Chapter 41 #2
But…if she planned to give Dominic a place in her life, it wouldn’t make sense to be completely selfish with her choices, would it?
She’d never done this relationship thing before, but she did know that consulting a partner about big life decisions was usually a good idea.
She didn’t have to listen to exactly what he wanted, but having a discussion was the important part.
Dominic rotated his torso and brushed his knuckles against her cheek.
“It does sound like a splendid opportunity, though I must admit, I cannot remember what a PhD is.” She huffed out a laugh, and he caressed his thumb down the line of her jaw.
“But what is important is that you choose what will make you happy. I will do what I can to provide you with everything else.”
“I don’t need you to provide for me, Dominic.”
“But I will do no less than provide for you. That is as resolute as any law, and you cannot insist on anything less. I will not allow it.”
She rolled her eyes, her smile growing rather than twisting in disgust or annoyance. Before she could formulate a mocking remark, he pinched her chin and moulded his lips over hers, turning her gooey and warm.
She sensed the wolfish smirk on his mouth before she’d even opened her eyes. “You can’t keep me quiet with kisses, you know.”
His chuckle fanned her skin. “I will certainly try, my love. And one day it shall work.”
They shared a grinning moment, before Rayna reluctantly said, “We should probably head back before people notice we’ve gone missing.”
He stroked absently at the side of her hair. “I suppose we must.”
“We must,” she echoed, though she really didn’t want to. “Can I have my heels?”
Rather than giving them to her, Dominic picked them up from the floor and dropped down on one knee before her. “Allow me.”
Pulling the silk of her dress up out of the way, she lifted one foot. He cupped the back of her ankle, gently slipped the pointed shoe on, and tied the small, gold buckle of the strap. Then he lowered her foot to the ground and raised his focus to her.
“May I ask you to consider something else, my love?” he said.
“What?”
“Marriage. To me.”
Her heart missed a beat and tripped over two more.
As if he knew what he’d triggered, he gave her calf reassuring squeezes in slow intervals.
“There is nothing in this world I wish for more than to make you my wife,” he continued, steadfast. “I know you have your reservations, and I accept every one of them. But I still ask that you consider it. Truly consider the idea of allowing me to be your husband.” He shook his head.
“I am not pressuring an answer. I only ask you take the time to give it some thought, and—”
He cut off, hesitating for a second. “And children. A family. Our family. Would you think over that too?” His eyes darted between hers.
“You said you were fond of them but had not thought about having any because you never wished to marry. But if marriage is a possibility, if you will consider it, could you consider having a family with me too?”
For several moments, her mind kept stuttering on the fact he was bringing up marriage, as if he hadn’t mentioned it a stupid number of times already. But it felt as if he’d proposed to her. Again. But more seriously. Officially. And now she had to give a proper answer: yes or no.
If only it were as straightforward as that.
“I won’t give up my career,” she eventually settled on saying. “Not for children…not for you.”
“I shall never ask that of you, Rayna. I vow that to you on the Norland name.”
Dominic didn’t make false promises, not on his family’s title.
But wasn’t that what her parents had probably agreed before they got married? And look how that had turned out. What guarantee was there that Dominic’s promise wouldn’t end the same way?
A knot of doubt made itself known within her belly. But it wasn’t one that could be picked apart within a matter of minutes or even days. It was a deeply rooted concern that would take time to untangle.
It would take trust. She had to trust Dominic, and she did.
But did she trust herself?
It was hard to tell, but she wanted to. She was trying to.
Rayna swallowed to loosen the tangle, anchoring her fingers deeper into the cushioned seat. “Do you…do you want children?” she asked.
“Yes.”
He didn’t say it as a “duh, obviously” that was what he wanted because society had told men to procreate mindlessly. It was a genuine, sure reply.
“How many?”
“A dozen.”
His tone was so earnest, it took her a second to realise what he’d said, but her jaw collapsed. Mirth sparkled in his eyes, and his mouth twitched. But that didn’t stop her from trying to shove him away as if he were being serious.
“I’m not giving you a dozen kids,” she exclaimed.
He laughed, loud, deep, and roguish. “Half a dozen then.”
Her eyes bulged as she tried to get away from him—kind of hard to do when he was crouched in front of her. “What do you think I am? A flipping broodmare? Two!”
“Four.”
“Two!”
He entrapped her waist in the circle of his arms with a big, fat grin. “Five.”
She made a choked sound and pushed at his biceps in outrage. “Dominic!”
A husky chuckle shook his chest as he hugged her tighter, halting her squirming. “Rayna,” he echoed and pressed his lips to her sternum.
He showered a series of soft kisses to her skin, and damn him, the stupid oaf. Because despite the disgruntled blush pinching her cheeks, she felt herself sink towards him.
“I’m only teasing, my love,” he murmured into her. “I will be happy with however many you are willing to give me.”
Dominic laid a longer peck to her chest, and Rayna let out a grumbled sigh. Not in annoyance with his joke, but because she suddenly realised she was never going to be able to stay mad at him over anything. Not when he acted all sickeningly adorable like an oversized puppy.
She twisted her twitching mouth to the side, trying to maintain her frown, as she caressed her hands up his arms to his shoulders. She felt his smile widen against her skin.
“I love you,” he whispered.
With one last kiss, he pulled away. But she remained frozen, sure her heart was going to fly out of her chest at breakneck speed.
He didn’t wait for a response and began putting her other shoe on with a happy smile as if he knew she wasn’t going to say it back. Like he wasn’t even holding his breath, hoping she might. And Rayna didn’t know how to feel about that.
Didn’t he want her to say it? Didn’t it matter to him that she hadn’t?
She should’ve been able to say it back. He deserved to hear the same. She should’ve told him she…
Say it, Rayna. Say it back.
She forced her stiff mouth open. “Dominic…” He glanced up. “I…”
But wouldn’t saying it for the sake of saying it be the same as lying?
She didn’t want to lie to him. Especially not when he’d probably see right through it anyway.
“I’ll…I’ll consider it,” she said. “Marriage…and children.”
And Rayna would. Would have.
If only they hadn’t run out of time.