Chapter 16 - Mikhail
Dinner is annoyingly quiet, even if I should’ve anticipated that.
Lily sits across from me at one end of the table, pushing pasta around her plate like she’d rather be doing anything other than having dinner with me.
Which is probably the truth.
I don’t know why I expected things to be different tonight, as if letting her go back to her classes, no questions asked, would somehow repair everything.
It was wishful thinking, to begin with, but for some reason, she seems to have that effect on me.
Cutting through my steak, I watch her through the flickering candlelight, well aware that she hasn’t looked me in the eye since we sat down.
If anything, she’s persistent and determined.
With that ice lingering between us, it’s almost like the sex in my office never happened. Or the second round when we got home.
Lily’s shutting down on me again, like she came home wearing stronger armor than she left with.
She’s acting like nothing happened between us, as if she’s still under the belief that all of this is forced. Like I’m making all of this up and forcing her to accept it.
But I didn’t have to force anything—not when she gave in willingly. She begged for me. She needed me, regardless of what she tries to claim.
I don’t want it to bother me, but it does.
I’ve kept women at a distance before. I preferred it that way, but with Lily, I can’t. I want more of her.
She had a warmth about her when she spoke to Elena and Victoria, and selfishly, I want to feel it directed at me.
I want the fire I saw in her when she first held that pistol, and turned out to be a better shot than I expected. I want the softness of her body willingly against mine. And I want to know this isn’t a complete disaster.
But now she’s acting as hard and blank as stone again.
Pulling in a discreet breath, I cut more of my steak and glance over at her, trying to pretend like I’m not irritated. “How were your classes?”
Finally lifting her gaze to look at me, she blinks like she’s surprised I even asked. Then, it vanishes just as quickly as it appeared.
“They were fine,” she says simply, lacking any real enthusiasm. The response is noncommittal at best.
That’s it. No further details—not the lectures she enjoyed, what professors she does and doesn’t like, and nothing else about her security detail, surely hanging around like a specter throughout the day. She doesn’t paint me a picture in the slightest.
Keeping my irritation in check, I exhale slowly. “What kind of medicine are you hoping to get into?”
“Emergency,” she murmurs, making more of an effort to push her food around. “Likely trauma.”
I lift a brow at that, crossing my arms while I lean back in my chair. Interesting.
“That’s a busy role. You must like chaos more than you let on.”
Something I don’t recognize and can’t quite decipher moves through her eyes, followed by a subtle glare at my accusation. “I want to help people when they need it most.”
While it’s still a subtle answer, it’s honest, and it makes me pause. If even for a flicker of time, she’s showing me a glimpse of her. Raw and real. Exactly what I’ve been searching for.
“If you’ve managed to keep your cool with me so far, then I’m sure you’ll do just fine with higher stakes,” I say, hoping to ease some of that lingering cold between us. “It’s a respectable career.”
Her eyes narrow at me slightly. “It’s an honest one.”
That’s a dig at my work…well played.
I let my lips pull slightly without looking away from her. “You’re right. It is.”
While her gaze lingers on me in return, she looks skeptical, almost like she’s trying to gauge any ulterior motives behind my attempts at making sincere conversation with her. Then, she asks quietly, “Why are you being nice?”
“I’m always nice.”
Lily gives me a pointed look, immediately calling me out on my bullshit. My smirk widens slightly.
“Fine, I’m not always on my best behavior, but I’m not playing games with you. I’m just trying to talk.”
Despite my harmless claim, her jaw tightens. “After everything, you want to talk now?”
“Yes.”
Her skepticism flares. “Why?”
Staring at her, as if it should be obvious, I push my plate aside and bring my fingers together in front of myself. “Because we’re married, Lily. Because you’re living here now, and you’re not just a one-night stand anymore. I’d rather not treat you like one.”
“You made me marry you,” she returns sharply, showing no signs of giving that up.
“As I said before, I gave you a choice.”
“No, you didn’t,” she utters, brows pulled together as she sets her fork down gracelessly. “You strong-armed me into doing what you wanted. My other option was near-torture.”
I don’t expect it to, but the claim hits me hard.
She isn’t entirely wrong, but still, it’s not like she’s actually being tortured. A secret third option existed all along, but I never put that in front of her. I wouldn’t let it happen.
Sitting back in my chair, I keep my gaze on her steady. “I gave you freedom when you could’ve had otherwise. You wanted school and normalcy, and that’s exactly what I gave you.”
“At the cost of everything else,” Lily returns, not giving up. “You forced me into marrying you only a few days ago. You dragged me into your world with your family, your enemies, and everything else I still haven’t seen. I never asked for any of this, and you want me to thank you?”
“I didn’t ask for you to stumble across that alley either,” I snap back, sounding sharper than I intend.
“This wasn’t in my plans—not until you became a situation I had to fix.
I never asked for you to walk into our business.
I didn’t tell you to take that shortcut, but I sure as hell had to clean up the mess anyway, and that’s exactly what I did.
I did it to keep your mouth shut and to keep you safe.
Do you think I enjoy the way you look at me like I’m a goddamn monster every time I enter the room? ”
Lily flinches at my tone, and the regret filters in immediately.
Shit.
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I try to rein myself back in. To keep my cool and not let her see just how her resistance is getting to me.
Suddenly, the confidence and ease I felt this morning seem so distant.
She remains quiet for an uncomfortable amount of time before her voice comes out even quieter. “Then why keep me here? I already told you I won’t say a word about any of this.”
“Because you can’t be too careful in my line of work,” I mumble, hating how this whole thing is making me vulnerable. “Because I want you here.”
The words come out despite how tight my throat becomes, almost like my instincts to protect myself and keep everyone at arm’s length kick in.
I can be lighthearted when I want to be, but I’m not one to let my true feelings slip through the cracks with anyone outside of my family. Hell, half the time, I’m not even fully honest with them.
But for some reason, I want to be honest with Lily. I want her to know the things I wouldn’t dare tell anyone else.
She takes a moment, surely gathering her thoughts, then murmurs, “Why—because I’m something you can control? Someone to warm your bed? What do you really want from me?”
Before I can stop myself, I stand abruptly, charging the air with even more tension.
What do I want? Where do I even begin?
I want so much from her. I want her to stop looking at me like I’m going to ruin her life at any given moment. I want her to be open with me and not be so damn afraid. I want her to trust me.
More so than anything, I want her to choose to be here with me. To not close up every time we get close.
Moving around the table, I stop right beside her and lean down a touch, taking in her tight posture and the near scowl on her face.
“You know far too much for me to let you go—especially now,” I begin, letting every word stretch and linger to make her feel every syllable.
“I could’ve buried you somewhere and walked away without thinking twice.
If I were a worse man, maybe I would have.
But I didn’t because that’s not me. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. ”
Her eyes widen slightly as if letting that reality sink in. Then she whispers, “Why not?”
Without thinking, I reach out and gently touch her cheek, letting my thumb brush against her skin. “I think you already know the answer to that…it should be obvious by now.”
Our attention remains fully locked on one another, and everything else ceases to exist. It’s just us and that burning chemistry between us that she seems hellbent on ignoring.
She swallows hard. “Then say it.”
Entertaining her, I move a bit closer until our faces are near enough for me to catch her shaky breaths. “Because you made me feel something I haven’t felt for most of my life that first night—something real. And I’ve been chasing that high ever since.”
A faint shudder moves through Lily’s body, and she doesn’t pull away.
Instead, we remain like that, caught at a crossroads while her hesitant breath lingers between us, and my pulse pounds harder than it should. This kind of proximity shouldn’t affect us the way it does, but there’s no denying it.
Everything about us is complicated, but it’s real. It’s honest, as she likes to harp on me.
Then, she turns her head slightly, making me think she’s about to lean into my touch. Instead, she pulls back and stands, slipping away from my touch. She puts enough distance between us to make me cold again.
“I’m sleeping in the spare bedroom.”
Without missing a beat, I say firmly, “No, you’re not.”
Her brows furrow again. “Excuse me?”
“You’re not sleeping in the guest room,” I tell her as plainly as possible to get my point across. “You’re my wife, which means you sleep in our bed.”
Lily stares at me in disbelief before murmuring, “Do you hear yourself right now?”
“I do. Crystal clear. I don’t care if you’re pissed off, confused, or ready to kill me. This is my non-negotiable.”
“And you want me to pretend like we’re a happy couple?”
“No. I want you to be real, and to stop running from this,” I murmur, taking a step closer. “Stop pretending like you don’t feel anything.”
Her eyes shine back at me, not with tears or unbridled joy, but sheer frustration.
Either way, I still want her. I need every damn piece of her.
“This isn’t going to help me forget what you’ve done to me,” Lily says, sounding almost pained while she slowly retreats closer to the hallway. “I still know who you are and where I am.”
I watch her move, but I don’t chase after her. Instead, I stay in place and try to wrangle those irritating feelings in me. “You don’t need to forget anything. I just need you to understand this doesn’t need to be a war.”
She lets go of a breath and turns away from me. “You never stop pushing.”
“And you never stop resisting.”
She leaves me without another word, forcing that silence to settle around me.
I listen to her footsteps while she moves upstairs, eventually hooking a left straight into my room—our room.
She may be mad at me still, but for now, I’ll take that as a win.