16 Everleigh White Horse—Chris Stapleton #2
“Let’s start with you telling Eden that you ‘want me to be happy’ or some other self-sacrificing crap.” Leo forms quotation marks with his index fingers.
Sterling narrows his brilliant-green eyes. “I’m not playing this game with you.”
“It isn’t a game.”
“You’re sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong once again.”
“We’ve all seen how you behave around our new housemate.” Leo waves a hand. “I’m hardly butting in when it’s obvious. Hell, you’re the one who suggested she move in with us and work for you.”
Shock punches into me. It was Sterling’s idea.
“Do you really mean to tell me you did that to make me happy?”
“Is that true?” I interrupt. “Sterling told me it was your idea.”
Tutting, Leo glances between us. “Did he now?”
“And Sterling just agreed . . . right?” I look at the man himself.
His throat bobs frantically. “That isn’t strictly true.”
“You lied?”
Rather than confirm, Sterling merely shrugs.
“Interesting,” Leo comments. “I wonder why.”
“Give it a rest, Leo.”
I’m not sure whether to feel wanted or ridiculed. Sterling made such a big deal about extending the invitation and backing off when he caught himself getting too close. Now I learn this whole arrangement was his plan all along.
Confusion wars with the fragile hope that Leo lit within me. Sterling might be a walking contradiction, but his hot-and-cold behaviour makes pinning him down impossible. Even Fletcher is easier to read than him.
“Just admit it,” Leo demands. “You want Eden here.”
Sterling shrugs nonchalantly. “No one is denying that.”
“Then own your feelings, Sterl.”
“What do you want from me?” he snaps.
“For you to acknowledge the woman who has made this family come alive!” Leo erupts in a rare display of exasperation. “You are the only one playing games here.”
“This is none of your business.”
“You’re right, it’s not. So fix it yourself.”
Slapping his brother’s back, Leo nods at me, then grabs his coat to leave the cottage. I’m left sat on the counter-top with an ocean roaring across the flagstone floor, trapping Sterling far from where I secretly want him to be.
“Why did you lie to me?”
He scrubs his jaw, avoiding looking at me. “I don’t know.”
“You manoeuvred me into your home under a false pretence. So tell me, Sterling. Why am I here? Why are you really helping me?”
“Can we just leave it? You’re here now.”
“No. I need to know.”
“I’m trying to help out a friend,” he argues, but his gaze still hasn’t lifted.
“Would a friend watch the intimate moment he walked in on?”
“You weren’t exactly being quiet.”
“Yet it didn’t occur to you to mind your own business?”
“This is my home, Eden. I warned you.”
“I heard no warning about you watching me with your brother!”
“Then perhaps you should’ve been with someone else!”
Bracing his hands on the nearest counter, Sterling’s teeth snap shut. He lowers his head, blowing a breath towards the floor. Oh . . . is he jealous? The notion knocks me for six.
“Sterling,” I elucidate. “I care about you.”
“And I care about you.”
“No.” Plucking up a thread of courage, I use it to steel my voice. “I care about you more than a friend or roommate should.”
Pushing onwards takes all the strength I have, knowing full well that if this blows up in my face, I’ll have nowhere left to run. But I have to say it.
“I care about all of you, no matter how greedy or selfish that is. Leo. Fletcher. You. I want something I can’t have, and that still doesn’t stop me from letting you guys get close when I should know better.”
The words seem to float in the air like strewn bonfire embers, refusing to be taken back once spoken aloud. Anxiety bears down on me when he doesn’t react.
“If you want me to leave, I will. Just say the word.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want that.”
“Did you hear what I just said?”
“I heard every word, Eden. It’s nothing I didn’t already know.”
“What?” I blink at him.
“Did you know that I haven’t celebrated my birthday once since my wife died?” He addresses the floor. “Four years without her now.”
Sterling straightens up, then crosses the kitchen to halt in front of me. A wildfire engulfs the forest that fills his stare.
“I haven’t wanted to celebrate being alive for another year spent alone until now.”
“So what changed?” My stomach somersaults.
“Because when you’re here, filling our house with warmth and laughter, complaining about paperwork and stealing my socks to wear when it’s cold, I don’t feel alone.”
He reaches out to twirl a chunk of my dark hair around his finger.
“None of us do.”
Powerful magnetism holds me captive, unable to move an inch. All the air seems to depart the room as an invisible air lock shatters. The only safe zone left is right here, craning my neck to look up into his face.
What stares back at me is a terrifying concoction of grief and need so great it makes me fear for the integrity of my soul. I can’t guess at Sterling’s mental state, but he looks at me like I’m the last remaining resource on a dying earth, and this is a fight to the death.
Leaning into the hand he uses to cup my cheek, I let my fear dissipate, replaced by the steady reassurance he exudes without even trying. Sterling is complex, gruff, and far too damaged for any sane person to even contemplate trying to mend, but that isn’t what I want.
He doesn’t need fixing.
This man needs to know that he’s still loved.
“Sterling, I don’t want to come between a family. No matter what Leo says or your intentions behind letting me stay. I refuse to put you through it.”
“You think we’re that fragile?” he grumbles.
“Do you see any other outcome for what’s happening between us?”
Eyes pinched, his hand falls from my face. The disappointment is a colossal blow. My entire body flushes cold where he takes a measured step away, recreating the same distance between us he used as a shield before.
“Only I could decide to want the woman my brother and best friend want too,” he scoffs to himself.
“Sterl . . .”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Please don’t go.”
Desperation concentrates into a laser beam that carves me wide open, exposing raw nerves for the world to see.
“Leo has spent his entire life putting everyone else first. For once, I can do the same for him.”
“But I don’t want you to,” I admit in the tiniest whisper.
Back partially turned, Sterling freezes. A split-second’s hesitation. Enough to halt his retreat from this room and all the possibilities it holds.
“What do you want?” he asks doubtfully.
“All I know is how you make me feel.”
Still he doesn’t move. Not yet. Not without good reason.
“You cared for me at my lowest and didn’t judge or ridicule me. Even when I was a stranger. I’ve watched how you cherish your family and protect them at all costs. Beneath all those defences, you’re kind and generous. You haven’t let loss take everything from you, and I think that’s incredible.”
“I’m not brave,” he refutes. “Most days, I’m just empty inside.”
“Sterling . . . You have so much love to give even when you act like you’re not capable of it. I know there’s a beating heart still in there. I’ve seen it.”
Emotion swells in my throat, creating a blockade.
“I’ve received more love from the people in Hawkthorpe than in my entire life. You’ve all beaten a path inside me and taught me what it means to be seen. I have you to thank for a lot of that.”
“I haven’t done anything.”
“You’ve done far more than you’ll ever realise,” I say sadly.
Hopping from the counter, it’s down to me to close the chasm he’s carved between us. Sterling watches me with a look of trepidation. Placing a hand on his shoulder, I permit my mask to slip, unveiling all manner of vulnerabilities.
“You gave me a home, however temporary. But look at me . . . still here. Still searching, longing, hoping for a place to belong.”
“You belong here.” His nostrils inflate, betraying passion.
“With you?”
“With all of us.”
Pulling me against him, Sterling grabs hold of my face so he can search for whatever assurance he needs. My skin flushes hot and cold. I’m laid bare in his vortex, an open book for him to take or leave.
“I’d like that,” I reveal unsteadily.
“This is going to be complicated.”
“I’m learning that life is.”
“We’re a lot to handle, love.”
Bitter laugher spills from me. “Do you think that scares me?”
“Perhaps it should. None of us are whole.”
“Then I suppose broken fits broken because I haven’t been whole once in my whole life.” A smile pulls at my lips. “Complicated is the one thing I can work with.”
Sterling slides a rough palm to the back of my neck, cradling me close with utmost care. His tongue darts out to wet his pillowy lips.
“Fuck it.”
The kiss he plants on my mouth is violently explosive. All pretence falls aside, swept away by a current that neither of us is strong enough to resist for a minute longer.
So I let myself surrender. Fully. Unequivocally. No matter the boundary this collision blasts apart, leaving us both open to being swept away by the storm. I’ll take that risk if it keeps his lips firm on mine.
His hand lowers to grasp my thigh, sliding it up to rest on his hip. I melt at the intrusion of his tongue entering my mouth to deepen the kiss, sparking embers under my skin that quickly spread to every limb.
“This is going to end in disaster,” he breathes.
“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
Fisting his work shirt, I batter the words into him. Sterling needs to understand his own value. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here, let alone tearing myself apart at the seams just to let them in.
They may be broken.
But together, maybe we can be whole again.