19. Lilias
Lilias
CUTTING THE RIBBON
The sound of the barn door opening drags me back to consciousness. I blink against the sudden flood of sunlight as the sound of boots on the floorboards echoes through the stables.
“Ah, here you are,” Gerard says. “Your brother’s looking for you.”
I sit up and try to pull some of the straw out of my hair. Gerard makes a face at the unconscious man curled in the straw next to me.
“It’s—” I begin, then stop.
I shake my head and decide to abandon any attempts to explain what happened last night.
“Don’t let him leave, okay?” I say.
Gerard nods. “Want me to tie him up?”
“Gods, no,” I say. “He can leave the barn. Just, don’t let him leave—”
I stop myself before I can finish that sentence. Gerard stares at me, then shrugs.
“Your brother’s in his room,” Gerard says. “He wants to talk to you.”
I stand up, swallow hard, and brush straw off my filthy clothes. Gerard leans against a post, puts his hand on his dagger, and glares at Zarek in a way that makes my throat feel tight.
“Don’t—” I say, then hesitate. “Don’t hurt him.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Gerard replies with a cold smile I don’t trust at all.
Hells. I huff, square my shoulders, and walk out of the stables with as much dignity as I can muster.
The hunting lodge’s common room isn’t as full as it was last night, but still, it hums with activity. I try not to think about how I must look, coming in from the barn, covered with straw and dirt.
Elrick is standing at his desk when I push the door open, with Anura beside him and several of his men-at-arms sitting in chairs in a loose circle. He smiles at me when I come in.
“Lilias,” he says. “I hope this is a good time?”
I frown. He sent for me. How does he expect me to answer that?
The question hangs in the air until it becomes uncomfortable, and several of his men-at-arms come to their feet and shuffle out of the room, murmuring excuses.
Great. I pick a few pieces of straw off my pants, then realize I have nowhere to put them and shove them into my pocket.
Elrick leans against his desk as the last of his men leave the room.
“How are you?” he asks in a soft voice.
I almost laugh. How am I? My kingdom has fallen, my father is dead, my husband wants a divorce, and I’ve been wearing the same clothes for almost a week. I open my mouth, hesitate, and then smile.
“I’m fine,” I say.
It’s exactly what Zarek would say. The thought makes my chest ache.
Elrick and Anura glance at each other, and I feel like an entire conversation passes silently between them. Then Elrick clears his throat and turns back to me.
“You’re right,” he says.
I blink.
“About Ethiria,” he continues. “That’s our next move. We need to warn them about Vsenrog, at the very least. And they have more reason to stand with us than any of the other allied kingdoms.”
Only because you won’t marry a princess from Lisal, my mind hisses. I keep my mouth shut. Elrick looks at me like he’s about to apologize for something. I rock back on my heels, waiting for it.
“Did you want to marry Ethiria’s Prince Laurance?” he asks. “Before Zarek, I mean. Before all of this.”
I blink again. What in the hells does that have to do with anything?
“No,” I reply. “Not particularly. But I didn’t have a choice, did I?”
His face tightens at the word choice.
“Right,” he says. “But, if you had a choice? Would you choose Laurance? Does an alliance with Ethiria mean that much to you?”
I frown, trying to sense where he’s going with these absurd questions. He and Anura glance at each other again. He turns back to me, and she looks down at the table.
“There’s a temple in Detec,” he says, in that same apologetic tone. “I know the priest. He can cut the ribbon for you.”
“What?”
“He can annul your marriage,” Anura says.
“Yes, I know what cutting the ribbon means,” I snap.
“And then you could marry Prince Laurance,” my brother says. “If an alliance with Ethiria is that important to you—”
Some of my sudden fury must show on my face, because his words cut off and he lifts his hands, palms out, like he’s surrendering.
“Or not,” he says. “You would have the option—”
“No,” I snap, cutting him off.
Anura and Elrick both stare at me.
“I am not going to annul my marriage.” The words come out sharp and hard. “I don’t want a divorce, I don’t want to be married to Blayne, and I do not want to marry Prince fucking Laurance.”
Elrick’s mouth falls open. I don’t think I’ve ever said that word before, fucking. It feels delicious.
“You don’t have to stay with the snake,” Anura says, almost apologetically. “Just because you were forced to marry him, or because he brought you back here. That doesn’t mean you’re indebted to him.”
I cross my arms over my chest and press my lips together. Zarek’s stupid, drunk whisper rattles through my mind. Don’t let me go.
Gods above. Every part of me hurts, from the blister on my foot to my stupid, broken heart. I don’t think I’ve ever been this exhausted; I do not have the patience to explain myself right now.
“Blayne?” Elrick finally asks, breaking the awkward silence in the room. “Your tutor? What does he have to do with anything?”
“He’s my other husband,” I say, bitterness dripping from my words. “He had King Malrik sign a new marriage contract right after murdering our father. Then Blayne forced me to drink a potion that almost killed me because he thought I might be pregnant.”
Elrick looks pale. “Gods,” he says.
“So, if I annul this marriage, I’ll have that to look forward to,” I say. My voice sounds as sharp as a blade.
“We could annul both,” Anura offers.
“No!”
It comes out louder than I intended. Both Anura and Elrick freeze.
“Why is this so hard to understand?” I yell. “You both got to choose! Why is my marriage suddenly your business?”
Elrick frowns and pinches the bridge of his nose. When he looks at me, I see the shadow of my father’s face, scowling and disappointed.
“You would choose the snake?” he asks.
I grit my teeth and keep my mouth shut. I’m done arguing about this.
“Lilias, that man is a walking disaster,” Elrick says.
And you didn’t even tell me you married my only friend, my mind screams.
Next to him, Anura opens her mouth, then closes it. There’s a crash from the kitchen below us, followed by distant laughter. Elrick sighs.
“Okay,” he says, shaking his head. “I guess the snake is coming with us to Ethiria. As your husband.”
I try to stifle the vicious rush of pride that comes with his words. I’ve never refused one of my brother’s ideas before. It’s a strange feeling, saying no.
“One more thing,” I add, before I can lose my nerve completely.
“Of course,” my brother says. He looks pale and exhausted.
“I’m not going to Ethiria until I’ve had a bath.”
Elrick grins. “By all means. The bathing room is just off the kitchen. But you’ll have to carry the buckets yourself.”
I nod, then leave my brother and his wife alone in their room.