Chapter 4 #4
They walked away from the port, stopped in a little church, and stood in silent prayer for a few minutes.
There was a simple crèche set up for Christmas, with all the saints, the three kings, Mary and Joseph, and the infant Jesus in the manger.
It reminded Lillith of church as a child on Christmas, when her maternal grandmother was still alive.
She had been a practicing Catholic and Lillith had gone to church with her.
Her mother had dropped churchgoing as soon as her own mother had died.
Standing in the church brought back tender memories for Lillith.
They visited some of the local sights that afternoon.
At the end of the day, they came back to the boat, and had a quick refreshing swim.
Afterward, Lillith went to her cabin and John went to get a massage at the spa he kept fully staffed for his use.
She had noticed again when they swam that he was powerfully built and in strong, athletic shape.
In the warm tropical weather, it was hard to believe it was Christmas Eve.
It didn’t feel like it to either of them.
—
Lillith wore a ballerina-pink satin slip dress that night with flat silver sandals that laced up her legs.
They were brand-new so John let her wear them, as they wouldn’t hurt the deck.
He wore a navy blazer and white slacks, and they had a sumptuous lobster dinner with caviar.
John had lived well all his life and was used to the finest things as a common occurrence.
He had enhanced his fortune greatly, but he hadn’t established it.
His grandfather and great-grandfather had done that.
But he had made good use of the foundations they had left him, even more than his father had.
His father hadn’t had John’s daring, or his fearlessness of risk.
He had been a conservative, cautious man, always afraid to make a mistake or lose a deal.
John had always plunged ahead with bullish determination and the certainty that he would win, and most of the time he did.
He told Lillith his theories about that over dinner.
His courage and success were awe-inspiring.
“You have some of that,” he pointed out to her, but she couldn’t see it. She also didn’t have his resources at her disposal, to demonstrate her courage, if she had any.
“You came here to meet me. That was a brave thing to do,” he said generously.
“You weren’t afraid, or maybe you were, but you did it.
A lot of women wouldn’t. You don’t know me, but you took the risk anyway.
That’s brave, Lillith. And as a result, we’re both going to have a better Christmas, we’re not alone.
It’s a win-win for both of us. That’s what winners do.
A loser would have stayed home and wondered forever what would have happened if they were braver.
I have no regrets. I’ve done everything I’ve ever wanted to, and most of the time, it turned out well.
I didn’t miss opportunities, and I wasn’t afraid.
You’ll do well in life because you’re brave. ”
“I think my parents are too,” she said thoughtfully.
“My mother married her husband, whom she didn’t know very well, and he’s twelve years younger.
That could have been a mistake. And she decided to get pregnant at fifty because he wanted kids, which seems very brave to me.
And my father is always taking some crazy risk, like helicopter skiing, and dating very young girls he doesn’t know.
I always think they’re foolish, but maybe they’re brave. ”
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference,” John admitted.
“There’s a fine line between the two. I play life pretty close to the edge in business, but I had a stable home life with Helen.
I’d rather take risks in business than with my life partner.
I don’t like excitement at home,” he said, and she nodded.
“Neither do I. I think my mom took a big chance with Zack. He’s a good-looking guy and she’s a lot older.”
“Do you want children?” John asked her, and she hesitated.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure. That’s a huge responsibility.
And you have to be willing to take on everything that goes with it.
My parents had me and then they kind of forgot about it, and figured I’d raise myself.
I did, but that’s not great for a child.
I don’t know if I’ll ever want to take that on.
Definitely not now. I’ll see how I feel about it eight or ten years from now.
For now, I just want a good job and to get ahead in my field, be with good people, and maybe have a partner I could build a good life with.
I made a mistake with the last person I went out with.
He wasn’t a good person. It took me a year to see it.
I didn’t want to see it, but eventually I did. ”
“That’s his loss, not yours,” John said solemnly. “My daughter doesn’t want children. She’s been definite about it since she was in her teens. She thinks the world is too dangerous a place to bring children into it. She’s not a trusting person. She blames it on me.”
“I don’t see how,” Lillith said. “You’re as solid as a rock, and an honest man.”
“Remind me never to introduce you to her,” he said with a wry smile.
“That’s not what she thinks about me. I’ve been hard in business, even merciless sometimes.
I had to be, for the good of my company.
It’s an ugly process sometimes. I’ve made some harsh decisions against my adversaries.
Some people call me ruthless. I think you have to be ruthless in business, and loving at home.
My wife understood that. Gabby doesn’t. She thinks it’s one and the same.
She sees everything in black and white. Life is gray, and occasionally business dealings are too.
” He was honest about who he was and what he believed.
Lillith admired that about him, and she was sorry for him that his daughter was so harsh in judging him.
He readily admitted that he hadn’t been as present for her as he should have been, but her conclusions about him were without mercy.
He didn’t think he deserved it, and neither did Lillith.
Gabby didn’t call him on Christmas Eve, and he didn’t call her. He said there was no point, she wouldn’t answer his call anyway. He had given up.
“It’s never too late to mend fences,” Lillith said gently.
“Sometimes it is,” John said quietly. “Sometimes you have to know when to walk away, to escape the pain.”
“Not with your children. I think you have to keep trying forever,” she said, convinced of it.
“You’re kinder than I am,” he said with a distant expression, thinking of his daughter.
They spent the evening on deck under the stars, talking quietly.
Lillith had called her mother earlier, and they were timing contractions again, but nothing was happening.
She was distracted, talking to Zack during most of the call, and forgot to wish Lillith a merry Christmas.
She hadn’t sent a gift either, since she couldn’t get out to shop.
And Lillith’s father didn’t answer her call.
She left him a message and he didn’t return the call. True to form.
For once, it didn’t matter so much. She wasn’t alone.
She was with John, and whatever it was, whether friendship, or if it turned into something else later, it met both their needs for now, as a daughter for him, and a father for her.
She didn’t mind the nearly forty years between them.
The age difference seemed irrelevant. He walked her to her cabin at the end of the evening, and left her to sleep in the beautiful room alone, on his magical boat.
It was the happiest Christmas she’d had in years.