Chapter 42
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
SOPHIE
“Nessa told me you knew this garden better than she did,” I said, trying not to limp.
New shoes. Of course I’d worn new shoes for our last evening here. I didn’t know what part of my mind decided it was a perfect idea to tackle winding paths in them. And the smart thing to do was probably to say I needed a bandage and return to the home.
But walking back would mean joining the Korolyovs.
And while being in their presence was actually enjoyable—we celebrated the pregnancy announcement, talked over how spoiled this child would probably be, and shared a few stories from our own childhood—walking like this alongside Viktor was what I was starving for.
I went to bed early last evening, letting Viktor grab a drink with his cousin alone.
But woke once when he entered the room. And while a strange flutter wasn’t something that should have spread across my chest…
it did. I wanted to crawl to him, bury my face in his shoulder.
But when Viktor put a pillow between us, all I could do was pretend to be asleep.
“Most likely.” Viktor gestured for me to turn to the left.
I took a breath, trying to ignore another ache in my heel and enjoy the scent of sun-warmed leaves. It was nice. Peaceful.
“She also told me about your mother. I’m sorry you never got to know her.”
“Ah… Right,” he murmured, turning his gaze to the other side.
I looked at him, waiting for more, but of course he wasn’t one to easily talk about his feelings.
“You mentioned… That your only intention to marry me was to make sure I was safe.”
He hummed, yet his shoulder visibly tensed.
I knew I had accused him of marrying me for his little fantasies, but those were words said in anger. The man that was walking right beside me would never marry someone to fulfill his rotten desires. But he would marry someone to protect them.
“Is that what you meant by safe?” I asked. “Were you worried that what happened to your mother would happen to me?”
For a moment I thought he would avoid answering me, but then his demeanor shifted. He brushed his hand over his face, as if collecting his thoughts.
“You know… For a long time I was sure that you and Edmond would eventually get married. Even with all the talks about your engagement being broken—he never confirmed those so I assumed it would eventually be resolved.
“But then the news came about him getting married to Alissa. And the first thing I did was rush to ask for your hand. Was actually terrified I was too late. Didn’t even consult my lawyers. I was sure someone had already beaten me to it.”
The tips of his ears seemed redder than usual.
“So the long speech about sustaining the Rowks Group, the right alliance and everything like that. Did you come up with that on the spot?” I wondered how much of that was actually true.
“Well. I needed a believable reason. Besides, Rowks Group did indeed gain a good alliance. That said, it wasn’t like—” He waved his hands and finally looked at me.
“You traded ten percent of Rowks Group’s stocks for that alliance,” I noted.
“Ah…” He blinked, then continued more quietly, “I think your father indeed underestimated how much more I was ready to pay.”
“Yeah, do that—make us poorer.” I rolled my eyes. “Yann was right, you can’t be trusted with finances! Reckless decision after reckless decision.”
He chuckled. “When did he say that?”
“Yesterday, while you were asleep. But don’t get distracted. The proposal,” I reminded him, trying not to sound too excited.
“Ah! Yes. I didn’t have any idea of your father’s plans for you.
And yes, I was worried you might end up marrying someone unworthy.
Someone who wouldn’t treat you right. I couldn’t risk that, or trust some random man when I knew I would give you everything you’d wish for.
The only issue was figuring out what it was you wished for.
So I went with the flow, tried to follow your lead.
“I was horrified that I could do something wrong. And I did. I made you feel abandoned.” His voice cracked for a split second.
“Well, good thing I didn’t stay silent.” I smiled.
“Yes.” He nodded. “But I literally had no idea about your interests and, even worse, how to get them out of you.”
“Well, you managed eventually. And wasted no time questioning my competence. One second I was feeling abandoned, the next I was already leading Atlas.”
“That’s because you handled every task I gave you instantly. Besides, competence can be learned only by trying and failing. In addition, I gave you Ms. Lind. I figured she would be a better choice in my evolving plan to secure your self-sufficiency. And I would manage to stay at a safe distance.”
“I knew there was something!” I halted.
“Hm?” He froze.
“We were getting closer. I thought it would keep going even further. But then… It seemed as if you make sure to maintain some distance.”
“Can’t say it wasn’t intentional.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“But why?”
“The closer we got, the more comfortable you felt around me.” He let out a breath. “Too comfortable. And I couldn’t control myself around you.”
I frowned, reaching for his forearm. And when I touched him, his eyes closed.
“So you planned to be married, but live as strangers? And for how long?”
“I don’t know.” His chest went up and down. “But you getting attached to me wasn’t part of my plan.”
“Oh. Now we’re reducing my feelings to simple attachments? Or what you said… dependencies?” I recalled our conversation on the plane.
His fingers closed around mine as I started to pull away. And when he brought my knuckles to his lips, pressing a kiss to each one, his eyes stayed closed.
“Did you still… After all the pain I caused… Do you think…” His breath came hot and fast against my skin.
“What happened… It’s not like you asked him to do what he did…”
“You said it yourself, I seeded the idea.”
“Yes… And part of me is so, so angry about that. So…” I swallowed, and my next words wavered. “One of the reasons I agreed to marry you in the first place was because your reputation seemed so tarnished that I was sure my disgrace would barely show against yours.”
Viktor let out a hollow laugh at my words, and the veins on his forearm popped as he clenched his fist.
“Knowing you, even unknowingly, was part of the reason I felt that way about myself… It hurts.” My vision blurred, and I blinked, trying to clear it.
“But you were also the person who listened to me, helped me get out of the darkness I’d driven myself into.
Made me smile, laugh. Feel like I am more than what happened to me.
That I am not what others say or think about me.
” My fingers intertwining with his. They felt colder.
Much colder than one could expect during the heat of the summer.
“You gave me so much of myself back and even more…”
He shook his head. “I can give you all the world and it will still not be enough to make up for what I took from you,” he said, his voice hoarse.
I pressed my lips together, trying not to sound desperate. “Is that why you actually decided to renew our marriage contract? Was Yann correct?”
He said it had nothing to do with guilt. But was it?
“No! Of course not! After all I said, you think I—” He hesitated, his mouth open but no words came out.
“Well.” I shrugged. “Till now I’ve only heard about obsession and desires.
Caring and protection. A huge chunk of guilt.
So forgive me if I still can’t understand why you are doing all of this.
” My throat went dry. “Am I a remaining fantasy you are trying to fulfill? A guilt you’re trying to ease? Perhaps a charity project?”
“Sophie!” The veins on his neck pulsed.
“What?” I came closer, so close our breaths mingled, making him look directly into my eyes. “Tell me. Should I try to protect what’s left of my heart?”
“I—” He leaned his forehead against mine. “I love you. I love you so much I think I would drown in all these feelings once I let them out.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “And I’m afraid… so, so afraid… I’ll drag you down with me.”
A strange sound of relief that was more like a broken breath left my lungs. All I knew was that the heavy stone in my chest had shattered into something light and sweet.
“I thought I fell in love when I first met you. But that wasn’t even a bit of what I know about loving you now,” he added. His nose brushing against mine as his lashes lowered. “Yet… I am not sure if I’m even allowed to say all of these things to you…”
The question pained me more than I thought. “Viik…”
I pressed my lips to his cheek, salty and rough with stubble. I moved lower to his while cradling his face in my palms. And when my lips touched his, they were soft. Too soft—I thought I was drowning in clouds.
A loud moan filled the air, and only after a second did I realize it was mine.
For a moment we stayed like that, his lips barely moving against mine, savoring. I melted into him, unable to resist the urge to slide my fingers into his hair. But I needed him closer.
Closer!
As if hearing my thoughts, his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me against him. And I moved my lips, capturing his upper lip, while his caught my lower, drawing it in slowly.
It was nice. Being able to get drunk on his cologne, feel the warmth of his skin. Of his lips.
“Ouch.” I was too lost in him to control the whimper of pain in my heels.
Viktor pulled back, worry written in his eyes. But I leaned to his lips, stealing another kiss.
“Is something bothering you?” He raised a brow while pressing another kiss to the edge of my lips.
“I’m fine,” I murmured, but when I stepped to change the weight on my heels, another ache of pain flickered on my face.
“Sophie?” His eyes went down to my feet. “Are your shoes uncomfortable?”
“It’s my first time wearing them,” I confessed, hoping the lightness in my voice would be enough for Viktor to brush it off.
Instead, he dropped to his knees, touching my heel, sending thousands of tingles across my skin.
“It’s about to bleed,” he noted.
“It’s not!”
But he didn’t listen to me. In one fluid movement, he stood and swept me into his arms, holding me against his chest—just like two nights ago.
“Viktor!” I didn’t sound angry at all, wrapping my arms around his neck, as my lips curved into a smile.
“You should have told me earlier,” he muttered, turning back toward the house.
I would have protested more, but I was distracted by the familiar wrinkle between his brows, which I finally got to smooth.