Chapter 17 – Maddie #2
“Who knew iguanas could get egg-bound?” Since I’m not carrying a lizard as big as me, I hurry to open the door to Alexis’s building, holding it so she can go first.
“I guess we do now.” Alexis goes straight for the elevator. “Not that it matters since she doesn’t have any of her lady parts anymore.”
I follow Alexis into the elevator, pressing the button for her floor. “Are you sure we shouldn’t take her back to Gavin’s place?”
“She isn’t supposed to be alone. And while Gavin’s televisions are great, if I have to babysit a dinosaur, I’m going to do it in the comfort of my own home.”
“Good point.” I lean back against the wall as the doors close, giving the cat I’m carrying a reassuring pat. Hopefully she’s not suffocating under there. “But what if Terri shits all over your apartment?”
“Terri is going to be sleeping her sedation off in the bathtub.” She tips her head toward the wriggling lump under my shirt. “I’m more worried about Gillette there.”
I purse my lips. “That’s actually not a bad name.”
“Right?” Alexis widens her eyes. “Because she’s bald and Gillette makes razors.”
“Yeah. I got it.” The cat meows again, but I can’t tell if it’s for or against the name. “We might want to hurry. I think she’s about to go rogue.”
We hustle out the second the elevator opens, rushing down the hall and into Alexis’s apartment. The second the door’s closed, Gill drops free, shaking off and shooting both of us dirty looks like being shoved under my shirt was the worst thing to happen to her today.
Alexis points a threatening finger as the cat starts sniffing around. “Don’t shit in my apartment.” She narrows her eyes. “I mean it. You better hold that crap in until the Instacart guy shows up with your litter box.”
Gill stares me down for a second, but finally meows, which I’m going to take as acquiescence.
After getting Gill and Terri as situated as we can, Alexis orders us some dinner and we both collapse on her couch. Curling up beside her with my cheek pressed against the back cushion, I say, “Thank you.”
I wasn’t looking forward to this weekend—to being alone with Drake out in the world—and it means so much to me that Alexis was willing to let me tag along. I’m sure Leo feels better knowing I’ve got someone at my side, and it’s been so nice to reconnect with her. I genuinely enjoy her company.
And hope a little of her confidence rubs off on me.
Alexis snorts. “Pretty sure I should be thanking you.” She grabs the television remote and switches it on. “I won’t be offended if you decide to hang out with someone else the next time Leo goes out of town.”
“I actually had fun today.” My nose wrinkles as I think back through our day. “Outside of having to watch the vet try to manually unbind a lizard.”
“I don’t think anyone enjoyed that.” Alexis rolls her eyes toward me. “Least of all Terri.”
It gets quiet for a second, and I can’t stop myself from admitting, “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a friend.”
Alexis drops the remote and turns to face me. “You want me to kill him for you? I’m pretty sure I could.” Alexis sounds serious. Like she would love the opportunity to get her hands on the man who limited so much of my life in an effort to maintain control.
“I appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll pass.
” I pull one of Alexis’s fluffy blankets across my legs, needing it for comfort more than warmth.
I still don’t like thinking about Drake.
The only way I can deal with knowing he’s out there is to tell myself the same thing I tell Alexis now.
“I’m sure he’ll lose interest eventually. ”
“I hope so.” She takes my hand, giving it a squeeze. “You deserve to be able to live your life without being afraid all the time.”
That seems so impossible. Even when he was locked up, I was afraid.
Anticipating the day they would let him out.
Knowing there’s a good chance he would be even angrier coming out than he was going in.
I don’t say that to Alexis though. I don’t want her to feel even worse for me, so I go with a simple, “Thanks.”
Alexis’s phone buzzes on the coffee table and she jumps up. “I’m gonna go grab our food. I’ll be right back.” She heads for the door, motioning to the television as she goes. “Pick something to watch while I’m gone.”
I start to stand. Alexis ordered our dinner, the least I can do is go with her to grab it from the stoop. “You want me to come with you?”
“No way. It’ll only take a second. You relax.” Alexis shoots me a wink before disappearing through the door. Leaving me alone inside her beautiful apartment.
I look around, taking it all in. Wondering if I could ever make my apartment this cute. Wondering if it would even matter since I haven’t stayed there in over a month. Even while Drake was somewhere he couldn’t get me, Leo never even mentioned taking me back.
And I didn’t bring it up either.
It was too nice being with him. In a real home. Even though his house isn’t decorated or even fully furnished, it still feels like a home.
And that is a little terrifying right now because I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to enjoy it. It’s so hard to find happiness in anything with Drake and our divorce hanging over my head.
I hate it. Leo’s amazing. He’s done so much for me, and I can’t even be happy about it. It’s just as screwed up as everything else in my life.
Shifting around on the sofa, I focus on trying to decide where Alexis will want to eat. Should I set the table? Does she eat on the couch like I used to?
I’m going to guess sofa.
I fold the blanket covering my lap and drape it over the arm of the sofa so it won’t get anything spilled on it, then shift around a few of the items on her coffee table to make extra room.
I give Gill’s naked back a pet when she comes to inspect what I’m doing. “What do you think is taking so long?” I don’t know why I’m asking her. The poor thing doesn’t even know where in the hell she is, let alone why Alexis isn’t back yet.
And I really wish she was, because I’m starting to get nervous. Worried is my natural state, and once it digs its claws in, things start to spiral very quickly. Within seconds, I’m on my feet, pacing to the door so I can open it and peek out, hoping Alexis will be on the other side.
But the hall is empty.
“Shit.” I know what I have to do. For my own sanity, if nothing else.
Hopefully it’s only for my own sanity, because…
No. I refuse to allow myself to consider all the reasons Alexis might not be back yet. I don’t want to start spiraling. Not right now. Technically not ever, but I know that’s an unrealistic goal.
Looking back over my shoulder to make sure Gill is okay, I step out. The door will probably lock behind me, but hopefully Alexis has a key on her, because there’s no way I can keep sitting there without falling into a full panic.
I hurry back the way we came in, tapping one foot as the elevator carries me to the first floor. The doors open, but even before I step out, one thing is very clear.
Spiraling and panic would have been the correct course of action.