time she’d been handed an envelope on the eve of something important.
“Well, take it,” Cheyenne said softly. “It’s all there. His parents’ address. Family phone numbers.” Then Cheyenne’s face darkened, and she hesitated for a beat. “But there’s something else.”
Oh God. This is the part where I find out that Kyle’s got a girlfriend. Or worse. He’s secretly married with four kids.
“What is it?” Sloan managed. Breathing was growing more difficult.
Cheyenne reached over and gripped Sloan’s hand. “The thing is, there’s a reason Kyle hasn’t been calling you.”
Sloan closed her eyes, waiting for the words to come.
“Kyle was in an awful accident several months ago, in Cabo.”
Sloan’s eyes flew open, the world around her screeching to a halt as Cheyenne continued, “He’s alive. But he was airlifted to the hospital. I think he was pretty badly injured, Sloan.”