17. Mine
17
Mine
“Time to wake up,” a voice I know all too well whispers in my ear, and I groan, the numerous sleepless nights that I’ve had recently making it close to impossible to open my eyes. Haze lightly tickles me, and I finally gather the courage to move.
“What time is it?” I rub my eyes.
“Eight thirty.” He rests his arm on my stomach. “Riley says it’s better to get there early if we want the beach to ourselves.”
He leans in to kiss me, but I turn my head and offer him my cheek instead. I can’t help being annoyed with him. He’s so oblivious.
“Riley said this, Riley said that,” I mutter under my breath and push the covers off me, rolling out of bed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, his voice still raspy from just waking up. I pretend not to hear him and walk to the door.
“I need a shower.” I sneak out into the hall and lock myself in the bathroom. The past five days have been worse than I imagined. I haven’t had a moment alone with Haze. He hasn’t touched me once since our first time, and I’d be lying if I said that it hasn’t been on my mind. I know from the way his hands linger on my body when we hug or the way he eyes me when he thinks I’m not looking that it’s haunting him as much as it is me, but we haven’t had the chance to act on it.
Haze and I both got tested a few days ago just to be safe. I made it clear that I wasn’t sleeping with him without protection—even if the tests said he was clean. The pill isn’t a hundred percent effective. I’m not trying to become Riley the second. The results recently came in and… it goes without saying that knowing we’re both STD-free isn’t helping me control my urges.
Riley’s been around every single day.
Every single day.
Jacob’s the definition of an angel, but the fact that his mother has to tag along with him is slowly driving me mad. Kendrick says that I’m pathetic for staying. That I should leave this sinking ship while I still can.
I’m starting to wonder if he’s right.
The only good thing to come out of this hell is that I’ve had more time to focus on my online classes. It’s made me wonder how Haze’s going to graduate. He’s missed so much school. He doesn’t look too worried about getting held back, that’s for sure. I think back to the way no teacher ever wrote down that he was absent and wonder how many corners he can cut just by being the kid of the school’s biggest funder.
Riley’s flirting is getting more obvious with each torturous day that goes by. Even Kendrick, who didn’t notice for a week when his own sister dyed her hair red during freshman year, knows that she’s trying to seduce Haze.
I don’t want to tell him because I know what he would say. He’d tell me not to worry because he loves me. I’m sure from his perspective, Riley just seems like a caring mother who wants her child to have a father. On day number three, she asked Haze to go to dinner without me. Something about Jacob not liking strangers. I almost laughed. She said that like Haze wasn’t also a stranger who Jacob met less than a week ago. Haze denied her request, which made her mad. She tried to disguise it, and she might’ve successfully fooled Haze but not me.
I get a towel out of the cabinet and curse when I realize that I don’t have any clean clothes with me. One quick trip to the bedroom shouldn’t be too hard. I just have to find a way to avoid Haze’s questions. I open the door and walk back in the room to see him standing shirtless next to the bed. He’s just put on sweatpants. He wasn’t lying about always sleeping naked.
See why I’m struggling with my involuntary vow of abstinence?
He furrows his eyebrows, surprised to see me back so soon.
“Just getting some clothes,” I say, hoping to run back to the bathroom without trouble. My hopes quickly fall. The look in his eyes tells me he’s not letting me get away that easy.
I grab whatever clean clothes I can find and speed walk to the exit, but before I can turn the doorknob, he wraps his hands around my hips and spins me around. My back hits the closed door as he presses his muscular body to mine.
Dang it. So close.
“What’s wrong?” He gazes deeply into my eyes, and I can tell he’s hoping to find the answer I won’t give him in there.
I can’t keep it in any longer.
“She wants you,” I blurt out.
There’s no going back now.
“What?” He frowns.
“Riley. I know you don’t see it, but I do. Even freaking Kendrick sees it. She wants her perfect little family together and for me to disappear.”
Then, as I expected, he looks at me like I’m crazy.
Yep. He’s completely clueless.
Why am I even wasting my time?
“Forget it.” I try to move away from his hold, but he doesn’t let me.
“Winter, wait, talk to me.”
Am I going to have to spell it out for him?
“She laughs at every single one of your jokes, she’s touchy, she’s constantly reminiscing about the good old days. Deny it all you want, but she wants you back and you know it.”
The confused look on his face remains. He really has no idea what I’m talking about.
Guys…
Unable to take any more of this nonsense, I bring my hands to his chest and push him off me. I manage to slide back into the bathroom and shut the door. I remove my clothes and get into the shower in a rush. The hot water soaks and soothes my muscles as I close my eyes, trying not to think of all the ways this shower could’ve gone differently if there was no Riley. If there was no Jacob…
I’m caught off guard when images of Haze running his hands all over my body as he enters me corrupt my brain. Now is so not the time to be thinking about sleeping with him, but my hormones don’t give a flying shit that I’m mad. I had a taste of him once, and now I’m addicted. My heart comes bursting out of my chest when I feel a hand sliding over my hip. I jump and jolt around.
Haze.
Completely naked behind me.
I didn’t even hear him come in.
“Haze! You scared the crap out of me!” I place a hand on my racing heart. “How did you even get in?”
“Door wasn’t locked,” he says, his eyes boring into mine, and chews on his lower lip. His gaze travels downward.
Oh, right, I’m naked.
I clear my throat, the water dripping down his chest throwing me off, and find myself staring down at him, too. To think I was daydreaming about this very moment just a few seconds ago.
“So what?” he says with a stern voice.
I just stare at him in confusion.
“So what if Riley did want me?” He steps closer. “I don’t give a shit, Winter. I don’t care how many memories she brings up. I don’t care how many times she laughs at my jokes. I want you.”
Leave it to Haze to casually drop a super serious speech on me when we’re butt naked.
His words affect me a lot more than they should. I don’t speak, simply because I have no idea what to say. He still doesn’t see it. He doesn’t see that she’s flirting with him. I know he’s just telling me what I want to hear.
“I want you. I’m always going to want you, and I’m sorry if I haven’t done what it takes to make you understand that.”
I’m far from prepared for what he does next.
“So let me clear things up for you.”
The air leaves my lungs when he backs me up onto the tiled wall of the shower roughly and yanks my face closer to kiss me. I instinctively kiss him back. Like my body’s been desperately waiting for his touch, it responds in a way that surprises me almost as much as it does him. I press myself to him, leaving no room for questions or hesitation. This is happening and no one, especially not Riley, is stopping us. He keeps on kissing me, but I know his attention is down there. He’s more than ready.
His lips find my neck, and I moan as he feathers my collarbone with burning kisses. His hands trail down to my stomach, but I stop him. I don’t know if it’s my ego, or if it’s jealousy, but I want to touch him. I want him to feel the same way I did the other night. It’s his turn. He’s chosen me over Riley. I’m going to show him he made the right choice.
I grab him between my fingers, and his lips instantly part.
“Winter, you don’t have to—”
I don’t let him finish. Instead, I hold him tighter and start moving my hand up and down in the hope that I’m doing this right. He groans and sucks in a breath. I’ll never get tired of seeing that look on his face. Seeing the ecstasy cross his features is almost better than feeling it myself. The disbelief in his eyes when I get down on my knees in front of him makes me feel powerful, in control.
I look up at him and bring my head closer, teasing him.
“Fucking hell, Winter,” he says through gritted teeth.
“What?”
“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve fantasized about this?”
The thought of him wanting this as much as I do drives me wild. He stops breathing when my mouth connects with his length. My tongue is gentle at first. I’m testing the field. Then, when I feel comfortable enough, I go all in. I wrap my lips around him and opt for a pace I hope is not too quick or too slow. I assume I’m doing something right from the way he throws his head back with a grunt and clenches his fists. I analyze his facial expressions, adjusting to every slight change in the noises he makes.
“Fuck, Winter, you…” He seems at a loss for words, his breathing unsteady. “No fucking way you’ve only had one guy.” He tugs at my hair and the heat rises in my stomach. I never thought my body could react this way to… anyone, really. Haze’s changed me in ways I don’t understand.
After a few minutes, I ask him how I can make it better, and he looks at me like he’s wondering if I’m real. I guess not every girl he’s been with was open to criticism. He gives me a few instructions that I’m happy to follow. I didn’t expect to be a pro the first time, and the way he reacts to my additions is worth every awkward try. I grab him at the base, my mouth still moving up and down around him, and increase the pressure with each twirl of my tongue. His breathing grows heavier until he snaps.
“Stop!”
I can hear in his voice that he doesn’t mean it.
Not even a little.
“Why?” I pull away, worried that I did something wrong.
“Because I won’t be able to hold it,” he pants, taking a deep breath as though he needs a second to regain his composure.
Confused, I say, “What would you hold it for?”
His eyebrows shoot up to his forehead like he’s wondering how I can even be asking such a question. Then, he half-smiles as though he finds me adorable and wraps a hand around my wrist to get me off the shower floor. I get back up, confusion plastered on my face. Without a warning, he spins me around and bends me over.
“For this.”
He uses two fingers to make sure that I’m ready, and I gasp. Oh my God. I’ll never, ever know what to expect from this guy. I look back at him and conclude that he’s happy with what he found from the smile on his face. He lifts one of my legs up with his right arm, and I instinctively put both my hands on the shower wall in front of me.
“I’ve been going crazy just thinking about this moment and all the things I want to do to you since the other night. It’s not ending now,” he says, and I feel him push against my entrance from behind.
“Haze, wait.” I come to my senses. “Not without—”
“ Shit , you’re right.” He stops. “Hold on.”
He lets go of me and quickly slides the shower door open. He stretches his arm out to get something on the counter. I hear the sound of a condom packaging being torn open.
“Wait, did you leave that there?” I ask and watch him slip the condom on.
“Maybe.” He beams and bends me back down.
I rest my hands on the wall again, feeling the warm water run down my spine.
“So, what? Did you plan for this to happen?” I grin, amused.
“I’m not an idiot, Kingston. Shower with my hot girlfriend? The thought crossed my mind.”
I’m about to speak again, but he shuts me up with one strong and sudden move. He grabs my waist and fills me entirely. I gasp and bite back a moan. He takes a sharp breath and stills himself, the both of us taking in every mind-blowing sensation that comes with our bodies merging. He stretches me, but it isn’t as painful as last time. I’m so ready I easily adjust to his size. When he starts moving in and out of me in the way he does so well, I ask myself, why did we wait so long to do this again?
“Does it hurt?” he says through slightly gritted teeth and slows down. The closeness between us sends my heart into an endless race. I love that he’s always concerned about me.
“I’m good. I promise.” I dig my nails into my palms while leaning against the tiled wall in front of me .
I’m more than good.
I let out a breathy moan when he uses his hand to pull my hair into a ponytail and speeds up his thrusting.
Oh my … And I thought last time was amazing.
For a second there, I almost forget that Kendrick’s right down the hall. I let the pleasure fog the truth. We’re not alone anymore. I hope that the sound of the water running is loud enough to drown out the very obvious noises we’re making. After a while, he pulls out and I wince at the emptiness he left between my legs.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Honestly?” He arches his eyebrow. He seems to be asking me if I can handle his honesty.
I nod hesitantly.
“I can’t keep watching while I fuck you.”
My mouth falls open.
He doesn’t wait for me to reprimand him on his choice of words. “I won’t last long, and I’m nowhere near done with you.”
He spins me around and my back hits the freezing wall. I can’t believe how turned on I am by his dirty mouth. I should’ve expected this from him. I should’ve known he’d be very blunt after passing the initial “I don’t want to hurt you” period.
He circles my thigh with his arm, carelessly lifting one of my legs up and kissing the corner of my mouth. Then, he smiles and fills me again. My eyes automatically close. Wow. He bites his lip in pure bliss, and I know I like this position a lot more than the previous one because it allows me to see the look on his face.
“You feel… so fucking… amazing.” He groans between each word, breathing heavily, and cups my breast with his hand.
“We’re so going to be late to the beach,” I pant.
He nuzzles his face into my neck and plants hot kisses all over my collarbone. Then, he grips my ass and pushes harder, deeper.
“Oh, I plan on it.”
Just like that, I’m reminded of why I could never take the “out” even if I wanted to. I’m reminded that I couldn’t walk through the wide-open door even if I tried. I’m reminded that I couldn’t dodge the bullet if I saw it coming.
And I’m terrified.
Because deep down…
I know it’s coming.