Chapter Twenty-Seven
“You really don’t have to stay here with me all day,” Jennifer said. “I know you have things you must want to do. I’ll be all right on my own.”
“Nonsense.” Rachel moved about the bunkhouse opening curtains.
There were so many windows in this building.
In the ordinary course of things, she and Ruth almost always kept the curtains closed.
They weren’t in here much at all during the day, and at night there was no need to open them.
Neither she nor Ruth enjoyed waking up to sunlight in their eyes.
But this was different. The room was dark and dismal during late morning, and she wanted to let some light in to make it feel more homey for her sister.
Jennifer sat on the bed, which she had made up neatly after sleeping in it.
There hadn’t been time last night to get a full set of bedding, so they had spread Rachel’s spare quilt over the mattress, and Ruth had given her own spare quilt for Jennifer to sleep underneath.
The two quilts might have once been vibrant in color, but they were worn and faded now, and it was impossible to tell what colors they’d once been.
Still, they were very soft from years of use, and Rachel knew her sister must have been comfortable between them. That was what mattered most.
“Can I help you with anything?” Jennifer asked her.
“No,” Rachel said firmly. “You can sit right there and rest. You’ve been through more than enough lately.”
Jennifer sighed and ran her hand over the quilt as if to soothe herself.
“I don’t know why you would be this kind to me,” she said softly.
“I was never kind to you, Rachel. I allowed my father to force you to work as a servant…I treated you as though you deserved that. You never did. I don’t know why I behaved the way I did. ”
“Because it started when you were a child.” Rachel opened the last of the curtains and came over to the bed.
She sat down next to Jennifer and took her hand.
“You were too young to understand that it wasn’t right when it started.
There were servants in your house and I was one of them. It was that simple.”
“I wasn’t always a child,” Jennifer lamented. “You left us only a few weeks ago. I’m old enough now that I knew better.”
“Yes,” Rachel agreed. “Now you know better.”
“And I did nothing to stop it. I never defended you. But still, you want to help me.” Jennifer looked at her. “Why?”
“Forgive as the Lord forgave you,” Rachel said.
“This is from the Bible?” Jennifer asked.
“You are a believer, are you not?” It occurred to Rachel that she and her sister had never actually had a conversation about their faith.
“I am, of course,” Jennifer said. “But I’m not like you and Edith.
” She hung her head. “The way the two of you would sit around reading the Bible together…that always seemed so special to me. To tell you the truth, I was jealous. When I tried to read it, nothing ever quite made sense. It was always so difficult to comprehend.”
Rachel’s heart ached. “You could have joined us,” she murmured, giving Jennifer’s hand a squeeze. She turned slightly on the bed so that she was facing her sister directly. “We didn’t want to exclude you, Jennifer. Everyone is always welcome with God.”
“I couldn’t have joined you,” Jennifer countered.
“What would Father have said—what might he have done to me—if he had seen me spending time with you and Edith? I know how awful it is to say this, but I always knew that my place in his house was precarious. If I showed him that I was no better than a servant…”
“Ah,” Rachel said quietly. “I understand.”
“It’s so shameful,” Jennifer whispered. “I allowed him to keep you down because I didn’t want him to do it to me.”
“Well, I mean what I say,” Rachel told her.
She met Jennifer’s eyes and held her gaze.
“What the Bible tells us. These words were written by one of Jesus’ apostles, and he meant to remind people that we’ve all received the gift of God’s forgiveness through Christ. None of us is perfect.
We are all sinners, but we have all been offered redemption.
The only way to receive that gift appropriately is to turn around and offer grace to one another, too.
Because if I were to stand in judgment of anyone, I would be saying that I was better than Jesus—that I was less able to tolerate sin. And that isn’t true.”
“Oh, Rachel…” Jennifer began to cry. “How can you be so good to me?”
“That’s just it. I’m no better than anyone else,” Rachel said gently.
“That’s why I can be forgiving, Jennifer.
Don’t you see? You’re telling me a tale in which you did something you regret out of fear, or perhaps sometimes out of pride.
Those are things I have felt too. I cannot be harsh on you. I’m no better than you are.”
“I hope one day to be as good a person as you are,” Jennifer countered. “But for now, I accept your forgiveness.” She closed her eyes. “I will try to be worthy of it.”
“You already are. You always were.” Rachel leaned across the distance between them and wrapped her arms around her sister. Jennifer melted into her, and for a moment the two of them held on to one another.
A wave of joy swept over Rachel, in spite of everything.
They had been through so much, both of them…
but now they were reconciled. Now they were together at last, and they could finally be real sisters to one another.
They could be family in a way they had never been able to in the past. What a beautiful gift to find at last!
Jennifer broke the embrace, sat back, and wiped at her eyes. “I hope I’m not causing trouble between you and Mr. Summers by being here,” she said.
“Not a bit,” Rachel assured her, thinking, you are not the source of the trouble between us.
It was a dark thought, and one that gave rise to a negative mood in her.
She wanted to forget about the way things were going between Adam and herself, at least for a little while.
It was such a troubling thing to have to keep recalling that moment in the kitchen, to wonder what he had been thinking and what he was thinking even now.
All she knew for certain was that she couldn’t bring herself to face him. It was too difficult even to think about. To be honest, she was deeply grateful that Jennifer was here, that she had an excuse to remain in the bunkhouse instead of going out to work where she might cross paths with Adam.
But Jennifer was clearly worried about it.
She got to her feet and began to pace. “You’ve been in here with me for hours,” she noticed, walking back and forth in front of the door and wringing her hands.
“What of your work? I know Mr. Summers is not letting you live here out of the goodness of his heart—though the fact that he’s allowed me to stay tells me that he does indeed have a kind heart, more so than I had thought.
But even so…you have a job here. Work that you’re supposed to be doing.
” Her voice pitched up with anxiety. “Won’t you be scolded for spending all this time here with me instead of doing that? ”
“No, I won’t,” Rachel said firmly, tucking her hands in her lap.
She gripped them tightly together to stop herself from fidgeting and giving away the truth—she had worried about it.
Of course her absence today was going to be noticed, and it was probably going to be remarked upon.
She had no idea, not even a guess, what Adam would have to say.
But I won’t lose my position. I’m sure of that. He understands that I need to be with Jennifer. The worst he would do is give me a warning, a reminder that I need to get back to work. Adam is not the kind of man to throw someone out the first time they make a misstep.
With a shock, she realized that she truly believed that.
She wasn’t reassuring herself—she was merely reminding herself.
This was something she already felt confident about.
It was who Adam was—a kind man who genuinely cared for other people.
Just as he had fought to make sure Mason had a place at the school, just as he had offered a spare bed to Jennifer while she planned what she would do next, he would be gracious to Rachel.
If he asks me to leave, it won’t have anything to do with a missed day of work. It will be because of that near-kiss.
And she was back to thinking about that moment, her stomach churning with a sick sort of shame.
She stared at her hands in her lap, clenching and unclenching them.
What had made him do it—lean close to her like that—and what had made him stop?
He probably forgot himself. He probably forgot who I was for a moment and thought of me as just…
a woman. A woman who was near to him, who he might kiss if he wanted to, with no other complications between us.
He forgot to think of me as me. And then he looked my way and he remembered, and that was what made him stop.
Because he might like to kiss someone, but he would never want to kiss me.
Yes, that had to be it. Her insides turned to lead, but that was better, because lead could never feel the pain of rejection. Instead of a sharp ache, it was the heavy weight of knowing that he could never look at her the way she had looked at him in that moment.
I can’t look at him that way either. It has to be just…a mistake I made. Nothing more.
She got to her feet, pushing away the thoughts that plagued her, and went to Jennifer’s side.
“We must begin to think about what you’re going to do now that you’ve left your father’s home,” she said.
“Of course I don’t want you to feel rushed.
You may stay here as long as you’d like.
I’m confident that Adam won’t mind a bit.
But I want you to have a life of your own.
Have you thought about what that might look like? What you might want it to look like?”
Jennifer stopped pacing, and to Rachel’s surprise, her face became bright. She turned to face Rachel, bouncing ever so slightly on her toes. “I hoped you would ask me that!”
“You…you did?” Rachel frowned. “I don’t mean to be so surprised. It’s just that I expected this to be a difficult question.”
“Not as difficult as you might think! I may not be wise about many things,” Jennifer said. “But I did not leave home without a plan, Rachel, and I just know you’re going to like it!”
She hurried over to the bed she had slept in the night before. Rachel watched, bemused, as Jennifer dropped to her knees and rummaged beneath the bed for a moment. When she emerged, she was holding a small purse.
“That belongs to my mother,” Rachel realized. “She had it before she married your father. It was her favorite.”
Color came into Jennifer’s cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she said, looking down at her hands. “I didn’t…I didn’t know that it mattered to her. I’ve never seen her use it, and I needed a purse. I thought she wouldn’t miss it.”
“It’s all right,” Rachel said, the weight within her growing heavier.
“The truth is, I’m sure you’re entirely right.
I’m sure my mother won’t miss it at all.
She doesn’t go out of the house that much anymore, and when she does, it’s not as if she makes any effort to look nice or present herself well.
I remember she used to talk about how fine this purse was, how it made her feel decadent.
But I doubt very much that that’s a feeling she thinks of anymore. ”
Jennifer bit her lip and nodded. “What’s inside doesn’t belong to her,” she said. “I didn’t mean to steal. We can take the purse back if you want to do that. But…look.”
She sat down on the edge of the bed and turned the purse over, spilling its contents out onto the mattress.
Rachel gasped and hurried over. Brightly colored gems had come pouring out. Rings, necklaces, earrings…she hurried over and sat back down on the bed, extending a hand to the treasure, her fingers hovering over it. “Jennifer…what is all of this?”
“Gifts,” Jennifer said quietly. “Gifts from Ted to me. He would bring me presents and tell me how beautiful he thought I was…and I was blinded by it.” She shook her head. “I was such a fool. But Rachel, these jewels will buy our freedom now.”
“Won’t someone recognize them if we sell them?”
“Not if we wait to do it until we’re out of town.
” She sat up straighter. “Just think of it. You fled that house, and now so did I, and neither one of us ever has to go back. We can buy train tickets. We can go somewhere new, and we can be together…be sisters. You could even go to teachers’ college, as I did.
We could build a life together that has nothing to do with my father and all the dreadful ways he treated us. We could be happy.”
Her face shone as brightly as the jewels on the bed.
Rachel let herself think about it—truly think about it.
It was everything she had ever dreamed of. It was the perfect solution to all her problems, spread out in a shiny pile in front of her.
Freedom from Nathan Foster. A life in which she would be able to determine her own fate. The education she had always wished she would be able to get, and the chance to become a teacher in her own right.
And she would never have to think about Adam Summers again. She would never have to worry about whether his feelings for her matched hers for him. It simply wouldn’t matter once she had left his ranch.
Her heart thrummed with excitement and a joy that cut through the numb heaviness she had been feeling.
This could be real. Jennifer was offering her all she had ever wanted for herself.
All she had to do was say yes.