Chapter 51
Rayna
In the space of a fortnight, Rayna shed more tears than she ever had in all the years since her mum’s death.
Hurt tears. Sad and lost tears. Feeling like she’d never recover tears. Remorseful tears. Angry tears. At herself for crying so embarrassingly much. At Dominic for actually leaving. At her heart for falling for a man she couldn’t have. They just wouldn’t stop.
Crying between forcing herself to eat despite a lack of appetite, and trying and failing to sleep more than a few hours at a time, was all she’d done since Dominic’s departure. She hadn’t left Victor’s house once in the two weeks she’d been staying there. She’d barely left her bedroom.
Her drive and motivation, her love for work and life, her stubborn, keep-moving-forward exterior—all of it had dried up like she’d suffered through a thousand-year drought.
She couldn’t convince herself to do anything other than fall apart or lie numb.
And it sucked. But she wasn’t left alone through any of it. Everyone visited her at some point.
Rayna’s dad rang every day, asking and threatening to get on the next flight from Jahandar to Khaas to be with her.
It took Rayna reminding him that she already had a flight booked for November—something she’d almost forgotten herself in all the fiasco—along with Victor assuring him she was being taken care of to placate him somewhat.
George had stayed at Victor’s house too, and both he and Victor in turn coaxed her into leaving her bed long enough to eat every day.
Benedict tried to irritate her and make her laugh between his shifts at the hospital.
And at some point during that first week, River brought her car and parked it on Victor’s driveway.
“He told you where he hid my key?” Rayna rasped after River placed them in her palm.
His lips thinned. “Yeah.”
She searched his grey eyes. “Did he say anything else?”
His dirty-blond brows knotted as he looked away.
No…of course Dominic hadn’t said anything else to him.
She found herself feeling angry at River the rest of the day for reasons she couldn’t understand, but he didn’t deserve it. All he’d done since the beginning was help her and Dominic.
Declan and Winnie came with their three-year-old grandson, and Winnie offered food and motherly hugs, while their grandson brought a bag of toys to show her. But hanging out with the little boy only reminded her of the children Dominic would have with Lady Claire.
Edmund, the Griffins’ eldest son, came with his family before they went back to their own house at the end of their weeklong stay. It was after that that Rayna, George, and Victor all got individual phone calls from the POTeM Board.
Victor and Rayna were suspended from the project for six months, while Monty, George, and River were for four months.
“I mean, it beats getting fired, but why am I being suspended for four months when I wasn’t even working with Dominic?” George jokingly grumbled when they found out from Ash that he’d only been suspended for two months. “If it’s because we’re family, that’s just fucked up.”
After Kelly and Erin found out about the suspension, their attempts to cheer Rayna up grew annoyingly persistent until she snapped.
“Come on,” Kelly said, standing up from the edge of Rayna’s bed. “You can’t keep staying inside and moping all day. A short walk and some fresh air will do you some good.”
When Rayna refused again, Erin pouted from the end of the bed. “I know you’re hurting right now, but this isn’t like you, Rayna. You’re…you’ve always been the strong one.”
Rayna knew Erin meant well, but the comment pinched at her skin.
“You don’t think I know that?” she said harshly.
“I know this isn’t like me. I know I’m not normally the emotional one.
I haven’t cried since my mum died, and I don’t want to be crying now.
” Her eyes welled up. “I hate that it won’t stop.
It’s embarrassing. I feel so pathetic and stupid. ”
“Rayna…” Erin’s voice cracked.
“I never wanted this! I never wanted to fall in love. I was doing just fine before Dominic, but he made me fall in love with him.” The ache in her throat forced her to pause.
“But I let him go. It’s my fault he’s not here right now.
And I wish I could pretend it doesn’t hurt, but it does.
” Tears dripped off her jaw and plopped against her blanket.
“It hurts so much it’s hard to breathe. It feels like someone’s crushing my insides, and I don’t know how to make it stop. ”
Her friends pounced on her after that, Erin blubbering out an apology as she cried, ever the empath, while Kelly wrapped Rayna in her limbs like a koala bear and wiped the paths of tears down Rayna’s face, encouraging her to cry more. Cry until she couldn’t cry anymore.
By the end of the second week, Rayna thought she might have reached the point where her tears had finally run out. All until a loud knock came at her bedroom door.
“Are you decent?” Benedict yelled like he was standing on a cliff and not on the other side of the painted wood. “We have something for you.”
“Come in,” she grumbled, mentally preparing herself for Benedict’s annoying cheeriness and George’s overbearing care.
The door flew open, and her cousin-by-law and adopted brother practically jumped through the threshold, beaming like clowns.
“Surprise,” they both said as they shook jazz hands around the third man who walked in.
She soared upright.
Brown hair. Green eyes. Tall. Athletic. Movie-star handsome. Not Dominic.
“Hi,” Jake said with a slight smile.
“No.” The pained word fell from her lips before they started quivering. “No. Why did you bring him here?”
Benedict and George’s jazz hands halted, and their smiles dropped. They glanced at each other.
“You said this would cheer her up,” George hissed.
Benedict widened his eyes. “I thought it would.”
“This is why no one ever listens to you.”
Rayna swiped at tears as Jake came towards her bed.
He perched right at the edge. “What happened, Rayna?” he asked softly.
“I pushed him away,” she cried.
Jake asked if he could sit next to her. She made space for him, and they talked about Dominic.
It was different, telling Jake about him.
Maybe because he didn’t know about the POTeM project, and she had to lie about Dominic going back to his home in Jahandar.
Or because they’d once thought they were interested in each other, and Dominic had been stupidly jealous of Jake.
Either way, it helped. Only a very slight amount.
But that slight amount made her sleep better that night, and a little better the next night too. She still cried, but one more hour of sleep beat an hour awake, missing Dominic.
Towards the end of the third week, Rayna felt a spark of irritation at the way everyone was still coddling her like she was severely ill. It motivated her to get out of bed, shower, change into an old T-shirt, trousers, and trainers, and head down to the kitchen.
Cereal dripped off George’s spoon as he gawked at her from the dining table, while Victor lowered his coffee mug.
“Morning,” she mumbled awkwardly.
They both muttered a reply.
“I want to get my stuff from the farmhouse today.”
Edge of the paddock
Declan stared at Victor’s side profile as they stood silently at the fence of the paddock that surrounded the stables the Griffins’ home sat next to. They’d left Rayna in the farmhouse to pack her things and grieve privately, but Victor had yet to meet his older cousin’s gaze.
“Are you going to tell me what’s really going on?” Declan eventually said.
Victor finally diverted his ice-blue eyes away from the five grazing horses. “What do you mean?”
Declan grunted and stood tall, staring his cousin down from under his cattleman hat.
“Do you think anyone other than Rayna actually believes Dominic left her just because she told him to?” He threw a hand to the side.
“On top of the fact that it normally takes a small army of scientists to work the POTeM, so why were there only three in the room with you?”
Victor glanced down with a swallow. “It was all done last minute, so they were the only ones around to help.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me, Vic. Where is Dominic?”
Victor adjusted his glasses. “He went back.”
“But he didn’t just go back, did he?”
Silence. But Declan had his answer.
“Whatever he did, whatever he’s trying to do, you need to tell Rayna,” he said firmly. “She needs to know he didn’t just leave her. Before her heart breaks beyond repair.”
“I know,” Victor eventually whispered. “I’ll tell her what I can.”