Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Penelope
This is why we can’t have nice things.
I checked the forecast this morning. Partly cloudy with a slight chance of showers in the evening, which I interpreted to mean we’d be fine.
We are not fine.
The sky has been darkening since ten. It’s now noon, and I’m pretty sure the curling iron I used to make my bob look cute was for absolutely nothing.
The North River cleanup has been going well up until this point.
Volunteers, including most of the Chicago Colts, spread across a half mile of riverbank with orange vests and trash grabbers, which seem to be everyone’s favorite.
Too bad they’re being used more for who can grab someone’s nipple rather than the Styrofoam cups littered around.
My dad is somewhere upstream, Drew at his side and picking up every piece of trash before my dad can reach it. Such a kiss-ass. Hazel is with Monroe and Lake near the family area, which is close enough that I can see them and far enough that it’s nice to have a little adult time.
I just wasn’t planning to have it with the adult walking beside me.
We fell into step at some point, and the group moved on, and we didn’t move with it. So I’ve been left with Decker, who’s scoping out every inch of grass to make sure not one piece of garbage is left. Even though Hayes and Leighton are behind us to pick up what we don’t.
I glance at the dark cloud that feels as if it’s hanging over us. “I should probably go get Hazel.”
He looks at the pavilion where Lake and the girls are handing out garbage bags and bottles of water.
“Lake is a good babysitter. She’s okay.”
I make a noise, and he laughs.
“You gotta let her have some freedom.”
I turn and tilt my head. “Says the man without a child.”
He shrugs. “Touché. That I don’t.”
“You’re getting up there, old man. You don’t want to get so old people confuse you for a grandpa instead of a dad.” I regret the sentence as soon as I hear it. What I meant to be a teasing joke comes off differently than I intended.
“Well, maybe if someone didn’t leave me without a word three years ago, I’d be pushing a stroller right now.”
I suck in a sharp breath. “It was complicated.” I pick up a cigarette pack from the ground and put it in the bucket.
“How? I thought…”
I glance behind us to see that Lincoln is now with Leighton and Hayes, although Hayes and Lincoln are doing more sword fighting with their grippers than picking up trash. Leighton laughs and lets Lincoln hide behind her. I can’t deny the envy I feel when I see them all together.
I sigh. “Can’t we just leave it all in the past?”
“You know I can’t.”
The pain in his voice leaves my feet cemented to the ground as he wanders a few feet ahead and picks up a piece of paper, then busies himself cleaning the area around him.
“Decker, what’s the point in rehashing the past? We’re making this work. This friendship. Maybe one day we can dive into the past, but right now… we each have a lot on our plates.”
He doesn’t look over when he answers. “Sure.”
This is Decker who doesn’t like to fight, never wants to push the envelope, never make anyone feel as if he’s pressuring them. And I appreciate that side of him right now.
“What do you want to talk about then?” he asks, coming back over to me and standing a little too close. So close that I can smell his cologne.
“I don’t know. Want to discuss what other Dugout Social Club activities to plan?”
“I’m gonna be honest, I don’t.” He glances over his shoulder, but I still hear Leighton squealing with laughter, so I’m pretty sure they’re occupied. “I’d rather hear about you and what you’ve been up to.”
“Me? You know what I’ve been up to. I’ve been raising a daughter.”
“And where were you before you moved here?”
I side-eye him. “You never looked me up?”
“I did one time, then I stopped. It was too hard.”
“Yeah, me too. Except you’re a little harder to keep off my radar.”
He nods.
How many times did I watch his games or interviews?
Too many to count. Then I would see pictures of him and different women.
There was one in particular a few years ago.
A long-haired brunette that I remember from when we were younger.
She was the older sister of his best friend.
I’d never ask him about it because I clearly had my own relationships. Hazel is proof of that.
“Can I ask why you came to Chicago? I mean, you knew I was here, and Foster got traded. But you willingly came here knowing you’d have to be around us.”
I’d half expected Decker to show up on my doorstep or pull me aside the first time he realized I had moved here. But the fact that he didn’t told me he’d moved on.
I look for Hazel, seeing her and Monroe playing with Lake. “We needed to be around family. My mom remarried… again. She sold the house, moved in with her new husband, and now they travel everywhere all the time. Plus…”
I don’t really want to give him the last reason, which was probably the biggest one.
Hazel had friends back in Philly, I had friends, but it was becoming apparent that Hazel was looking for something we couldn’t have there.
I wasn’t ready to date at the time, but she needs a father figure in her life.
It’s the only reason that makes sense why I would put myself in the situation we’re in.
“Sure, my dad would come for weeks during the offseason and stuff, but honestly, it needs to be more consistent.” I shrug, and he doesn’t say anything.
“Maybe I have it wrong, but she was starting to ask questions, notice that our family looks different than some of her friends. I started panicking, plus I think it’s good for her to have a male influence in her life.
Someone who loves her as much as my dad does.
And since I didn’t want to date, there wasn’t one coming into my life—”
“But isn’t that what you’re doing now?”
My head whips in his direction.
He raises both hands. “Sorry, none of my business.” But his eyes never stray from mine.
“Hayes told you?”
He nods. “He didn’t want me to be blindsided.”
“And why would you be blindsided? What does he know?” I feel anger brewing inside me, wishing I could be indifferent to us.
“Give me a break, Penelope. Everyone knows something’s up as soon as you and I are in the same room together. And relax, he doesn’t know the specifics. My assumption is that Callie is the only one who really knows anything. Foster told her.”
I swallow hard. “Well, if you have to know, it’s time.
I’m not looking for a father for her…” Lies, but not complete lies.
“I want someone to share my life with… I want more kids. I want Hazel to have siblings, and I’m tired of doing it all by myself.
And since there’s no DoorDash for husbands, I have to put myself through the pain and torture of modern dating. ”
He says nothing, and the longer silence goes on, the hotter my temper gets. He always ignores what’s between us, even if ignoring it is what’s best. But I’m not in the mood to fight him either.
One raindrop hits the top of my head, then one gets me in the eye. That’s the only warning we get before the skies open.
Leighton screams behind me, and I turn around. Hayes swoops her up and runs toward the pavilion with Lincoln running at their side.
Decker’s hand slides into mine, then we’re running. I’m trying to keep up with his long strides while ignoring the warmth of his hand wrapped around mine.
He leads us under a building overhang, pushing my back to the brick wall. My hair is drenched and sticking to my face, my clothes soaked. Decker shakes the water from his hair and looks at the riverbank. There aren’t any more orange vests.
“Hazel.” I look around him, searching for her.
“She’s fine.” Decker points toward the pavilion where her and Monroe are secure with Lake and some other families.
I glance at Decker. He’s looking at the river, hands in the front pocket of his hoodie, rain still dripping from his hair. He seems completely unbothered by the fact that we’re standing so close under an overhang that feels like the size of a postage stamp.
“You warm enough?” He sheds his hoodie. “It’s wet but will warm you a little.”
“You’ll freeze.”
He wraps it around my shoulders, and I slide my arms through. “I’m warm-blooded, remember?”
My eyes lift to his, those brown eyes I stared into so many times and thought I saw my future. But sadly, those dreams never came true.
“Penelope.” His voice is rough like gravel as he pushes away the wet strands of my hair from my face.
Our eyes stay locked. Why can’t someone cut this tension between us, this thread between us? Set me free from him. But with the rain dropping into puddles on the ground around us, I’m brought right back to a memory of when I thought maybe it really was our time.