Chapter 15
BILLIE
Over the years, we’ve managed to get the cooking situation for this event down to a fine art. I usually manage the vegetarian grill. Jeff is on burgers and hot dogs. And Tommy deals with any special things he wants to do.
Last year, it was ribs. This year, it’s some delicious-smelling spiced chicken. He wouldn’t tell us exactly what it was, but I have no doubt that the people are going to love it.
I flip the corn on the cob over, clack the tongs together twice, and then put them down again, staring out over the beach. People are laughing and playing, and Steven is DJing. Everyone looks like they’re having fun.
The thought that this could be the last time we ever do this keeps trying to invade my mind, but I force it away. I’m not going to let that happen.
I don’t think Jacob is completely cracked yet, but I think he’s starting to doubt himself. Maybe he’ll move here, which would be okay. He’s not a terrible person, and I think he’s starting to see that our way of life is a special one that he can’t rip away from us like it’s nothing.
“Who you staring at, Bills?” asks Tommy at the grill next to me.
“No one,” I say, possibly too quickly.
“You’ve got a twinkle in your eye today, girl. Who’s caught it?”
I press my lips together. How can I confess to him that I was watching Jacob without it sounding weird? Because I was.
Right now, he’s over with the giant beach games, playing tic-tac-toe with some of the kids.
Whatever he’s doing, he’s making them scream with laughter, chasing them around, doing a great job entertaining them.
I watched him go up to all the parents and make sure it was okay for him to join in before he did, and they all seemed happy to have someone else entertaining the kids for a while.
It’s cute to watch. I hadn’t expected him to be this kind of person, good with kids. Maybe that’s cold, but I would have expected him to be the kind of person who hates kids and doesn’t want them anywhere near him. But the smile on his face right now is the biggest one I’ve ever seen.
Tommy follows my gaze and raises both eyebrows hard. “The rich guy? Really?”
“No.” I pick up the tongs and snap them at him in warning. “I’m looking at everyone.”
“Hey, Jeff, guess what? Our Billie has got her eye on someone.”
“Who?” says Jeff, looking out at the beach with us. “That rich guy? What was his name? John? Jim?”
“Jacob,” I huff.
“Jacob,” they both repeat, grins sliding onto their faces.
“I’m not looking at him,” I insist, though I know the more I say it, the more I’m digging myself into a hole. “I was just seeing where he was. That’s all. I don’t want him to get into any trouble.”
“You don’t want him to start evicting us prematurely,” Tommy jokes.
I shoot him a glare. “He’s not going to do that.”
“Are you sure? Because you seemed dead set on the idea that he was going to steal our homes last time you talked about him.”
“He is,” I say uncertainly. “He was. That was the plan. I’ve been trying desperately to persuade him otherwise this week.”
“And it’s working?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“And he’s working his charm on you in return,” Jeff chips in.
“No,” I say firmly, bringing myself to stand up straight, hoping to look imposing enough to put the conversation to bed. “I’ve been getting to know him a little bit, and he’s not as bad as he looks. That’s all.”
“Not as bad as he looks, huh?” says Jeff.
“You know what that’s code for?” says Tommy.
With a sigh, I say firmly, “I don’t want to know, okay? Just… just concentrate on the grill, will you?” I snap the tongs at them again, the points colliding near Tommy’s face. He jumps back and snaps his own tongs at me in return, making me giggle.
I flip my corn cobs and focus my attention back on the food, trying not to let my eyes wander over to Jacob again. Their comments are complete nonsense, aren’t they? I don’t even like Jacob. The only reason I ever agreed to spend any time with him is because I don’t want him to take our island.
That’s all. How could it be anything else?
We’re not even friends.
“He’s handsome, isn’t he?” says Tommy after a pause, clearly not ready to let the subject drop.
“Who? Jacob? I wouldn’t know,” I lie, because I do know he’s handsome. He has broad shoulders and a kind smile when he lets it out. He’s well groomed, always smells good, and I think if he wanted to, he could be great fun.
Great fun and a great body. If he were anyone else, I would say, what’s not to love? But he’s not anybody else. He’s Jacob Ford, the billionaire, and he wants to force me out of my home.
To my relief, the conversation dies as people start lining up for food.
Anything we were saying fades into irrelevance as we turn on our best smiles and start serving.
Still, even while I’m helping my friends and neighbors, I keep glancing over to the beach, not wanting to miss the moment Jacob wanders over.
When he does, I stare hard at the grill, trying not to notice the way he grins when he sees me.
He saunters over and breathes in the smell of fresh-cooked food. “And what are you serving here?”
“I’ve got vegetarian sausages, burgers, some greens, corn.”
“You’ve been busy,” he says.
“We’re cooking for several hundred people. It takes a while.”
“It looks like you’ve done a great job,” he says, and I clench my fist to force myself not to smile. His validation doesn’t mean anything to me. I don’t need his validation.
“It’s just what we do for our community,” I say.
“It’s a good job,” he repeats.
Before I can stop myself, I comment, “And you do a great job with the kids.” He blinks in surprise, and I feel an awkward blush rising on my cheekbones. “I noticed you playing with some of the kids earlier. That’s all. They looked like they liked you.”
“They’re great fun.” He shrugs. “I was just bored.”
“I’m sure Jeanette and Bernice appreciated it. They both have twins. It’s a lot of work.”
“It was nothing, really,” he insists, his own blush mirroring mine. “I really like kids,” he confesses quietly.
“I could tell.”
“I’ve kind of always wanted some.”
“Have you?”
He nods slowly. “I’ve never told anyone this, but yeah, I always thought it would be great to have a family. I guess I’ve never had enough time for other people to make that happen.”
“It’s not too late,” I say, trying to comfort him as well as quench the own feeling in my chest, which aches for him in sorrow that he’s been closed off for so long. He’s never acted on his dreams of family. Now he thinks he can’t.
He shrugs. “I think it is for me.” His face falls as he says it, his breath shaky as he swallows before forcing a smile on his face. “But it’s okay. I’ve been successful in other ways. Besides, who would want me?”
My mouth opens and closes again. What do I say to that? I’m sure someone would? I can imagine you with a family? Don’t give up hope? All of those sound like empty platitudes.
I would have a family with you. The thought comes out of nowhere and completely blindsides me. It’s nonsense. I don’t feel that way about him. I must be hormonal or something. That’s the only reason a thought like that would even ever occur to me.
Me and Jacob are not compatible in any way. He loves his work too much. And I love this island. Our goals are different.
When I have kids, they’ll grow up on this island. That’s a fact.
A long, awkward moment of silence passes between us. Then he reaches out for a corn on the cob and grins, though the sadness behind his eyes doesn’t totally lift. “Well, thanks for the food. I’m going to see what else there is to eat.”
“Great,” I say quietly, but even as I serve other people, his comments still linger in the back of my mind.
Family. Love. Kids. All things I never expected from him. All things that have pulled the rug from under my feet and knocked me down, breathless.
All things that are trying to open a door inside me that I don’t want to look through. I close the door tightly and force myself to stop thinking about him.
It doesn’t work.