20. Easton #4
“Because I love you,” I snapped, agitated. Didn’t he see that?
He shook his head fractionally. “You shouldn’t.”
“Well, it’s too late to change it,” I said, moving away from the door and toward Jace.
He stood in that spot, frozen and wide-eyed. His fine, sharp lips parted, but he didn’t speak.
My balance was messed up, and I reached for him as much for stability as to feel him under my hands.
I grabbed his upper arms and looked into his eyes.
Was I a mess? Was I ugly with bruises and cuts again?
But Jace didn’t look away. He gazed at me as if I had just descended from heaven.
“Jace, please,” I said. “You have to believe me. I love you. Even if it destroys us, we need each other. We deserve each other. Tell me it’ll kill me, and I’ll still have you. I don’t care about anything else.”
A frown trembled over his eyebrows. “I’m trying to do the right thing, Easton.”
“If that’s right, I don’t want it,” I said, my left hand moving from his arm to his chest, clutching his hoodie in my fist. “You’re all I want. Your lips on mine. Your hand around my throat. Your body and mine, Jace.”
He still resisted. He refused to accept it. “We’re gonna eat each other alive.”
I smiled darkly at that. “Have we ever? Think about it. The only time we hurt each other was when they led us there. You and me, we’re not really like that.
And I need you, Jace. Just like you need me, don’t deny it.
I can’t live without you, without your hands all over me, without your strength to keep me safe, without your control when you have your way with me. I promise you, I’m yours.”
Jace narrowed his eyes, blinking quickly a few times. He swallowed thickly and put his hands on the sides of my torso. “You can’t dangle this before me and snatch it away later.”
“I swear,” I said. “I love you, Jace. Even when I’m mad at you.”
Something glinted in his eyes as if he had never thought the two could coexist. Pressure increased on my torso as he tried to push me back, but I didn’t budge. A small breath escaped his lips. “You’re a dumbass,” Jace said, his voice quivering. “And I love you.”
My knees trembled, threatening to buckle under me. I steeled myself and stared at Jace’s lips. That sexy Cupid’s bow was so sharp and pronounced, the corners of his lips deep and pointy, his entire face a gorgeous composition of fine lines and angles. “Say it again.”
“I love you, Easton,” he said, his voice raw. Had he ever said this to anyone? The words alone felt as though he formed them by sheer instinct, not practiced in any way.
“You do,” I confirmed.
Tears welled in his eyes and rolled quickly down his cheeks. It angered him. He frowned and shook his head, but they came again, and a desperate laugh broke through him. “Is this real?”
“Oh, it’s real,” I assured him. “It’s as real as you and me. I love you, Jace.”
“Even though I’m trouble? Even though I cheat at cards?” He grasped for the most insignificant things as if he was about to find the exception to the rule and blow this whole thing open, revealing that he had been right to think nobody loved him.
“If that’s who you are, then that’s who I love,” I said. “It’s not just a feeling, Jace. It’s a promise.”
And then the frown left his face. His brown eyes widened, and he let the tears fall. His shoulders shook. He folded against me, our bodies melting together. “I can’t ever lose you,” he said, shuddering.
And he wouldn’t. Not now. Not ever. Because I intended to keep this promise.
Jace was all the family I needed or wanted. If it meant turning away from everything the world thought of as decent and normal, then so be it. I would live my life with Jace, and we would never lack for anything.
He cried, his head in the crook of my neck, and I held him, finally able to lend some of that strength back to him. Even the anchor needed something strong to hold on to. Even the oldest, tallest mountains needed a strong base. I would give him that.
Jace and I swirled around one another all our lives, orbiting, never colliding. The forces that kept us moving both attracted and repelled us, locking us in an endless, terrible dance. But we shattered the circle.
Sometimes, you had to break the rules. Ours had never been a happy story, but its ending was in our hands. And to have a shot at it was worth every price, none too high for me.
Jace’s breathing slowed down, and his hold on me relaxed. “You should be resting,” he said.
There wasn’t anything I should be doing other than this: holding him together.
He lifted his head and looked into my eyes, brown gaze tearful and bright.
Slowly, I leaned in, lifting my head just right and letting my lips brush against his. Every touch hurt, but I hid it from Jace. He knew. He kissed me gently, letting his lips move over mine, his head still, his breathing slow.
It was a healing kiss. It was a soft kiss. It was a kiss that gave me life and love and hope. Whatever demons we had to face, we could do so together. That was the only way. That was the way I wanted it.