Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Cryptids United in Delightful Dating and Love Encouragement (CUDDLE) Forum
SuperShySasquatch: Hit me with your best ideas for respectful romantic gestures, everyone.
IPutTheBrahInChupacabra: Our sweet sasquatch is too precious for words.
YetiOrNotHereICome: You could write him something romantic, like a poem.
LoungeSingerLizardMan: Better yet, you could serenade him with a love song. It’s gone well for me. Let me know if you need some suggestions.
MerMagicMan: Flowers and chocolates are pretty old school but still work as a way to show you care.
NessieNeedsLoveToo: You could get him a meaningful gift. Something special that would have sentimental value to him. It could be something tied to his job or a big dream he has.
SuperShySasquatch: Thanks, friends. I think I know where to start!
Hal
Astreak of black launches itself through the portal and straight toward Skylar and me.
Instinctively, I shove him out of the way as the dark creature dive-bombs me. The impact forces me to stagger back a few steps.
“Hal!” Skylar yells.
“I’m okay,” I wheeze out. “Just a bit winded.”
I manage to grab hold of the squirming black mass clinging to me and lift it in the air. We all stare in shock at the large, wriggling, dark fuzz ball.
With three identical heads.
And three tails.
“How extraordinary,” Kassiel’s voice drawls behind us. “Of all the beings I thought might wander over from the Demon Realm, I never imagined this.”
We all whip around, having completely missed his return. In all fairness, we were a smidge distracted.
“What the hell is that thing?” Skylar asks, pointing at the creature in my arms.
Kassiel’s lips quirk in amusement. “It’s a hellhound pup, of course.”
“And what the hell, no pun intended, is it doing here?” Baxter growls.
Kassiel shrugs. “I haven’t the foggiest. The portal on the other side leads to a demon forest, but not one I’m familiar with. It’s certainly not anywhere densely populated, so I don’t believe we’ll have a horde of giddy demons coming over for an unexpected vacation anytime soon.”
I stare at the hellhound puppy, which is about the size of a fully grown medium-sized dog in this realm. It continues to squirm and starts making what sound like happy little yipping noises as it strains to get closer to me. When I cradle the pup to my chest, it starts to shower me with kisses.
From all three of its heads.
Kassiel chuckles. “Looks like this little one has already chosen its guardian. Congratulations.”
I freeze. “Its what?”
Kassiel smirks, obviously enjoying himself right now. “Hellhounds are rather particular, you see. It is always the hellhound that chooses its guardian, not the other way around.”
“Shouldn’t a puppy still be with its mother? We need to send it back.” There’s a hint of desperation in my voice that I can’t hide.
I know nothing about raising hellhounds!
Kassiel shrugs with an air of unconcern.
“Alas, I didn’t see any signs of an adult hellhound or other pups when I was over on the other side.
If it came through the portal, it must have been drawn to something or someone it could sense over here.
” He gestures at me with a flourish. “Namely you, Hal, our gentlest of giants.”
All three of the puppy’s heads yawn, and it curls up in my arms for a nap.
“By the Light,” I whisper, suddenly a tad lightheaded. “You mean it thinks I’m its… guardian?”
“I’m afraid so, my good man. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I can see that it’s all a bit overwhelming though.” Kassiel strolls closer and examines the hellhound from a safe distance. “It seems she’s decided she wants you.”
I stare down at the hellhound in disbelief. She in turn opens one crimson eye on each head and gazes at me lovingly, tongues lolling.
I gulp. “I’m not sure I’m in any kind of position to be raising a hellhound. Are you sure we can’t send her back?”
The creature whines at my suggestion, all eyes open once again, and I feel an immediate pang of guilt.
Kassiel shakes his head sadly. “I’m afraid not. Once the hellhound has chosen you, you’re stuck with it for life. On the plus side, they’re excellent protectors, very loyal. You really can’t ask for better home security.”
“But I don’t need home security,” I whimper.
Skylar comes closer, and he and the hellhound study each other. He lifts the back of his hand and lets the puppy sniff him thoroughly. She must like what she smells because she wags all three of her tails and gives his hand a little lick before yawning widely again with all three heads.
“Aww. She’s real cute,” Skylar says, a soft smile playing on his face. “I always wanted a dog when I was a kid but could never have one.”
And just like that, I realize we’re going home with this hellhound puppy no matter what.
I mean, of course I was going to take care of her anyway, even if that meant simply fostering her for a while.
I’d already considered seeing if she might integrate into Targan and Max’s household.
After all, they have a hellhound of their own, Waffles.
But seeing the pure joy in Skylar’s eyes makes me want nothing more than to give him what he couldn’t have when he was young. If I’m honest, I want to give him everything he ever wishes for. Lucky for me, what he wants is pretty closely aligned with what I’ve always wanted.
Love. Family. Home.
I peer down at the pup. Perhaps this is the universe guiding me down an important path once again?
My gaze shifts back to Skylar. “Will you… help me take care of her?”
His smile goes supernova bright. “Absofuckinglutely!”
My body goes warm and fuzzy all over. Dear Goddess, how I love this man. I want to spend my life making him this blissfully happy.
“Well, this is a beautiful and far less dangerous finale to this clusterfuck of an evening than I was anticipating,” Astraea says, sniffling as she smiles at us. “You two kids are becoming so fun to watch these days.”
I blush and Skylar runs a hand through his hair in that self-conscious way he does.
“You really need to give this sweet girl a name if you’re going to take her in, darlings,” Kassiel offers cheerily.
I blink wide-eyed at Skylar. “What should we call her?”
Skylar gapes at me. “You want me to help name her?”
I nod a little shyly. “If we’re going to be raising her together, I think we should also choose her name together.”
That’s right, we’re totally going to be penguin dads raising our very own… hellhound. Wait until I tell my forum pals about this!
He cups his chin, deep in thought. “We gotta come up with something good, something fitting for such a brave girl who literally came to us from another dimension.” His eyes go comically wide and he lets out a sudden bark of laughter.
“Oh my fucking god, I’ve got the answer.
We should call her Elvira. You know, like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark! ”
“Now that’s inspired,” Kassiel says.
“Who?” I ask, bewildered.
Skylar gasps in disbelief. “Don’t tell me you never saw that show, Elvira’s Movie Macabre.”
I shake my head slowly. “Can’t say that I have.”
Kassiel waves a hand in the air. “My dearest Yuki is quite the fan of hers.”
Skylar beams. “Oh, it was great. Even though I’m not a fan of hardcore horror, I love the cheesy sci-fi and low-budget horror movies from the fifties. Plus, Elvira was hilarious. She’d introduce the movies and interrupt them with comments and jokes too.”
Kassiel nods along. “It really is quite entertaining to watch.”
Baxter frowns. “What, like Mystery Science Theater 3000?”
I frown. I have no idea what he’s talking about either.
“Kind of,” Skylar says. “But Elvira’s the only host. She always vamped it up, wore tight black dresses and an outrageous black wig.
I loved how committed she was to that character.
Plus, the lady who played Elvira is a lesbian, which makes her even fucking cooler in my book.
” He grins at Astraea. “You’d probably dig her big time. ”
Astraea’s eyes glint with interest. “Sounds like I’ll have to check that out once all this magical fuckery has been resolved.”
Skylar claps his hands together decisively. “Okay, Hal. You know what this means, right? We gotta start doing movie date nights at home. I can introduce you to some Elvira episodes and all kinds of stuff my grandma and I used to watch together. Whaddya think?”
My internal squee alarm goes off, and a wave of giddiness washes over me. Skylar somehow knows the deepest desires of my heart without me having to tell him.
“I’ve always wanted to have movie dates at home with someone,” I whisper. “Ooh! And I can make themed snacks for us to enjoy while we watch.”
Already, my mind is brewing up an entire menu of fall-themed goodies for us, like caramel popcorn, pumpkin frosted sugar cookies, apple pie, and so much more. I’ll have to bug Max for a few recipes since he’s got one up on me when it comes to baking.
Skylar rubs his hands together. “Yessss! That’s what I’m talking about. You and me and our little Elvira can cuddle on the couch together and enjoy some campy movie goodness. Our family of three.”
“Stop it,” Astraea says. “You two are melting my cynical heart right now.”
But I can’t respond right away because Skylar’s words knock the breath out of me. How long have I dreamed of that very thing? Making a family with Skylar and Elvira is all that I could ever want. Right now, the universe is telling me to hold on tight and never let go.
And I don’t plan to.
Skylar hesitates as he studies me, off in my little dream world. “So what do you think about the name?”
“I’m on board if she is.” I look down at our brand-new hellhound puppy.
As if realizing we’re talking about her, she opens all of her eyes again.
“What do you think?” I ask her. “Do you like the name Elvira?”
“Quite frankly, I love it,” Kassiel offers unsolicited.
The furry lady in question throws back all three heads and lets out tiny howls of agreement, making both Skylar and me laugh.