Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
SOPHIE
Peace rolled over my body as I twirled my engagement and wedding bands on my fingers. The more I looked, the more I fell in love with them: their simpleness, their softness.
The edges of my lips curved up as I leaned back into Viktor’s office chair.
Was I allowed to feel all these emotions? Was I entitled to happiness after all the disappointment I’d brought to my family?
Mamma had called not an hour ago, reminding me of tomorrow’s dinner.
And though I’d been expecting it, the month since the last one had passed so fast, yet so slow.
Many things had happened. And I couldn’t help but feel a tight knot forming in my stomach.
It was the first time I would appear in front of my family since my relationship with Viktor had begun to change.
In a good way. And I wasn’t sure how to behave.
Mamma would probably be over the moon. Same as the others.
But whatever was growing between Viktor and me felt fragile—too new, too tender to expose.
The thought of questions, of well-meaning prying, made my throat tighten.
What if their excitement pushed too hard?
What if speaking about it out loud somehow broke the spell?
But worrying wouldn’t finish the work. I sat up straight at the desk, looking at the files I’d been working on for several days.
There wasn’t much left to do. Only a final review before I passed them to Viktor.
And though he’d told me not to rush, I was determined to have them ready before he asked; wanted him to be satisfied with my work.
Perhaps I was even too worried he’d find flaws I’d overlooked. On the second day I’d already noticed missing documents, which I’d requested that same evening from him.
“Good catch,” Viktor had said with a strange satisfaction written on his face.
A satisfaction I couldn’t wipe from my mind, replaying the moment far too many times. I wanted to see it again.
Unable to suppress my smile, I returned my attention to the folder with the initially missing documents that Viktor had brought from the storage room of his office.
I looked at the door—the only one Viktor kept locked.
I’d almost asked him about it, had even noticed how his gaze followed my reactions.
But he hadn’t said anything. And I hadn’t dared to ask.
Most likely it was just a vault with business documents and other sensitive materials, similar to Papa’s.
So of course, Viktor wouldn’t let me in.
Till now, he hadn’t once rejected any of my requests, though I’d kept them reasonable. But deep down I was terrified to receive that first rejection. Afraid to lose this strange thing that we had.
I gripped the edge of the desk. If I wanted to know what Viktor would suggest next, I needed to finish this report first.
On the next morning, before going down for breakfast, I took a final look at the documents. They’d been finished yesterday, but I couldn’t bring myself to give them to Viktor.
I’d gone through it all once again before sleep—everything seemed solid. But my stomach churned. And when I stepped out of my room, I couldn’t stop shivering.
Holding my breath, I reached the stairs. And for a moment, they blurred.
So stupid. This was just a small report. Not like the world would collapse if there was something wrong with it. Not like Viktor would be disappointed in me…
He would. He would think I was stupid, that I had nothing to offer. That he shouldn’t have even considered giving me a chance!
A chance for what? I corrected myself.
I wasn’t even sure why he’d given me this project. What did he want to see?
Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.
Even if there were something wrong with my report, he’d better act normal. Or I’d make him regret every decision in his life.
Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.
It wasn’t like I needed his validation.
Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.
When my heartbeat calmed down and the stairs came back into focus, I went down, forcing my steps steady.
Viktor’s and Ms. Hale’s voices reached me through the kitchen, and I hurried to greet them when I entered the patio. I waited for the housekeeper to leave us before holding out my hand with the folder in front of Viktor.
“Here.”
A flicker of surprise appeared on his face. “What’s this?”
“The analysis you asked me to do.” At least my voice sounded confident.
“You finished it?”
The surprise in his voice hit a nerve. I raised an eyebrow, and though I didn’t intend my next words to sound like venom, they did. “Was I supposed to work on it for an eternity?” I took my seat and, before I knew it, rolled my eyes.
God! I couldn’t possibly roll my eyes at Viktor. But I did. And it was too late; I couldn’t undo that.
My fingers trembled as I picked up my fork, avoiding Viktor’s gaze.
Things had been going so well. Even yesterday after dinner, we’d had a good time talking about Rowks Holding’s assets and what division was for what.
But of course I couldn’t keep the peace. Couldn’t keep my attitude in check.
“Something bothering you?” Viktor’s voice didn’t let me drift into my thoughts.
“No.” I failed to sound calm.
Viktor put the folder at the edge of the table, reaching for his morning coffee and gesturing to my cup. “It’ll get cold. I prepared it a bit early.”
“Hm…” I looked at my plate, then at Viktor, but couldn’t hold his gaze.
All I wanted was to retreat to my room. Maybe start over. Like hitting restart on the whole morning.
He opened his mouth, but the next second his attention turned fully to his breakfast. If I didn’t start to eat as well that would probably make everything worse.
I tried to breathe as quietly as possible, taking my cutlery, trying not to make a sound. But I was unable to bring the fork to my mouth.
My eyes drifted toward the clock on the wall. The minute hand had just passed twelve.
When I looked at Viktor again, his eyebrows were furrowed and a few little wrinkles appeared between them. The tip of my finger tingled as the urge to smooth them rose.
I watched the minute hand once again. And when the minute finally switched, I took a bite. Chewed it slowly, waiting for the next.
Another tick.
All in silence.
I’d nearly managed to swallow when I noticed Viktor watching my movements.
“We’re leaving at five for your family dinner.” He didn’t sound angry, but there wasn’t the usual warmth in his voice either.
I closed my eyes for a moment. It was the last thing I wanted to talk about. Instead, I watched the clock, waiting for the minute to tick so I could lift my glass.
“Did something happen?” Viktor asked again.
I shook my head, glancing at the folder that was still sitting at the edge of Viktor’s side of the table. Then back at my plate.
I nearly checked the clock again when Viktor put down his utensils. “Would you mind if I excused myself early?” He pointed to the folder. “To check your analysis?”
My chest tightened. I nodded slightly but couldn’t keep my eyes on Viktor. Not when he rose from his seat and went to the door. Every sound of his steps, though quiet, echoed in my ears.
First, second, then third. Till he reached the door. He stopped for a moment, and I could swear he cast a look back at me. Yet said nothing more. Only a soft breath came from his mouth before he disappeared.
I waited another minute, sitting still after he left, feeling an ache deep in my bones and a strange heat behind my eyes.
I’d ruined everything. Again.
It would be only a miracle if Viktor looked at me the same way as before or spoke to me with the same warmth he used to. And this was all my fault.
I had no one to blame.
“Is everything all right?” Ms. Hale appeared in the doorway, and the sound of cutlery hitting the plate filled the room.
I looked at my barely touched breakfast, at the cutlery that had been in my hand a second ago, at the tablecloth now stained with food. I shook my head and stood up.
“Apologies for the mess,” I barely managed to say before leaving the room. Unlike my husband, my footsteps were fast. But before I got to the stairs, I stopped. My eyes darted to the corridor that led toward the closed door of Viktor’s office. Then back at the kitchen where I’d come from.
I let out a breath, then returned to the patio. Ms. Hale was standing in front of the table, worry written on her face. Before she could say anything, I grabbed the cup of coffee that Viktor had made for me and left for my room.
Yet even then I couldn’t go inside. I stood in front of my door clutching the cup as it grew colder, then went back toward the stairs.
I’d always wondered why they’d put a sitting corner between the wings of the house—who would want to sit where everyone could see or hear every single word—but it was times like this, when I wasn’t sure where to go, that made me thankful for it.
My gaze shifted to the right wing—Viktor’s wing—before finally sipping from my coffee. It had indeed gotten colder, but that didn’t make it taste any worse. Hopefully my behavior today wouldn’t make it the last coffee he made for me.
The snow had melted around a week ago, but it was still too cold outside for a walk. And the view from the windows offered little distraction.
I sipped once again, finishing the cup, and put it on the coffee table before standing up.
My eyes shifted between the wings. On my side there were two bedrooms: mine, which I had no desire to spend my day locked in (the thought tightened my throat), and a guest room that was much smaller in size.
There was also a small bathroom for guests.
On Viktor’s side, besides his room that I’d never entered, there were two more bedrooms, slightly larger than the guest room on my side.
On my first day in the home I’d only glimpsed at them once from the doorway, not interested enough to explore.
But now I entered each one, wandering through. All unused, fully renovated.
They would probably need some changes once we had children. Who knew?
After checking both wings, I returned to the seating corner, and my gaze shifted toward the stairs. In the attic there was another guest room alongside a playroom that I spent nearly half an hour exploring. Billiard table, a few chairs, chess in the corner. And a few literature books on shelves.
The clock there was pointing at eleven, so without knowing what to do next, I went to Viktor’s office and stopped in front of the closed door. Everything in me screamed to knock, to apologize for my behavior. But when my hand reached for the wood—I didn’t.
Instead I turned toward the gallery, spent another half an hour moving among sculptures—one had been added right after Christmas. Someone’s gift in return for Rowks support. Then I circled through the library.
The day wasn’t supposed to go this way. We should have spent it together, talking about my report. I would have been praised and then maybe given another thing to do.
But here I was standing in his side corridor, unsure what to do.
“Ma’am?” Ms. Hale came from the small sitting room that was attached to Viktor’s office. It was once a smoking room, but as Viktor didn’t smoke, and didn’t have guests, it sat mostly abandoned.
“I’ll soon start preparing lunch. Would you prefer anything?”
“No,” I said without any hesitation. Though my breakfast was unfinished, I still wasn’t feeling hungry. “Only tea, please. I’ll be—”
The door behind me opened, but I didn’t dare to look back.
As I took a few steps, Viktor called me. “Sophie?”
I turned slightly, waiting for him to continue.
“You wanted something?”
“No, just went through the library to take a book.”
Viktor’s gaze shifted lower, to my empty hands.
“Didn’t find anything,” I muttered, and turned to Ms. Hale. “I’ll be in the tearoom.”
I managed to breathe only once I stepped into the bright yellow room, filled with sun and decorated in an old Italian style.
It was overall similar to the room in Papa’s house, designed specifically for Mamma’s guests, where we kids were never allowed unsupervised.
Maybe that was the reason I didn’t enjoy spending time here.
Or perhaps the fact it was facing the front.
I sank into one of the armchairs, shifting my gaze around the room, trying to calm the pressure behind my eyes. And only when I thought I’d succeeded, a searing itch ran down my arm. Before I could control myself, my nails dug into my skin.
The next second, I pulled my hand away, clenching my fists. My skin was red, but the scratches weren’t deep. They’d be gone by the time we left for dinner.