Chapter One
Romi
Maddox was tossing and turning in his bed as I sat in the small chair beside him. He was having yet another nightmare. I hated that for him. I wanted to take them away, to make sure that he only had the sweetest dreams.
Most nights, if he woke up due to a nightmare, he’d calm back down and sleep peacefully until morning. They’d all but vanished for a few months, but they were back with a vengeance.
Tonight was different than most. He had woken up crying not once but twice, and now he was turning, tossing, squirming, and whining in his sleep.
I’d checked him for a fever thinking it might be that, but he was cool to the touch.
I hated that I was upset he wasn’t sick.
Being sick would give a reason for his distress that would go away in a day or so.
This wasn’t that. These were true nightmares.
I felt like the worst mother ever. It was my fault.
I knew it was. Ever since we scented my old pack on our new pack lands, I’d been on edge, and kids felt that.
It didn’t matter that I slapped on a happy face or pretended everything was perfect.
No amount of acting could cover it up. With the guilt layered on top of that, my anxiety only got worse.
I needed to do something about it, because this was unacceptable.
Maddox deserved a good life. Scratch that.
He deserved the best life, and I was determined to give it to him.
His bedroom door opened, and Gram-Gram stepped in.
“Hey,” Gram-Gram said. “Why don’t we tag team?”
I padded over to her, whispering, “No, it’s fine. I’ll stay here with him.” Maddox didn’t have his hearing aids in at night, but I didn’t want to risk waking him up and having him remember every second of his nightmare.
“I wasn’t offering for you.” She put her hand on my shoulder and held it tightly.
“He’ll be fine. I’ll stay here with him.
But you need to go let your wolf out. I can scent you from the next room.
You, of all people, know I shouldn’t be able to scent you.
I’m a human, and I’m old. I shouldn’t be able to smell pretty much anything. ”
When she got like this, there was no arguing with her and honestly, I didn’t want to. She was right. Letting my wolf out was exactly what I needed.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Romi. Go run.”
I gave her a quick hug, walked through the living room and out the front door.
I pulled my pajamas off, tossed them on the porch floor, and jumped off the top step, shifting midair. I inhaled deeply, scenting the air around me. Nothing but us. Exactly as it should be.
My wolf wasn’t happy with my assessment.
She needed more and took over, circling the house, taking in all the familiar smells of our home.
I thought that might do it, but nope. She was going to be thorough, and I fell back and let her as she went in circles wider and wider each time.
She didn’t want to miss anything, especially not the scent of my past if it were there.
Looking back, I think that’s what messed me in the head the most. I was on that land far too long before I realized that it had once been visited by my former pack. Most likely, I’d been living in the area, and they’d been under my nose without my notice. I wasn’t the protector I needed to be.
I didn’t even know how many passes I made when I was joined by James at my flank. He didn’t push, didn’t even so much as bop my head with his nose. He just ran beside me as we kept going round and round, scenting every inch of the land.
When the sun started to come up, I shifted. “Thank you, James.”
He took his skin, his eyes filled with worry as they met mine. “Rough night?”
“It was,” I said. “But I feel better now. Not great but better.” I was working on not keeping my feelings to myself. It wasn’t easy. “And soon, it won’t be only us.”
Heath and Seth were coming back. They had finished up what they needed to do on their old lands and with their jobs. They had everything packed up and put into storage. All they had left to do was the drive here.
Not having them around was far more difficult than I thought it would be. They didn’t live at Gram-Gram’s like James did, but they would soon. The new pack lands weren’t ready for us to live there yet and not because of that scenting. We still needed to build a home.
Although I’d be lying if I said that the scent didn’t bother me at all anymore. It did and it was part of the reason I wasn’t in a huge rush to get the new place built. The guys knew it too, or at least James did.
I’d overheard him telling Gram-Gram that he marked the land every single day on his way home from work.
It was definitely overkill, but it showed just how much he cared.
He wasn’t doing that to show off to me or to try to gain any favors.
For all he knew, I was completely unaware of it.
He was doing it because he knew that if I snuck off there, the only scents I would smell were his and the family’s from that day.
“You need some sleep,” he said, reaching up to press his hand against my cheek.
“I know, but Maddox had a rough night, and then I had a rougher night.” I told him about the nightmares and the guilt.
“You can’t blame yourself, Romi. You’re an amazing mother. You aren’t the catalyst for those dreams. If anything, you’re the reason why they aren’t worse.”
“Maybe, but it feels like it’s my fault, like everything bad that has happened in his life was because of me.” I blinked back my tears.
“No, Romi, it wasn’t. You are survivors. You came through situations that were beyond your control, stronger on the other side.”
I leaned in to his touch. “How about this? If you want—and there’s no pressure to say yes—my wolf can sleep in Maddox’s room tonight.”
“Do you think that would help?”
“I don’t know, but it’s worth a try. You need a full night’s sleep.”
“Thanks.” The conversation was getting too emotional for me. It was time to cut it short. “Race you home.”
I shifted and bolted toward the house.
When I reached the porch, I could smell that Gram-Gram was making her famous cinnamon rolls. The cinnamon-brown-sugar aroma was wafting through the air like a beacon of love calling me home. Funny how food was like that.
I grabbed my clothes off the porch. “I won,” I said as James approached.
He shrugged. “If winning means taking off before the rules were set, I suppose you won.” He stuck out his tongue. “What’s your prize?”
“Looks like my prize is Gram-Gram’s cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Join us?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.” He was never one to push his way into my life, but always accepted when I opened a door, something I was getting progressively better at. “Let me grab my jeans.”
I threw my clothes on and walked inside to see Maddox frosting the cinnamon rolls, a smile on his face as if last night hadn’t happened. I could only hope that he really didn’t remember the dreams that tortured him in his sleep.