Chapter 20 – Leo
Emo Leo
Leo
I THOUGHT ABOUT not coming this morning. Almost skipped out in favor of sitting at home alone in my misery, letting Gill try to turn my stomach into biscuits while I stared at the ceiling in silence.
But I’m pissed. Angry as hell, actually. Because this is at least partially my parents’ fault.
If they would’ve just minded their own fucking business and stayed out of mine, maybe Maddie’s parents wouldn’t have gotten her all worked up and I could have made her understand that I don’t give a shit if I come out of this looking like a bad guy.
I don’t care if my reputation is fucking tarnished.
Hell, I don’t even care if the Swamp Cats terminate my contract.
All I care about is her.
“But how do you know leaving her alone would have kept her safe?” I walk into my parents’ house and hear my sister in the kitchen, pleading a case that is now irrelevant.
“You haven’t seen how her ex is. I have.
” There’s sadness in her voice, and it’s tearing me up.
“And I’m not sure Maddie would be any safer without Leo in her life.
” She pauses. “Actually, Leo probably gives him someone else to hate, so she’s probably better off. ”
Stepping into the doorway, I cut her off because I can’t let her take on a battle when there’s no longer a war. “Not anymore.”
Alexis spins at the sound of my voice, taking a step back as her blue eyes scan me from head to toe.
I know what she sees. I look like shit. I haven’t slept. I haven’t eaten. I’ve barely been able to think since Maddie broke things off yesterday. It’s been the longest fifteen hours, forty-seven minutes, and—I check my watch—seventeen seconds of my life.
The worst part is I want her to be happy. I want her to do what she chooses.
I just really thought she would choose me.
“Maddie dumped me last night, so everybody can fucking celebrate. You got what you wanted.” I move to the island, snatching a scone off the countertop.
My stomach is chewing a fucking hole in itself right now, so I bite off half of the pastry before continuing.
“She said she wasn’t going to let me destroy my life, and then she blocked me.
” I spread my arms wide. “So, congratulations. You win.”
Alexis stares at me, her mouth hanging open.
And for some fucking stupid as reason, my mom thinks suddenly everything’s fine between us.
“Oh, honey.” She acts like she’s going to hug me.
I take a step back, even more pissed that she thinks she has any right to comfort me. “Don’t.” I shake my head. “Don’t act like you’re sorry, because I know you’re not.” I continue backing away, ready to get the fuck out of here. “I’m not staying. I just came to give you the good fucking news.”
Spinning on one heel, I storm out.
Alexis follows right behind me. “Leo, wait.”
Jerking to a stop, I face her. “If you’re here to apologize, you don’t have to. I wasn’t talking to you in there.”
“Maddie loves you, Leo.” She blurts the words out at me. “She didn’t say it, but I could tell.”
My brows lift, not because I don’t believe her, but because I’m curious to hear why she thinks she knows this. “You’re an expert on love now because you fucking love Gavin?” I don’t mean to sound so harsh, but the bite of jealousy makes my words sharp.
Shit has been so easy for Gavin and Alexis. No parent bullshit getting in their way. No crazy ex-husbands ruining any happy moment that tries to exist.
They can just love each other without having to fight for it.
“Kinda?” Alexis sounds guilty, and for some reason that makes me feel better. That at least she knows how much I’m suffering.
Gavin moves in behind her, standing close. I love him, but right now I hate him at the same time. Hate that he can touch her. Hold her. Protect her. Support her.
I have to force my gaze back to my sister. It won’t do me any good to stand here sucking their happiness away. “Do me a favor and take care of Maddie.” I drag a hand through my tangled hair. “She really likes you, and she needs all the support she can get.”
“I really like her too.” Alexis gives me a small smile. “If it makes you feel any better, she’s pretty much stuck with me and my friends forever.”
I didn’t think anything could take the edge off the pain making it hard to breathe, but that does.
“It does make me feel better, actually.” I take a deep breath, and try to bring some levity to the situation, because none of this is their fault.
Turning to my best friend, I say, “I’m still probably gonna kick your ass for fucking my sister. ”
Gavin grins. “Understood.”
If I wasn’t so fucking exhausted, I might even try to do it now. See if it makes me feel a little better to get some aggression out. It’s a shame Drake is still locked up waiting for his bail hearing, or I’d go find him.
If Maddie’s going to break up with me because she’s worried her life will ruin mine, it might as well be justified.
Getting into my car, I shove the other half of the scone I’m still carrying between my lips, chewing through it angrily as I go back home. I don’t know where to go from here. How to move forward when I’ve already found what I want.
But can’t have it.
Parking in the driveway, my eyes drift over my house. Maybe I should sell it. Get a condo the way Gavin told me I should. What’s the point of all the space when I’m not going to have anything or anyone to fill it?
Because I can’t imagine building a future with anyone but Maddie.
Letting myself in, I nearly trip over Gillette. She’s literally sitting on the rug just inside the door, sporting one of the many sweaters Maddie ordered for her, waiting for me to come back.
I crouch down, giving her a pet. “Were you worried you were being abandoned again?” I hated hearing the story of how Maddie ended up with her. Couldn’t believe anyone would dump their pet on a random vet clinic’s doorstep.
But now—since I seem to be entering my asshole era—I’m kind of glad. Gill and I both understand what it’s like to be left behind by someone we love.
Scooping her up, I cuddle my pet close, probably holding her a little too tight. She’s a connection to Maddie, and I cling to her. Tucking the chunky cat against my chest, I drop to the sofa and stare across the room.
I’ve been broken up with before. Plenty of women have found me to be too much too soon. They thought I was love bombing.
But that’s just who I am. One big fucking love bomb.
Except now I’ve got nowhere to detonate, and I’m starting to implode.
I thought I knew what I was getting into when I pursued Maddie. Believed even though it would be difficult, I would succeed in the end. That I would keep her safe. Appreciate her. Take care of her. Love her.
That everything I have to offer would be enough. That it would be worth the fight.
I still believe that. I just don’t know how to make her believe it too.
My stomach growls, angry at me for being so fucking emo and refusing to feed it anything besides the single scone I swiped from my mom’s kitchen. I want to suffer. I want to be miserable. I want to wallow in my pain.
But the need to feel close to Maddie is stronger. And the best way I know to do that—since I can’t physically be close to her—is by doing the thing that makes her feel the happiest. The thing that reminds her of a time when she was loved and cared for.
A time before she was loved and cared for by me.
Carrying Gillette, I shuffle into the kitchen, keeping the cat tucked under one arm as I work one-handed. She must sense my emotional instability and desperation, because even though I know the hold I have on her probably isn’t the most comfortable, Gill doesn’t wiggle around.
I somehow manage to juggle the cat and all the ingredients I pull from the fridge.
Keeping Gill turned safely away from the stove, I put pasta on to boil then send the collection of peppers I need to char through the air fryer and into a bag to sweat.
When it comes time to start chopping shit up, I’m forced to finally put her down.
It’s ridiculous, but the second Gillette is no longer in my arms, my chest tightens and I feel even more alone.
Fucking hell. I wasn’t even this dramatic as a teenager.
Pulling out my Vita Mix blender—which up to this point has been used for nothing but protein shakes—I load in the peeled poblanos and jalapeno, half an onion, a couple garlic cloves, a pile of cilantro, some milk and chicken bouillon, along with a dose of seasoning that would make Abuela proud.
After blending everything up, I pour the creamy green mixture into the drained pasta, stirring it around as I heat everything through.
It smells just as good as it did when Abuela made it one of the nights Maddie and I visited her for dinner.
I was happy she taught me how to make it then, but I’m even more appreciative of the lesson now.
Now that I’m sitting in silence on my couch with a hairless cat in a sweater, shoving Mexican spaghetti into my face, fully grasping why Maddie was so horrified by my flavorless chicken stir fry.
I could cook to feed my belly, and it tasted fine. But what I’m eating now feeds my soul. It brings me comfort I desperately need. Connection I wouldn’t expect from carbs and spicy sauce.
I’ve almost polished off the entire pound of spaghetti when my cell phone starts to ring. I consider ignoring it because I don’t fucking feel like talking to my mom or dad. I don’t want to hear their bullshit attempts at making me feel better. Honestly, I only grab my phone to silence it.
When I see Maddie’s name displayed across the screen, I stand up so fast the remainder of my depression meal hits the floor, spilling across the area rug as I rush to connect the call.
“Maddie.” Her name rushes out with all the air from my lungs.
“Leo, I—”
Whatever she’s trying to say is cut off by a weird hiccuppy sound. Almost like she’s…
Crying.
I’m across the room, grabbing my keys, before she manages to get anything else out. “What’s wrong? I’m on my way to you right now.”
“Drake’s posting”—another hiccup—“pictures of himself a block away.”
The door slams behind me as I run for my car. “Keep your door locked. Close all the blinds. I’ll be there in five minutes.” It’s a stretch, but I think I can make it happen.
I have so many questions, but she is in no position to answer them right now.
Like how in the fuck is Drake out? He wasn’t supposed to even have a bail hearing until next week.
And why is he so fucking stupid? He’s got to know this is going to end badly for him.
I get that he’s hired an attorney who’s doing their damnedest to make it look like I’m the problem, but publicly posting himself getting as close as he can to the woman with a protection order he’s previously violated twice is only going to hurt his case.
I peel out of my neighborhood, running red lights and breaking speed limits in my haste to get to her as fast as possible. I stay on the line with Maddie the whole time, listening to her cry, each soft sniffle a punch to my gut.
“Everything is going to be okay. I promise.” As I close in on Sweet Side Apartments, I scan the sidewalks around me for any sight of Drake.
Because if I see him, I’m gonna run his ass over.
I don’t know if the universe is punishing or protecting me, but there is no sign of him. I continue searching as I jerk to a stop next to PAPI69, not even bothering to turn off the engine when I get out.
There’s no reason to. We aren’t staying long.
“Open your door for me, Miss Miller. It’s time for you to come home.”
I stalk up the sidewalk, unable to fully breathe until she opens the door and I see that she’s okay. Red eyed and tear streaked, but unharmed.
As soon as I’m near enough to reach, Maddie collapses against me. I pull her close, getting both of us inside before locking the door. Her apartment looks just as I remember it, but it’s not going to look this way for long.
“Pack everything you need. You’re not coming back here.” I know I said I’d never tell Maddie what to do, but today I’m making an exception.
I know she thinks my life is going to be ruined if we stay together, but it took less than twenty-four hours for me to confirm my life will be ruined if she’s not a part of it. And I’m not leaving her any more room for doubt or second-guessing.
To my relief, Maddie doesn’t argue with me. She nods her head, cheek rocking against my chest. “Okay.” The word is shaky and soft, but the spasms of her diaphragm seem to be subsiding, which I’m taking as a good sign.
Together, we quickly dump clothes, toiletries, and anything else she points out into any sort of carrying receptacle she owns.
In the weeks Maddie stayed with me before deciding she knew what was best for me, she’d only accumulated a small number of items at my house.
I thought it was strange more of her stuff didn’t make its way over, but now I know why.
She was always afraid a breakup was coming, so part of her always held back. Stayed prepared for an eventuality she knew might be breathing down her neck.
And she did it for me. Because she wanted to protect me even if it risked her own safety.
If that’s not an indication Maddie accidentally fell in love with me, I don’t know what is.
It makes me feel way less bad about what I have to do to keep her safe. And I’ll be damned if I let her put my life above hers.
Because Maddie might have accidentally fallen in love with me, but I fell in love with her entirely on purpose.